Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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May 11th, 2008 at 10:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0191f1dde2c48
She got paid in attention. That’s just a giant wall of “HA HA! I’m telling off someone over the internet! Look at me!”
May 11th, 2008 at 10:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: da5eef8ca71bd
Yeah, manholes don’t understand the value of money. Money is a very human concept, and they’re above it. But we know they’re dumbshits, and it’s kind of a depressing topic.
On to funner things, check this site out:
http://www.30reasonsgirlsshouldcallitanight.com/
May 12th, 2008 at 4:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 3e8d1e2b2a4c4
agentofcastration:
Your inability to appreciate the fundamental tenets of psychoanalysis or that Sigmund Freud was one of the greatest interpreters of the female subconscious who ever lived simply reveals your limited intellectual capacity as a woman. But what could one possibly expect from some frigid Anglo-Saxon whore such as yourself? After all, you are nothing more but the living, breathing reflection of the well-documented fact that women have smaller brains and lower IQs than men.
And of all things, you have the gall to mention education before me? I must confess, child, that I am easily much wiser than you. Maybe you wouldn’t be so arrogant and egotistical if men stopped paying your way through life because of that overstretched, HIV-infected cunt you possess between your legs.
May 12th, 2008 at 4:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 6aef8623b5e5c
haha, agreed.
May 12th, 2008 at 5:43 am - IP Man-Hash: a8c51aa609531
The male word for a sheep is RAM you fool… obviously you didnt graduate from primary education! I belive even preschoolers are taught that! Also I’ll have you know that Ive been in a relationship with a woman for 6 years now and she is the best thing thats ever happened to me, she is nothing like what you describe and neither are any of the women Ive ever known. I find women to be just as strong, intelegent, carring and as good a leader as anyman, IF NOT BETTER!!!!! At first I thought this site was just a joke but now I see that its just a man playing the games of little boys via the internet, or do you just hate women because none of them want you?
May 12th, 2008 at 6:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 082e86eb59546
The male word for a sheep is RAM you fool…
*
We know that. It’s been discussed before and if that’s the best you can do to disprove Lord Masterson, then you really have no arguement.
obviously you didnt graduate from primary education!
*
Again, you have no PROOF, only ‘feelings’.
I belive even preschoolers are taught that!
*
Sorry, but with the current educational system, teaching is the LAST thing done.
Also I’ll have you know that Ive been in a relationship with a woman for 6 years now
*
So, you’re just using her for sex…good man. For a second I had you pegged as some female centric mangina, but you ARE following Dick’s rule about NOT getting into a legal contract with one and avoiding marriage.
In short, you deep down admit that Dick is on point.
and she is the best thing thats ever happened to me,
*
Sorry, Jerry McGuire is quite a few years old and if a woman is the BEST thing that ever happened to you, then you probably sucked as much as you claimed Dick does.
she is nothing like what you describe and neither are any of the women Ive ever known.
*Ah, the exception and denial rule. It proves nothing.
I find women to be just as strong, intelegent, carring and as good a leader as anyman, IF NOT BETTER!!!!!
*
Let’s see…WHO ran HP into the gutter, WHO needs a 12-minute headstart in a marathon, WHO had to have the standards lowered just to compete for jobs like fire fighter, police officer, WHO is strangely absent in engineering and Computer science, WHO runs to the other when things get bad?
It’s just WAYYYYY too easy to show you how wrong you are….and EVERY SINGLE ONE can be proven.
At first I thought this site was just a joke but now I see that its just a man playing the games of little boys via the internet, or do you just hate women because none of them want you?
*
Let’s see…if women don’t want us, why do they post here?
If we are the ‘boys’ of the net, then what qualifies YOU as a man?
If this is a joke, then why are you the butt of our joke?
Why hate women? That means some emotional involvement. We are indifferent and are pretty much watching women destroy themselves without us lifting a finger. You’ve been with one six years…you say she’s the best thing you’ve ever had, SO WHY DON’T YOU MARRY HER?
Hmmm, if women are as great as you claim, you should’ve been married for quite a while, yet you’re not?
Somebody doesn’t want to admit they are like us…they FEAR the disapproval of women. WE don’t.
Deathslayer
May 12th, 2008 at 7:01 am - IP Man-Hash: df95d49bce898
Mr. Masterson’s 10 reasons men are better than women is a flawless example of origional genius(I say this because I have no knowledge of any articles that even remotely resembles said article above).
Here now, is proof; actual proof that men are better than women. At first, I was convinced that women lacked a soul and therefore doomed to be less than a man, borrowing mans money, mans car, mans freedom. But Mr. Masterson has opened my eyes!
The comical yet undeniably correct presumption of women are incredibly accurate, and a little terrifying. Women glorify themselve with qualities that any real man would avoid. Cheating; lieing; stealing: all qualities a civilized human being should lack, but every quality that women cherrish and celebrate.
Have you known a woman not to cheat in any way, shape, or form? Now, I don’t just mean sex, I mean have you never seen a woman use her looks to an advantage that would give her the edge? Maybe just a flick of her hair over her shoulder, or a touch on an arm. All signify that maybe, just maybe if she was given (whatever) there could be a little more if she could have her way…
Lieing is as natural to a woman as breathing (both of which women should stop doing immediately). Women will lie about anything so long as they believe it will absolve them of any responsibility or guilt. This is personal experience I have witnessed firsthand. If a woman is doing something they know they are not supposed to do (i.e. drive, handle money, get an education) they will literally lie between their teeth to get out of trouble (and possibly blame a man in the meantime for their crime).
