Men Love Commitment
Since the idea of a dowry went extinct, men have been under fire from women for one thing more than any other: a phobia of commitment. Like stuck walruses, women scream that men have a fear of commitment; a fear that is childish and in constant odds with our biological impulse to screw anything that walks.
That’s bullshit.
Men love commitment.
Men commit faster and with more enthusiasm than any other creature on Earth. Every time I see a starving dog attack a bowl of food, I think of a man committing to something. Intense!
Marriage is not the definition of commitment.
A wife takes the same amount of commitment as a house plant. All you have to do is keep her well watered with money and in fifty years she’ll blossom into a ripe old prune. That doesn’t sound like commitment. That sounds like a chore.
Below are some man tasks I’ve compiled to demonstrate man’s love for commitment. But that’s not all I’ll be shoving up women’s ass. These things also show conclusively that men rush into commitments faster, with more zeal, and with a greater ability to live up to them than women.
Men are better than women at commitment.
Business
1.6 men start a business for every one woman who does the same. (1)
The first rule of running a restaurant is, “be there every night.” The first rule of running a business is, “think about your business every goddamn second of your life.” And starting a business is a commitment men make 60% more than women.
The business world is a world lacking in pink rubber iPod cases and purses big enough for dogs. The business world is also not built on failure or shopping all day out of a Williams-Sonoma catalog. That’s never made anyone but Williams-Sonoma rich and I’m not even sure he’s a real guy.
The Army
Women make up 15% of the Army (2)
An average of 15% of the Army, Navy, and the Marines, has been infiltrated by America’s lesser half.
As far as commitments go, marrying Uncle Sam is a lot like marrying a woman. Except with Uncle Sam, there are no presents, no honeymoon, and no one starts saving for college when some dick head in a turban launches a mortar shell up your ass.
Congratulations, soldier. It’s a boy!
If men are so afraid of commitment, then why are they joining the world’s combat forces like war has a pair of tits?
The army proves men are better than women at everything. Men are emotional even though women say we’re not, men are not afraid of commitment when commitment needs doing, and if you don’t like that, the army will defend your right to do so. A woman would never do that.
The Wage Gap
Women earn an average of $0.74 for every $1 earned by men. (3)
Fuck the wage gap. Mexican day-laborers get paid a fraction of what licensed, unionized contractors do, and what happened there? Mexican day-laborers replaced unionized contractors whenever possible.
The key words there are “whenever possible”.
Women employees cost 25% less than male employees — and they have boobs. Since this is America and not Candy Land, where basic economic principles no longer apply, that means only one thing: female workers must replace male workers whenever possible.
They do. Female workers replace male workers whenever possible.
Female workers replace male workers when answering phones and baby sitting children in day care. Female workers replace male workers when teaching children shit they will never need outside of watching Jeopardy and understanding the jokes on the Daily Show. Female workers replace male workers when men haven’t invented a robot who can do the job for free and without calling in sick because of their robo-period.
Female workers replace male workers whenever a commitment to competence isn’t needed. The wage gap proves men love commitment. We’ll invest the time it takes to be needed.
Investments
“Many women tend to neglect their financial and retirement planning. By ignoring their financial and investment education today, they seriously jeopardize their financial security later in life…” - David Braze, Financial Expert
When it comes to making investments, women don’t do it. They can’t be bothered to commit to their own financial stability because they have vaginas, and women think a vagina is the only financial stability they need.
Vagina futures, however, are unlike oil futures and myself. Vagina futures go down. And they start around 23.
Even women who do invest are scared shitless of it. In fact, women are 50% more risk averse than men. That means women will choose inaction over action 50% more often simply because they are terrified of their choice being wrong.
Terror is never a good business decision. It’s not a decision at all.
Women save 75% less than men in their pensions, 50% less in their 401k’s, and are way less likely to know how much money they’ll need after they retire. (3)
That makes sense. If women treat retirement like they treat clubbing, let’s just say it’s a good thing they’ll be able to remove their teeth.
