Dick’s Top Ten Reasons Going Bald is Manly
Going bald is like the man-menopause of being a man. So long as “increased chance of osteoporosis” actually means “increased chance of bagging a hot babe with your brand new, red, sports convertible.
Babes love bald because it’s manly. Here are my top ten reasons why.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons Going Bald is Manly
10. Doing your hair is a loss of Man Points!
And so is showering in the first place. A bath? Don’t even get me started. The only time it’s manly to care for your personal hygiene is when you’re in a shitty wooden tub full of water and borax and you paid a quarter to soak for an hour — and it’s 1855. Otherwise, you’re losing about ten Man Points a minute down your girly shower drain.
I took a one and a half minute shower last week. That’s got to be some kind of record.
9. Messy Hair Makes You Look Like A Jackass
Have you ever seen one of those guys with a frizzy mop of hair sticking out his head? What are they called? Oh yea, they’re called teenagers. If there’s one thing I know about teenagers, it’s that most of them don’t get laid and all the rest are liars. Sex doesn’t occur unless there’s a man involved. That’s why all men are cool with bringing another girl into a sexual relationship. It doesn’t actually count as cheating because it’s just like adding another appetizer to a meal. Fuck it, there’s still just one main course.
My point is, having hair means you’re going to have messy hair at some point and that looks stupid.
8. Accessories Are Woman-ccessories
Combs? Spray? Shampoo? These are silly, womanly things that must be fumbled around for. Anything a man touches should never be fumbled for. It should be revved like some kind of great fucking mechanical beast; belching smoke and fuel out at incredible angles and forming a cyclone of poison around the wielder. Aquanet doesn’t even come close.
Did you know that on average a bald man uses a motorcycle more than a haired man uses shampoo? Holy fuck that’s manly!
7. Bears Are Hairy
Men are not animals. Sure we may be as tenacious as man-sharks and as powerful as locomotive rhinoceroses, but we’re men. We’re our own unique species of animal about a million times better than all of God’s other crappy creatures — including women. Being bald is like sticking it in the face of the whole lot of them. A bald man says, ‘Fuck opposable thumbs. I don’t even need hair.’
6. Fuck Mother Nature
Speaking of Fuck something’s, just like it’s manly to never ever wear a jacket for any reason, it’s also manly to not have hair. You’d think you could just shave your head and be as manly as a baldy, but you can’t. That’s like bringing a jacket along “just in case”. Jesus Christ, that’s the womanliest thing there is the world.
A bald man burns his jackets.
5. Sean Connery Is Bald
So is Vin Diesel, who kicked about fifty spies’ asses in XXX.
4. Bald = Man Smart
You know how in movies they always give some braniac with the cure for cancer or aliens this massive fucking hideous comb over? That’s because being bald makes you smart. Don’t be a cunt, I know it doesn’t actually make anyone smarter. It just gives a man the appearance of having spent a studious life toiling over the state of math and science. But in the end, is there really a difference? One man looks smart because he says and does smart things. One man looks smart because he’s bald. Either way, it’s about looks.
3. Bald is Badass
One bald man can kick the asses of six non-bald men. When you have a bald head, you have some kind of supernatural man-ass kicking power. It’s in all the movies. Any time a bald guy shows up, you know some serious fighting is about to transpire. I believe it’s because of the naturally reflective surface of the bald head. Like how a cobra has a large set of eyes on the back of its head to frighten away predators, the bald man can use his refractory head to shine a reflection of his enemies’ eyes right back at them. Touche.
2. Bald Men Remind Everyone of The Penis
There is a feminist idea shitting all over our culture saying that the penis is a myth. The penis is not a myth and bald men are here to remind us of that. Just when you’ve forgotten about The Penis or just when some women gets it into her head that she might want to stop going to the gym and maybe eat another hour d’oeuvre before her salad comes, in walks some bald guy with his giant penis shaped head to set her straight — and I do mean straight. Straight like The Penis.
1. Bald is Beautiful
Women will think and say whatever you as a man tell them to think and say. Just ask Sharon Blynn; she just wrote a book about that called Bald is Beautiful. If women want to eat an apple and you hand them an orange, they’ll fucking love it like it belonged to Paul McCartney. Bald or not, you’re still man.
And someone tell Natalie Portman to put a fucking wig on. What’s next? Is she going to date someone half her age?
Gross.
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Well, i kind of disagree with this. I believe it is manly, to let your hair fall off when it does, without whining, but untill then, you’ve got to admit that having long greasy hair, and not caring at all is ten times more manly, than keeping your head tidy and hairless before it’s even suppose to be..
Badass men, standing in front of the mirror, sure to remove every last hair from their head.. Oooh no! More manly with a big fucking mane. We men are lions.. Not.. siamese cats.. or something.. Yea.. Nonetheless, a great article as always, long hair AND baldness is manly.. And you gotta have a beard too! But then again, i am from the frosty lands of the north, so i gotta have something to warm my face.
Maybe there are some vikings left in the world. This from a cropped and balding sachsen (note the spelling) man. Wake your brothers up Danish, your brothers in Sweden have allowed feminists to remove the phallus from the lion ( I believe) from one of their flags.