I applaud Mr. Masterson in his quest to educate the ignorant populace of this planet in the dangers that inhabit even our very homes. Every man, man-child, and man-infant should learn immediately about this injustice that has fallen apon the unbeknownst population of the better sex.
Hail, Dick Masterson
May 12th, 2008 at 7:09 am - IP Man-Hash: 9a08b4d33f521
men don’t lie? bwahahahahahalolollolololololoooollllolo!!1one!
Have you ever heard a man tell you he drives a luxury car when he really drives his mom’s ford fiesta? Have you ever heard a man tell you he runs his own successful business only he forgot to mention it’s in second life and he doesn’t actually own any capital assets? Have you ever heard a man tell you he’s single and/or separated, when in actual fact he’s got 1 ex wife, one current wife and three kids under the age of five? Of courze not, menz dun lie.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:31 am - IP Man-Hash: df95d49bce898
Negative. A man as never told me that he “drives a luxury car”. And I hope with all my heart that man never tells me “he’s single and/or separated”. Being a man, I can safely assume that all other men are like me, emotionally and intellectually perfect. Any “man” that lies to you about what they drive or if they’re in a supposed relationship isn’t a man at all. Only women lie so castically about inane and unimportant subjects, such as their mode of transportation or what occupation they currently hold.
Then again, if you’re foolish enough to believe the manipulative bastard, you probably had it comming to you Michael. Good luck!
Hail, Dick Masterson
May 12th, 2008 at 7:32 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
Noticed the male lies you mentioned are for the purpose of getting sex. I think females lie as much, but over just about everything. I think most of the time is to cover up for their screw ups to boost their self esteem despite the fact they may be morally wrong.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:09 am - IP Man-Hash: aa819b66be8f3
It is a scientific fact that God is a man. If God were a woman, man’s dick would be located at the end of his chin.
May 12th, 2008 at 10:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 9478758efa7d9
you are just a complete moron, and trust me, men are racist not to mention lazy, unhygenic, they follow trends just as women do and i think you’ll find women can do pretty much every job a man can do. Men don’t think with anything but their dicks, so trust me - they’ll fuck up everything someone is trying to do.
Just cos you can’t get laid doesn’t mean women are morons - currently you are…
May 12th, 2008 at 10:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 8463b92aa6c53
Notice how women can never admit their faults only point out what someone else did.
May 12th, 2008 at 10:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 3e8d1e2b2a4c4
What right does any woman have to call another man a “moron” when it is a scientifically established fact that men have bigger brains and higher IQs than women?
May 12th, 2008 at 2:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4904a4365639a
Although these reasons are, admittedly, true of the majority of wimminz out there, not every example can be applied to plenty women, and the women to which all of these examples can be applied to DESERVES to get treated like that. However, I can safely sit here and say that every one of the men posting here, in complete seriousness, have some sort of psychological hangup, be it with women or with themselves. It’s mostly an ego thing, but some of you poor bastards have had the unfortunate luck to come across with some of the aforementioned women, and by all means, let it out on here. Just don’t apply everything in that list to every woman in the world so as to make your gender seem superior. Inflated egos aren’t always the best thing, sorry to say. And, specifically to Commander Scott; You have good points, and I have no doubt that you are well educated, be it by conventional schooling, good mental compacity, or personal research…but you MUST tone it down a little. It’s obvious that your knowledge is overshadowing quite a few people on here, including those on your side, but you needn’t go so far. It stretches the page.
And a couple of questions, for Dick, if he is so inclined (no need to answer if it’s uncomfortable, I understand, but this is out of curiosity): 1) Is any bit of what you write satire? It seems like some of it would be, and some of your retorts are a little immature.
2) Can I see some more anecdotal evidence, (from past experiences, not general observances, ie. other than what appears on the sidebar) that has led you to your conclusions?
May 12th, 2008 at 3:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 639fa4259fe74
I hope you’re just being the devil’s advocate here. But this site is still a load of bullshit. You cannot compare men and women. They are both “better” in their own ways.
For one thing, I am female. I don’t talk that much (I certainly don’t like gossip and think it’s a waste of time) and I wear a watch on my wrist, not a damn bracelet.
Your other reasons could apply in some situations, but not in EVERYTHING.
May 12th, 2008 at 3:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: ce933137a530d
Yes, everything.
For one thing, you are a female. Get the fuck out.
May 12th, 2008 at 3:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a074b6031993
Wow, you sure know how to argue, Panda *cough*
May 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5d1f519f08ef2
why in the world would Panda argue with a woman?…it’s like playing ping pong with a wall, you can’t win… all the competition and sport is removed, and in the end it’s really you’re fault - cause why in the fuck would you expect anything from a brickwall. Bravo Panda on your circumnavigating the brick wall of woman. Stop sticking up for them here, this is our virtual treehouse, she has no business here, and she can’t give you long distance vag.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2bc5844a0f6c6
this stuff is fucking hilarious…………when i need i a good laugh i came to this site