You’re Not Pregnant? I Don’t Believe You
It’s impossible to know which gender is the fatter. Mostly because women are so good at concealing additional bulk.
No, of course I’m joking. That’s not true at all. A large woman trying to cover herself up always ends up looking like a couch with one of those old lady doilies thrown on the top. Is that a big fat couch over there? I didn’t notice because of that dainty little scrap of lace on top.
Loss of a dozen Man Points for using the word ‘dainty’ I know, but my point is that in the case of weight, there’s no way to know if men are better than women at not becoming fat, or if men are better than women at being fat. Let me explain.
Scientists have never been able to agree on what is considered “overweight” for women. For men it’s a body mass index of 25%. Period. And we men have to deal with that. But for women, there’s all kinds of shit involved. What a surprise right? A simple process of determining a status of “overweight” and there’s all kinds of bullshit involved. Is it a BMI of 30%, 33%, 35%? No one knows. What nutritional scientist do know, however, is that if they ever reach a verdict, they will all be immediately kicked in the nuts by a billion angry, sensual women.
I say we just adopt woman-kind’s scale for itself. From now on, an overweight woman is one with a body mass index of over 75%. As a man, that’s how you have to fix problems with women sometimes. You gather all the evidence, you make logical conclusions out of it, and then you throw it right the fuck out the window, start signing checks, and believing there’s a Santa Clause. That’s not surrendering or getting beaten; it’s called having better fucking things to do with my time.
So men are fatter than women on average. Bit fucking deal. With all the practice, that means men are also better than women at being fat. Think about it. Does anyone even notice when a man is hugely fat? Men certainly don’t give a shit — and women give less of a shit. Jack Black gets laid all the time I bet — and that fucker is enormous.
The greatest men in history have been larger than life — the richest also. The most powerful warlords in the world? Oh you better believe they were big fat, fat guys. That’s because as a man, being fat is like a source of extra man power. It’s like driving an awesomely powerful car or wearing a giant watch or a man ring. It’s a multiplier.
I think I can sum it up with one craptastic line: Big is Beautiful.
I’ve heard that out loud probably twice in my life — both times from a woman, and each time I threw up immediately. Curvaceous, sensual, comfortable — it’s all the same shit. It means one large broad with a chip on her shoulder the size of the chocolate chip in her wildest fantasies. But what about jolly or party animal? Those mean fat too, but they’re not the same at all.
See, when a man is fat, he just gets a hell of a lot funnier. It might work the same way for women, but no one would know because funnier times not funny at all is still zero funny. Men are like eye doctors — and also a little bit like used car salesmen.
“Don’t want a fat guy? How about a funny guy? Maybe a snappy dresser or a guy with a beard? Better here or here? How about now? What do I have to do to get you with a fat guy today?”
Women, however, take their inadequacies and shove them right down your throat until you think you’re choking on sugar sweet bullshit. All women should take a lesson from Kirstie Alley who said it best on Oprah.
“I looked in the mirror one day and said, who would want to have sex with that?”
Or something like that, I don’t remember exactly what. That was her point though. And for her public baby steps, Kirstie Alley is this month’s MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month. Cheers, you great big tub.
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January 1st, 2007 at 12:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 614562f9015cf
No, this is an example of women being illiterate cunts.
I’d hardly call knowledge of history a waste of time, but then again I don’t think horses are children.
January 1st, 2007 at 12:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 23d767b1ffcd7
I don’t wanna get fat for nine months and have a real one. Kids annoy the hell out of me too.
January 1st, 2007 at 12:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 614562f9015cf
No one cares, shut the fuck up.
January 1st, 2007 at 12:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 23d767b1ffcd7
Good come back, I’ll have to remember that one.
January 1st, 2007 at 12:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5fdb78f644952
It is the nature of good things to be rare, and dross to be common. Thank entropy.
-wolfe
January 1st, 2007 at 1:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 23d767b1ffcd7
that was actually a good answer.
fine, respect
January 1st, 2007 at 1:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5fdb78f644952
Fair enough, respect in turn. Therefore some thoughts you may find helpful or insulting. Your choice. I’m not telling you these to make fun of you though, I’m telling you them because you’ve gained enough respect from me for me to actually care to take the time.
1. Use paragraphs. You look moronic just spewing out a wall of text with no coherent thought when you don’t. (See your post 63). When you think you’ve got a clear independent thought, hit Enter. When you’re introducing a new idea (horses, lions), hit Enter.
2. Try to write and spell better. No, you don’t have to, it’s just the net, and it’s just a site that you really disagree with. But use spell check, and when you make up silly words like “Petafile” when you mean “pedophile”, then, well, you just look like an idiot.
3. Homonyms (words that sound alike but aren’t the same) are screwing you up. “how big are boobs are”. No, you mean “How big our boobs are”. Similarly “Males spend most of their time walking the boarders of their kingdom”. Well if they do that, they are spending time walking with people who live in their kingdom under their sufferance. You mean “walking the BORDERS of their kingdom”. Homonyms are trickier because spell checkers will accept them. You just have to get smarter about your writing.
