How Do I Deal With a Vegetarian?
The following question was sent to me by diamatik. If you would like to ask me a question, submit it via the Contact Dick page or post it in the forums.
“My girlfriend is a Vegan. What the fuck do I do when I want to eat, make her sit there? Won’t my em-man-imotions make me feel guilty?”
Yes. Make her sit there. Women lead long and un-lustrious lives spent primarily in various states of sitting there. True, they spend a lot of time on their backs during childbirth and activites which are inevitably childbirth related, but the true nature of womankind is to sit down and shut the fuck up.
Women are like Jesus, except instead of twelve stations of the cross, they have twelve positions for sitting there. Except because they’re women and lazy there are actually only three different positions and also, unlike Jesus, women don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves.
First of all, yes, your man-emotions will tell you to give half a shit about the welfare of your girlfriend.
“Is she hungry? Would she feel bad watching me eat meat? Would she feel bad if I accidentally dropped a fork off the table and requested another one and then first fork would feel neglected in some way? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever thought.”
Using your emotions when it comes to women is like using a chainsaw to cut a loaf of soggy bread. It’s overkill. Women don’t know the definition of empathy. They can appreciate it as much as they can appreciate a Ferrari or a pistol — or how awesome it would be to cut a loaf of bread with a chainsaw. It’s not because they don’t know very much either; it’s because empathy at its core cannot be understood by the female invertebrate slug brain. You can sit there and explain it to her until her big fat female friends come over and you’ll never make a dent.
Deal with women vegetarians the same way you deal with woman anything-ians.
Woman “lesbians” for example. Just hit on them non-stop. They love that kind of treatment. Actually, that’s the most reason women become “lesbians” temporarily; they haven’t gotten enough male attention in their lives.
If you’re dealing with a woman vegetarian, make her eat meat. They all want to. Obviously, “make” is a word you can define at your own man-discretion. Entice, coerce, bribe; they’re all the same fucking word. It’s your will and as a man your will is your prerogative.
The suffixes of “ians” and “isms” and “ists” are reserved for men. Just like the prefixes of Mr, Sir, and Dr. Women have no place with any of them around their piddly little names. It’s like that hilarious internet picture of the donkey attempting to haul about 2 tonnes of packing shit only to have itself lifted about ten feet in the air. Women are exactly like that with their meaningless -isms and -ians. They’re exactly like that except they’re not hilarious at all. They’re just a pain in the ass.
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May 8th, 2007 at 9:53 am - IP Man-Hash: c46011aeb3b2a
Dude, I don’t agree with everything I read here, and I don’t expect to, but we’re all guys here (or should be, anyway) and give each other the respect we deserve as men.
There are billions of other web pages you could be looking at besides this site, but you take offense and want everyone else to change to suit you. Not gonna happen, my friend. I suggest you have a quarter-pounder with cheese, go to your happy place and think about boobs. If everyone did that, the world would be a much happier place.
June 19th, 2007 at 1:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: 439e29b94d288
How do you deal with a vegan? Too simple…
YOU DON’T.
TOTALLY AGREE!
June 19th, 2007 at 2:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
ha.
July 3rd, 2007 at 6:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: ce5c278b20e99
hey dick, of course you didn’t get the post. too much meat cloggin your brain. good word though, cogent.
July 3rd, 2007 at 8:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3e27056cc4bf3
If you want me to, I can clog your mouth with my meat. Perhaps that should make you think a lot better, especially since science says that females’ brains actually grow when the woman smells male pheromones.
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 34a7f3da9aec3
Aww, the superior little flip-flop clad ass-crack showing tits hanging out like dead babies pude just flatters me with her well-deserved attention.
Hey, keep it up. Having a cunt here really brightens my day. I love it, it’s like copping a feel from a bitch after you punch her back. You know, punching her tit in self-defense. Laws are laws.
P.S.
If girls hate rape so much and little girls feel no sympathy for pediphiles, why do they dress in such a way as to encourage said behaviors? Surely not to satisfy latent fetishes embedded in their psyche through this broken split-persona system. The idea that a girl can wave her vagina in a bar and one of the patrons of many will not hit her over the head with a beer bottle and drag her out back. I do not condone such behavior, but then it’s gonna happen, either way.
And it’s more the slut’s fault than the equalizer, because that would happen in any bar any place. Conveniently enough, she remains the constant… yes, it’s the bitch’s fault. Why else would she need to vent her understanding of her true worth and place in the courtroom where some wanna-bee girls can fight her battles for her?
As I said, it’s all these latent perversions that we need to dig up. The next time some trashy motherfucker screams his fucking lungs in chunks about how awesome little girls are… ask him why they pique his interest. He will either dig a deeper hole for himself, or if his head hasn’t been bashed enough, grow strangely silent.
July 27th, 2007 at 9:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 05bec3a08a419
OMG THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER READ!!!!!!!!!
and frequenting internet forums that’s saying alot. GET A LIFE!
July 27th, 2007 at 11:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2559f72d0fa8d
You’re so used to your vagina privileges that you can never win on a level playing field. You have tits and weak little arms because God gave them to you - that’s why you can neither think nor act.
