Childbirth is Not a Big Deal
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again because it was funny and completely true. Women having babies is like an octopus shooting ink at a shark come dinner time — except this octopus has six tentacles in the shark’s wallet and also a layer of whore paint all over its face.
And one of its other tentacles has a foot for sticking down it’s fucking throat in front of the shark’s boss and parents.
Please allow me to quote from 3 billion of the worst writers in the world today:
“You men think you’re so tough, you gay faggots? Try pushing something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon which is also called your vagina!”
-Every woman ever
That is an inaccurate depiction of childbirth.
First of all, childbirth, whether it’s completely disgusting or not, is a beautiful thing. In the case of baby boys being born, you could be witnessing the first breaths of the next Picasso or Pavarotti or the guy who played Herman Munster. In the case of baby women, you’re witnessing something special too probably. The point is, as a man I would never sink so low as to equate the act of childbirth to some perverse squishing of fruits and vegetables through other fruits and vegetables. Is this human life we’re talking about or a fruit salad Physical Challenge? What the fuck? Unlike women, men float effortlessly on the sea of indiscretion by inflatable rafts called our class — Man Class.
Secondly, a baby is not the size of a watermelon. It’s more like like size of a grapefruit or maybe a slightly larger than average lemon. Have I ever squeezed something the size of a slightly larger than average lemon through something the size of a regular sized lemon? Believe me I have. But go bigger you say? You must be a man then! And I say why the fuck not!
It’s called putting on my undershirt, which women don’t know about because they’re whores and wear things like spaghetti strap tank tops and bras and other silly things designed to maximize their flesh showcase. I don’t hear my undershirt complaining about my head being the size of a fucking watermelon, which it isn’t, but it is bigger than my shirt’s neck hole.
The fact of the matter is today’s modern mother is so doped up on morphine and chocolate that she doesn’t even know who the father is when it comes time to popping the poor bastard out. Men in the Napoleonic Age got their legs and shit cut off with no antestetic and gangrenous saws. Now that’s some pain! Where’s your fucking cute, stupid fruit analogy now? Have you ever had a zucchini the size of your leg cut in half by a carrot which was a rusty saw? Fuck off.
My last piece of evidence is what I call The Clencher.
The only women who use this argument are teenage women or childless, unmarried harpies. The world has truly known no more useless swine. They’ve never done anything for anyone ever. Congratulate your nearest mother. She won the race by pulling her head out of the sand.
It’s a good thing all babies have a 50/50 shot of being men — or else we’d all be fucked.
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Hm, I wouldn’t compare a baby’s size to a grapefruit unless they were more of a preemie or smaller for some other reason. New tend to be 15-21 inches long and 6.7 lbs on average.
A misconception is that the vagina stretching is not what hurts more, it’s the uterus that causes the most pain. The contractions, mainly. Vaginas are made to stretch, and it hurts but the uterus is where the most pain comes from.
Of course if it’s a huge baby then it’s more understandable, but the pain of stretching is so minimal in comparison to the contractions, that it doesn’t usually register.
I do hate it when a woman uses pregnancy as an excuse to trump someone, I just wanted to clear this up.
dude. your a guy get over it. like uve ever gone through pregnancy i honestly find this sight hilarious because its a guy saying he knows what pregnancy feels like bahahahahah!!!!!!!
You’re a complete idiot.
Chris AND MarkEMark=Mr. Empty-pants
Haha89=Mr. Empty-pants
Chris=Mr. Empty-pants: http://www.maleenhancement.org/
So…by inductive reasoning…you, C.L. are saying that homosexuality is a…[woman's weasel word alert] CHOICE????
So when was the last time you gave birth, faggot asshole? Actually, giving birth is more like shitting out a pumpkin. Shitting out is a great analogy, esp. if the baby is a boy, who has a chance of becoming a rabid misogynist as an adult like yourself. I hope to fuck you never, ever have children. I doubt if any women would allow you to mount her, so that’s a relief.
“Faggot asshole”
Well that’s classy.
Get these bitches off the site. From the stone age until today, they haven’t done anything. Ever.
Mantastic:: Yes they have, they’ve ridden the shirt tails of men mainly by nagging the submission out of us. Even nature has tried to spare us from some of their endless nags. Ear hair.
Why do women think of perverted sex like every 5 seconds, especially when a man who disagrees with their perversion is around?
My, my, my, a bitter misandrist wench with a computer keyboard and Internet connection. How rare indeed. A man probably wouldn’t mount you if your name was Seattle Slew. Everything a pop tart manages to eventually complete is some miraculous feat – according to her and her fellow feminista pop tarts. What women must learn to grasp is that the new liberated male is laughing at women and their collective folly. Feminism is no longer cute. Feminism is no longer relevant. Feminism is no longer ground breaking. Feminism is boring and oh, so last decade. Men did not support your stupid movement in order to be eventually oppressed by it. Man up or shut up.
Women that say childbirth is the most painful thing only say that because they have never been to war. War is a manly thing because men don’t ever do it on accident like getting pregnant, which on the man’s end is an accident, the baby batter goes in the face, not the Ball and Chain AKA the vagina.
The only way that men are stupid is because of the pussy. Wanting it makes us dumb shits, not me though, I get hookers and I don’t see it as so much paying for sex as paying for them to FUCKING LEAVE when I’m done. Plus I have more respect for a prostitute because at least she knows all she’s good for.
A wife is only good because as a man I need something to protect and care for and my man brain needs many problems to solve with only a woman can offer.
So goddamn true Mr. Masterson.
-S
Every human comes from a womans body. A men cannot tell another men how painfull a childbirth is, because its a woman expiërence.
Done with it.
Sandra says; bla bla woman this, woman that, bla ( from the Netherlands).
ROFLAMO. BFD. Maybe women should get some kind of medal for giving birth? How about that? Should we have a parade? How about a picnic on Sunday afternoon, celebrating women and their overstated, mock accomplishments, once again, ad nauseam? The feminist movement (like a bowel movement) failed to teach women one important thing; social decorum. Now they just open their yappers and spew their bitterness and collective penis envy. Women have created more misogynists than nature could have ever done on His own. No contest.
Actually, since women aren’t hardly hurt by anything physically, Men accumulate more pain. Childbirth on a pain scale is say 8/10, getting kicked in the penis is probably well, 9/10, but let’s count it down anyway, to, say, 3/10. (NOT AT ALL TRUE) And getting kicked in the nuts happens say, everytime a man make a women mad ever, which happens about 48 times, and that’s holding back too. So were already to 144 pain points. women usually have around 2 children. Thats 18 pain points, yeah, men have it off worse.
Perhaps if you weren’t such an ass, you wouldn’t be kicked as much.
no, a couple of my friends have actually made a game of this. if you can hit the other in the nuts without getting hit back for 20 minutes you get 5 points. bringing to the knees is 10 points. bringing to the floor is 15 points. retribution (hitting someone immediately after they hit you) is 30 points. its fun as long as you realise that pain is all mental.
1) It’s spelled, “Cesarean” or sometimes, “Caesarean”.
Learn to spell.
2) C-section was first used to remove a baby from the mother’s womb who died during child birth. Let me guess, your going to say you can feel pain when your dead, right?
3) Kidney Stones. All I have to say.
4) You have no idea what it feels like to get punched in the balls. Take getting punched in the gut, breast, and face and multiply it 10. Now add the sensation of you about to take a shit and puke. Thats the pain of a groin shot. It’s why the only time you see men cry, is when the afore-mention ball breaker is used.
And you have no idea what it feels like to give birth. Are we even now?
guy getting kicked in the balls is pathetic, most guys have such a low pain threshold. My friend (a guy) would always get hit square in the balls and would hardly care, now when he had kidney stones! that’s a different story, i felt really bad for him.
