Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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May 19th, 2008 at 2:11 am - IP Man-Hash: e609ee1fbc305
In this section, we will explore proper rape precautions… for the rapist. If you’re a woman looking for tips on the prevention of rape, psychological support, and other such bullshit, go to a rape support site. Then get back to the kitchen and make me a sammich.
First off, you must make sure you have the necessary equipment to proceed with your rape. Take off your pants, and look down at your pelvic region. Do you have a penis? If so, then you are prepared to begin raping. If, for some reason, you have a vagina, keep in mind that you can still rape people. You just have to be more creative, using something else to invade the woman’s body; e.g. a dildo, broom, finger, fist, etc. However, a penis is to be used for maximum pleasure and hilarity.
Now, before you can go out and start forcing yourself upon unsuspecting women, it is important that you know how to not get caught, lest you be thrown mercilessly in jail. To learn how to get away with surprise sexing, consult the above section on Getting Away With Rape.
The savvy rapist will always use a condom to avoid receiving SUVs from the woman. After all, you don’t know where that slut has been, and you don’t want to smudge your otherwise enjoyable experience by getting a disease.
The most important thing for any potential rapist to remember is to be wary of the ‘Anti-rape’ female condom. Known as RapeX (also known as LulzKillerX), this anti-rape device is equipped with razor-sharp blades designed to drive themselves into any unwelcome penis. Should you slip up and get your dick caught in one these (fuckin noob), your only real course of action is to flip out and abuse the woman twice as much as you would have done otherwise. However, if you’re a truly 1337 rapist, the RapeX can be turned around and used against the woman. By taking out the RapeX, turning it inside-out, and using it as a condom, you can boost your Man points by a mancredible amount.
May 19th, 2008 at 6:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: f92b33fd4370e
…proof? of what? im not seeing anything in that quote that requires validation from outside sources. what you expect me to actually PROVE the guy is a dumbass? are you insane? im not pathetic enough to track down some anonymous jackass and follow him around trying to prove what i say is right.
unless youre referring to “women fight and argue. this is part of life. war is the same thing on a larger scale. women overuse all products that pollute the environment…see im using facts like you, random opinionated ideas.”
which was an example of why his “facts” are stupid, i have no idea if women do this or not, thats the point, im making up facts. try to keep up or just dont bother “fucking with me” cos you actually need a point before that can happen.
by the way, there isnt a single comment in that quote that says anything negative about every woman.
you may not like my methods (good for you, see if i give a shit) but so far youve not proven me wrong, and until you find something wrong with what i say and not HOW its said, youve got nothing to stand on.
“why dont you give proof of what you or dick say and how it applys to every women”
…why would i feel the need to prove what someone else said is correct? thats not my job to do. why dont you prove it wrong?
i didnt say anything about women, so how could what i say apply to every “women”? think first, speak later.
“i couldnt be bothered reading your post at alicia, but im sure it was full of shit any way
why dont you just grow a dick and then jump off a cliff because you arent worth anything in this world…”
i couldnt be bothered reading the constitution, but im sure it was full of shit anyway.
insert gay personal attack here.
“i am actually offended that you think dan and i would “partake in the molestation of boys””
says the guy who didnt read what i said and yet is quoting the last paragraph.
you can remain offended, since i never said thats what i think. re-read the thing you never read again and youll see what i mean, hopefully. im getting a hint here that your level of comprehension is lacking. that or you dont know how to get your own point across. whatever works.
“she does actually know us.
she knows we are not sexists. she knows we are kind people. she knows we do not molest boys.dan alicia and i see each other every day you dispicable excuse for a human being.”
so you got all your friends to check out this site and back you up? sad. really really sad.
and what exactly makes me a “dispicable excuse for a human being”? is it because i dont agree with you morons and you cant handle it or because youve really got nothing on me so you decided calling me something stupid might save your pathetic excuse for an arguement
May 19th, 2008 at 6:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: f92b33fd4370e
are you aware you just essentially called yourself stupid?
also, you called your little friend luke stupid too?
you dont know anyone on here, and yet you persist with things like “i hope you get raped” or “you dispicable excuse for a human being”
also you are deluded if you think that because you arent in the group of people opposing you on here you WILL find a partner, settle down and live a great life. ignorance is bliss i guess.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:53 am - IP Man-Hash: 4904a4365639a
Alicia; “Read the muthafuckin thread before you muthafuckin post”
Take it into context. It was a reply to someone else, not a fucking agreement. PAY ATTENTION.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 8311f0c028169
I love how everyone takes this so seriously :D. It’s the INTERNET. GET OVER IT.
