Drunk Like a Fox
I attended a number of parties and bars this weekend and I found the number of women who wantonly threw themselves at me in a drunken stupor to be appalling — among other things. Women can handle their liquor about as well as a paper towel, and the second they consume it, they default to ranting, stumbling, harlots with a two second fuse for erupting into hysterics.
Of course, the only difference between this drunken women and a sober one is that this one will actually put out. It’s just a matter of when. Before or after she passes out.
Women’s entire lives revolve around excuses for behaving badly. PMS, pregnancy, crappy brains soaked with romantic chauvinistic delusions that they willingly embrace at every opportunity. They’re all the goddamn same. With that mindset, alcohol is like a magical giving tree that keeps on giving. If a woman feels like letting her guard and her hair down — and by both of those I mean her drawers; she turns to her best friend: Schnapps. Peach, peppermint or Danish; she loves them all. And when she does, she gives herself a golden ticket into Willy Wonka’s magical wonderland of behaving fucking terribly and “not remembering” any of it the next day.
Women’s memories are funny like that. They don’t work at all regularly, but then for some reason when alcohol is involved they work even less. I don’t know how they distinguish between the two, but I’d be willing to bet a high degree of horseshit is involved — just like it always is when women open their mouths. And I am a betting man after all — just like all men.
Men, completely unlike women, handle alcohol just like they handle everything else in life: with total class and respect.
Men do not guzzle alcohol down one sugar loaded alco-drink at a time and then throw themselves at our father-issues like a wet rag doll. We use alcohol to relax, we use it to bond, and we use it to pioneer. That’s why we discovered alcohol in the first place. To do all that shit that I just said. And that’s right, I did say pioneer. Let me give an example.
See, when sober, even men might not think that something like shaving a cat is funny — possibly due to some kind of social something or other. I don’t know what the word for it is, because it’s total bullshit and I don’t like filling my brain with such things. That’s where alcohol comes in. When properly inebriated, men will discover that not only is shaving a cat funny, but it is hilariously funny. It’s a joke that keeps on giving. Men’s instincts are right and true, and alcohol let’s us think with them unobstructed by incidentalous shit. And if I may be frank, there’s nothing more beautiful than naked man instinct.
Still not convinced? Ask yourself this. Without alcohol would any man have ever thought, I wonder if moldy bread will cure syphilis; I wonder if rolled cotton infused with carbon can conduct and sustain an operating temperature of over 2000 degrees; I wonder if the moon is all it’s cracked up to be.
The answer is ‘Yes’, but it probably would have taken a lot longer.
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Hahahahahahahaha!!!! Watcher=Mr. Empty-pants!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!
Chris=Mr. Empty-pants: http://www.maleenhancement.org/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThygJC7m5yQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVscLaBAqhE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjHbpNImL44
Gonna reason with that gun, in a logical precise orderly manner?
drunk men get run over by car for two beers
3rd video…
i like drinking and blazing and theres nothing wrong with that.
then again im only 17
and im smarter than all of you.
yup i said it.
smarter than a man??????????? you’re fucked up really bad , what you had??? a jack daniels?????
Men intelligence has a much superior programing and raw power , and you can’t even compare women intelligence programing and raw power if it’s a war between men and women. If it’s about who can raise a kid than a woman intelligence is superior , no matter how smart a woman can be it can’t change how she is programmed , and neither a smart man can change how he is programmed., but you’re not doing that are you??? you’re trying a war on us !!!
But what the fuck , you’re 17 ??????? what the fuck , this is not kindergarten, you want to find a fuck here ???
Your a worthless slime ball, its both the mother and the fathers child.
were would your sperm be with out an egg, diddly squat.
we need eachother you ignorant fuck head.
haha woman are not just vessels lol.
thats the dumbest thing i have ever heard.
you must like dehumanizing woman.
freak.
I know about men xy, women have one and all… but they are finding that women actually can breed on their own, somehow because of this….. They have technology that will allow women to breed successfully without a partner.
haha i liked that one.
Unfortunately, women like you are the exception, not the rule.
That is the biggest load of shit I’ve heard in my entire life. I’ve never been to a college party where a GUY is dancing in a corner by himself. And I’ve never been to a bar where a recently-jilted GUY puts $20 in the jukebox and cues up all slow love songs, causing everybody there to want to smash his fucking head in.
Are you saying you don’t get horny when you drink? It’s just one of those things that happen to be a very human trait. “Throwing themselves at you like a harlot..” what the hell? Do you honestly expect the women you date to be not speak unless their spoken to, and keep every thought they ever think to themselves, because the only thoughts that matter are your own simply because you were born with a penis?
And “actually put out”? ok…you say you don’t like a woman throwing herself at you like a “harlot” yet you expect her to “put out”? Exactly what mood do you want her to be in again?
I’ll agree with you in one thing, shaving a cat IS fucking hilarious. Drunk or not.
Hah.
I’ve remembered every single night of drinking I’ve ever had except for maybe half an hour of one, and many of those were spent telling males that I was NOT having sex with them.
The type of drunken females you’re describing are just the type you expect to find at a party. If you find a cool girl like me who’s just talking, laughing, and having a good time, you bitch about not having a fuck buddy.
Every time I’ve drank with only males, I hear the same thing: “There are no girls here!” They refuse to think of me as female because I’m not a ditzy airhead pulling my shirt off and shaking my ass.
So really, it’s not a woman’s fault that you only care about the very women you complain about right now. It’s your fault that you ignore those of us who happen to be cool as hell.
women are born drunk and/or high because thats what drugs do to you. they make you stupid and irrational, hence women.
But if i like drinking then i have to like women because they’re one and the same.
beer is just a man thing
Well thanks, soren. I would put it in the Mantionary, but it’s simply not manly enough.
-Dick
Dick, I love how you fabricated the word “incidentalous” out of the blue without skipping a beat. The meaning is instantly recognizable, despite the fact that the word has probably never been uttered before. I queried the word in Google and I got one hit: this page.
#58, Micaela Sanden, is spam.
Dick, I cannot tell you how spot on you are with this one.
I dated a girl who would drink uncontrollably, treat me like garbage by flirting and taking drinks from other guys and being an attention whore, and then chalk it up to “I was drunk”, mind you not even with an “I’m sorry” preceding that and when I would tell her to learn how to control her drinking, try not to get drunk but just comfortably buzzed/relaxed, would promise it would never happen again, then tearily tell me she didn’t want her son to see her like that but get pissed when I took her shot away and yelled “What the fuck are you doing? You just told me you didn’t want your son to see you like this, now is not the time for another drink!” then go out with the girls, get blitzed and call waking me and her son up just before closing time to come and get her and she’ll be waiting in (some random guy name)’s truck outside the bar.
And by women’s retarded lemming logic, it shouldn’t be a big deal, they were drunk…
Spock would be cutting his own heart out with a fucking spoon if he were here.
Sorry, you’ve mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck. How like a woman.
Sorry, you’ve got my cycle completely wrong, how like a man.
ROFL!!!!
Holy PMS!!!
What is this, some kind of new age Spam? Bad form.
btw, do you have acne scars becaise girls don’t tend to like them.
Abuse in advance: Sod off Geeza.