Ask Dick: Why Do Women Hate Porn?
diamatik has sent me the following question:
Dick, why do women hate porn?
Oh boy do they ever. And what’s worse than a woman who hates porn? A woman who loves porn. That’s a man-bear trap set loose in the conjugal bedroom that you just can’t miss!
“You know what would be exciting? We should watch some porn.”
“Really?”
Guilty! Not if you want to have sex you shouldn’t! Women hate porn because men are better than women.
Porno is the driver of progress and the father of modern entertainment technology. Did you know that? I did because I’m a man and I know everything. Many years ago, when Harvard Brainiacs were busy fucking around with sending data that no one gave half a shit about all around the internet, pornographers were harnessing this brave new world to electrify porno right into your computer monitor at home for several dollars a minute.
That’s called footing the bill for the foundation of a new era. Porno did that.
When VHS tapes cost over 90 dollars to purchase, who funded the expansion of this nascent and ultimately world changing industry? I’ll give you a hint. His name started with P and ended with orno. Porno.
Here’s another hint: men love him.
The modern world is built on porn. In fact, that is one of the first things men have in common with pornography. We’re both owed a debt by women en masse for building this world they trash on a daily basis. Women are owed a thanks for nothing — or a sarcastic thank you at best.
Women hate porn because it reminds them of what they already know and what they try to forget on a daily basis: they’re bad in bed, they’re fucking lazy, and they’re not good enough for you.
Women are bad in bed. Every single porno actress in the world is great in bed. Someone paid her some amount of money and then she hopped in bed without bitching about it. That’s called being great in bed. And it’s not called being a prostitute either because let’s be honest, when was the last time a man got a free lunch? Never. So what? Half of Earth are prostitutes? You can say that. You’d be right. But then there would be no point in having the word “prostitute”. It wouldn’t describe anything that an already existing word doesn’t.
Women.
Porn actresses can also look their partner in the eye while they’re having sex. Women, who are all anti-porn, are too fucking ashamed of themselves and too emotionally stunted to do even that. Men are so emotionally mature we can have sex in front of a mirror. Even if we’re fatter than fuck.
Women are lazy. Even men who aren’t in porn look like they should be in porn. They’re fit as a fiddle with a six pack and they have confidence. Women who aren’t in porn look like they shouldn’t even be in public. Velor pantsuits that are two sizes too small, a fucked up tangled bush of hair atop their heads, regular shoes sans any sort of sequins; none of that is something I want to see when I’m walking around town. And if women did that more often (walked around town), maybe someone would grant them their ultimate fantasy and mistake them for a porn star.
The burden of being a man is that your woman is not good enough for you and she never will be. It’s a bitch, but it’s true. She isn’t good enough for you, your car isn’t good enough for you, your you isn’t good enough for you. You’re a man and you demand perfection — no, you demand better than perfection. You don’t stop until you can look right into the eyes of a porn and say, “Now that is what I’m talking about.” Women can’t do that. When women watch porn, they see the eyes of their mother staring disapprovingly at them and hear her passive aggressively demonstrating how to be a failure. Think about that when your girlfriend pops the question.
“Got any porn?”
Of course I have porn. I’m a man. What kind of retarded question is that?
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March 27th, 2007 at 3:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 5e32b3f9ccec1
Tell me about it. I just fucked my last post up.
May 7th, 2007 at 9:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5864566b9fcca
There’s this joke that goes like this: “What’s the difference between your wife and your job”? Your job still sucks after five years!! HeHeHe. Love that one. There’s truth to that. Men love porn for many reasons (don’t need no bitch pretending to be a shrink and try to analize it) It touches all our base manstincts just like BBQing meat over an open flame and drawing stick figures on our cave walls. We like it cause we like it, we’re men plain and simple and it’s woven into our fiber. Women always try to overanalize everything, they say that it helps them “understand us better” They don’t give a shit about understanding us, they’re too busy trying to “control” us. Being twice divorced, I see the commonalities in women (they’re cut out of the same cloth). My first ex-wife thought that a two income family was me with two jobs. Prostitution is illeagle, rape is just plain wrong, so what’s a poor schmoe to do if you’re not lucky enough to look like Brad Pitt or be well endowed like Ron Jeremy? Porn provides an outlet to the many guys less fortunate than their better endowed bretheren. You can abstain from sex or turn gay, but is that really the answer? (especially when guys are getting laid all over the place) I don’t think so. Somewhere in this great site I read that porn causes women to give up control because sex is all too available when in the past, if a woman wanted her way, she simply cut off your poon-tang supply. With two failed marriages to my credit, I think I’ve got it all out of my system now. I feel like Mathew Modine in Memphis Bell when he says (after their 25 missions in a B-17) We’ve flown for Uncle Sam, now we’re flying for ourselves”. That’s how I feel now FREE!!! to fuck or not, free to buy myself anything I want or not (and not turn my hard earned paycheck ovet to some greedy bitch). If I want to sleep and not argue all night, I can. If I want to eat ice cream and drink beer in the same meal, I do, and if I want to roll porn, I can whenever I want!! My life is mantastic!!!! -Banzai
May 8th, 2007 at 5:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
I love that word! Women are indeed over-anal in everything they do. That is why we hate talking to them.
