Why Do Women Have Goofy Names for Their Vagina?
This Ask Dick question was sent to me by DaveB.
Dick, why do women have stupid names for their vagina? Nowadays you’ll hear a woman call it her “vag” or her “va jay-jay” or some other dumbass name that sounds like a 4 year old threw the scrabble bag at the board. What’s the deal?
Dave, I tested your theory by randomly pulling some Scrabble tiles out of a bag. What I found was that the letters didn’t spell out a child-like euphemism and therefore extremely inappropriate nickname for a vagina. They actually spelled the sound I make when anyone brings up vaginas for any reason:
“glthk”
If you’d like to play along at home, you can easily make that sound by swallowing some yarn.
Vaginas are so gross that even women are embarrassed to have them and women aren’t embarrassed by anything.
Women are like pigs in a lot of ways. They’re slovenly and fat, but more importantly, they are completely unaware of it. A woman could be twenty pounds overweight and actually think there’s nothing wrong with that! And “muffin tops” — where some broad’s stomach spills over her sweatpants like dough rolling over the paper cup of a greasy muffin — are a daily hazard for men of all walks of life. There could be no other explanation for these but a gross lack of self-awareness.
A pig is a pig even at a classy buffet, and even in a top hat.
And yet women are still embarrassed to have vaginas. Somehow the stigma of a vagina is so great that it penetrates the dense, lead-like shield that is a woman’s oblivious lack of self-awareness.
1. Vaginas are Illegal
Imagine a world where it was illegal for you to work for money. Stone masonry would be done in the dark. Career counselors would sit in the back of darkened taverns offering advice in unmarked envelopes and disappearing with a gust of wind and a door left ajar. James Brown would have been the FBI’s most wanted fugitive.
Believe it or not, that’s what the world is to women. Where men would be unable to sell our gift — our brains — for money in a farcical dystopia, women are currently unable to sell their vaginas. That’s a fucked dystopia.
In any country that you can’t get laid for free just because you’re not from it, prostitution is illegal.
I have done my share of illegal things. I can say for certain that without the mindset and the skewed ethics required to continue in such a lifestyle, the guilt of committing illegal acts is all-consuming. I’ve seen it happen.
That’s every day of a woman’s life.
Every day, a woman wakes up and breaks the law by selling her vagina for something. Maybe today it’s just a free Super Size or a scone, but tomorrow it could be a promotion or financing on a new car. Just because a prostitute doesn’t fuck, doesn’t mean she wasn’t paid for sex. Women are whores. Some just have bad customer service.
2. The Vagina Monologues
Women have goofy names for their vaginas because they’re embarrassed to have them. They’re are embarrassed to have them, they’re embarrassed to use them, and in this case, they’re embarrassed to talk about them. The Vagina Monologues is proof of that.
Men don’t need lame promotional circuits and back-patting over shitty poetry to talk about our cocks. We don’t need to wrap cock-talk in a protective layer of “art” just to do it. At most, we need five seconds of silence and a glance over our shoulder to make sure no women are around.
And so what? Take a look around. Everything on Earth that serves a purpose is shaped like a penis. Screwdrivers, jackhammers, the remote control to your television, pistols, plumbing, pencils, doorknobs; it’s no wonder they’re easy to talk about. The only thing that resembles a vagina is a wallet: something you mindlessly stick money in just because it’s going along for the ride. That’s embarrassing.
3. Women are Pedophiles
Everything that women do is designed to make them look 17 forever. They dress young, they talk young, they fuck-up nonstop like know-nothing children. The only reason women hate pedophiles so much is because the age of consent gives them the head-start they desperately need.
Talking about sex and especially their own sexuality like emotionally retarded 15 year olds make women seem like the spoiled teen cunts they all aspire to be.
I’m done with this topic. Not because I’m out of reasons, but because I’ve disgusted myself. I feel like I need to throw up some yarn.
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January 23rd, 2008 at 12:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 56a8460f38822
Dosvidanya.
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@RWRapist- show me a misspelling? i mean i know i eschew the normal rules of capitalization and whatnot, but i do believe i’ve spelled everything correctly and i never once used internet slang.
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
I don’t see a reason for “it” to have any nicknames, seems very strange. I also don’t see how it could be brought up so many times in a conversation to the point where it’s earned a nickname.
January 23rd, 2008 at 2:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: f03daa3bf227b
Come on now, how would YOU feel if you came across a site as flagrantly miso-homo as this one is misogynist, like http://www.godhatesfags.com?
Careful though, if you go there, you’ll probably get all impotently angry, and will think that setting up a whole site dedicated to trashin’ the gay bashers would be a good use of your time, awww. Poor little dick. Really haven’t got a handle on life, have you?
January 23rd, 2008 at 2:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: d361f6c058cc7
Ana, have you looked at a feminist website lately?
Why don’t you get a man to show you how to find them.
January 23rd, 2008 at 3:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: a06373ee8c86a
@ana
learn.
January 23rd, 2008 at 3:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: d9438fe1c6108
It’s a common poetic term, invented by men who had to put up with women. Are you revealing your own ignorance? (Apologies if “sushi” is actually a man).
-wolfe
January 23rd, 2008 at 4:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@Wolfe- well, no apologies necessary, sir, as i am most definitely not a man. but i’m not sure how i’m displaying any ignorance on the matter. i knew the term had origin, the one cited above by Billy. (none of the reading i’ve done on the origins of said phrase mentioned that it was ‘poetic term invented by men who had to put up with women’)
i was just saying that it was a pretty pretentious/ silly thing to go around calling it.
if you could elaborate on where i apppear ignorant i’d be most apppreciative and i mean that most sincerely
ps- why exactly would you be apologizing if i were a man?
January 23rd, 2008 at 5:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: fb1de3c77ad9c
The only thing worse than a woman who names her vagina, is one who also names her man’s penis for him.
Sexual organs are not fucking pets that are supposed to have foo-foo type names. Goddamn those women aggravate me to no end.
January 23rd, 2008 at 5:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2d12717c6cd04
That is the truest motherfucking truth. I fucking hate when some retard bitch asks what I call my dick. It’s not a fucking furby, I don’t talk to it and I’m not going to put it on a leash. And I am not going to use some idiot nickname some bitch made up for her own cunt, either. If you can’t call it cunt, don’t call it anything at all.
People who name their genitals are subhuman.
January 23rd, 2008 at 5:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: d9438fe1c6108
Because I’d have mistaken you for a woman.
In absolute fairness, I’d probably apologize to a woman for mistaking her for a man too.
If you don’t believe that the term ‘mons veneris’ was invented by men, then I can’t help you. You obviously have your own view of the world and its history.
If you don’t believe it’s poetic, I can’t help you. Some of us quite like the Latin language and amusing Greek references.
If you don’t believe that men have to put up with women — or, that in particular, the men that originated that phrase had to do so, then, again, I cannot help you.
One can certainly make the case that a well known anatomical observation was made by women who put up with nothing and were unpoetic.
Just not a very good case.
-wolfe
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: d7bcda011d0c1
“The only thing that resembles a vagina is a wallet: something you mindlessly stick money in just because it’s going along for the ride.”
Classic!!
January 23rd, 2008 at 8:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2e4b8c26939e7
Just watched a program on Channel 4 (UK) about 3 women who travel to New York to meet some woman called Betty Dodson who apparently is an ‘orgasm coach’.
Two of the women were middle aged and had never had an orgasm and the other a 27 year old could only have an orgasm using a vibrator.
One by one these women sat naked from the waist down spreadeagled while this 77 year old granny instructed them to prod, probe, rub and fiddle around hoping that eventually they would make themselves come.
One of the women eventually gave up and went back crying and weeping. Another one finally managed to have an orgasm and flew straight back home to give her mother the good news. I couldnt be bothered to watch the rest.
To cut a long story short, a fucked up inability to have an orgasm is incredibly common among women and although they love to blame their inability to cum on a man, more often than not its the womans fault.
They are either way too self conscious to masturbate. Some women NEVER masturbate. They therefore never learn to come
They use vibrators to the extent that they desensitise themselves and are then unable to orgasm during sex.
If you ask me their whole sexual systems are like fucking antique cars that need half an hour of prodding, poking and cranking and if they’re lucky they start noisily rattling and shaking and then finally get going.
With guys you just stick your keys in, get into gear and away you go. Efficient as ever.
MABTW
January 23rd, 2008 at 8:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3453bcd953cce
WTF? I love pussy!!! I love the way it smells and I love the way it tastes…
I wish women would show their pussies more often…can’t say i agree with you there dick….
A world without pussy would be a lonley place indeed…
January 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: b29e84af6b33d
Yeah that Adam did, trade loniness for pussy. Look what happened there.
January 23rd, 2008 at 11:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Not a problem, you will never run out of pussies, after all, there is San Francisco, and all Gay-dom (mangina’s) to make up for any Female Retardation Syndrome that leads to sudden demise of the real thing.
I didn’t say it was a good substitute, but then again, Feminism is never a good substitute for thinking……………
January 24th, 2008 at 7:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@Wolfe- I never said that the clinical term was not first invented/coined/made up by a man. i never said that the term was not poetic. if it were not poetic, i doubt the well known book i cited would have been titled as such. additionally, i never said that the men/ man in question didn’t have to “put up with women”
but your statement:
“It’s a common poetic term, invented by men who had to put up with women.”
makes it sound as though it was invented to be poetic and that it was somehow invented because they had to deal with women.
at any rate- they must have at least somewhat appreciated the women they had to deal with-i’m sure there were latin words for sick sucking hole they could have used if they were so inclined.
anyway, sir, i think this is one of those instances where you didn’t read all of my comments before declaring me ignorant. i always knew exactly where the phrase originated.
i will, however, freely admit there is much about which i am ignorant (unknowledgeable)
but life is for learning :)
January 24th, 2008 at 6:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 497a2bd14e918
Geeza - that is the saddest, most pathetic thing I’ve heard in a while.
And your assessment of it - too right!
January 25th, 2008 at 7:29 am - IP Man-Hash: 98f62c0f633bf
You have got to be kidding me.
Based on that fat fuck picture, I think she’s highly delusional.
It’s sad that this is so typical from such pigs…
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_i d=510248&in_page_id=1879
January 25th, 2008 at 8:03 am - IP Man-Hash: 829be8a41e45b
All too typical and another feminist double-standard. When a woman denies sex she’s a hero, if a man does he’s gay, intimidated, etc.
-Solomon