Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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Oy, cause I listen to Queen sporadically, my posts should be moderated?
I personally don’t buy that theory. Such disparity in life expectancy is way out of the league of strenuous work as possible cause. Not least because a lot of consecrated modern occupations and meeting basic living requirements is far less physically demanding than how it used to be.
Also, both men and women can get cushy jobs, exempt from physical exertion, risk of injury or death or hastening thereof, with more or less remuneration accordingly. There are lots of men that make an easy living yet, on average, still succumb sooner than women leading similarly comfy lifestyles, either for being kept or employed in cushy jobs.
As such, I put my money on biology or genetic reasons and perhaps environmental factors as possible causes. Smoking is also to be considered.
Perhaps God deemed that survival of the species requires women to live longer, or that women need to be allowed more time on the Earth to tend to and nag their children into marrying or finding a mate, who can say? All I can say is I find the occupational hazard (alone) to be an unlikely conjecture.
- Queen - I’m in love with my car
Actually men and women ought to live the same length, however the only reason women live longer is because more men work and stress from work causes an earlier death. The fact that more women are working is causes the difference in life expectancy to shrink meaning that soon enough men and women will have the same life expectancy.
Nicely put.
Welcome to the party, Claytonious.
-Dick
I find them amusing. Like apes dancing in a show for attention
Exactly! In fact, the whole idea of a woman “debating” is a joke in and of itself. The very act of debating is composed of formulating an original idea/opinion based on fact and/or logical reason , and then intelligently presented and defended against an opposing view. Did you catch that? Key words here: Logic, original, intelligence, fact. Things the puny woman brain are incapable of handling. To hear a woman start flapping her cock holster and ignorantly attempt to offer up an argument is akin to listening to fingernails get dragged down a chalk board. It physically hurts, but like the apes dancing analogy we feel compelled to listen most of the time out of morbid fascination. “Can this bitch possibly be this stupid?” we ponder in ghastly awe as she prattles on about shit that doesn’t make sense and nobody gives three and a half fucks about? This, of course, is always a rhetorical question, because experience has taught our superior man minds that she can, in fact, get a whole lot stupider if something isn’t done quick to shut her the fuck up!
Goddamn fellas, just found this site tonight and I have to say fuck yes! It’s about time. Here’s to your testosterone and mine!
I find them amusing. Like apes dancing in a show for attention
I agree with post 346 and abaddon’s views. I’ve no comment on the rest for I can’t be bothered to read it.
-wolfe
Thus I claim these evil deeds as mine alone and spare you of them all. I taint my cleanliness of sin and forsake my place in Paradise for eternal abandonment in Abaddon, that you might know Heaven in both this life and the next.
Great word choice abaddon …synergy is a great concept.
Look up the word synergy geniuses. It’s what Men and women create when they actually give a shit about each other.
-Strength and Honor-
women are so boring when debating
i can agree with that last part. “neither are better in general, they’re completely different”. b/c two things can be totally different without meaning one has to be bad and the other better.
Freddy, you kind of contradicted yourself there. just because women are of a different nature doesn’t mean they are not equal., that’s EXACTLY what that means.
You can’t be different, but the same. It’s a contradiction.
Men are better than woman at some things, and women are better than men at others. They’re not equal, neither are better in general, they’re completely different!
I understand what your saying and your making a fair point, but just because women are of a different nature doesn’t mean they are not equal. i mean women could do just a good a job as any that a man can do. Im taking a unbiased view at the moment on whether or not men are better than women, but from few comments that i have seen people just say men are better because they just are, but how come? in your opinion.
If tomorrow President George Bush ammends the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to include Chimpanzees, all that means is that chimps have equal rights to that of men according to the law of the United States of America, but it does not mean they are in actuality equal to men. (Please don’t misconstrue my post and think that I mean that women are equal to chimps, because I think that women are better than chimps).
@ diamatik ; don’t get me wrong im all for men are better but explain how women are not equal, i mean they have come quite far in the last century and have done well for themselves in gaining equal rights as citizens in their country.
What a crock of shit!
@one voice, explain how so. i mean women are just as strong as men, but not neccesarily physically stronger but mentally. They can endure more pain than men can and given the chance can out do men in anything that they triumph in with maybe a few exceptions.
woman aren’t equal to men and never will be