Manstory — a lot like history except consisting only of the parts that matter — can be a funny thing. But it can also be a learning thing.

For example, did you know the pubs of Britain close so early because of World War II? It’s true. Pubs and bars were ruled to close at 11 o’clock so munitions workers would be up bright and early for work the next morning. It’s bullshit, but now we know the problem. Now we can work our mighty man muscles together toward a solution.

By the way, here’s the solution:

There is no more fucking World War II.

Problem solved. What’s the next one?

How about that Manstory also unravels the age old mystery of why women can’t shut the fuck up for five fucking seconds. [Read more]

Remember a time in history when women didn’t trip all over themselves to be the first to talk about their dildo collection at a social engagement. Fuck. It’s getting to the point where an office birthday cake can set the harpies off on a ten minute discourse on the best boyfriend they ever had — and still do have.

I have two words for that: ina-fucking-ppropriate.

That’s two words. I just mixed them together. [Read more]

I received this email today from a woman reader by the name of Kelly who, like most women, is allergic to grammar and capital letters. Instead of printing her thoughts out and wiping my ass with them as I enjoy doing with all female inquiries and any other emails that should have been written with an e-crayon, I decided to answer it on this month’s Ask Dick.

i don’t know what has happened to you, maybe you are just some single man, (which, by reading some of your articles, i would bet good money on)…

If I weren’t too manly to know that obnoxious little configuration of commas and colons that looks like its rolling its eyes, I would type it here — but I am so I cannot. [Read more]

Men are more responsible than women when it comes to anything. Having unprotected sex for example; have you ever heard a woman ask the following:

Are you on the pill? Why the fuck not, you’re about to have sex?

No. First of all, women don’t think like that until it’s too late. That’s why they’re so vocal about men thinking only with their penises. It merely betrays the power of their own frantic sexual desires. That’s called hysteria and for every ten knocked up women on Earth hysteria caused nine of them.

Secondly, if there was a pill for men, every man in the world would eat them like Tic Tacs — the white Tic Tacs. Why the fuck not indeed. [Read more]