Also reading this made me realise what girls are better at… playing rochambo :)
so….you’re better at Rochambeau? you REALLY think it doesnt hurt to get a cuntpunt? yeah, okay. why dont you just go try that, a cuntpunt hurts almost as bad as a ballbuster when done correctly
It might have something to do with the fact that if a man ever resorted to such an immature way of dealing with a woman, he’s sent to prison. People find it acceptable for a woman to do so for some reason.
“i hope your mother is dead. if she isn’t, my heart goes out to her. P.S. i wouldn’t comment back with anything too demeaning my old man is a force to reckon with.”
Ooh, your Big Bad Daddy is going to fight your battles for you. What are you, 12 years old?
You tell your Big Daddy to come to my house. I’ll show him another force to be reckoned with – Smith & Wesson.
Cunt.
Its kind of sad-funny that when these females have nothing to brag about they brag about motherhood, like this is one thing only they can be experts on. And then they say something dumb like ” I hope your mother is dead, if no then my heart goes out to her….” Stop right there> She doesn’t know anything about being a mother. It is obvious your mother know you very well. The female doesn’t know you at all, plus she is totally incompetent about men, so she knows about you even less that nothing. I mean if she stoped for a moment using slogans, maybe she would realize how proud your mother is of you.
He’s talking about the head of the baby. That’s the largest part that needs to go through.
You are not allowed to join my Classy Broads.
-Dick
hey if you hate women so much then why don’t you be gay. it only makes sense. i mean, you can tell how extremely uneducated you are by just reading your opinions. i’m a little over 5 months pregnant now. my baby is already bigger than a large grapefruit. i still have 4 more months to go. ah, let me guess, my baby has already stopped growing? wrong. when my husband was born he weighed 10lbs 7oz. and i have yet to see a ” large lemon ” weigh that much. before you go running your mouth you need to get your facts straight. for a man who supposedly knows all this stuff about women you really are stupid. i bet if you took your glasses off you would look like a broke-ass bald walter cronkite. and your whole napoleonic analogy is just stupid. have you ever had your legs or whatever cut off? you act like men go through that every day. that was then this is now. guys have an easy ride. women have babies and have had babies since the beginning of time. i hope your mother is dead. if she isn’t, my heart goes out to her. P.S. i wouldn’t comment back with anything too demeaning my old man is a force to reckon with.
So…by inductive reasoning…you, C.L. are saying that homosexuality is a…[woman's weasel word alert] CHOICE????
you boys are so childish…..first of all a child comming out is not the size of a grape…..some times the womens vagina can tear……you boys should get your facts right…….im guessing this dick is a teenage boy but even if hes a grown man there is not diff……lets agree that we will never know whats more painful child birth or getting kicked in the testicles………child birth is beautiful and the dick really is not….but dont make stupid statements……ask your mother about how you were born,ask for the painful details…..from here we can see that a lot of boys are insensitive creatures
Why does everyone seem to confuse “not caring” with “not understanding”?
Well, the amount of times a man has been kicked in his testicles in his whole life is equal to the birth of once child. I am not a sexist and I don’t really agree with this website but I believe Dick’s article is more understandable.
W/out women to have babies no men would be here. You would not be here, none of us would. You are right child birth is a beautiful thing. But it is very painful and can become complicated sometimes. Until you give birth, you really can not speak on the topic.
Yeah yeah we know if everyone comes from a woman then god must be a woman right? Huh, typical.
you know what I’ve heard, as well? Women that have babies on their own at home and deliver it themselves without drugs and stuff tend to have little to no pain. I can’t remember the reason for it, but I think it had something to do with either stress, or thinking negatively about childbirth itself.
When the rapper Jay-Zs mom had him, she didnt feel any pain.
It’s because the woman is fucking designed to have children. Their brain produces endorphines at a high level to help counter the pain. Also in water home births midwives use techniques such as warm water, massage, and meditation to ease the pain. Statistics show it’s THE best way to be born and to give birth.