What About Teachers, Nurses, and Bank Tellers?

Men are better than women. We all know it and I proved it beyond the shadow of a doubt in my mansterpiece Men Are Better Than Women — on sale now.

Men are better than women at everything and every job in life. But doesn’t that mean every job should be staffed by men? If mine and Jesus’ premise is correct (that men are better than women), shouldn’t capitalism ensure a male only workforce?

I have had the following question thrown at me on the radio by dozens of hysterically horny bitches from here to the Eastern Bloc.

“If men are better than women, why are so many women teachers, nurses, and bank tellers, you gay fag? Women are better than men at those jobs!”

The answer is simple. Teachers, nurses, and bank tellers are predominantly female because those jobs are easy, cheap, and worthless. They’re a perfect fit for women because that’s what women are: easy, cheap, and worthless.

Easy

Being a teacher is easier than being a professor. It’s also easier than training a dog, making a pizza, directing consumers to Jamba Juice, and probably easier than turning a piece of paper into a fucking sailor hat. You don’t get three months paid summer vacation for doing that. Aside from popping out a kid and then organizing a carpool for the next 16 years, teaching is the easiest job on Earth.

The easiest job on Earth is Motherhood.

If women want to teach so badly, why don’t they teach pupils who will pay to be taught? Because they can’t. No one will pay to learn math from someone who gets her taxes done at H&R Block. No one will pay to learn economics from someone who makes her husband pay for the fifth graders’ school supplies.

What life lessons do four dozen glue sticks teach?

The simplest explanation is the correct one. That’s called Occam’s Razor and if teachers taught it, they would teach themselves into a 90% pay cut.

Being a nurse is easier than being a doctor. It’s also easier than playing Q*Bert because at least in Q*Bert you have to make a decision or two. Nurses just do whatever the doctor play book says and act like they got nailed to a cross when they showed up for work.

Doctors have two things nurses never will: a penis and responsibility. Being a doctor means calling the shots and getting your ass kicked if you call them wrong. House gets sued all the time for his shenanigans. Cuddy even put aside a legal fund in addition to his salary for the sole purpose of defending him. But guess what? He saves lives. He saves lives, and not the stethoscope, the defibrillator, the MRI machine, the bedpan, the nurse, or any of the other tools a doctor uses to do his job.

Being a nurse means holding a little bit of power over sick people until they’re desperate enough to fake like they don’t want to shove a crutch up your fat ass. Take it from anyone who’s been to a hospital. Nurses are bitches. And nothing comes easier to a woman than being a bitch.

Being a bank teller is easier than going to a bar and sizing a man up for his money via a social interaction. A lady bank teller can just check the computer, get a low-cut top, and slip her phone number and ring size in with a man-millionaire’s bank receipts.

Cheap

Sex and money make men feel good. Whenever I hear about a man being “depressed”, I ask, “How much sex is he getting and how much does he get paid at work?” I have never been surprised by the answer.

“Not enough and not enough.”

Not enough.

Women, on the other hand, are black holes of happiness. The only thing women need to quench their depression is more depression. And nothing provides that like a job that requires them to balance a big fucking cross on the chip in their shoulder. If there was an Olympic event that resembled the caber toss except competitors never actually threw it and the caber was also an 18-foot-long manifestation of their delusional self-importance, men couldn’t even compete.

Nursing, teaching, and being in the service industry are that caber.

The reason there are so many women in these fields is because they’ve priced men out of the market. Women will do “shit jobs” like wiping shit off the ass of a crack addict because it makes them feel good about themselves. It titillates the motherly instinct located in their vagina and compensates for the low pay. In fact, it drives the low pay! The same goes for babysitting a bunch of juvenile shitheads who don’t want to be there, and bringing me a Long Island Ice Tea that actually has some liquor in it this time.

Women value getting treated like shit so highly, they do it professionally. Because we men have brains instead of vaginas, we need an extra 50K a year to put up with that crap.

Worthless

Teachers are overpaid babysitters. Nurses, at best, are tools for a doctor to use — during and after work.

Technology has increased to a point where it’s difficult to identify the culmination of women’s gratuitous shortcomings in today’s modern workforce. Did she miss that email because the computer “messed it up”, or because she was crying in the bathroom? Because of technology, there’s no way to know for sure without growing some balls.

Children learned more about the world from the Wii than they ever have from some teacher. Supply and demand, you little bastards. If everyone wants a Wii for Christmas and your parents are broke, fuck you. There is no greater lesson in life.

Money makes you happier.

If you think female bank tellers are worth more than the pennies that rattle around in their drawers, I have three little letters for you.

A-T-M

Manclusion

If the CIA (Cleavage Inspection Agency) was an actual job, guess what? It would be staffed entirely by men. That doesn’t prove men are better than women at looking at boobs. It just proves that men will look at boobs for free.

Men are better than women at looking at boobs though. Women can’t even look at their own boobs properly. If they don’t look 17, women aren’t happy with them.

Grow up, ladies. Your tits sure have.

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