Women Hate Babies

Women hate children.

Remember that book Hillary Clinton wrote called “It takes a Village to Raise a Child”? I don’t know if that was the exact title. It’s not important enough of a thing for me to remember in that manner of detail. That was the point though; that women can’t raise children on their own. They need help and more importantly they need men.

Remember that movie Three Men and a Baby? I do remember that title exactly because that was a good fucking movie. What was the moral of that movie?

Men don’t need shit to raise shit — babies.

Women fucking suck at raising children. Men can raise children, work full time jobs, maintain hobbies like drinking and bowling, and all while saving time to chase tail. That’s because men are men. We’re better parents and when it comes to living life we’re like octopuses on crack; our tentacles in one hundred different pies.

Women hate babies and children. That’s why women love little dogs so much — because they’re all fucking sick.

Want to know how you’ve really pissed off a woman? One good way to know is that fucking her isn’t like fucking a futon. She’s still terrible at it, but don’t feel bad about giving her credit for enthusiasm. Women need all the charity they can get.

Another good way to know if you’ve gotten under a woman’s skin is if she’s speaking to you like a child. When women are yelling and screaming, that’s about a 5 on the feminine anger scale. A 1 on the scale is the silent treatment. That lasts for about a week or until said woman figures out that’s the dumbest fucking way on Earth to show a man you’re upset with him. That’s like heaven to a man. It also has never lasted less than a week.

When a woman is talking to you like a child — very patronizingly and almost giddy with a repressed psycho-mania — that’s when you know you’ve pissed her off. By the way, that’s also when you know she’s about ten seconds away from pulling your pants off. That’s information you can use at your discretion.

That’s why women shouldn’t be allowed to raise babies on their own. They hate babies. Women treat people they hate the same way they treat children — patronizing and bubbly. Men don’t ever pull that kind of shit. When a man is upset, he calmly, cooly, and sternly explains himself. Men treat babies differently than people they hate. That’s what I’m saying here.

It’s a myth that women like babies. They just want to have them. They want to have babies like they want to have purses and Starbuck’s. The only difference is you can’t sell babies on eBay.

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