Being Awesome
Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Sometimes that means jumping the Snake River Canyon on a jet powered motorsled. And sometimes that means drinking a bunch of horse sperm. Don’t watch Jackass: Number Two if that sentence made you uncomfortable.
Being Nicolas Cage takes a lifetime of commitment. Being Mrs. Jane Smith takes about six months of nagging.
Manclusion
If women had anything to offer, a man would sign a life-time lease faster than he could open a business or join the Army or buy a bunch of stocks. Women don’t though. Women are magazine subscriptions. They’re full of shit and they’re never good to pay for after a year.
Men are not in the habit of pissing our valuable lives away on pointless bullshit. Men are also not in the habit of tying our dicks in a noose because some sweet looking girl smiles at our jokes for a week and gives a good BJ.
That’s not called commitment. That’s called being psychotic.
Man-bliography:
1. Business
2. War
3. Old Broads
Related Articles:
March 28th, 2008 at 7:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2d74964a996a5
I saw something about this on a comedy show.
The son and the father (who has a new wife to be) were talking about the mum.
Son to father: What ever happened to ’till death do we part?’
Father to son: “That went out after we started living longer than 35.”
It is hard to know with sex commits more and to what part of life. And then I suppose one needs to ask, “Under what circumstances will you stop committing”. Now a days marriages end when one puts on more weight than the marriage written agreement stipulated as OK.
It is also the norm for both male and female to work in jobs less than 5 years, always looking for a new adventure and/or a promotion.
And then there are the expectations.
Now a days it has become fashionable to teach women about investing. Parents still tended to think women would be so called, “kept” during marriage.
But, what a shame that men have to pay for these types of expert training. Still, we will see a huge change in the next decade.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
We agree.
Massive changes are in the making.
March 28th, 2008 at 8:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 295ff2f5ec1cb
I read that this site is “tongue in cheek”
Do you not see the humour?
We are talking about investment. Dick has found a worthwhile investment. And as a woman, I am competing. This is what the thread is about.
It is meant as a laugh. Like, “Hey, dick, you found some worthwhile investment. I need to lift my game”.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: eb5e309b7c554
The word commitment has changed in meaning so much since when our parents and grandparents were younger. Back then when you commited to a relationship, both the man and the woman were commited %100. I believe this is why people are so hesitant to get married nowadays and are more “at home” just living with a person as boyfriend and girlfriend.
There is also the idea that if you do get married and end up divorcing for whatever reason, you have to sign your soul away to the other person. People are more interested in handouts as opposed to actually making a living for themselves.
Also people assume that just because they have sex that they are in love with someone and that is hardly ever the case. It really does not surprise me at all to see all the single parents and whatnot out there simply because they thought they were in love with someone.
March 29th, 2008 at 11:21 am - IP Man-Hash: df37fcf12bff0
It is simply delightful to see such a cohesive group of young people.
March 30th, 2008 at 6:45 am - IP Man-Hash: fd5cd69179bd1
Actually, I didn’t mention relationships at all. Here’s what I wrote:
“And to add to my last comment, while you laud action over inaction and decry “terror” in investing, studies have shown that one of the reasons women’s portfolios do better than men is because we gravitate toward bonds and tried-and-true stocks. Men go for the latest thing and sell more (which isn’t exactly commitment, now is it?)
Being a little timid can really pay off in investing.”
The topic of discussion, in case you missed it, is Dick’s article. In which he focuses on five areas of commitment: business, the army, the wage gap, investments, and “being awesome”.
I focused on one of these: investing.
My comment about commitment was solely focused on investing. YOU read the relationship crap into it.
Maybe if you read a little more carefully you wouldn’t look like such a moron.
March 30th, 2008 at 7:00 am - IP Man-Hash: fd5cd69179bd1
Like I said, since women have less to start with (see: the wage gap), then they can still out-invest men and still have less money.’
