Watch Out Pedestrians! It’s Danica Patrick!
“Hi. Um, you know, it’s really, really unfortunate what happened today. Thoughts and prayers are with him, with his family and hopefully he can get back on the track soon and be able to do what he loves. Thank you.” - Danica Patrick
What the man in question “loves” is not getting hit by race cars — specially race cars driven by professional cocktease and race car driver Danica Patrick.
Last week, Danica Patrick proved once and for all that women do belong in professional car racing. They belong in the winner’s circle in a bikini, blasting cheap champagne all over celebrating men with awesome mustaches.
Women do not belong in the drivers seat. Women never belong in the driver’s seat.
Last week, Danica Patrick hit a pit crew member at Indianapolis Motor Speedway with her race car. She was going like a million miles an hour and also messed up his face with her back wheel. If the pit crew member in question had been a woman, he would probably be dead — or at least suing over a fucked up face.
“You don’t like to see that kind of thing, but, you know, it’s not Danica’s fault, it’s not anybody’s fault,” said Marco Andretti, Danica Patrick’s teammate and apparent co-conspirator in the murder of my good friend Personal Responsibility.
We’ve all said something stupid to cover for a woman’s mistakes. Well maybe not all of us. Not me for example, but either way, that’s why MenAreBetterThanWomen.com exists. On this website, we don’t have to praise women for their fuck ups. We can call a spade a spade and we can call a woman a vagina life-support system.
“Wrong place, wrong time,” said Mitch Davis, Dale Coyne Racing’s chief mechanic.
“Wrong place, wrong time, wrong gender,” said Dick Masterson.
Is it a coincidence that the only car going AWOL through the human herd of a crowded IndyCar pit was driven by a woman? Is it a coincidence that women get in more accidents per mile driven than men? Is it a coincidence that women look at how expensive your shoes are before deciding if they’re going to fuck you?
No. Women are whores.
“In this case, there isn’t anything differently that Danica could have done.” said Brian Barnhart, president of the IndyCar Series.
Yes there is. She could have gotten knocked up by a millionaire at 17 and never driven again. Chuck Buckman sure would be a lot happier today and his head would be a lot less lumpy.
But what if these guys are right? What if crashing a car into a person really wasn’t Danica Patrick’s fault? Even though it’s everyone’s fault in the real world even if they’re drunk.
I think I’ve figured out what these men are saying. Obviously, the powers that be removed the brake pedal from Danica’s car years ago and replaced it with a second gas pedal. We all know women drive slow as hell. The only reason Danica Patrick places in these races at all must be because instead of brakes, she has an extra gas pedal. The harder she wants to stop, the faster she goes.
If all that insane nonsense was true, then yes, it there was nothing Danica could have done differently.
“It’s no one’s fault” didn’t fly for Bill Buckner or Joey Buttafuco, and it will never fly on MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
When “better” becomes a dirty word, “fault” is next in line. Fault defines “betterness”. In order to undermine basic valuations of “betterness”, fault must be discounted.
Men are better than women. Electricity, medicine, and penicillin is our fault. It’s Danica Patrick’s fault her car ran into a fleeing person. Cars are better than people at moving around, Danica. Or did you not learn that at the age of 16 when your parents pulled you out of school and shoehorned you into the European racing leagues because they realized the potential cash cow of a woman race car driver who wasn’t afraid to sell out between the ages of 23 and 27.
Danica Patrick cheats. She’s 100 pounds lighter than all the other drivers and that makes her car 100 pounds faster. The loss of muscle mass does not cancel out the weight advantage. These people are driving high performance machines, not Flintstone mobiles.
She also hits people and then does her impression of that retarded Miss Teen USA contestant.
While we’re congratulating Danica Patrick on being the first woman to win an IndyCar race, let’s also congratulate her on being the first woman to brutalize a pit crew member with a thousand pounds of steel and fiber glass. If Bill Buckner can’t get away with blowing the World Series, why does Danica Patrick get away with committing the worst female driving disaster in history?