August 9th, 2007 at 7:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 48710ee43ed45
You’re so used to your vagina privileges that you can never win on a level playing field. You have tits and weak little arms because God gave them to you - that’s why you can neither think nor act.Hi, we’re sorry you were violenty raped by priests at such a young age and your mother wasn’t there to protect you from the cloaked bad man. Seriously, you sound like the only person you’ve been getting some fuck from has been yourself.. and for too damn long it appears. Tell you what, why don’t you go out and buy yourself a hot fuck for the night. There’s no shame in buying pussy, not all of you can get by on looks and brainless repetetive small talk, some have to actually spend dough to get laid to give those first pumping hands a workout every now and then. Nothing wrong with that! Your adult male angst is HILARIOUS as hell to say the least. You seriouly need to get fucked, I’m talking in all holes, maybe some cunt who feels sorry enough for you will throw on a strapon 9 inch dildo and pound your ass if you ask nicely. It appears that your brain matter was made using the same soft tissue used to create the 3 inch pole you call a dick… we forgive you for that seeing as its not your fault you’re a pencil dicked minute man… and that’s just when you’re fucking yourself. All the women of the world apologize profusely for your shortcummings, and we’d like to slap your mother for not swalllowing when she had the chance.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 71d0be43b04c7
Maybe if you bought yourself a gun, little girl, you would be able to do it right this time. Every other time you tried or threatened to do it seems to have just come off as a cry for attention. Shock value, per usual…
It’s all about how much you hate daddy, isn’t it? Bring home strange men who happen to be in the fold of whatever fad is going on, snorting the right drugs and selling out to the right corporation. I assure you that after the third submission to collegehumor.com he will have already given up on you. That’s just fact - you’re just pussy. Pussy to be bought, sold, rented, trafficked, and disposed of when you reach your shelf life of 21.
You say it yourself. All gurls are good for is sex. You’re a sex toy, and like any object, any sass or edginess is just foreskin and interferes with efficiency.
Thusly, any trace of a personality you had has long-been done away with, any hint of a soul tainted beyond recognition, and any hint of innocence withered into a dull, canned facade.
October 26th, 2007 at 2:02 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
You feed a vegetarian vegetables! Idiots.
November 7th, 2007 at 4:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 64762c387ed92
sure fire way to get your girlfriend to break up with you!
December 29th, 2007 at 12:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 1ace054919063
My friend Andrea’s roomate is a vegan. Last Christmas, she told me I was “Blind to Society’s tricks” because there was frosting made with gelatin on the cookies I brought them. She can bake he own fucking cookies next time.
>:[
-Ginny
February 5th, 2008 at 1:07 am - IP Man-Hash: bf2a9c1d0e309
I’ve been a vegetarian for three years now. What’s aggravating (and somewhat hypocritical, i believe) is when I get criticized for being one. Which have come from my parents, friends, even strangers- go figure. Not that I ever let it bother me, but I must admit that one gets sick of being “evaluated”. I simply don’t care about the choices others make so long as it’s not harming someone else. If you eat meat, that’s your own personal decision. The vast majority of my friends eat meat anyways, so I don’t mind. So long as you pick the right one, a vegan/vegetarian gf isn’t a pain, or a nuisance, or whatnot. And whenever I’d go out on a date, I’d let whoever it may be know that I really don’t care what they decide to eat (because I shouldn’t right?) Good luck gentleman, whether you may be single, taken, or searching.
February 15th, 2008 at 2:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 2ff4708cb8a4e
Good point on the lesbian thing.
April 6th, 2008 at 11:06 am - IP Man-Hash: baf670e9176b7
woman only good for cooking cleaning and sucking dick
April 7th, 2008 at 1:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 3c3ca5120d047
eating meat is one of the very essences of being a man. However, woman must eat meat too, why? Just because it is fucking irritating if they don’t. Vegans are disgusting.
April 9th, 2008 at 2:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 1c741f6a6c1f6
Vegetarians care about this earth you fool!!!! Don’t force us to eat meat!! We don’t mind if you eat meat infront of us, just don’t feel offended when we make a comment like “did you know that poor creature had a life?” We won’t expect you to change, its just a thing to say!! To think about!! Do you know what thinking is Dick? It’s something your NOT very good at!!! Oh, and heres something to think about? How do you feel about sex changes? fucker…
April 9th, 2008 at 9:56 am - IP Man-Hash: b16ece0a33704
Vegetarians taste better…
April 12th, 2008 at 4:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9dee4e9379c3d
What are you fucking retarded? dont be offended when you sit down waiving your flag of I ate a salad last week and im saving the planet bullshit! saying shit like that meat you just spent your hard earned man cash on is a guilt burger and you need to eat every bite of it while i watch from over my fruit smoothy with lima beans!
Yiou make me sick i can tell your a woman get the fuck off the site! and ill tell you how i feel about sex changes, god tried to give man a womans brain and it couldnt handle the overwheliming urges of self worth and dignity! and therefore with modern medicine and previlance of man logic, we cut the cock, threw on some tits and SHE was good as new. ready to suck dick and fuck her way to the bottom of the food chain.
Again i must reitterate GET THE FUCK OFF THE WEBSITE!!!