Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
Note: If you would like to link to this article from your website or MySpace page, use the following code:
Related Articles:
May 14th, 2008 at 10:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 81f420217d258
May 14th, 2008 at 11:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 86d6b8c8b7fb7
It’s funny because it’s true….
May 14th, 2008 at 12:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0b2e3c05a0d4f
OMG so funny, I LUVED it. Being a stereotypical successful young man ass-kicking his way into this insane planet, I must say that after sampling a wide variety of women here, smart ones, pretty ones, ugly ones with big hearts, and even some older ones, I am forced to condone this message.
I can specifically agree with several of the points you make on this site. I especially like a few of them, especially the marriage part, which I never understood. Women are generally whores, even the best of them HAVE cheated on you, I GUARAN-FUCKIN-TEE it. Just tell them that you found out about something they did and watch the lies come out. Men on the other hand are Labradores. We will go buy things for you, chase YOUR dreams just to get you off our ass, spend our entire day off with you, oh… and pay the bills. And we do not cheat, as long as ur not a total bitch and actually put out occasionally, we will be here next to you until the day you die.
I do respect that women grant our only passage into this world through their bodies, and I do not think all women are like this, just somewhere in the 90 percentile.
It’s not the fact that you women are just women and that’s why we disagree/laugh at/hate you. It’s simply because an IDIOT is an IDIOT whether they be male or female, and way more women tend to be idiot’s. Sorry girls, talk to me when u have something intelligent to say. The last time I talked to an intelligent woman that I did not have to lower myself down onto her plane to allow comunication was in college, and that was a long fucking time ago. It’s hopeless guys, when u raise ur daughters to be Polly Pockets, Spice Girls, and Bratz, what the fuck do u expect to get back?
May 14th, 2008 at 12:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: cd1931efdee46
Anyone who doesnt find this funny, albiet offensive and borderline inappropriate, need to check their funny bones. Ever haerd of satire? Mr. Masterson is making all the puppets dance accordingly.
Making a buck and getting attention is VERY easy to do….obviously.
May 14th, 2008 at 2:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: da5eef8ca71bd
‘The cost of an abortion depends on the stage of pregnancy and which clinic is providing services. First trimester procedures run about $450-800.’
- http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=cost+abortion&btnG=Google+Search
Manholes and their fiscal ineptitude.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: dbed698c884e4
The Wife’s Bill of Rights:
http://men.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6750191
Sorry, Arbalest, couldn’t find the link, but here’s the article:
When Nice Guys Should Finish Last
Is there any hope when even the nice guys turn nasty?
“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.” - Homer Simpson
I was recently presented with the following scenario. My friend Victoria* had met someone named Luke*. Amongst the circle of friends that she met Luke through, he was held in high esteem. The classic, all-Canadian guy who was everyone’s pal: witty, smart, kind, ambitious, with a great job and a clear vision of what he wanted to do with his life. A seemingly perfect match for Vic.
Now, you have to understand that she possesses all the same qualities, plus she is gorgeous, to boot. She never seems to have a problem landing a man, but is still single.
Long story short, Luke exuded the perception that he was completely into Vic. He complimented her intelligence, beauty and fashion sense, and he admired her life experience, ambition and general worldliness. Although they never went on a formal date, instead hanging out as friends, there was a clear chemistry beginning to develop between them.
Without any apparent warning, Luke’s interest in Vic suddenly began to wane. He became rude and abrupt in his correspondence with her and it subsequently began to diminish. In group social situations, he was aloof and awkward towards her. Then one evening, Luke phoned Vic and rather presumptuously told her that nothing would ever develop between them romantically and that he “wasn’t attracted to her physically.”
How enigmatic indeed.
True Lies
When Victoria iterated the situation to me, I was taken aback, to say the least. First of all, although physical looks in a partner don’t matter much to Vic, I’m not going to mince words. She was significantly hotter than Luke. Like the girls we are, we tried to delve a little deeper for clues. Perhaps Luke’s ex-fiancée had re-entered the picture. Perhaps he thought Vic was leading him on. She turned to her male friends for advice, but unfortunately, they provided no further clarification for her confusion.