Woman: Makes 80K a year. Saves 10%. Earns 12%. At the end of the year, she has $8,960 in a 401(K)
Man: Earns 100K. Saves 10%. Earns 10%. At the end of the year, he has $11K.
He did a worse job of investing. Objectively speaking.
How can getting a better return on money be fake? We already have the teams playing against each other regarding investing. Everyone invests simply to make money. That’s it. The better investors make more money. Period. And women make more money in investing.
And the study I was relying on was pre-2007.
Which, praytell, “equal opportunity” gov’t departments are staffed by 80% women? Talk about bullshit.
I see the government baililng out Bear Stearns. And I see tax refunds going to the lower and middle class. I know a bankruptcy bill approved and created by big business, making it harder for people-even those who suffered from a medical emergency-to declare bankruptcy- was put into law in recent years.
I don’t see a huge gov’t bailout though. And even if I did, I’d point out that the vast majority of Congress is male.
March 30th, 2008 at 8:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 39feca89c2230
I completely Mangreee
March 31st, 2008 at 2:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 9342b2aa308e5
@Awoman…
Having followed your rendition on gender patterns in investment I’ve yet to see you present any evidence that women do better than men in this regard. Much conjecture but absolutely no proof.
Rather than view your theoretical gender based investment patterns as relating to commitment on the part of women I would suggest they represent timidity of a sort that would have relegated the species to grass huts in perpetuity.
March 31st, 2008 at 8:03 am - IP Man-Hash: 25038a3848d64
Personally I’ve seen almost total incompetence from women paid 50% more than I was getting, but they somehow avoid getting fired. The female mind appears capable of massive self-delusion in the face of failure.
I’ve got plenty of examples if you need them. I’m not saying all women are incompentent, what I’m saying is that many of them have something to prove and will try prove it no matter what, refusing to acknowledge weakness in any way. I’m happy to say I don’t know something and ask someone who does know. I’ve got nothing to prove. In fact, it’s somewhat fashionable for guys to act dumb these days.
It can be fake when the govt inflates the money supply and everyone thinks they are getting rich, when in fact the opposite is happening.
I’m sure lots of women financial geniuses were flipping houses while the real estate bubble was inflating, and now they are stuck.
You might be right about women being better investors, but I’ll continue to doubt it.
Maybe 60-70% is more accurate in bureaucracies I’d say. The point is that when women are more than 50% of the govt we still have equal opportunity in favor of them and against men. c.f. elementary school teachers.
OTOH, there was a company in England that fired all its women, and never hired another one, because they were all “useless”.
A recent study showed that women and minorites actually get higher pay than white men in govt jobs. That’s how the system is self-reinforcing. White men are pretty incredible beings when you look at their record of acheivement and their civilization, but even their awesome life force is showing signs of waning.
Yes I know about that law, but the tax refunds are just another trap. The US Congress is subject to darker forces than the mere failings of men.
To sum up I would say that all this bickering is a waste of energy anyway. Men and women should be best friends. Feminism has turned some women into professional whiners who are always miserable. I’m only miserable when I’m around such women. Jeez the desperation and anger I see in 30 somethings that realise what feminism has done for them is heartbreaking to watch. I think men have always generated power, and women used it. What is different now is that women have turned that power back to crush their own men, and this will not have a happy ending. Think about it, whenever a woman gets the system to smash her husband or boyfriend, what is it but the power of other men (e.g. police) doing the damage? When men have no power left, women will have none either. The state will have it all, if it manages to repel outside forces, that is.
One final question:
When the “white male power structure” is destroyed, what will replace it? Any ideas? Is equality really possible?
March 31st, 2008 at 9:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 829be8a41e45b
@Jim, the equality that women want in the workplace is not possible because of their narcissistic behaviour. An excellent synopsis is available here:
http://womenintheworkplacetoday.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2008-0 1-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00& max-results=1
-Solomon
March 31st, 2008 at 11:32 am - IP Man-Hash: a74c88570a16c
well said!
March 31st, 2008 at 1:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: 369bfee4084ad
This is complete and utter bs, and has been debunked any number of times. Just because you hear it trumpeted in the media and by your leaders doesn’t make it true.