It’s because she’s a woman. As long as women can cry and look good in a bikini, they’ll never have to deal with my friend Personal Responsibility. And that’s a good thing, as he is a very crude man.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/racing/05/09/danica.strikes.crew man/
http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080509/SPORTS0107 /80509042/1052/SPORTS01
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May 22nd, 2008 at 11:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 67f08ee9f88db
Guess what I have been in 4 car accidents in the last 7 years…how many were a man’s fault…um all of them
1. I was backing up and a MAN tried to drive a full size truck around a compact car and destroyed the back end of the vehicle
2. I was parked and a MAN hit my car and drove off
3. I has at a stop sign and gues what a MAN didn’t noticed I was stopped and drove into the back end of my car.
4. A MAN driving a dump truck crossed the center line and hit my car
hmmm all of these accidents were caused by MEN!
On a seperate incident a drunk driver (A MAN) tried to do circus acts with his car and flipped his vehicle on its top into my in-laws driveway and almost totaled another vehicle that was parked.
“Unfortunately, if you’re a young male, this can mean bad news for your wallet. Generally, males between the ages of 16-25 pay more for auto insurance than females the same age. Here are some gender behaviors auto insurance actuaries predict will occur behind the wheel:
Males typically drive more than females. The more miles you drive, the higher your chances are for accidents and auto insurance claims.
Young males take more risks behind the wheel. (Insurance companies charge inexperienced drivers— both male and female— higher auto insurance rates since they’re more likely to file an auto insurance claim or get a speeding ticket sometime during their young driving careers.)
Young adult males push their limits behind the wheel. As a result, they’re more likely to drive when tired and fall asleep behind the wheel.” From Esurance.com
SUck on it dumbass
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 0ae520af6d01b
You’re full of shit. If people are smashing into you right and left, you’re doing something fucked-up. My sister-in-law claimed the same thing to her parents and she turned out to be full of shit.
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: a28a8fa6fa63a
My thoughts exactly. That story stinks to high heaven. I’ve been driving a car for 24 years never been hit and have never hit anything, unless I wanted to.
May 25th, 2008 at 10:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 0ae520af6d01b
I definitely agree, bola. I got my license in 1986. I’ve been in two accidents since: one my fault, one the other guy’s fault. Both fender-benders. One was in 1989, the other in 1994. I was in my early 20s, inexperience led to them both.
If people are smashing into you at a rate of 2 per year, you’re doing something even if the cops find that it technically wasn’t your fault. Women are real good at doing something unexpected and fucked-up, causing an accident, and then successfully passing it off as the other guy’s fault, hence the skewed statistics. Playing the babe-in-the-woods routine and crying gets them a lot of mileage. Laws can’t be written to cover every possibility.
May 25th, 2008 at 11:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 925d7b4ba656d
It’s too bad that using auto insurance rates doesn’t actually prove anything. Men do the majority of the driving and per mile get into fewer accidents. So while your anecdotes and recourse to criminal pricing of insurance companies is amusing, it does not change the fact that the fundamental truth is that women are worse drivers, on average.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1f0a6ad2bb753
Oh how I laughed. Not.
The best that could be said for “men” like you is that some girl left you, thus this masterpiece of a website was born! Ta-da!
Whatever.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: a28a8fa6fa63a
Would a women create a masterpiece if her lover left her? No, she’d just find another prick to sit on. You see?
Men are better than women.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:21 am - IP Man-Hash: ad5e107bd66bb
May 28th, 2008 at 3:25 am - IP Man-Hash: ad5e107bd66bb
One should note that one of the reasons men tend to crash more is because they DO explore the limits of their vehicles. So yes, they sometimes fuck up and flip their cars onto your lawn. That’s the important bit.
By exploring the limits of their vehicles, they learn what to do and what not to do. Sorry, no matter how much your driving instructor tells you what to do, you’re not going to get it right without practice. Men wreck in practice.