We decided that she had inadvertently terrified him and he couldn’t deal with her. Game over.
The Animal Kingdom
This story provides a good framework for what I wish to address: the Weasely Man, or weasulus homo erectus, in Latin. It used to be that Weasely Men were limited to those with hugely inflated egos, normally due to enormous paycheques and/or manhoods. In the modern era though, the Weasely Man is slowly becoming cleverly disguised in the shell of the typical nice guy.
It’s frustrating when you exit the bad boy phase of your life, only to be dismayed by decent men.
But as I informed my dear friend, I now bestow upon you the same advisory. There are ways to protect yourself and restore your faith.
Be Cautious with Compliments
It’s the best feeling in the world to be smothered with flattery and even more so when it’s from someone you find interesting. But caveat emptor if that person is constantly reinforcing how magnificent you are, especially when he doesn’t know you. Extreme praise places you on a pedestal and burdens you with pressure to always live up to your admirer’s unrealistic standards. As soon as the Weasely Man realizes you’re human or is overwhelmed by your greatness, that’s the minute he’s out the door. Yes, you deserve compliments, but take them in stride.
Choose your Battles Wisely
Depending on the situation, it’s easier not to derive an explanation (or give one) when things go off track, but sometimes you deserve an explanation and sometimes you need to diplomatically tell Weasely Men that they have behaved reprehensively. I rationalized this to Vic, as in her case, she was not going to see Luke over time and several of her friends in that circle had independently changed their opinion and were highly disappointed in him.
Pride and Prejudice
Once you’ve rid yourself of the Weasely Man, take heart. While it is you, it’s not your personality. All it means is that he’s not strong enough to catch you when you fall. Weasely Men are simply intimidated by women who are strong and independent, and that shouldn’t be motivation for you to change at all. When you know you may encounter the Weasely Man, hold your head up high, preferably with a fabulous hat on it.
________________________
pop goes the…
By no means am I here to man-bash, because I have encountered more than my fair share of fine, wonderful, strong, non-weasely men. Rather, I intend to draw attention to the warning signs of the Weasely Man. Perhaps one day, in my overly idealistic world, the survival of the fittest will apply and the Weasely Man will cease to exist.
Deathslayer
May 14th, 2008 at 3:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
These women couldn’t possibly imagine that maybe after four dates with “Vic” ,”Luke” decided that Vic was a high maintenance wench and did not deserve her attention. Barf.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: b06fff0bbeff6
Easily the worst written POS I have ever had the displeasure of being exposed to.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: d5599689287e8
wow man, you’re fantastic, your website is great, i saw you on dr phill, wow man , i really admire you, everything you say is so so true!
that’s true, women date men only for our money.
that’s true, marriage is prostitution, women give sex in exchange for money
that’s true, we men have created all kind of inventions, women absolutly nothing.
that’s true, we men rock at math, women suck at math
we men rock at commedy, women suck at commedy.
do women have brains???? they say that there wouldn’t be any humanking without them, and there would be any humankind with men? please women, use the logic, what you say doesn’t have any sense.
Women go and do what you’re good at, go and steal a man’s money, I’m going to create some invention, that’s my work, I’m a man.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: d5599689287e8
It really makes me laugh those pathetic men who are against dr dick or against this website, everybody know why they pretend to be against these facts revealed by dr dick, yeah, everybody knows you stupid guys are only trying to get laid! hahaha you guys make me laugh./
May 14th, 2008 at 6:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 82459e9cd6c22
What is it like being transsexual?
May 14th, 2008 at 6:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: e5ad81745f47e
LOL. WTF!? DAN? or should i say Danielle?
May 14th, 2008 at 10:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: e609ee1fbc305
[Addressed to the 1 in 10 men criticizing this site who have man body parts]
Manhole worship ain’t gonna get you laid.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 151797e39a15e
Was that last paragraph you or the article? Just making sure . But besides that, the more I pay attention to women and articles like these the more I’m convinced they don’t know what the hell they want. In any case thank you for finding these.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: f92b33fd4370e
“This whole site is the biggest load of shit I have ever read and I am a man. I think you guys have forgotten that when you were born you came out of a vagina, aka a FEMALES reproductive area. Without women you would not even exist.”
therefore without men, women wouldn’t exist and as such is not an acceptable arguement, especially considering nobody said women shouldn’t exist, merely that men are better.
