Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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May 12th, 2008 at 8:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2bc5844a0f6c6
this stuff is fucking hilarious…………when i need i a good laugh i came to this site
May 12th, 2008 at 8:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: e2eb987af0702
this stuff is fucking hilarious…………when i need i a good laugh i came to this site
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I agree. It’s fun to see all the females come in with pathetic insults that have been repeated to the point where it is so predictable, where none offer PROOF that women even compete on a level equal to men WITHOUT a man’s help and that women seem to FEEL - not logically prove- that the only man who would say something about women that ISN’T a butt kissing spewfest are ones with ‘issues’.
Yet women keep coming up with crap like ‘the Wives Bill of Rights’ or ‘When the Nice Guy SHOULD Finish Last’ or wondering WHY men will not marry them especially when their biological clock is ticking. Women can’t seem to learn from experience and suffer from insanity…they seem to come here time after time FEELING - once again NOT thinking - that THEIR words will have some impact on the majority of enlightened men here who see women for what they are and wisely avoid the rubbish that women as a whole are today.
We don’t bother to correct or argue with you because emotional children can’t understand. They would never get that the world will still function if the speak or not and that men ONLY see them as sex objects because MEN have done everything else. So, women…go have your kids…oh wait, you need MEN for that…and WHAT women have created an artificial sperm?
I thought so.
So, hate the site, attack all you want. It amuses men to see you try the same tactics repeatedly thinking that one more insult, outburst, putdown, tirade, or prattle will make us cower and admit you have some value in the world again.
If it hasn’t worked in the last few years, it’s not gonna work now. You’re still earning less, having fewer kids, working harder, getting fatter, more stressed out, more violent, more depressed and men are just looking at you, laughing, getting healthier, living longer, enjoying life and becoming even BETTER than you.
You wanted to be us, you are…and yet the lowest man still outshines the BEST that you have.
MABTW
Deathslayer
May 12th, 2008 at 9:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2bc5844a0f6c6
i didnt bother reading the whole thing ou wrote
actually i wanted to read the funny stuff dick writes and see how you boys shake your heads to it……hes like the pipe pipper and you boys are the rats……..keep posting…..all this is hilarious
May 13th, 2008 at 6:29 am - IP Man-Hash: f140610a3dee5
Sigmund Freud also said that all men are sexually attracted to their mothers…
anyone who believes Sigmund Freud counts worth of shit is completely retarded
May 13th, 2008 at 6:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 9663ba2cde1bd
i didnt bother reading the whole thing ou wrote
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It wasn’t meant for you to read. It was for my fellow men.
actually i wanted to read the funny stuff dick writes and see how you boys shake your heads to it……
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More reading, less talking, then.
hes like the pipe pipper and you boys are the rats……..keep posting…..all this is hilariou
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Again, you seem to think men should entertain you, like a little child.
Thanks for being a mascot for just WHY men ARE better than women.
Deathslayer
May 13th, 2008 at 2:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4d409ad99a3a5
I’m not going to criticize what you believe, but I have one question:
You say men are better than women. You are a man, and therefor (according to what you are saying) better than just about half of all mankind. Why do you, a being of the ‘greater sex’, feel the need to say all these bad things about the ‘lesser sex’?
Shouldn’t the ‘greater sex’ sympathise the ‘lesser sex’ and try to teach it better ways with kindness. Be a parent to it?
I personally do not believe that one gender is better than the other, and I even think that there are not only two genders.
Pavo
May 13th, 2008 at 4:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4a0227f06313f
Lol. well those are your opinions, that doesnt mean there right bud :] - peace
btw: men and women are created equally
soo stop wasting your time and live, laugh, love<3
May 13th, 2008 at 4:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 35ab21bf6af5e
I didn’t realize that the penis and vagina were the same biological organs. When men start being able to breast feed, then let’s have a rational discussion.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: da5eef8ca71bd
Typical manhole logic.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: da5eef8ca71bd
This stuff is fucking hilarious.
When I need a good laugh I came to this site.
D-
See me after class for a revenge-fuck.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 46b65acea273e
The male word for sheep is “ram,” dipshit.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2bc5844a0f6c6
i dont think……any other options???
May 14th, 2008 at 12:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 5add7805ea856
lol
May 14th, 2008 at 12:21 am - IP Man-Hash: da5eef8ca71bd
Aww, thinking about what color we’ll paint our toes, are we?
Manholes and their absurd, counterintuitive habits. Well, I was smiling for a second, but then I thought about getting a western girl pregnant and now I’m depressed again.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 81982691b3683
Yet women keep coming up with crap like ‘the Wives Bill of Rights’ or ‘When the Nice Guy SHOULD Finish Last’ or wondering WHY men will not marry them especially when their biological clock is ticking.
Can I get a link to those two if possible?
May 14th, 2008 at 2:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 949f83fa88380
This whole site is the biggest load of shit I have ever read and I am a man. I think you guys have forgotten that when you were born you came out of a vagina, aka a FEMALES reproductive area. Without women you would not even exist. And females contribute more to society than any men, and thats coming from a man, because I am not such a fucking idiot that I cant see that. Without women clearly none of you would have got of your asses and actually done any of these ‘amazing’ things you claim to have done. I mean seriously, without men there probably wouldnt be any wars, the environment would be great, basically its not women who fuck things up like you say, its men like everyone who supports this shit. Get a life, I mean after reading this I wish I wasnt a man because I dont want to be associated with people like on here. Grow a vagina and you will realise women are alot better.
May 14th, 2008 at 2:50 am - IP Man-Hash: da5eef8ca71bd
Hey sweetie, you look beautiful; you got a bit of cum on your face.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 35ab21bf6af5e
OK Danielle. Nice try! Even a man defending women uses more logic and critical thinking in a post. Show me one trace of that in your post.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:53 am - IP Man-Hash: 5af46747e88f8
Maybe waiting until your tourettes attack had passed before posting might have helped your argument somewhat you silly little girl.
Spot on article once again Dick, many thanks.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:19 am - IP Man-Hash: 949f83fa88380
ha. you idiot. so you think im a girl? because thats all i could gather from your confusing sentences. I am a man. I look down and yes, surprisingly enough there is a penis there. But I read what the men on this site say and it is absolutely fucking disgraceful, you should all be ahsamed of your selves, I wish I was a woman because they clearly have more sense than you guys. They don’t need to make some stupid egotistical site like this to think about how good they think they are, they are smart enough to just feel sorry for how dumb you guys make us look and just laugh to themselves that they aren’t one of us. I hate that in this day and age men can even act like this, I’m sure atleast 80% of you supporting this shit have been beaten up by girls in school, and now you are behind a computer screen you say all this stuff trying to feel high and mighty. It is absolutely fucking disgraceful, grow up seriously, without women you wouldn’t even be alive to say they are shit. Women are equal to men and are usually alot fucking better, especially the men like this, who agree. You guys are just fucking scared to even talk to women because they actually contribute to society, unlike you, so you post things on here. Get over yourselves and think with your brain, not your penis.