It’s Just Coffee. Settle the Fuck Down.
I like my coffee like I like my women: cheap and brought to me by another woman. And just like women, coffee is nothing to get excited about.
Coffee is like a penis. It’s a tool a man uses to get the job done as quickly as possible. It’s not a reason to wake up in the morning and it’s not a philosophy.
In that case, coffee is exactly like a penis because that’s what both are to women: a reason to live.
Men are better than women at coffee. First of all, women make shitty coffee. The man-invented coffee maker does a perfect job of making perfect coffee. Then women go and fuck it up with two packs of sugar and a half pint of cream. Why not just drink caffeinated honey, you big fat fucks?
Also, women are simple and retarded.
Simple and Retarded
When men drink coffee, it doesn’t become the focal point of our personalities. It’s just coffee. Settle the fuck down. Men are complex and interesting and there are better things in the world for us to base our personalities on. Faster things. Louder things. Things that are immortalized in bronze and steel. Men cost more than $3.65 plus tip.
Women are simple and boring. They only mature enough in their crappy lives to embrace a handful of simple and boring things. Things like dogs and babies and weddings. Weddings are so simple women can actually plan them with little help from men. That’s because you can’t fuck up a wedding. Weddings are already permafucked.
Women have the maturity level of circus freaks. If they’re not bored out of their skulls sitting at a nice restaurant with nothing interesting to say and no one to give a fuck about it, then they’re ecstatic with mania. Women only have two levels on their emotional thermostat: Dead and Crazy. That’s why they obsess about the simple trinkets in their lives — like coffee — with the tenacity of spoiled two year olds.
Also, women are full of shit.
Full of Shit
When a man is busy, he gives off the impression that he is busy. When a woman is an abject failure at life, she compiles a universe of quirks and preferences to give off the impression that she’s busy. An obsession with coffee is a perfect example of this.
Coffee is the first and easiest shortcut to martyrdom. After all, if a woman is so dangerously addicted to coffee, doesn’t that mean her daily struggles and Woman Workload require almost a man-sized supply of energy?
Any woman who is obsessed with coffee is trying to tell you something:
“Appreciate me for how hard I work at looking like I’m working hard.”
Man Zen.
Self-Obsession is easier than Self-Improvement.
Coffee is to women what boobs are to men. No matter what’s happening around us, we’re still partly thinking about boobs. The same goes for women and coffee. The difference is that a man-brain can be divided into many different tasks. Dividing a she-brain is like trying to fold a CD in half. If you try to, make sure you don’t wear protective goggles because that would be a loss of Man Points.
Asking a woman to embrace anything more complicated than “beans plus heat equals coffee” is like expecting a couch to fit in your buddy’s Civic. Asking a woman to obsess about nostalgia and sloth, however, is like not asking her anything at all and letting her continue about her daily business — which was obsessing about nostalgia and sloth.
Coffee is about putting fire in your brain so you can get off your ass and start pounding rivets. It’s not meant to be enjoyed.
“What’s a rivet?” says a woman.
Rivets are like men. They hold the world together.
Case Studies in the Self-Obsession and False Martyrdom of a Female Coffee Obsession:
Mommy Needs Coffee!
Busy Mom!
Coffee Mom!
*Listed in order of fatness
Leave it to a mother to think of a way to “need” a break from the permanent vacation of motherhood.
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I am shutting this site down.
In the Seinfeld series actually there is an episode where they state: “Coffee is sex”
I really hope u’re doing this for shits and giggles or for money, because if not..then you are truly a sad, sad human being.
all the crap you’ve written comes down to women being more emotional than men.
We care.
sorry you find that so offensive.
(caring = living; we’re anything but dead)
Why are women convinced they are collectively so ‘giving and caring’? Anyone that has lived on this planet longer that 23 minutes knows that is a bunch of unadulterated B.S. Do women ever shut the fuck up? I submit they do not. They yammer on, and on, and on, and on, trying to convince someone of something. Women are all talk and no action. Another valid reason men are better than women.
Women are caring and giving to children. If you wish to be cared for, reincarnate yourself and come back as a baby. Or maybe you are one with all your whining and complaining.
Because emotions don’t get things done, action does. The problem is caring about things that don’t matter. This is fine, except when you insist they do matter, instead of doing something about it.
This coffee post reminds me of one of the best jokes I’ve heard about “coffee”… and it was from a porno, no less. Here’s the short version:
Guy #1: I like my coffee like I like my women…
Guy #2: Black?
Guy #1: No… tied up in a sack and thrown over the back of a donkey.
Believe it or not, that was one of the BETTER parts of the porno film. :)
And since I’m posting here, check out Dick Masterson on Super Frat, at http://www.superfrat.com!
Thanks Dick! Keep up the great work!
I like my coffee like I like my women. Ground up and in the freezer.
That’s actually pretty good.
A man wrote it no doubt.
Running out of ideas?
O_o
Generalizing coffee drinkers now?
Ok , my grandfather had a 180 I.Q. and an engineer , so you are telling me that he was stupid because he enjoyed the taste of coffee? He lived off of coffee… And as far as my memory can go I remember coffee being consumed for work . I never needed it or enjoy, I always have energy. However no wonder America is stupid, this is how we live and this what we call philosophy. Do you know what the average man in America scores lower than me? No man here has common knowledge. No people do anymore.. I am smarter than the average Yale student, that is pretty sad.
Ok , my grandfather had a 180 I.Q. and an engineer , so you are telling me that he was stupid because he enjoyed the taste of coffee? He lived off of coffee… And as far as my memory can go I remember coffee being consumed for work . I never needed it or enjoy, I always have energy. However no wonder America is stupid, this is how we live and this what we call philosophy. Do you know what the average man in America scores lower than me? No man here has common knowledge. No people do anymore.. I am smarter than the average Yale student, that is pretty sad.
I was on the 1 percentile of the country in 6th grade. O_O that bothers me…..
Fox the goddamn comment box…… O_0
Fix the goddamn comment box…… O_0
lol
Why do women retain expectations of privilege in a post-feminist society?
@Muzalon I just read your blog about Madonna. It’s largely spot-on. Howeverm I think that it deserved a bit more bashing.
Fuck man we need a link with these, I’ve not read it.
Jesus, dude – how much bashing do you want, short of taking out a contract on her?!? Besides, I prefer a controlled beating with accurate, chisel-like blows to an all-out bashing.
JJF
Just click on my name.
“how much bashing do you want”
A bit more would make it perfect. You forgot to call her a bitch, for eg.
All right I take it back, you did call her a bitch, but you still forgot ‘nasty, grubby cunt.’
Madonna is truly a despicable creature. I can smell her rotten cunt from here… and that’s a global statement!
Muzalon,
Do I get woman points today for being so feck all stupid that I didn’t think of clicking?
You countless man points more than make up for them…
*Your
Thank ya sir.
Something people forget is, plenty of people get to where they are through hard work, not being smarter than everyone else.
http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/4629/monkeylolog7.jpg
Maturity is the refuge of the boring.
Running out of ideas?
O_o
Generalizing coffee drinkers now?
o_O
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Nobody cares about you or your butthurt. You do not need to say that you are leaving, because nothing of value will be lost. Neither this page nor the internet as a whole is serious business. You are a fool to expect maturity.
Hey /b/rother. I agree fully, TL;DR but you gotta agree these women are batshit insane. They go on and on and ramble and ramble making no logical progression. It makes a IRL point that somebody who can not even string a simple sentence together to defend themselves has the same rights a freedom’s that I do.
ebaumsworld. I have the pussy I make the FOOD.
Quoted for the truth.
EVERYONE READ THIS!!! I have ONE question. WHY WHY WHY do some of you guys on this site respond to ANYTHING these women say on these comments? IGNORE THEM. THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
I make a prediction. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU GUYS WHO TALK TO THESE STUPID WOMEN ON HERE HAVE WOMAN PROBLEMS IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T LEARNED THE SIMPLEST TRUTH.
WOMEN HAVE NOTHING TO SAY, AND YOU ARE BETTER OFF IGNORING THEM.
It doesn’t MATTER if they “made a point” because they’re women and they DIDN’T. It doesn’t matter if they write a comment directed at you. FUCK THEM. THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO EVEN BE HERE. The first lesson a man learns in his journey for peace is to STOP LISTENING TO WOMEN.
I don’t give two shits what a woman says on here. I don’t even read their posts. As soon as I determine they’re woman, I ignore them, just like I do in real life. GET A CLUE MORONS. STOP LISTENING TO/RESPONDING TO WOMEN. You’re making fools of yourselves, guys, and you’re playing woman’s games here on a site that’s specifically designed as a refuge from that very bullshit.
And ladies, if my ignoring you on this site bothers you, feel free to be ignored here:
myspace.com/spatiotemporalaentropy
and here:
myspace.com/purestwrath
and here:
myspace.com/majickturtle
and here:
myspace.com/syntheticwraith
Those are various band pages, and I know how you women are suckers for men who ignore you and treat you like garbage cans, so why don’t you make yourselves ALMOST useful and increase my music plays by visiting those sites! But you’re not allowed to email me anything with text. PICTURES ONLY because whether or not you realize it, you have nothing to say to me. Your mouth is to be used as a birth control device, NOT a communication tool.
~Manos.
One man from each race says something, and you reckon they speak for 3 entire races?
Jeez women are so fucking dumb.
Dude, you’re fuckin awesome. keep it goin’.
My husband is Mexican.. he believes the same thing. As well as my relatives that are men, that are White. So, that’s what 3 races of men ? Hmm.. ol Dick seems to be gaining a hatred & dismissal from the masses of men & women.
“Shithead asshole”, is that femspeak for a male with a clue? Here’s another example of the feminine desire to squelch the truth in exchange for autistic nihilism at any cost (to others preferably)
Mooz for womens rights? Are you from another planet? Are you mental?What a perfect example of arrogant ignorance endemic of the species. Sadly the only thing that arabic culture has gotten right, likely by accident as nobody can be perfect, even perfectly wrong, is the integration of subjugation of women culturally so that they cant get or assume or be allowed or be accepted to attain a position of power sufficient to fuck things up as they have in western culture. Not that they could assume anything of consequence on their own but there are those men who will cover and prepare the ground for them in this regard, in exchange for the usual expected reward of access to that most holey[sic] of grails. Sadly the cost of reminding westerners that women can’t as matter of routine be relied upon for mature responsible behavior is death and dhimmitude.
Whydoncha get yer head out of your People or InTouch magazine and read a book that isn’t about conspicuous consumption or getting men to do your every bidding,
Respectfully submitted
Darrell Harb
well saber i hope that u wont belive this shit head asswhole (dick) cuz my bf is tunisian and he belives in women right and always say to me that arabian people belives in women right so i hope that youll change ur mind soon
hi dick,i’m sabeur from tunisia…i’m 19 years old and i’m a student…there’s a channel”mbc 4″ wich prodcast all dr phil shows,so i did have the chance to know you and to tell you through this website that you are absolutly right….we can’t let women take controle,because if they did,it will be the end of the world…
well that’s it,thank you
Youre correct dog. The sexual dynamic is that the incapable but necessary (for pro and recreation) want to control the means of their survival and comfort through intimidation and denial of access. To do that they’re stuck having to diminish the very being that is equipped to guarantee their existance and safety. Naught will come from discussions as all is programmed. There is one functional sexual paradigm and it isn’t letting the ignorant, capricious and incapable lead the way (as is currently the way). One cannot expect fidelity or intelligence if one does not learn to value it and internalize it, and one cannot internalize it and understand the potential if one is not wired for it.
Complaints about “racism” and all the other isms are an attempt to make the obvious unacceptable. Those that cry loudest about the various isms are in fact those that practice it to the finest art for their own selfish benefit. Thusly I have joined their ranks, but only in spirit disclosure. I’ve no problem admitting my various racisms, genderisms, nativisms etc etc but my greatest ism is resultism, something that the commonly used defense of claiming outrage with the popular isms is expressly designed to avoid through plausible-denial-of-personal-responsibilityism. I declare that I’m no longer affected by any charges of my social failure by any supposed isms, rather I embrace my all isms and declare them definately positive survival mechanisms. To wit: If you ‘d think I’m a racist, genderist etc etc, OK I AM, and unashamedly so, my defense being that I am productive ismist and generative through them and taking care and responsibility of myself, rather than the others who use their exposure of isms to do nothing, to generate naught but excuses for their actions and demands for others to perpetuate them in their infantilized state.
Bottom line? To expect perfection on this plane and with these tools is unrealistic. Problem is that the powers that be are doing all they can to destroy the beneficial aspects of ‘manning up’ because they thrive on chaos, and that’s what you get when everything is pussified.
Respectfully submitted,
Darrell Harb
Psychology – the ‘god’ of beta males and feminists.
You have it wrong. It’s not that she’s a woman, it’s that she came bickering like a child with a temper tantrum. You’ld know this if you saw the first pots she made. and don’t worry, we’re glad she left too,
Last thing, fair and objective….we’re talking about the same child, right?
Kelly, whoever you are, I think you are a very intelligent young woman, you are fair and objective, and I don’t blame you at all for finally leaving this site. And for you guys out there, if you would have just given her a chance and looked past the fact that she’s female, maybe you would see that she makes a lot of relevant points.
Oh, and by the way, this site is absolutely hilarious. If I had taken any of this crap seriously, I probably would be lecturing right now as well, but it really isn’t worth it… at the moment. All I can say, is that the person who created it either has the intelligence and maturity of a 12 year old, or is emotionally distressed. I’m not even trying to insult you, Dick, I’m just pointing out the psychological truth.
Before you start pointing fingers at me, I’m not even a feminist. I’m an equalist :P
What an interesting site. The times they are a-changing. Males are clearly viewed as expendable cannon fodder by society in general, and women in particular. It is testament to public idiocy that feminist claims remained unchallenged for so long.