“And females contribute more to society than any men, and thats coming from a man, because I am not such a fucking idiot that I cant see that. ”
thankyou for that well sourced non opinionated fact.
“Without women clearly none of you would have got of your asses and actually done any of these ‘amazing’ things you claim to have done.”
oh clearly…again, the way you piece together facts like this is astounding, how do you do it?!
“I mean seriously, without men there probably wouldnt be any wars, the environment would be great, basically its not women who fuck things up like you say, its men like everyone who supports this shit.”
men like everyone who supports this shit? and like women arent in the hows to do chimpanzee?
women fight and argue. this is part of life. war is the same thing on a larger scale. women overuse all products that pollute the environment…see im using facts like you, random opinionated ideas.
“Get a life, I mean after reading this I wish I wasnt a man because I dont want to be associated with people like on here. Grow a vagina and you will realise women are alot better.”
way to completely destroy any remaining credibility you had left. perhaps you could have been let off suggesting everyone is equal, considering your arguement did nothing more than point out how the world is codependent. but no, you took the extra step and suggested women were better, thereby showing your own ignorance in just stating the opposite of the original claim. well done…dumbass.
“ha. you idiot. so you think im a girl? because thats all i could gather from your confusing sentences. I am a man. I look down and yes, surprisingly enough there is a penis there. But I read what the men on this site say and it is absolutely fucking disgraceful, you should all be ahsamed of your selves, I wish I was a woman because they clearly have more sense than you guys. They don’t need to make some stupid egotistical site like this to think about how good they think they are, they are smart enough to just feel sorry for how dumb you guys make us look and just laugh to themselves that they aren’t one of us.”
…someones been living in a box. women often claim to be better than men. where do you think the term “feminazi” comes from? the self righteous “im woman hear me roar” bullshit is so overdone, but you complain when one guy makes a list and oh boo hoo you dont like it.
“I hate that in this day and age men can even act like this, I’m sure atleast 80% of you supporting this shit have been beaten up by girls in school, and now you are behind a computer screen you say all this stuff trying to feel high and mighty.”
i hate that this day in age people like you have learnt to use computers. oh random fictional statistics, way to impress the ladies. 70% of your mum is a whore, the other 30% belongs to your dad. amazing how throwing in numbers really shows off your smartness. im sure you were raped by your grandpa and now you are behind a computer screen you say all this stuff trying to feel high and mighty.
“It is absolutely fucking disgraceful, grow up seriously, without women you wouldn’t even be alive to say they are shit. Women are equal to men and are usually alot fucking better, especially the men like this, who agree.”
without men you wouldnt even be alive to say women arent shit.
the rest is something about how you cant make up your mind, and you hate the english language.
“You guys are just fucking scared to even talk to women because they actually contribute to society, unlike you, so you post things on here. Get over yourselves and think with your brain, not your penis.”
ah finish it off with a familiar opinionated arguement that has no validation what so ever, and sign it with a cliche saying that doesnt even fit in this situation.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf81ae1a013b8
I can see how it’s meant to be funny but… it’s a whole site of flaming that gets really old really fast. Fail.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:06 am - IP Man-Hash: e609ee1fbc305
Is there anything more justifiably hilarious than - right after a manhole says ‘men without balls abuse women’ - punching her in the mouth as hard as you can and then raping her face? Whoops, found a loophole in your logic, sweetie.
http://salmonofdoubt.110mb.com/gay.txt
May 15th, 2008 at 12:10 am - IP Man-Hash: e609ee1fbc305
The same applies to any mannish transvestite who has ever told a faggot joke. Oftentimes, they’re just suffering from some cute little identity crisis after getting ‘raped’ at a strip club. Yeah, they’re fucking retarded - they don’t know what they want, they bitch about a sore cunt and then beg for such treatment with their painted toes touching their ears.
