Ask Dick: Who’s The Manlier Role Model?
The following question was submitted to me last week by Mike.
Dick, who do you think is manlier: Carl from Aqua Teen hunger Force or Zap Brannigan from Futurama?
I looked those names up on the internet thinking they were war heros or rock stars or something of that nature. I discovered, however, that they are both cartoon characters. Nothing is more important to me than educating young men in the ways of their own manliness. If this site catered to women, I would have to say something like, “but not in a gay way,” because women are immature and fucking obsessed with everything being gay somehow. That’s what penis envy does to your brain.
Nothing should be more important to young men than having the manliest possible role model.
I spent a Saturday afternoon watching these shows of Futurama and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I now present my findings.
Attire
Zap Brannigan wears a man skirt and Carl wears sweatpants. That’s one Man Point for Zap Branigan. Man Skirts have been manly since the movie Braveheart came out in the mid 90’s, and they were probably even manly before that. Sweatpants are never manly. Sweatpants are something women wear when they’re 40 and trolling for fresh meat at the mall like the cougars they are. How undignified.
Sexual Proclivities
Carl frequently alludes to patronizing prostitutes. One time he tried to pay a prostitute with a five gallon jug of pennies. There’s a lot to be said for the symbolism and manbolism of that. Paying for a prostitute in pennies is a metaphor that says, “all women are prostitutes”. Are pennies somehow not good enough for a prostitute? If you pay a prostitute with a house and an SUV is that somehow not prostitution? Think about it. That’s one Man Point for Carl. Carl, however, looses his Man Point for nearly getting married in one episode. It doesn’t matter how Russian or how “paid for” she was.
Zap Brannigan cried after sex. Even with Sexlexia, that results in a Minus Man Point.
Conclusion
Carl has a mustache. Carl is clearly the manlier. If you want to make anything manlier, put a mustache on it. Go put a fake mustache on your car and you’ll see what I mean. You’ll have to beat the women away with a stick.
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Afraid they might get you pregnant?
-Dick
Keep your dogs off my porch Dick, I’ve grown tired of your games.
Male role models are all over the place. Cartoons, space, chemistry labs, athletic competitions, where are the girls’?
That’s right. Nowhere.
now now, you have charlie angels, tomb raider and all those crappish conjunctions of feminist bitches. Kicking a guy’s balls? Try that in real life. It doesnt fucking happen. The guy will just tear them apart, limb from limb. continue dreaming like them about how you will “beat men” and try that in real life. hahahahahaha.
I’m not surprised that most women today think that they can stop an attacker with a kick to the jewels.
A few sessions in a female self-defense class would show them
just how ineffective this technique is.
I’ve trained a few female friends on self-defense because they know I train martial arts and were talking shit about how they could handle any attacker.
They all did the same thing when we sparred:
Looked right at my crotch and stuck out their tongue and tried to
kick me in the balls.
The look of shock on their faces was amazing when their foot hit my jock and cup.
“Yer wearing a cup!!?!?!!”
“What do you think a semi-intelligent rapist is going to do when he’s planning on abducting you?”
“oh.. I didn’t think about that”
“No.. you did not… that’s why I am in the mount, past your guard, and able to punch you freely in the face… now maybe you will think twice before walking home alone after a night at the pubs”
Go to Doubt’s place, he has a surprise for you I’m certain you’ll enjoy.
Well, you’d need to have the ability to use your brain in order to be witty.
you need to be male to have a brain.
Well, you’d need to have the ability to use your brain in order to be witty.
Male role models are all over the place. Cartoons, space, chemistry labs, athletic competitions, where are the girls’?
That’s right. Nowhere.
now now, you have charlie angels, tomb raider and all those crappish conjunctions of feminist bitches. Kicking a guy’s balls? Try that in real life. It doesnt fucking happen. The guy will just tear them apart, limb from limb. continue dreaming like them about how you will “beat men” and try that in real life. hahahahahaha.
My My My! What have I stumbled upon here? And I’m way too tired to be witty, well that’s a lie really , I’m not witty and I want to be. The guy behind the dumpster with the tatoo sounds good, I’ll have one of those. with a beer.
Sam, you are absolutely right.
Brock is the most man-core man that ever did man.
I’m always amazed at how women can express such disastrous ignorance in such a small sentence. Let me break down the reasons of how stupid you are:
#1) You assume these tv shows are for kid’s.
