Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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i like that you refer to dick as a bitch, but women fight in wars too. we’re not in the 50’s anymore.
Or split arse.
I like the term Fuckbox personally.
*insert cracking of whip here*
Nah, I kid. I love women.
My fiance happens to be pretty damn awesome. But, alas, quite a few are unadulterated bitches.
Dunno. Probably.
Doesn’t matter, though. Internet illiteracy is devouring moronic women as well as young thirteen year olds, I suppose.
Bless. Couldn’t even get a job in the typing pool. They still have typing pools, right?
Yep, we get paid a loooooooot more than than women.
Oh god, is it even a dollar more?
Oh, the TRAVESTY!
Seriously, have you ever thought the reason you didn’t get that big promotion is because you suck at your job, not because the guy that did has a penis?
Blaming that on sex is like blaming violence on video games- Guess what? That was disproved. In fact, it was even proven that kids who DON’T play video games were more likely to commit violent acts.
So, in other words, don’t feed off the garbage of these insufferable dykes that can’t wrap their heads around the fact that they suck at life, and as such, blame it on men.
Anti-intellectual, says the manhole prescribing therapy over the internet. As I said manholes are for fucking. The only reason they argue with men and tappidy-tap them with their little fisticuffs and footsies is to get revenge-fucked.
What can I say? Manholes don’t know what they want, so they need a nice man to decide for them.
You spelled watches wrong.
Therefore, you are the supposed idiot.
(Lulz.)
Actually, I misspoke: you are an anti-intellectual, if intellectual an be used to describe you. My most humble apologies for that earlier blunder.
It’s absolutely hilarious that so many people think he’s serious.
Especially the women. XD
I mean, I love women, but these few on here are PROVING their individual stupidity by believing this article is an actual opinion.
I mean, come on, it’s VERY obvious.
Then again, I guess that’s why I’m the genius, and you aren’t?
Oh yeah, she thinks I’m a pseudo-intellectual.
Yeah, a narcissist manhole who thinks I have concept issues. Well, they’re called manholes, not rocket scientists, electricians, or construction workers. They’re made for fucking, shitting illegitimate kids that look like your boss, and not much else.
Comparing men and women is apples to oranges. We each serve our unique purposes. I for one love my woman and want her around and I know she feels the same. Granted at times I would love to shove a sock in her mouth, tie her up and throw her in the closet for about six straight hours AND I am sure she (at times) would love to poison my morning coffee(which is the preferred method of murder for females). So rather than arguing whom is better, understand that we each serve a purpose we have to deal with each others crap now and then to survive. Unless you are a homosexual then whatever…..
Somebody give that fuckbox another good whack.
#2
what do women know about tools?
Ram is also a destructive word, proving point 3.
Hurry up woman, that beers getting warm
RAM is MANly word bitch.
And it rhymes with MAN making it 1000 times more awesome.
Now go make babies and get me a beer.
And I want that beer NOW!!
Hahaha… Why are all the bitches on here getting so upset?! I think this site is hilarious! This is obviously not meant to be taken SERIOUSLY. But all the women on here leaving LONG ASS comments are proving his point. Let the man say his piece. Shut the hell up and bring the man a beer.
Men in this country fight wars so that women can bitch about bitches like dick!! hahaha I couldn’t resist…