May 8th, 2007 at 10:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 4136c1534ed3c
Banzai and welcome to the manliest site on the web.
You sound like my ex brother n law.
He has failed twice and used Banzai in online games as a nick.
May 9th, 2007 at 12:29 am - IP Man-Hash: a5b7a2a7cc256
Also, while the typical porno chick exerts some kind of effort to keep herself up so she’ll look good on the camera, the typical real life chick will continue to gorge on Whoppers, Big Macs, and the foot long chili dog (with a a Coke to wash it and the fries down)….then the cow has the nerve to wonder why we’re not interested in sex.
May 11th, 2007 at 7:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: eb3c8bcd8d7a5
Amen to that shit. You are sooo fucking right. What baffles me is how they have commercialized the living Hell out of everything from cradle to grave, packaged it, marketed it and slapped a label on it and advertise all their endless parade of crap and shit everyplace 24/7, except the one thing that needs it the most - SEX. Fuck it, women in this country are fucked up in the head most of them, they hand out sex like Marie Antoinette handing out cake or something, like their own precious pussy is golden, and not exactly the same thing as the pussy the other 3 billion women on the planet own one of!! You are so right dude, they oughta just go ahead and legalize this shit, then you can get your rocks off, spend the same as you would on a boring first date that included no sex, and be done with it for a while. And then you can just take your time about meeting Ms right, without the desperation of your cock guiding you around like some kind of blood-engorged Hellfire missile you cant control.
May 27th, 2007 at 12:45 am - IP Man-Hash: c660785c8a03b
Perfect Point
July 10th, 2007 at 4:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 9fc3e396dc030
Great, that sounds more realistic in my ears.
My recent ex got a computer, several sets of clothes, lots of cash, and hundreds of small deeds just because she’s hot. It’s simply fucking ridiculous. I can’t respect the ‘men’ that gave this to her at all, and i told her to stop recieving it.
Hopefully, one day, these sorry human beings will stop obsessing over tits, and get on with their lives. In truth - the only thing you need to do in order to get a womans attention - is to act like she’s a male friend. Nothing more.
Thats retarded you are retarded. Please shut the fuck up.
July 10th, 2007 at 5:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 206ad98341577
Fuck that bullshit. Great Britain was once GREAT. What the fuck happened? It is now a forgotten and lost power. My country Singapore was once colonized by your country and I had a ton of respect for them. It seems that your country is now losing its manhood by giving in to women all the time. Seriously, the men need to band together. Why can we have No’Ma, a proper men’s organisation or NOM? I am sure Dick can set one up perfectly fine and we can give those feminists bitches a taste of “equality”. Its payback time ….
July 13th, 2007 at 8:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7ab51323343fa
Seriously dude, you are gay! You say women are bad in bed, but the only way you can be sure of this is through comparison, i mean, you can say that a SPECIFIC woman is bad in bed because you can compare her with other women you’ve been with but the only way you can affirm that WOMEN are bad in bed is if you compare them with men, seriously, the only way you can be sure that WOMEN are bad in bed is if you’ve been with men in bed, if you haven’t been with men you wouldn’t say that women suck in bed because that notion wouldn’t exist, for you things just will be the way they are, there wouldn’t be any notion of good or bad. The other thing is that wether a woman is good or bad in bed depends only on you, on how you treat her, if you treat her like a slut you will unleash her real nature and you will have and amazing sexual experience, look, women are so stupid that their persona depends on how you treat her (now, this doesn’t mean that if you treat her like and inteligent being she will be intelligent, i mean, don’t expect miracles) if you treat her like a slut she will be a slut, specially because this is who she really is, is just that women have to mantain an image in society of “good girl who doesn’t enjoy sex” but the truth is that they love sex like the whores they really are.
July 14th, 2007 at 2:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 26bb6f4e29583
Go suck a cock, cunt. You’re a lying little whore just like every other girl who gets on this site.
You’re already in the pit just by posting here. Anything more just furthers your own descent. As for the whole gay thing… you cock-suckers are just shattering stereotypes everywhere your warped heel-clad useless legs take you.
Social acceptance. You sluts fuck to be in. You deserve to be treated like shit because that’s all you are - a salty-mouthed cunt who is nothing more than a sex toy.
July 14th, 2007 at 6:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 38d164f717925
Oh, how right she is! The only way one could possibly know that Mexico is closer to the United States than China is by personally traveling to both China and Mexico from the US. There is no other way that someone could possibly know that.
Further, the only way one may determine if socialist-type economies suck is by having lived in both a communist country and a free market economy country.