If it were true, we could reasonably expect the workplace to be filled with women and the unemployment line to be filled with men. After all, if you can get someone to do the job for cheaper, who are you going to hire? As this is clearly not the case in the workplace or the unemployment line, it follows that men and women are paid equitably.
Now, if you have a worker who is reliable and willing to stay on the job and produce, he or she is worth more money because the return on the investment is better. Your assertion is like saying that a poorly performing stock is only performing poorly because it’s being discriminated against.
March 31st, 2008 at 3:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: fd5cd69179bd1
Funny how you didn’t call out Dick for lack in any cites for his work.
If you’re too lazy to google it, I can’t be bothered doing it for you.
April 1st, 2008 at 3:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 25038a3848d64
That is a very good link. Thanks for posting it. This puts in words what men have to deal with every day.
Is there anything in that page which is untrue? Perhaps some of it is slightly unfair or exagerrated but there is a strong vein of truth though it.
Woman are becoming more and more like this:
http://www.heretical.com/toa/toa-s30x.html
Society is becoming more and more like this:
http://www.heretical.com/sheppard/bigsis.html
April 1st, 2008 at 5:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 829be8a41e45b
Jim, excellent followup.
Kellymac, I’ve been to your site, don’t let up.
-Solomon
April 1st, 2008 at 10:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 35d1485e42ed6
You only call yourself dick because you obviously dont have one and just want the word dick to somehow relate to you in some odd way so you can feel more manly - which by the way IS SO NOT WORKING! hahahah you’re so pathetic.
April 1st, 2008 at 4:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: fd5cd69179bd1
I was simply using Dick’s assertion about the wage gap, referencing his article. So take it up with him, not me.
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 9f8c886c08145
To sum up I would say that all this bickering is a waste of energy anyway. Men and women should be best friends. Feminism has turned some women into professional whiners who are always miserable. I’m only miserable when I’m around such women. Jeez the desperation and anger I see in 30 somethings that realise what feminism has done for them is heartbreaking to watch. I think men have always generated power, and women used it. What is different now is that women have turned that power back to crush their own men, and this will not have a happy ending. Think about it, whenever a woman gets the system to smash her husband or boyfriend, what is it but the power of other men (e.g. police) doing the damage? When men have no power left, women will have none either. The state will have it all, if it manages to repel outside forces, that is.
One final question:
When the “white male power structure” is destroyed, what will replace it? Any ideas? Is equality really possible?
Very well said.
I had a conversation with my girlfriend about the whole “men should never hit women” idea. I agree with it, however I feel the foundation upon what this is based is that men shouldn’t hit women because men are much stronger physically than women and would cause great damage if they were to strike a blow. Therefore, it should follow that women should respect this and take steps to ensure they do not antagonise their man with endless nagging & bitching (which a friend’s fiance, who is a social worker, confirmed to me as being categorised as spousal abuse).
Women do not get the rules. They just try and manipulate the situation to their best advantage, and unfortunately many of them are succeeding in doing so. However, manipulating is not winning, and everyone ends up a loser.
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 25038a3848d64
Yes, some women think their poisonous words don’t really hurt us. They think it helps to attack their man mercilessly in an effort to “improve” him. No wonder tribes and civilizations throughout history (and the communists in the Russian revolution) often handed their most hated captors to the women for torturing - women can be far crueller than men. Sorry Dick, but women are better than men at torture. They make it last longer and they can more effectively torture the mind as well as the body.
Like Sean Connery said, many women richly deserve a smack. I know of a guy who killed himself a few weeks after getting married. She must have been impossible to live with, and turned even worse after that dose of wedding cake. He was trying to do the right thing maybe, but he lacked the strength to really do the right thing. He should have just left. There was no reason why he had to stay if it was that bad after only a month. Maybe a lifetime of sensitivity training weakened his mind and gave him such a sense of duty to the marriage that he saw no other escape?