Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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February 21st, 2007 at 6:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Sass needs a good dose of shut-the-fuck-up.
February 21st, 2007 at 6:51 am - IP Man-Hash: 356b2e2244d02
I love women. I also think men are better than women.
I also think men are better than children. Does this mean that I kick every child I see? Of course not. I love children too.
I also think that Mars bars taste better than carrots. Does that mean I want to fuck a Mars bar? Jesus Christ, NO! Of Course Not!
Do I want to oppress Carrots?!?!
See. I’m having to make up completely ridiculous analogies just to prove a simple point to every single woman on this fucking site!
Hopefully you will finally comprehend.
Now please leave this fine, virtual manctuary of mandom.
No Women Allowed!!
February 21st, 2007 at 10:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 1e9a4fd46c3a7
Ding ding ding we have a winner!
February 22nd, 2007 at 9:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 5913ea751a094
I don’t think either gender is better than the other. We’re constructed differently. This is why we can never be equal. The idea of equality is silly when the strengths and weaknesses of men and women lie in such completely different areas. However, this doesn’t mean that we can’t respect each other when we earn it does it? Feminism pisses me off because it assumes men don’t count. Masculism annoys me too because it assumes that women don’t count. We all count in our different ways so long as we contribute.
February 22nd, 2007 at 9:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 1e9a4fd46c3a7
I agree. However, I don’t agree with the evil sluts who accuse of rape, sleep around, moan, bitch too much. All the bad stuff.
February 22nd, 2007 at 9:37 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Wikipedia says:
We are not masculists here. According to the owner, the point of ths site is:
February 22nd, 2007 at 12:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1e9a4fd46c3a7
Diamatik, Wikipedia isn’t really a good place to quote from.
February 22nd, 2007 at 1:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: adc0a2c9dafc9
Well Laura you may have a point or two in there somewhere but please tell what are the stengths of women. I have been looking for years and well to tell the truth I just don’t see any in the average women or in any woman.
Can I expect a women to earn my respect in this lifetime?
Can I expect a woman to be a good friend for a change instead of a narcistic, self absorbed, nutcase looking for someone to give her a ego boost, handouts and help her out simply becasue she is female?
Can I expect a women not to bail out of her job at work so that I have to pull her weight because nobody will force her to do anything without fear of a lawsuit or that she may cry?
Please tell me what the strenghts are because I have been looking for some time and I just can’t find any.
February 22nd, 2007 at 1:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 91d6958044e85
They can give birth.
…. uh… that’s all I can think of.
February 22nd, 2007 at 1:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: a2dadaa74aa7e
“Can I expect a woman to be a good friend for a change instead of a narcistic, self absorbed, nutcase looking for someone to give her a ego boost, handouts and help her out simply becasue she is female?”
Yes you can.
February 22nd, 2007 at 2:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: a2dadaa74aa7e
“Can I expect a women not to bail out of her job at work so that I have to pull her weight because nobody will force her to do anything without fear of a lawsuit or that she may cry?”
No, you can’t. If it doesn’t “feel” right, she won’t do it. Women stick to their feelings, while men stick to their word. ( I read this either on http://www.askmen.com or http://www.ivillage.com)
February 22nd, 2007 at 2:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 91d6958044e85
I’ve heard of women pulling over to cry on the highway after they see road kill.
Is that really the kinda person you want in charge of anything that has many people’s lives at stake?
I say at the driver’s test they throw dead rabbits at the car.. if you start crying and bawling… NO DRIVING FOR YOU EVER.
February 22nd, 2007 at 3:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: a2dadaa74aa7e
Well, I’ve never heard or people crying over seeing road kill.
But, I don’t know if I would cry, if i killed it myself.
If I was to witness and animal being killed, I wouldn’t cry, I would just feel sad.
And anyway, A Woman’s emotions is more intense than a mans (just part of being female)
February 22nd, 2007 at 3:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5d5d9aaebedfe
“And anyway, A Woman’s emotions is more intense than a mans (just part of being female”
Exactly gabby we cant help how we feel
Don’t forget who made us.
February 22nd, 2007 at 3:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5d5d9aaebedfe
yea you guys sayin how awfull women are
but it seems to me you lads forget its a man who made us
well i should say
God not man
so if you lads have any issues take it to him and besides women supposidly came from man.
So what do you have to say about that?
February 22nd, 2007 at 3:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
The question is, should those be rabbits be dead before being thrown at the car (say, as an act of mercy) or after?
February 22nd, 2007 at 4:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: a2dadaa74aa7e
Don’t throw live rabbits at the car.
February 22nd, 2007 at 4:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: a2dadaa74aa7e
It would be a traumatizing experience.
February 22nd, 2007 at 4:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
For the rabbits, I’m sure
February 22nd, 2007 at 4:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: a2dadaa74aa7e
For both the rabbits and the women.
I would panic, I would cry, probably scream too, And then I would always remember it.