December 12th, 2007 at 7:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: 929790c1f0c6e
Dick is the biggest fucking DICK I have ever had the pleasure of not knowing. (I didn’t say you had a big dick. I said you were a big dick!) You have it SOOOOOOOOO wrong. There is truly no help for someone as messed up as you!
March 5th, 2008 at 1:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2e156e431b91f
“In my country, the UK, feminist, left-wing politicians are contriving to push us down the same road as Sweden: Making it legal to be a prostitute but illegal to pay for a one. Yet another attempt by the feminazis to criminalize men whilst portraying prostitutes as poor, innocent victims of the (ill defined) patriarchy. Swedish men face fines and/or imprisonment of up to six months for the ‘crime’ of payment for sexual services. I can’t begin to imagine the potential for abuse of such a law; Prostitutes bribing men in order to keep quiet etc. Not to mention wives and girlfriends claiming that gifts made by their partners were actually payment for sex and thus they need compensation for being ‘prostituted’.
And all this because women - two faced as always - can’t stand the competition.”
I live in the UK too, the education system is full of feminist propaganda and lies; and what’s worse is that everyone agrees with it.
As for the prostitution thing, I can’t say anything beyond, “that’s just fucking wrong”, but why the hell are they letting them get away with this? They convinced everyone that there is a patriarchy and they made everyone believe that if women were in charge there would be less wars (it has been proven that there would be more).
After I dump my materialistic, clingy girlfriend about 20 seconds from now I vow to never start that kind of relationship ever again, it’s nothing but trouble.
March 26th, 2008 at 3:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: f42c56a3b67c9
Words fail me on how sad a person you are to build this site. You need serious help.
April 5th, 2008 at 10:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: e851e02b605ba
I hate the idea of my man watching porn because it makes you feel like you’re not good enough. My policy is, if he watches porn, then I am not obligated to have sex with him or touch him at all. He has his porno and does not deserve to have real sex. Going beyond that, porn is just immoral.
April 5th, 2008 at 10:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
What is the difference between a manhole and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the manhole.
What is the difference between a manhole and a water melon?
One’s fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one’s a water melon.
What is the difference between a manhole and a dart-board?
Dart-boards don’t bleed.
What is the difference between a manhole and a mars bar?
About 500 calories.
Why did the manhole cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
How do you know when a manhole is dead?
It doesn’t cry if you nail its feet to the ceiling.
How do you find the live manhole in a pile of dead ones?
Jab ‘em all with a pitchfork.
How do you save a drowning manhole?
Harpoon it.
How do you turn a manhole into a dog?
Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.
How do you turn a manhole into a cat?
Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.
How do you get 100 manholes into a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out again?
With Doritos.
How do you make a dead manhole float?
Take your foot off its head.
or:
A glass of soda water and 2 scoops of manhole.
What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
Manhole with slashed floaties.
What is red and yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
Floaties with a slashed manhole.
What is red and hangs around trees?
A manhole hit by a snow blower.
What is green and hangs around trees?
Same manhole 3 weeks later.
What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A manhole with forks in its eyes.
What is pink and goes black with a “hiss”?
A manhole thrown into a furnace.
What is red and swings back and forth?
A manhole on a meat hook.
What is red and sits in the corner?
A manhole with razor blades.
What is blue and sits in the corner?
A manhole in a baggie.
What is black and sits in a corner?
A manhole with it’s finger in a power socket.
What is green and sits in the corner?
Same manhole two weeks later.
What is black and charred?
A manhole chewing on an extension cord.
What is black and white, runs around the room, and smokes?
A manhole with her hair on fire.
What is cold, blue and doesn’t move?
A manhole in your freezer.
What is red and has more brains than the manhole you just shot?
The wall behind it.
What is white and glows pink?
A manhole with an electrode up its ass.
What is more fun than nailing a manhole to a wall?
Ripping it off again.
What is more fun than throwing a manhole off the cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What is more fun than shoveling dead manholes off your porch?
Doing it with a snow blower.
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A manhole combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A manhole tied to the back of a truck.
What is red and pink and can’t turn round in a corridor?
A manhole with a javelin through its throat.
What is little and can’t fit through a door?
A manhole with a spear in its head.
What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog’s mouth?
Your manhole’s leg.
What is grosser than a manhole nailed to a tree?
One manhole nailed to ten trees.
Know what’s gross?
Running over a manhole with a truck.
Know whats worse?
Skidding on it.
Worse than that?
Peeling it off the tires.
April 5th, 2008 at 10:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
You’ve made the right choice, Lomax.
April 7th, 2008 at 7:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 68070a1f71a54
ahahahaha, this guy is funny as fuck
April 12th, 2008 at 9:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 37be8af823db2
wow, that’s the biggest load of shit i’ve ever heard. i mean just read it over, and if you dont see how you’re completely wrong then go fucking kill yourself cause the world does not need you