In contrast, you women with your makeup and cellphone while driving will never be able to react fast enough or know what to do when the shit hits the fan.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 13fd29596d439
I’m a little confused about you. If she had been knocked up by a rich man at 17 and never driven again in her life, you would still consider her a whore for: A) Being a woman and B) Not doing anything and getting tons of money, but instead she actually works for her money and you still call her a whore. You are so fucking stupid.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:32 am - IP Man-Hash: a43d5ab708c75
Yeah really….you guys need to stop contradicting yourself
June 10th, 2008 at 10:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 2bf9071d7785e
Nothing wrong with being a whore. She takes off her clothes better than she drives. Whats so confusing about that.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8a37b6454e781
Jack Nicholson owns ya!
He is handsome, classy , respects women who deserve respect. and I agree with his stance on women. He is just cooler than all of you! And talented !
sexxy! :)
June 11th, 2008 at 2:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8a37b6454e781
Jack Nicholson owns ya!
He is handsome, classy , respects women who deserve respect. and I agree with his stance on women. He is just cooler than you! And talented !
sexxy! :)
Men that hate women must have had bad lives, I hate neither men nor women.
I hate obnoxious, illiterate, jerks who make a living the way any whore does. And degrades them from their own perspective instead of seeing positive women. I know some men are assholes, but I do not feel superior to them either.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2bf9071d7785e
Jerks and A-holes get laid for one thing.
You don’t know Jack nicholson personally im assuming. Maybe he slaps his women around a bit? or at least gives them a nice verbal lashing
June 11th, 2008 at 2:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2bf9071d7785e
ANyway celebs are in a whole different category Kristen. You can be a nice guy and get laid if you are rich and famous. So you make kind of a weak arguement ma’am.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8fdae3316d084
Hilarious. Yet another woman who has NO fucking idea of what “RESPECT” is.
Respect is not DESERVED —>> IT IS EARNED.
When will you idiots get that through your fucking heads????
All you cunts ever go on about is what you DESERVE.
“I DESERVE this . . . I DESERVE that . . . . I DESERVE all kinds of shit”.
You don’t “deserve” ANYTHING you didn’t earn.
Example: Driving is not YOUR RIGHT –>> IT’S A PRIVILEGE.
Understand????
Jack knows it. Men know it . . . . why don’t YOU????
Jack Nicholson would be the first person to tell you that.
Smarten the fuck up. Get the fuck off this website.
Menarebetterthanwomen.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8fdae3316d084
Oh and furthermore . . . . ONE MORE VERY IMPORTANT THING . . . .
Women all over the place - including YOU - know PLENTY of men who offer them respect, compliments, adoration, dinner, drinks, and ALL KINDS OF SHIT. Every woman knows (or has known) plenty of NICE GUYS who would LOVE to go out with her . . . and respect her . . . and sleep with her . . .and do ANYTHING for her.
Well guess what.
WOMEN RUN AWAY FROM MEN LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME.
Your litte “friend’ who you lie to and say “we’re just friends” is one of those poor guys.
He actually believes you. And he respects you. And you want nothing to do with him.
Women don’t actually WANT respect.
They LEAVE men who respect them ALL THE TIME.
So shut the fuck up.
Menarebetterthanwomen.
June 18th, 2008 at 11:43 am - IP Man-Hash: 08b7540d82cee
Are you fucking with me? Not her fault! Just like it wasn’t the terrorists fault for the deaths on 9/11. My God what is this world coming too!!!
June 21st, 2008 at 4:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: d6a960b762079
Yeah, “works” for her money by running down her own pit crew. Just like the checkout chicks down at the grocery store “work” for their money by not remembering my request for a “soft 20-pack of Malboro Reds” long enough to avoid asking me 3 times what it was I asked for. Just like those female newspaper editors “work” for their money by filling the minds of other women with cinnamon buns, teddy bears, weddings, rabid feminism, and other assorted bullshit. Just like feminists “work” for their money by tearing down the social system that allows them to live beyond childbirth and the age of 20, that allows them to use their time for “working” instead of foraging in the bushes for berries or whatever the fuck. “Work” for their money by stripping men of privileges we earned through the blood, sweat and tears of our fathers, the efforts of the great men that succeeded and the corpses of the untold millions that failed on the path to greatness and have been forgotten.
good work, women. you have confirmed in the last 40 years what men have been saying for 40 generations. enjoy your “equality” while it lasts.