Ask Dick: My Girlfriend is Needy

I was sent this question by Max.

Dick, I’ve met this woman who obviously likes me, but she keeps her guard up as far as dating goes. She even told me thats why she got her dog a few years ago. Because the dog will always love her no matter what. What should I do?

I would have thought a man who shared his name with one of the manliest men in cinema, Mad Max, would know a thing or two about seeing through women and their endless bullshit.

Grab a sword and a piece of paper, Max. You and your shitty girlfriend are about to enter the Thunderdome.

Women are obsessed with control. That’s why they hate things like sports, midgets, and penises. Those things can never be controlled. And that’s exactly what women do when they put their “guard” up. They control what cannot be controlled.

The Penis.

Women have no reason to be afraid of anything. Imagine that you could say whatever you wanted without getting punched in the mouth. Imagine you could have a millionaire pay for your entire life with the right combination of make-up and shut-up. Imagine you were born with the unlimited line of credit that is a vagina. It doesn’t even have to be well maintained!

Why the fuck would you keep your guard up if you had nothing to be afraid of?

Man Lesson #1: Do not get a girlfriend.

Getting a girlfriend is like getting a running start before you jump off a cliff. No matter how fast you’re going, it’s still a step in the wrong direction.

Men Lesson #2: Fuck women’s dogs.

It takes a dog to love a woman. Any creature who can feed itself has little use for a permanently wound up Bitch-in-the-Box, ready to spring out at the spill of a soda.

Women need dogs the way men need brains, blood, and beer. Women need the concept of “unconditional love”. It pumps through their veins instead of blood and it nourishes their every waking moment. Unconditional love, which is stupid and insane, is the Sports of woman-kind.

Sports are an eternal test of skill and wits for the sole purpose of honing them both. It is very manly. Unconditional love can be used to describe the actions of mental patients and psychotics.

Man Lesson #3: Do not get a girlfriend.

We’ve all seen a cartoon donkey with a carrot hanging off of a stick just inches away from its face. Well that’s exactly what having a girlfriend will do to you, except instead of a carrot hanging in front of your face, it’ll be a big red STOP sign and a shitload of complaining. What needy girlfriends never seem to need is a reason to bitch and complain. If she’s complaining so much, why not give her a reason to be doing it. Hide all her pants or underwear or something.

There are few men who’ve gotten rich by listening to a bunch of fucking complaining all day. Usually, those men become priests.

The real question here, Max, is not what your girlfriend is keeping her guard up to keep out, it’s what she’s keeping her guard up to keep in. Control.

And also she’s probably a foul-mouthed sex maniac. All women are.

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147 Responses to “Ask Dick: My Girlfriend is Needy”

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  1. King Wang Says:

    Fuck it. Judge everyone, that is why men created kick-ass fucking BMG .50 caliber rifles to kill people from very long distances.

    War baby. I won’t judge you until right before I nuke you.

  2. Aaron Says:

    You”Mr. Dick Head” are a fucking retard. Who do you think you are? You have NO CLASS, you are a pedophile, a hypocrite and I am positive the reason you down women are that…hmmmm…lets see-you”ve never had a date in your life. For one thing you a pussy for not showing your face on the Dr. Phil show. What are you afraid of? What woman would want you? The answer to that is NONE! I am positive that you won’t even post this because you are afraid of the truth. Believe me your not so great and no one in this world could possibly agree with a mindless fuck like you. Who are you to tell that lady in the audience to go work out on a treadmill. Why don’t you go get your bald head a labotomy? I think you have already had one RETARD. You make me sick. I am sure you won’t post this because you can’t face the truth. You must not work to have the time for all this nonsence. I am sure you must be on disability for being mentally challenged. I am not saying anything bad about that believe me. Some people deserve it but not you. You deserve a swift kick in the ASS! For your comment for ending up in jail for being with a 17 year old. You wouldn’t last a minute in jail. The inmates would eat you for breakfast.PIG

  3. MansVoice Says:

    Aaron said:

    You”Mr. Dick Head” are a fucking retard. Who do you think you are? You have NO CLASS, you are a pedophile, a hypocrite and I am positive the reason you down women are that…hmmmm…lets see-you”ve never had a date in your life.

    You are lambasting Dick for being a “prick”, right? Well, then, what are you standing down to his level with your vituperativeness and invective comments? You hate Dick for his stereotypes but arent you stereotyping him? What a fool.

    Aaron said:

    For one thing you a pussy for not showing your face on the Dr. Phil show. What are you afraid of? What woman would want you? The answer to that is NONE! I am positive that you won’t even post this because you are afraid of the truth. Believe me your not so great and no one in this world could possibly agree with a mindless fuck like you.

    A ton of educated men actually agree and support Dick. Read the forums and this site before you think off your head and comment. Numerous intelligent men form the backbone of the MABTW.com. Some are on MENSA, some have Phds, some have degrees, others hold top jobs in numerous fields. Please, dont be a fool. If you are a man, you know fucking deep down that women SUCK as workers.

    Aaron said:
    Who are you to tell that lady in the audience to go work out on a treadmill. Why don’t you go get your bald head a labotomy? I think you have already had one RETARD. You make me sick. I am sure you won’t post this because you can’t face the truth. You must not work to have the time for all this nonsence. I am sure you must be on disability for being mentally challenged. I am not saying anything bad about that believe me. Some people deserve it but not you. You deserve a swift kick in the ASS! For your comment for ending up in jail for being with a 17 year old. You wouldn’t last a minute in jail. The inmates would eat you for breakfast.PIG

    You are a woman eh? “Pig”? Dick doesnt censor comments like they do at the feminist websites. He isnt a facist. Infact, he encourages women like yourself to be living testimonies of whatever he has said. Emotional, angry and man-hating. That sums it up in 3 words.

    Before you post your reply, just ask yourself what has the feminized media done to men. Why is it alright to portray men as weak, helpless and inapt and women as strong and capable? Yeah, I thought so. Because you too are a fucking sexist for your gender. If you want to condemn men, head straight into another feminist forum. That is where, they hide under the guise of philosphical language, the manhate they hold for each and every fucking man on the planet.

    We are not afraid of being politically incorrect. In this day and age, it seems that you can only say “women are better than men” but never the other way around. This site is a fine payback to all that bullshit that men have suffered for 5 fucking decades since the feminist revolution. This is PAYBACK and PAYBACKS a BITCH!

  4. MansVoice Says:

    I apologize for the errors:

    Well, then, what are you stooping[sic] to his level with your vituperativeness and invective comments?

    Some are in[sic] MENSA, some have Phds, some have degrees, others hold top jobs in numerous fields.

  5. Stacy Says:

    I can’t believe “Mr. Dick” actually wastes time on this shit. If YOU don’t like women then that’s your loss. It’s sad you spend so much time in this life of yours to bash women. There are a BUNCH of stereotypes that I can come up with about men but why waste my time. There are just as many, (maybe more) cheating, lazy, alcoholic, wife beating, child molesting, welfare collecting men out there as there are women who take adavantage. If bashing women brings satisfaction to your life then you most be one of the most miserable men out there, there’s so much more to life and women than what you choose to see.
    As far as the men out there you agree with your beliefs, Fuckem!!! That’s their loss too!!
    I can say, I’m not a cheater but I’ve been cheated on!! Go figure, does that make all men cheaters? (not) I work full-time and don’t spend anyone’s money but my own. I’m educated and am chosing to do positives things with my time, unlike yourself! I don’t need to call you names and stoop to your level because I think we all already know what you are! You’re entitled to your opinion but like the saying goes “Opinions are like assholes, everyones got one”

  6. MansVoice Says:

    Stacy said:

    If YOU don’t like women then that’s your loss. It’s sad you spend so much time in this life of yours to bash women.

    It is sad that you do not follow what you preach. Why, like the numerous women on this site, reply then? Are you a troll?

    Stacy said:

    As far as the men out there you agree with your beliefs, Fuckem!!! That’s their loss too!!

    Facism.

    Stacy said:

    I can say, I’m not a cheater but I’ve been cheated on!! Go figure, does that make all men cheaters? (not) I work full-time and don’t spend anyone’s money but my own. I’m educated and am chosing to do positives things with my time, unlike yourself! I don’t need to call you names and stoop to your level because I think we all already know what you are! You’re entitled to your opinion but like the saying goes “Opinions are like assholes, everyones got one”

    Why dont you tell the feminists the exact same thing? Oh wait. You’re a woman and a hypocrite.

  7. Shawnie Says:

    SHURT THE F*** UP, DICK!!!! THIS SITE IS CRUDE, RUSE, AND ABSOLOUTE S***!!!! HOW COULD YOU HATE WOMEN??? HONESTLY!!!!! WHAT KIND OF POT-HEAD MAKES A SITE ABOUT THIS???? WOMEN ARE NICE, SWEET, KIND, AND BEAUTIFUL!!!!! GIRLS, DON’T LISTEN TO THIS S*******!!!!!! HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS TALKING ABOUT!!!!!! DICK, SHUT THIS SITE DOWN!!!!!!

  8. Shawnie Says:

    You are not a man!!!! A man takes care of his woman, not kick her to the curb!!!!!