May 20th, 2008 at 6:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4904a4365639a
Thankfully, you caught on that i wasn’t referring to the person you were replying to. And yeah, women DO fight and argue. A lot of what’s been said on here is true of MANY women. Honestly, I’m not making arguments about how fucked up this is or how stupid women are. I’m just suggesting you back up what you say instead of throwing more shit. Kk? Don’t be a faggot and write more long ass, irrelevent shit. Get to the point, give some proof, or shut the fuck up.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0fefe729de7e4
After watching the Dr. Phil video clip, and seeing this site, it sounds like this guy likes women as much as Rock Hudson and Robert Reed did.
May 21st, 2008 at 1:20 am - IP Man-Hash: f92b33fd4370e
long? interesting since i reply to multiple people in one message and quotes take alot of space, you might actually find my “long” comment was alot shorter than you think.
I got to the point, in 2 concise paragraphs, negating every annoying thing you said. give proof of what? ive already said, theres nothing to prove. ok give me one single example of something i need to back up with proof and i will do just that. unless its something like “you are an idiot” i dont need to prove it, its an opinionated statement. you keep making the same points, even though ive replied to them. perhaps you need to explain yourself better.
so get a point, explain yourself, or shut the fuck up.
May 21st, 2008 at 7:22 am - IP Man-Hash: edaa1ab3558ad
I’d hate to tell you this, but the male word for sheep is “ram”.
May 21st, 2008 at 10:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 7d5888cc782d4
lol@this whole website
May 21st, 2008 at 11:11 am - IP Man-Hash: fa29343b0e350
Girl.
Oh lawd, this is awesome.It’s hilarious.
10/10
All the chicks, who are defending themselves here are proving every bit of this to be true.
STFU. :’D
May 21st, 2008 at 11:16 am - IP Man-Hash: e7d374f8235c5
Look at the truth behind the sarcastic, satirical, arrogant seeming attitude. Men truely are better than women. Women will never be “equal” to men, and neither do they even WANT to be. Men have to step around womens feelings all the time. If you are a man, you know that if you are in a relationship with a girl you cannot talk to her in the same way you would talk to your friends. Why is this? Because a women has emotions that she cannot control and she would throw a hissy-fit and half the things you talked about. If women really want to be equal to men then they wouldnt complain about the way men act around their friends. I’m a women, and i can admit all of this. If women could forget about the fact that it doesnt “feel good” to hear all of this, and had the maturity to put their pride aside for one second, they would realize “damn, i really am like that.”
May 21st, 2008 at 11:17 am - IP Man-Hash: e7d374f8235c5
And by the way, i do agree that men and women need eachother to an extent, but that doesnt change the fact that all in all, men are better than women at many many things.
May 21st, 2008 at 6:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4904a4365639a
Fair enough. Tell me your beliefs first. And I admit, I made a generalization myself, thinking that you thought like everyone else on here. Tell me your points. I’m not asking so I can disagree-I agree with most everything here. I just want to make sure that people are using proper technique in argument. Call it a personal quest.
May 21st, 2008 at 7:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 82e94cb8b9d1e
i think that u were really deprived as a child to make to think of something like this. and most of the things you say about women are true for some men
May 21st, 2008 at 7:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3e8d1e2b2a4c4
Maybe you should deprive the world of your frigid American cunt by getting the fuck off the site. Just do us a favour and get lost, you 300lb fat Saxon bitch with a Ronald McDonald fixation.
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:00 am - IP Man-Hash: ed951d91f78c0
hey i watched you on dr phil. and u rly made a point. the first time i thought u was joking buth it actualy made sence..
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:04 am - IP Man-Hash: e61b9ed475e76
Hahaha… this sites awesome, believe it or not, this site is real proof that a man is so ambitious that he can make money from degrading a gender through the internet. Props to you my friend.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 4cda164302112
Women degrade themselves. Dick is just capitalizing on their stupidity.
In case you fucking cunts can’t get a clue, look around. What he says is true for 99% of the female population. Sure, there are some exceptions. They prove the rule.
Suck my dick ladies.
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 72e144a2b6fdf
Ill tell you something else woman are Nearly all woman are frigging Nigger
Lovers they actualy go out of the way to sleep with a Nigger!
and when you get right down to it that is the low of the low