The World is Round, Bitch

20% of the co-hosts on The View don’t know the world is round.

I must confess a loss of 280 Man Points for being surprised at this. The View is hot-boxed nonsense incarnate. The View is what happens when you tell five prison inmates to host a two hour television program on what to do with an unconscious woman and a cell phone. Except in this case, the unconscious woman is “reason” and “accountability”, and the cell phone is that fucking coffee table.

I bet you 280 Man Points their answer isn’t going to be “call the police”.

Sherri Sheppherd, who I will be referring to as Jabba the Hut for the remainder of this article — not only because she looks exactly like him if you’re watching Star Wars on a black and white TV, but also because she makes about as much sense — recently uttered the following:

“Is the world flat? I’ve never thought about it…I’ll tell you what I have thought about. How I’m going to feed my child. How I’m going to take care of my family!” – Sherri fucking Sheppherd, The View

No you haven’t, Jabba. You don’t know how to feed or raise your kids, and let me explain why.

If you don’t know that the world is round, there’s a significant chance you also aren’t familiar with a wealth of other scientific facts birthed from the minds of men since we invented our first wheel.

Prayer does not cure whooping cough.

Unplugging a smoke detector makes it stop working.

Racing a train is a bad idea.

Leaving babies in the car whilst you’re shopping kills them.

Spit-shinning a fork doesn’t make it clean.

Building your credit does not mean using your credit card like a drunken sailor and ignoring the bills.

Jesus will not take the fucking wheel.

This remark Herculean in its stupidity. It’s so far beyond dumb that I’m appalled by the lack of reaction from The View’s mouth-frothing, piggy fan base. And that’s exactly why I’ve lost my Man Points, my friends. I’ve been surprised. Surprised out of 280 Man Points by a 280lbs. dumb-fuck.

For all you students out there, learn these lessons well. Never expect a woman to know the Earth is round. Never expect her to know a sagging roof with water dripping from it is about to crash in and fuck everything up. Never expect her to know her tire is flat just because someone’s left a note on her dash saying, “Your tire is flat and park in one spot next time, you stupid twat!” Never expect her to know she’s overreacting. Never expect her to know she’s embarrassed you, and most especially, never expect her to know she’s embarrassed herself.

Jabba the Hut claims this swan dive into the Lake of Stupid was nothing more than a “senior brain-poopy moment.” Wrong again, Jabba. It was a senior brain-diptheria moment. If you combined all the cases of diarrhea in Africa every year and gave them to one British guy who had just eaten 100 burritos in a row with extra hot sauce, that is level of magnitude on the scale of shit for which this “senior moment” must be placed.

Dick’s Shit Scale

Locking your Keys in your car: “poopy.”
Forgetting to pick your kids up at school: “shitty.”
Crashing a train into an oil tanker: “just one shit short of not knowing the Earth is round.”

Obviously, women are going to let her get away with this nonsense because why shouldn’t she be able to speak her mind? All women think something equally as dumb everyday. It’s “dogs have souls” today and “12 is too young to be a super model” tomorrow. The only thing that stays the same is that I don’t fucking care.

Sherri Sheppherd is a worse embarrassment to black people than OJ Simpson. If you don’t agree with that, you’re a woman. Fuck off my site.

Related Articles: