Bobby Riggs: The Last Boy Scout

Bobby Riggs was a man of class, honor and integrity; and he was also a fine athlete of tennis. Ranked as the best tennis player in the world at the age of 21, Riggs would go on to win consecutive singles championships in the 40’s, was inducted into the Tennis Hall of Fame in 1951 and became a household name just like Tiger Woods. He later dedicated a large part of his life to education — education about cancer, tennis, and education about men being better than women.

“Any half-decent male player could defeat even the best female players.”

That is a quote from Bobby Riggs in 1973. It was true then. It’s true today. It doesn’t even have to be about tennis.

First off, we all know that quote is from a man instantly and without even thinking about it because it’s concise, candid, and completely true. When a woman says something — anything at all, it’s none of those. Women use more words than a fucking Escrow contract when they talk and each one is as useless and as misused as the last.

“Basically, what I’m getting at here is that I feel that you need to…blah blah blah.”

Look at all that wasted shit. Typical woman-speak. The reason women can spend eight hours a day sitting on their asses while they’re husbands are at work earning them a new SUV is because it takes them a fucking hour to discuss what their brunch options are. Ever try to listen to a woman? No. No one listens to women. Not even other women. A woman trying to keep a concise thought in her head or speech is like an octopus trying to plug a cheese grater the size of a Buick — tentacles and cluster fucks everywhere, but that’s not what I’m talking about today.

In 1973 a 55 year old Bobby Riggs, who hadn’t played professional tennis in twenty-two years, kicked and embarrassed the shit out of Margaret Smith Court who was 24 years his junior. She got a bug up under her cute little tennis skirt to prove Bobby Boy wrong. Guess what, like all men, he wasn’t fucking wrong. Also, 24 years younger? Where in the Book of Life is that a fair contest of sport? It’s not. Leave it to women to shore the odds up for themselves. If feminism’s true affirmative action plan were in place, men would be required to perform all job related activities while wearing clothes pins on their tongues and a pair of those hilarious novelty glasses that turn you cross eyed if you wear them for too long. That’s the only way women would be viable in the workplace.

Of course, we all know women well enough to know that women have no tact, no sense of fair play, and especially no grace in defeat! A man would shake hands and say, “you were certainly right Bobby, women completely suck at tennis and you’re the better man for teaching me a lesson. It won’t happen again.” However, at that very moment, women around the world were lining up en masse to throw themselves against Bobby Riggs to at least cover his truths with a pile of defeated tennis-ettes or ruin his life and retirement with constant haranguing and horseshit.

Eventually Riggs lost to Billie Jean King — a 30 year old “lesbian” who went on to found the colossal failure of a magazine Womansport and waste away in obscurity. But so what? What’s the fucking point? Riggs made a declaration, and then he proved it. Score one for men as far as I see it, and then an additional one for men for knowing when a joke’s not funny anymore.

If women ran sporting, Babe Ruth would have been laughed out of the history books for not hitting a home run in the exact same spot every single fucking time he stepped up to the plate after calling his famous shot.

For women, there is no honor in victory; there is only the wallowing in the shame of the fallen. That’s why no one watches the WNBA, because women are jackals.

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