4. “My sister electrocuted herself, once. Ok twice. ” That’s actually very good. It’s a nice dry bit of humor. The “OK twice” makes it shine. But again, it’s buried in a giant paragraph that talks about lions, horses, bulls, nails, boobs, and Lord knows what else. Those two sentences would have been a great new paragraph segue (look it up if you don’t know the word) into a new set of paragraphs. Instead they’re buried.
I’m not going to address the merits of most of what you say generally, although on horses (where I assume you may know more than I) I’ll point out that sheepdogs ‘lead’ a herd of sheep from behind as well. It’s not the sheep in front that are leading. And if you look at places like ‘Head-Smashed-In-Buffalo-Jump’ (yes, it’s a real place), there might be very good reasons for not leading a herd from the front.
Nothing requires you to bother to write well, other than respect for yourself and others. But you’ll probably find it a valuable skill with a huge payoff in the future socially, intellectually, and financially, even if you wind up working a mostly out-door job with horses.
Happy New Year,
-wolfe
January 1st, 2007 at 3:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Wolfe, doesn’t leading a heard/pack/school/formation inherently mean it’s being done from the front? I believe what sheepdogs do is heard the sheep.
Regards.
- Paul Oakenfold . Unafraid (Paul Oakenfold Mix)
January 1st, 2007 at 3:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5fdb78f644952
Perhaps it’s a language issue. If, by ‘lead’ we mean ‘guides, directs, orders, and instructs’ then it seems clear.
The carrier in a CVBG ‘leads’ from the center. The sheepdog, I think one can cogently argue, ‘leads’ from the rear.
If by ‘lead’ one means ’stand out in front to see if one will run off a cliff’ then, certainly, that is not an exercise of leadership as we would define it.
Happy New Year,
-wolfe
January 1st, 2007 at 6:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 23d767b1ffcd7
Shut up, my grammer suck.
I know.
Happy now?
I
am
Spa-
cing
January 1st, 2007 at 6:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 23d767b1ffcd7
By the way, it was shown in a study that, yes, males’ brains are 9% bigger then females.
Don’t get concided, for the first
Until the eighth week of gestation every human fetal brain is female.
January 1st, 2007 at 6:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 23d767b1ffcd7
Ok, wolfe, yeah your right.
My last two posts had bad grammar.
Female flaw.
January 1st, 2007 at 8:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: f8e973a97985d
No the fetal brain is really gender neutral waiting for the determination of whether the power should be turned on or not.
Ah, It’s girl.. lights out.
January 1st, 2007 at 8:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: eab4c21bb6be5
priceless!
January 1st, 2007 at 11:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5fdb78f644952
Now that’s man-science! Well done, Billy!
-wolfe
January 2nd, 2007 at 8:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 479ab57a00cdd
No the fetal brain is really gender neutral waiting for the determination of whether the power should be turned on or not.
Ah, It’s girl.. lights out.
Hahaha. Good one, Billy.
May 14th, 2007 at 6:57 am - IP Man-Hash: fd7b6db164071
You know, you’re a very sick and immiture retard! There is no excuse for you to even have this site!!! You must be gay or something to be so uptight about women. We can’t help it if you’re a freak or not so why don’t you just get over your pathetic self, okay? bye!
May 14th, 2007 at 7:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 8059ff3878601
Okay? Bye!
Wow, sluts and prudes think they’re Jesus Christ resurreced into the body of a baby-trapped-in-a-whore’s-body.
Here’s a little bit of news for you, you walking fuck-toy. I try not to speak for other men because I’m not a stupid ignorant power freak like you are, but I can assure you that this feeling is mutual. We don’t give a shit about what a bitch we don’t even know thinks of us. You just get hormonal and bitchy over anything.
The fact that you can feel pity for an old chair but absolutely ignore 1 million starving african children is like proudly brandishing your lack of huMANity.
Keep records of these exchanges, Dick. We need to start pressuring congress to begin rescending many of these privilages we have so foolishly tossed at whores. This includes, but is not limited to:
The privilage to act like a stuck-up prude and not expect any feed-back whatsoever from society
The privilage to recieve a public schlorship from taxpayer’s money without their prior consent and full understanding of the true facts about what it means to send a slut to college. This means not how well she fucked her way through high school, but personality and character tests. Judged on a MALE standard.
The privilage to be viewed as a superior and yet treated as an inferior in all the right places.
The privilage to not get a good smacking every now and then if she overestimates her physical potential
The privilage to twist the education system to fit her need to wear platform heels to class and not be laughed out of the classroom.
Most importantly, and firstly:
Rescend the anti-male education system.
Teach material from an unbiased viewpoint, viewing men and women as equals. In short, women as less capable, physically weaker, and more effiminate and submissive men.
That’s equality, and I support it with every thread of my being.
May 15th, 2007 at 1:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 845f4e3636564
Are you sure he’s the retard.
May 15th, 2007 at 2:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: d4fa8b220332f
Bye bye.