  9. Beer, beer and more beer!! Says:

    To Aaron, Stacy and Shawnie: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET ME A BEER!!!!

    If you all hate this site so fucking much then why do you support it by posting comments? GET OUT NOW and leave us to our Constitutional opinions!!!!

    My response to the original question: My girlfriend is needy: Get rid of the whore!!! If she is needy now, how the fuck do you think she will be in one year, five years or 10 years?????

    If I had to take a guess, you probably married the bitch and are stuck because you have kids now? Sorry bastard!!!!!

    Aaron, FUCK OFF!!! If you are SUCH a stand up guy, then go work for the suicide hotline or your local animal rescue league!!! Maybe that will make you man up???? Somehow I doubt it you pussy, GO HOME TO MOMMA!!!!

    Stacy you have just single handedly proven why this site is so successful!! THANKS you stupid bitch!!!! Give women enough rope and they WILL eventually hang themselves!!!!

    Shawnie, how old are you? 13? I don’t want to scar you anymore than your family already has, so I will simply say SHUT UP!!!! (and)……

    Wolfe wrote in a previous post that women give birth and teach their children to be poor. That’s absolutely true!!!!

    Shawnie, what was the name of the first street you lived on and what was the name of your first pet? THAT will be the name that you should use when you finally decide that crackhead prostitute is not for you and you become a stripper.

    And PLEASE, I BEG you, DON’T have any kids!!!!!

    Taking no prisoners……

  10. Y'all are fucked up! Says:

    All of the people posting here need a life!
    Whatever!

  11. Doubt Says:

    Y’all are fucked up! said:

    All of the people posting here need a life!
    Whatever!

    We have another harasser.
    Christ, I wanted to believe that girls were good and pure - I wanted to, but then I realized that all they wanted was for me to fear them. Girly-girls are so emotionally immature - look at this, she’s devolved to immature name-calling. I notice more and more that many, many of the screwed aspects of society can be traced back to emotional bitching.
    I mean, look at how a corrupt, stupid politician thinks - he spews out whatever the hell the vocal majority is screaming about womyn’s bathrooms or whatever and then he ends up getting one fuck-up too many when he promotes his head hooker to a position. Dumb-fuck confuses a teary, sobby cock-mongling with actual pragmatic ability. That’s a bitch way to think.

  12. KL Says:

    dumb article, if thats the case maybe you should stay single all your life or get a boyfriend. Pointless.

  13. Mike Paahana Says:

    my gf say she so tuff but is reely 1 drama btch so needy all the time wash she would leave me alone

  14. person Says:

    Mike Paahana said:

    my gf say she so tuff but is reely 1 drama btch so needy all the time wash she would leave me alone

    1. Your spelling is disgusting.
    2. Dump her, dumbfuck.

  15. person Says:

    Doubt said:

    immature - look at this, she’s devolved to immature name-calling.

    Dumb-fuck confuses a teary, sobby cock-mongling with actual pragmatic ability. That’s a bitch way to think.

  16. girlnextdoor Says:

    ok i just read the whole of this and i swear there are some really offensive things said about women.
    i can admit yes we do control things occasionally but if you got close enough to one you’d understand we’ed quite like just a little support. i just broke up with my boyfriend. he gave a me a reason and i said well if its that bad help me with it. so n all fairness if you get close enough and can actually talk you’d understand men and women are in the same boat but becasue most women are scared of getting hurt they control things to avoid it at all costs.

  17. son of the suns Says:

    girlnextdoor said:

    ok i just read the whole of this and i swear there are some really offensive things said about women.
    i can admit yes we do control things occasionally but if you got close enough to one you’d understand we’ed quite like just a little support. i just broke up with my boyfriend. he gave a me a reason and i said well if its that bad help me with it. so n all fairness if you get close enough and can actually talk you’d understand men and women are in the same boat but becasue most women are scared of getting hurt they control things to avoid it at all costs.

    Currency support from one and cock support from another.

    3 Days Grace - Take Me Under

  18. Matt Says:

    Haha she called dick a pothead

  19. klavdy Says:

    Matt said:

    Haha she called dick a pothead

    Matt said:

    Haha she called dick a pothead

    She’s even more retarded than the usual and drooled like a punched spastic onto a keyboard some bile meant to call Dick “Pottyhead” ,or something.
    Who the fuck would know and who the fuck really care what some woman spasming on a Man Only site is gibbering about?
    Unless you are a women, but who the fuck cares about them?

  20. Tom Says:

    Dick is such a retard. I feel sorry for a man who feels this way about women. Sure some of it is true, and I’ll agree, but I’m not going to hate ALL women outright. Where will I go in life with that mentality. Man up, you fucking moron.

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