#2) You fail to try and experience something before you pass judgment on it. For example: I assume you have never watched these, otherwise you would marvel at the brilliant comedy placed before and fall in love with it. If not, then that means you are incapable of understanding the shows (see reason 3)
#3) Your small mind cannot understand one (or more of the following):
i) Intellectual humor
ii) Big words
ii) Words other than “me”, “want”, or “cum-money”
#4) You fail to consider that the people creating great cartoons are adult males of considerable intelligence and have a gift for story telling and comedy. The target audience is similar minded/aged men.
Why do men enjoy these shows? Because men enjoy things that are great.
You are missing out.
By the way, sucking dick does NOT count as a role model.
Just goes to show you that cartoons ARE for guys, and any pathetic attempt to make cartoons for chicks are lame. (Consider Power Puff Girls. Yak.)
Manliest cartoon role model: Brock Sampson on the Venture Brothers. Hands down.
How does one tell a typical reality show these days from a strip club? Or brothel?
-wolfe
Reality shows.
Strip clubs.
Male role models are all over the place. Cartoons, space, chemistry labs, athletic competitions, where are the girls’?
That’s right. Nowhere.
Doubt: Nonetheless, I am flattered by your attention. I never knew what I had to say could be so important to you. It’s good to see that I’m the one who wears the pants here.
5 Jun 07, 16:55
Doubt: Besides, I doubt you’d be willing to divulge what the word speehc is. Probably something that only makes sense in your decript mind. I like confusing you sluts - you’re cute when you try to think.
5 Jun 07, 16:53
Doubt: For the last part, I won’t explain it to you. I don’t like you.
5 Jun 07, 16:53
Doubt: That kind of talk will give you a good raping, little lady. Right in the ****, I reckon. You prudes get raped all the time. No one even looks twice, and the cops can smell the alcohol from a mile away
5 Jun 07, 16:19
fsf: hahahaha
5 Jun 07, 15:45
fsf: )
5 Jun 07, 15:44
fsf: why you such a female hater? i never did anything to you! (well a part from voice my opinion on the matter of us ‘whores and prudes’, but hey free speehc
5 Jun 07, 15:43
fsf: mmm and you seem to have a high opinion of yourself, do you ever think that your the only person? i think most people dont like you
5 Jun 07, 15:42
fsf: it doesnt take a whore to hate you, i reckon most people do anyway
5 Jun 07, 15:42
fsf: What does ‘whore i stiff thinks of me mean?’
5 Jun 07, 15:09
Doubt: See, what you think of me is right below what a whore I stiff thinks of me. And that’s very low.
5 Jun 07, 15:09
Doubt: that’s co.ck sucking lips. And no one gives a fu.ck what you think. You’re the kind of person who misses those things.
5 Jun 07, 15:08
Doubt: I ‘recommed’ you stitch your vagina lips shut, and your ****-sucking lips while you’re at it. No one gives a **** what you think.
5 Jun 07, 14:29
fsf: i recommed therapy
5 Jun 07, 14:29
fsf: actual psychopath
5 Jun 07, 14:01
fsf: That was not a compliment
5 Jun 07, 03:40
Doubt: http://drunkduck.com/bonafide
5 Jun 07, 03:40
Doubt: drunkduck.com/bonafide
4 Jun 07, 21:14
Doubt: Thank you. I appreciate the compliment, society’s slut.
4 Jun 07, 15:23
fsf: its always nice talking to yourself, first sign of madness
From my chat page. Seems quite mature for a little girl who calls adult swim shows ‘kiddie cartoons.’
Futurama is only a kiddy cartoon from your little pedistool.
I can’t wait to see you fall. That will be really a sight to see - as you crack your ankles with your platform heels and the jeering laughing croud below the stage quite literally consumes you entirely.
Wow nice to see your role models are from a bunch of kiddy cartoons.
That’s funny shit, AwesomeDoer.
prudish sluts: the perfect example of women having their cake, and eating it too.
Women are selfish. For example, they want dirty, unprotected sex with a complete stranger. They also want people to think that they are “independent”, and “hard-working” respectable people. AND, they want people to feel sorry for them (another cake even!). Sorry that they can’t get what they want, even though they do.
SomeGuy(trying to be man-helpful but too naive to understand the whore): “Aww, I’m sorry that you can’t find the right guy.”.
Whore: “Aww, thanks, I can’t seem to find happiness”.
She already found happiness. It was behind a dumpster where she fucked a guy named Travis because he had a tribal tattoo. Why did she still complain? Because she got:
1)Sympathy from someone (selfishness)
2)Cum-filled (sluts)
3)A false sense of pride and dignity (prudes)