What Do You Call a Woman With Nowhere To Live?

It’s time for another one of my Dick’s Manly Jokes.

What do you call a woman with nowhere to live?

Chaste? No. Nuns won’t fuck anyone (even though God says women are supposed to) and they still have a place to live.

What do you call a woman with nowhere to live?

Call her anything that starts with ‘b’ and rhymes with ‘bitch’. Homeless women are the rudest women with whom it has ever been my misfortune to share a street corner. They ought to be given homes just so their smelliness and grotesqueries are kept far away from children, and more importantly me.

Men are better than women at being homeless.

I have told two lady bums to get the fuck away from me in the last two weeks. This is a true story and something I would never have to say to a man bum. Both of them were as filthy as they were extremely rude. One of these lady vagrants accosted me while I had a large soda in one hand and a large sandwich in the other hand. She wanted me to feel her forehead because she thought she was coming down with some kind of bum-heat-stroke.

“Feel it with what?” I asked her. “Should I grow a third arm out of my ass.”

Like usual when it comes to employing logic and impossibility in a discussion with a woman, the conversation deteriorated rapidly into creative epithets.

The male homeless of the world have brewed up a Thunderbird-sized reputation of class and enduring dignity over the years. Not dignity in the traditional sense, where what you ate for dinner was prepared by a human and not a rummaging snout, but the dignity of providing a token service for a token amount of money and at all times having a positive attitude — and also hilarious hobo top hats. That’s classy.

You will never find a more positive attitude than in a man-bum. Frankly, I don’t know where they get the energy. They’re always singing, or dancing, or telling jokes. Some of my best jokes I’ve gotten from a bum for a dollar. That’s a good fucking deal. Who needs Danny Gans when you can just walk through a bad neighborhood and get the same experience.

I know of one homeless woman who broke into a family pizza restaurant at 3 in the morning and shit on their counter. What was the purpose of that? Whatever the purpose was, I assure you nothing of that sort ever appeared in anything Mark Twain ever wrote.

Bums represent the pure and unadulterated spirit of us that lurks neath the surface of societal trappings and accoutrement. Without a house, a car, vaccinations, money, or any foreseeable success, a man can be joyous and positive as long as he has his man mates. He also might want some booze, but there’s nothing wrong with that — legally or morally.

Women bums are all degenerate and crass meth addicts. They couldn’t tell a joke if you hung an eight ball in front of their nose. But that should be no surprise. They’re still women even though they have no kitchen to wash dishes in.

That’s Man Zen.

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31 Responses to “What Do You Call a Woman With Nowhere To Live?”

Pages: [1] 2 » Show All

  1. e v i l e d d y Says:

    truth said:
    i am doing this study to help women know what not to do in relationships so that it lasts.

    All women should be required to date another woman for 6 months.

    Then they will know what men deal with and avoid doing the same shitty things.

  2. Talon Says:

    truth said:
    If i offended anyone on here, im sorry. i truelly am. yall were a great crowd, it was an absolute pleasure meeting all of you.

    I do not think you offended anyone, but it sure looked like you tried.

    truth said:
    i hope you dont mind that i am using you in a study, all of you will remain annoymous of course. i also wanted to come on here to learn about men and their thinking, its part of my psychology training (applied analysis).

    Ahh, manipulation. Wonderful.
    I hope you draw some lines to our thinking and the thinking of the more “feminine” posters, if you know what I mean.

    truth said:
    I didnt mean anything i said. i found what did and did not trigger responses.

    Next time, I suggest you actually try asking one of the “more friendly” posters on their opinions.

    truth said:
    i am doing this study to help women know what not to do in relationships so that it lasts.

    I think any person here could tell you that what you did would scare away most sensible males.

    truth said:
    on this site, i enphasized femenism. on some other sites, i emphasized sensitivity, religeon, and so forth. for example, i went on racists sites to see what limit i can push to.

    So you are completely fine with being a troll and disrupting constructive debates for the good of you and your gender?

    truth said:
    Like i said it was a pleasure working and doing buisness with yall.
    i admire the way you stand firm to your beleifs, and it is aspiring.

    “What does not kill you, makes you stronger”.

    truth said:
    God bless all of you, take care. and to dick masterson, nice website, ill have to tell women to build one just like it, just kidding.

    You can go to http://www.womenarebetterthanmen.com , I am assured that you will find the crowd to your liking.

  3. Necroswordsman Says:

    Talon, you read all of what he said? I didn’t even bother.

  4. Talon Says:

    Necroswordsman said:

    Talon, you read all of what he said? I didn’t even bother.

    I just read what I found using recent comments.

  5. Necroswordsman Says:

    Talon said:

    Talon, you read all of what he said? I didn’t even bother.

    I just read what I found using recent comments.

    It’s probably the cheesecake and cups of tea, but eh?

  6. diamatik Says:

    random said:

    Truth: Your book is going to suck with that piss poor grammar and spelling

    I beg to disagree, good sir. The editors will clean up all that rubbish and leave only the bullshit ‘content,’ thus giving the false impression that the author isn’t a complete idiot.