The smallest violin plays the world’s saddest song, honeybuns.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 5b63f8a225976
I know i know, im not ALLOWED here, but what can you guys do actually, you have NO idea where i am. and im posting and you cant remove it :D
But its funny. Because the majority of you, i bet, have wives. If woman have no value in this world, which ive seen mentioned numerous times in these comments, then why bother dating them? If marriage is so pathetic, why marry then? Honestly, you have the choice. If men ARE better than woman, then why not date a man instead of woman? Because A. you cant live without us and B. We are godamn more sexy than you and C. We keep you together when you fall apart, which so many of you do often. If many of you believe in God, such as the author of this book, then you must know, that he has given woman the job of holding a baby, clearing demonstrating the fact he believes us to be alot more mentally stronger than men, otherwise he would have given men the job. The thing i am so past understanding is how having a penis makes you so much better than us. Driving, running a country, playing tennis, all of these things, you guys are supposedly better at, just because your bigger than the majority of us? And number 9 on the list states that men are not sheep, yet all of you are following the author and what he believes in. Number 8 states ‘our mighty man muscles,’ but in the real world, it is so rare to see a man with real ‘might man muscles.’ Its funny how number 7 states that ‘women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs..’ yet you must all be so clueless to the new running for USA president, Hilary Clinton. Number 6 says ‘writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate’ so hang on. You arnt writing and you dont talk, according to number 10…so how do you communicate? And if you dont write, then why are you all writing on this website and furthermore why is the MAN who WROTE this book, a WRITER? Even ‘Bentasm’ above, clearly argued his point by completely performing a full critical analysis on ‘Dan’s’ opinions, but wait, don’t men hate writing? And like i said before, if you all believe in jesus, you would know that he was A. created by Mary, a woman and B. gave woman the job of holding you bastards. Firstly, in regards to number 4, you have NOT been outside to see the amount of women who wear watches idiots. Nor have you been to your nearest jewelery shop and seen the price of a good quality bracelet.. So wait. If you guys believe woman make wars, which Bentasm states: ‘women fight and argue. this is part of life. war is the same thing on a larger scale.’ so how come the author of the book says its men who create wars? Wow guys, make up your minds, who creates the wars? probably the leaders of the countries, who are all men, thanks to people like you. and number 2 says ‘marriage is stupid,’ so why get married then guys? you could have all the sex you want without being involved in marriage ever. its coz you fall in love with one certain female. Because we have VALUE. wow. And ‘whoring it out?’ you are the ones who could not live without sex. All you do is masturbate. So next time you be SO hypocritical, edit your work, but what would you be editing, because you supposedly don’t write?
No, neither gender is better than the other. We are equal, but men like you have no value. So stop stereotyping - just because your ‘great’ enough to find yourself a woman that cheated on you, dosen’t mean all woman do the same - if anything, we stick by our man for life, it’s men like you guys who have trouble keeping it in your pants. Why do you find the need to write how we have ‘no value,’ is it because you guys are either in bad relationships, or no woman wants you back? One or two decent guys come in to give their opinion on believing the sexes are equal and you completely shut him down, all of you, yet you say your not sheep. I bet your all just jealous because men like these are the ones who achieve living with a real woman - not one like the female Dick describes. And ‘Bentasm?’ You say that: ‘considering nobody said women shouldn’t exist, merely that men are better,’ yet numerous times have i seen examples on this forumn of men claming that yes, they dont want women on earth, and heres an example, since your such a big fan of examples: ‘Commander Scott Says:
May 6th, 2008 at 11:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 3e8d1e2b2a4c4
American women are cold, selfish whores who deserve to be raped and savagely mutilated to death.’ He wants all American women dead. How kind :). If men are better than woman…i suppose you are all so proud of the thousands of rapes that occur each year, and how in many of these circumstances, young female children are the victims. Are you proud of this? And if you want proof ‘Bentasm’ then type ‘news’ into Google and check the latest headlines - we all know that rape occurs so frequently. I hope you all enjoy the life time company of yourselves. Because the few of you that have woman are probably similiar to the woman stereotype Dick talks of - and they sound amazing! Have fun little boys!
May 15th, 2008 at 1:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 949f83fa88380
Amen to Alicias comment, finally some really GOOD comments and points on this sad excuse for an internet site.