The Proof is in the Penguins
Once upon a time there was a shitload of penguins that lived in Antarctica. One day every year all the penguins would get together and have sex with each other. Eggs would be born and everyone knows what happens next.
The women assume that they are done, fuck off completely, go and eat to their hearts’ content while their mate starves, and don’t come back until they are so bloated on fish carcass they can barely walk. Needless to say, their demeanors have not improved.
Sound familiar?
I read something in a man-book of science and knowledge that said all the organisms on Earth have a great deal of similarity genetically speaking — some impressive percentage that I don’t remember. When it comes to the DNA, we’re all pretty much the same animal. Is it any surprise then that we can find examples of women and their awfulness up and down the food chain?
I’m talking about March of the Penguins here, which is a good movie if you like to watch men suffering for goldbricking harlots and matriarchal moochers. That’s a trick question of course. You can watch a movie without seeing men suffer for goldbricking women just as easily as you can live it — which is not easily. The only way to escape women, their selfish henpecking, and the wake of its destruction; is probably to be in prison. Believe me, I’ve considered it.
Penguins can probably teach us a lot of things about surviving in the cold and catching fish, but they can also teach us the much more important lesson of men being better than women. In the movie about the breeding habits of emperor penguins, the females are completely fucking useless. They only go like a month without food while the males go four; they are conveniently gone during the month-long portion of the mating season that involves wedging an egg the size of a softball in your ass and balancing on your goofy looking feet against two-million mile an hour winds; and they are constantly making noise. It’s very annoying after a while.
The only thing the penguin women do right (and this is purely on accident) is square off with one another during the mating dance. I don’t know how much man has genetically in common with his penguin predecessors, but I don’t think you can have a penis and not enjoy a good cat fight.
The women penguins also can’t protect their baby penguins for shit. When they come back from their feast, sliding on their distended, fish-packed, bellies, and the males limp toward the sea at one third the healthy penguin weight, some of the first shots we see are birds just swooping down casually and picking the babies off like bread crumbs. Frankly, it made me sick, and I don’t know how you can watch that scene and not think of every single child who’s ever been abducted in a playground with a yappy, irresponsible mother yapping away incessantly less than twenty feet away.
That’s another thing. Women are responsible for most child abductions, and guess what we see in March of the Penguins. That’s right, when one of the new mothers, fat on fish jelly, accidentally drops her baby onto the freezing tundra, her first move is to snipe the baby of another. Real classy ladies. Real classy.
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December 2nd, 2005 at 11:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Ahhh Emperor Penguins, god I love them. Such fluffy cute babies, ahhhh!!!
Have you ever considered dick, that the mother penguins might want to stay with their babies, even in those fucking blizzards, but the men are so selfish that they tell the women to piss off? Selfish bloody men.
December 3rd, 2005 at 5:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: b1ae9ae7e314a
Not only did I consider prison Dick, I actually went… the best month of my life… I finally knew what it felt like to have no responsibility… like a woman.
December 10th, 2005 at 7:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5920bfbf4eac8
Sounds like female, then again maybe not since her Prozac Nation meds have made her sterile. Not that I’m complaining though, she’s a sure candidate for eugenics :) If not, she’d goe crazy and kill her kids off like most other bitches dream of doing !
http://crime.about.com/od/female_offenders/a/mother_killers.htm
December 15th, 2005 at 9:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 23500eaac44c3
Well Dick, I have to tell you that I am a Correctional Officer in a prison and not only are women allowed to hold officer positions in an all male institution, but they are shocked and complain, when inmates whistle or give “cat-calls” to them. Infact here atleast woman are in charge of the Mental Health department, which has forced Officers to coddle these inmates, thus turning them into sniveling children. Proof that even in a facility of screwed up people, women can screw things up even more. Even in prison, there is no escape from the insanity of women.
“Man must be arched and buttressed from within, else the temple wavers to the dust.” - Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
December 16th, 2005 at 1:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 855239f484b2b
Isn’t it always the case ?
As soon as you get a women involved you can kiss it goodbye.
They inherently are the greatest killer of fun and joy that I can find or think of.
The cretin “female” and her pathetic part-time supporter are a very good example on how women are apt at killing anything that has meaning or thats worth discussing.
Look guys, it’s not fair that its over here in Aus.
How about passing the hat around so we could send her to the epicentre of feminist moronic thought “Denmark”. It could join the moronic femmie party ?
What do you think ? I’ll give “a” Euro towards it.
Guys, give me a break.
December 16th, 2005 at 1:22 am - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
Don’t feel too bad Christian, very soon I’ll be in their “homeland.” Dear god!
December 16th, 2005 at 3:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 855239f484b2b
Praise the Lord.
December 16th, 2005 at 4:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: e616b9a6becce
There goes property value
December 21st, 2005 at 3:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 05876c7260a2f
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/12/20/britain.penguin.ap/index.ht ml
Must’ve been after a manly mascot.
February 19th, 2006 at 7:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 659de20529b7e
I’ve got an inkling that “Female” has been placed here purposefully just to infuse a biased point of view. I mean, contributing members of society don’t talk like that. If she’s for real, it’s hilarious.
Anyway great site Dick, good reads!
February 19th, 2006 at 9:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8c78dc5304b3b
Thanks, Ben. Let me assure you that Female has not been placed here nor is she welcome.
If I were to have planted a woman on this site, she would be a hell of a lot more believable than Female.
-Dick
February 11th, 2007 at 6:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: be1a5c9223844
Dick this is one of my favourite posts so far. Goldness.
- Far East patriarch
February 11th, 2007 at 6:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1e9a4fd46c3a7
You wouldn’t need to place a woman Dick, it’s automatic. Can’t really say much about this article except its another good one.
May 13th, 2007 at 11:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
How come I missed this one? This is excellent.
A long time ago, before I would have been old enough to be able to recall the happening now, my mom and me went to the marketplace.
I’ve been told I managed to walk off on my mother while she was inspecting produce or smth. and went to this chubby gipsy lady who so happened to be selling.
Since all women are suckers for a baby face she was kind enough to give me this fistful wrapped in newspaper. I was happily chomping away at the seeds whole by the time my mom realised I’d gone and flipped out hysterical like.
Thank God the affable woman realised who she was and motioned to her before she had a seizure or smth.
- BENNY BENASSI - Hypnotica + Remixes (2003)\BENNY BENASSI-Dont Touch Too Much