  7. Necroswordsman Says:

    diamatik said:

    I beg to disagree, good sir. The editors will clean up all that rubbish and leave only the bullshit ‘content,’ thus giving the false impression that the author isn’t a complete idiot.

    I’m actually relying on that for my next fantasy book haha.

  8. wolfe Says:

    diamatik said:
    I beg to disagree, good sir. The editors will clean up all that rubbish … thus giving the false impression that the author isn’t a complete idiot.

    How well will a three page book sell, though?.

    -wolfe

  9. Sig H Says:

    truth said:

    my book when published will be called “ECLIPSES OF SOCIETY” this study will be in chapter five, it will be out in Spring of 08.

    We should have known this woman was full of crap. Women don’t make any sense and can argue about it for hours. She got caught and had to lie to cover up her nonsensical comments. Typical woman….

    Dick, here is a topic for your next rant: Women are they human? What animal do you know can bleed for a week straight every month and live to bitch about it?

  10. J. Says:

    Y’all have to be a bunch of gay guys or something, ’cause there’s no way any woman’s gonna sleep with you.

  11. diamatik Says:

    J. said:

    Y’all have to be a bunch of gay guys or something, ’cause there’s no way any woman’s gonna sleep with you.

    We don’t have to be gays. There are women that will sleep with us because if you have enough money, women will bring the pussy to you on a platter.

    I’m having some trouble recalling the word used in English to describe women, but I think it starts with a ‘W’ and rhymes with the word ‘hoar”.

  12. Doubt Says:

    J. said:

    Y’all have to be a bunch of gay guys or something, ’cause there’s no way any woman’s gonna sleep with you.

    Well it’s the cunt’s fantasy versus reality. Don’t let my hand smack your ass on the way out.

  13. Doubt Says:

    J. said:

    Y’all have to be a bunch of gay guys or something, ’cause there’s no way any woman’s gonna sleep with you.

    I wonder how much rehearsal that took to type out. It does seem vaguely familiar. Has Miss Proud Pussy discovered the wide world of network cafes? If so, congratulations!
    You’ve spent 2 weeks figuring out what would have taken your average man 2 seconds. Give yourself a pat on the back, I know thinking hurts that little brain of yours. Now yall look forwards to “The Eclipses of Society” - ‘eclipses’, such a big word! How very deep, an astrological term applied to a social setting - did you look that up on the Husband’s 10 Commandments section on Google?
    Google, good for you! And copying and pasting - you’re just a computer whiz, aren’t ya? Now reading over what you plagiarize is going to take a bit of work, but you’re getting there. It just takes you a longer time to grasp a concept than most people. Disconnected sex does that to the mind and body - you only have yourself to blame for being a waddling, jiggling embodiment of every cruel girl ’stereotype.’
    You may want to work that through - learning how to read and write properly, and not obsessing over your pussy and titties will be a good first step. Also, you may want to dress a bit more like an adult human being, not a 12-year-old, if you want people to take you seriously. You could also take the time to actually learn about the culture and dialect of your local area, instead of sounding like any other slut from coast to coast would be another step in the right direction.
    Of course, I am just doing this to humiliate you further. Anyone could realize that, but then it takes something that can’t be read or learned - maturity.
    You can’t even take responsible for your own shitty life - you can’t even see it! How the hell are you going to change it when those peep-toe sandals that no one gives a fuck about come before basic needs? You are a creature of consumerism - on borrowed time. You exist on ignorance, and attack any free speech or knowledge that dares to scrape at your conditioning.

  14. Katt Says:

    You deserve to be shot.

    You’re not funny and cursing doesn’t make you any cooler. It’s important to have a point when you rant. Believe me, I’ve read plenty of ranters and you just plain flat-out suck.

    I know that someone intelligent enough to set up a website is intelligent enough to not generalise billions of people.

    Being controversial does not a good author/ranter make.

  15. Mad Ogre Says:

    This site should be called ‘The XX Files’

  16. Wolfe Says:

    @Mad Ogre - Hah! That is a funny name for a site.
    -wolfe

  17. diamatik Says:

    XY > XX .com

    Sweet! Great idea there, Mad Ogre.

  18. kristina Says:

    actaully it was a guy bum who lived under a bridge who taught my aunt trish to read :D

  19. kristina Says:

    Katt said:

    You deserve to be shot.

    You’re not funny and cursing doesn’t make you any cooler. It’s important to have a point when you rant. Believe me, I’ve read plenty of ranters and you just plain flat-out suck.

    I know that someone intelligent enough to set up a website is intelligent enough to not generalise billions of people.

    Being controversial does not a good author/ranter make.

    i beg to differ my dear Katt…i think he is quite funny

  20. Ralohcs Denrael Says:

    random said:

    Truth: Your book is going to suck with that piss poor grammar and spelling

    Don’t sentences usually end with a period?

    God bless all of you

    he he. Never fails.

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