Chris AND MarkEMark=Mr. Empty-pants
Chris=Mr. Empty-pants: http://www.maleenhancement.org/
disagreed with hugh hilton. men are hairier by nature but bald men are usually the hairiest mother fuckers alive… aside from their head. im one of these bald fucks with gorilla tastic hairiness. i have a fucking assfro. and a ball fro. a chestfro. i trim my ballfro actually so its got waves i guess. but damn…. i dont got alot of hair on my head though.. regular eyebrows, thin stache and beard, and no head hair.
Disagreed. Men are hairier by nature: face, chest, legs, etc. So – being hairy – is MANLY. Women on the other hand, have less hair. A man’s hair should be to the waisteline, a woman’s – to the ground.
You’ve overlooked the most obvious reason why going bald is manly:
IT’S CAUSED BY TESTOSTERONE ATTACKING YOUR HAIR!
That alone should give you at least 3,000 man points.
My face doesn’t compliment baldness. It just doesn’t. Some men look good in it, some don’t. Dick, you pride yourself on facts and putting it like it is, so I did. It’s really that simple. Go for what suits you best.
Did you know van diesel is gay. hows that for a manly man. =D
^Women are anti-gay.
Not suprising, men are tired of the Persona whimmin present, strange that whimmin do not get it yet. Which means less cock for them.
Being gay is more manly than having to put up with the Persona and being just a “guy”.
Women are racist and homophobic.
Yeah.. I am also not opposed to the post, but we can cure baldness.
I am not a whore .I would not want to take business away from your mother
Only a whore would say something like this, not a woman.
I am a beautiful 45 year old blonde woman.I dont care if your a chavunist or not it doesnt bother me.I am a very nice girl and not a slut and am very beautiful.I want to find someone who will love me and be with me the rest of my life
“I am a beautiful 45 year old blonde woman.I dont care if your a chavunist or not it doesnt bother me.I am a very nice girl and not a slut and am very beautiful.I want to find someone who will love me and be with me the rest of my life”
MANSLATION: I’m too old to act like a spoiled cunt anymore, and I’m tired of working. I’d like to find a gullible idiot to finance 20 years of me sitting on my ass.
I put my panties on backwards and got my ass chewed out
Disgusting
Animal.
women are better then men.all you losers sitting out home wrestling the bald headed midget instead of having sex with a real woman.you should save your breathe for your inflateable girlfriend.dont be shy dick give me the whole 2 inches
You’re a horny-girl aren’t you?
Go get a cucumber.
Today, men are not that much interested in women as our fathers and grandfathers used to. This is because the woman herself left her traits and wants to imitate us. What remains of the woman is only her pussy (and some make-ups). In other words, the woman today is a contradictory person who looks feminine and works in man-made jobs.
yes micho you are right!! thank god i found this website!! women dont have the typical pretty characteristitcs they used to ..trying to act like men..they just look ugly and are really not interesting…SO RIGHT!!
GOD ALL THESE BALD COMMENTS…proves a point women are such fickle predictable souls….god they cant even argue properly on here!!
your not going bald you are just getting more head ps girls rule
What do girls rule? The local ant-hill, perhaps?
no girls just rule at being whores.
I am not a whore I would not want to take your moms job
Oooh, that’s so clever. You’re so cute when you try to be witty.
Blech. I like long hair on men.
Or average.
I see plenty of degeneration here.
Norwegian girls are mostly lesbians. And those who aren’t, they’re already in my phonebook. I’m Norwegian too, so this I know.
The girls again. Ah, yes.. Lesbians most of them and those who aren’t are already in my phonebook. Or did I just mention that? Whatever, it’s the truth and the truth can’t be said too often.
Getting girls are actually pretty easy, just play their game. Act sensitive and listening and when the time is right, fuck ‘em. Literally. And then you quietly make a little note saying “Thank’s for the sex. Good luck finding me again” and run out the front door.
Well true. but if you can understand one thing, there is no such things as a lesbian. They are all whores. They Just want attention
you have made it so clear that you do whatever you can to convince yourself otherwise with anything that you’re insecure about. By the way, homer simpson is bald as well. The resemblance is uncanny.
Hair is for faggots…
so they have something to grab onto.
I think hair over an inch long is a loss of manpoints.
Don’t forget, Captain Picard is bald and he kicks ass! :)
So was Proff X
That would be so fucking hot if Natalie Portman dated someone half her age. Imagine being that lucky 13 year old obsessed with Star Wars and getting to date the Senator Amidala herself.
Wait…according to #10 and #8; Hygene is female. So, being horribly filth and covered in thousands of microscopic germs and bacteria that will get you sick and infect wounds you already have is manly. Hm.
According to #6; its manly to get frostbite in the middle of winter when its snowing around a foot and a half. You said earlier in this article that bald men are manly. But only when they go bald, not when they shave it. Tell me, what is the difference?
I do, however, agree with the *bring a jacket along, just in case* thing. Its stupid, especially if its ALREADY OVER 100 DEGREES outside.
Women being bald is ugly as hell. Real men don’t need books to embrace awesomeness. (i.e. Cancer, baldness, balls)
Yes, I said cancer is awesome. Because it is. It kills whatever the fuck it wants to, it can’t be stopped. and it destroys things for no reason. Cancer kicks ass. If you are butthurt, cancer is up in the sky laughing.