Dating: Why?

What: Dating in a manly fashion.
When: Never. Dating is a loss of Man Points.
Where: Anywhere. Women are like Starbucks. They’re all over the place, and they’re all over-priced.
Who: As hot as you can afford. Be careful. Women think credit is the same as money.

What’s missing is why. Why put up with the cell phone calls during dinner, the crazy clairvoyant dreams they keep a secret until four months in, the piss-poor attitudes, the 1001 ways a woman can talk about her dog, the addiction to American Idol and “dance porn”, the talking — the endless fucking talking? Why date?

Why: To get laid. Don’t ever forget it.

10 out of 10 guys agree that the only reason to treat women like anything more than tree stumps is to get laid.

Men, by nature, are not cockblockers. That’s why we speak to women period. We’re collectively and pre-emptivley lubing the gears of social intercourse.

And by “social” intercourse I mean “sexual” intercourse.

Whenever a man takes time out of his busy day to address a woman, he’s giving her self-respect. Male attention charges up a woman’s sex drive like an over-pumped BB gun. Especially fat women. They need social interaction more than abandoned dogs — and from what I hear, they’ve got a hair trigger.

Gross.

The point is, the only reason men talk to women at all is so they’ll eventually put out. Just because you’re not fucking every girl you talk to at Hot Dog on a Stick doesn’t mean she’s not thinking about it later while her boyfriend’s getting lucky.

Women are cheating whores.

Women are like a cheap wine. It takes loads of people to make it happen because cheap wine only makes money in bulk, packaging is all that maters because what’s inside is shit, and even a little bit will give you a massive headache.

Dating is just your turn to take a swig.

Decide how much your time and money are worth in advance and call a dry cow a loss. “Milk” is never free. It can’t be because someone’s spending his evening sweet talking the cow.

Time is money.

Date to get laid. And remember what my friend Rufie Josh says:

“I may not have the greatest game in the world, but I can still pull off a fat chick.”

Still gross.

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