Happy April Bitch’s Day!

Women are the worst sports in history. Fuck. If you want to go from ‘having a great day’ to ’embarrassed for humanity’ in a fraction of a second, just pull a practical joke on a woman and get ready for a Fujiwara Force Fucking Five hissy fit. Hide the silverware before you do unless you want your face pierced.

So why can’t women take jokes as well as your money? Is it because their souls are black and cheap and make them attribute all practical jokes to spite and malice as they would have intended them on others? Is it because women have no self-esteem and assume anyone who’s laughing is laughing at them along with twenty other people who are going to hear the story later?

Nope.

It’s because women have a stick up their ass.

Everyone’s heard the old man-tale about the lion who had a thorn in his paw. Some mouse took it out, the lion was happy, and everyone learned a valuable fucking lesson about sharing or doing your part. Women are a lot like that except the thorn is a stick, the paw is women’s asses, and the valuable fucking lesson is:

Don’t ever listen to anything that ever comes out of a woman’s fucking mouth.

Let me explain that even though I don’t have to because it’s written on mankind’s DNA molecules.

In society we have a little thing called credibility. I know because I’m a man and men invented it. If a man walks into your house and says, ‘I’m a painter, I’ll paint your living room for free,’ and then robs all your shit while you’re out buying him and his crew a six foot sub sandwich, you’ve learned something. Don’t trust people who tell you shit is free. It cost you the best TV money can buy and the crappiest couch that your friends or family had lying around five years ago, but the lesson was worth it.

Here’s a slightly different scenario.

If someone hilariously cut around the seams of the back pockets in someone else’s trousers on some March 31st a few years ago, and then that person went ape shit over the phone from work because a bunch of strangers and co-workers got a few glances at their butt and boring panties, should that person be listened to again?

No.

Here’s a little secret for you. In the second story, one of the someone’s was a woman! Guess which one it was. It should be easy because everyone knows women suck at using scissors. They only know how to bitch at children for running with them.

Just like in the painting criminal story, we’ve learned bullshit is afoot. The bullshit? A malfunctioning fucking brain. Women have a stick shoved so far up their asses, it hit their brain switches and flicked them to off.

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