It’s Just Coffee. Settle the Fuck Down.
I like my coffee like I like my women: cheap and brought to me by another woman. And just like women, coffee is nothing to get excited about.
Coffee is like a penis. It’s a tool a man uses to get the job done as quickly as possible. It’s not a reason to wake up in the morning and it’s not a philosophy.
In that case, coffee is exactly like a penis because that’s what both are to women: a reason to live.
Men are better than women at coffee. First of all, women make shitty coffee. The man-invented coffee maker does a perfect job of making perfect coffee. Then women go and fuck it up with two packs of sugar and a half pint of cream. Why not just drink caffeinated honey, you big fat fucks?
Also, women are simple and retarded.
Simple and Retarded
When men drink coffee, it doesn’t become the focal point of our personalities. It’s just coffee. Settle the fuck down. Men are complex and interesting and there are better things in the world for us to base our personalities on. Faster things. Louder things. Things that are immortalized in bronze and steel. Men cost more than $3.65 plus tip.
Women are simple and boring. They only mature enough in their crappy lives to embrace a handful of simple and boring things. Things like dogs and babies and weddings. Weddings are so simple women can actually plan them with little help from men. That’s because you can’t fuck up a wedding. Weddings are already permafucked.
Women have the maturity level of circus freaks. If they’re not bored out of their skulls sitting at a nice restaurant with nothing interesting to say and no one to give a fuck about it, then they’re ecstatic with mania. Women only have two levels on their emotional thermostat: Dead and Crazy. That’s why they obsess about the simple trinkets in their lives — like coffee — with the tenacity of spoiled two year olds.
Also, women are full of shit.
Full of Shit
When a man is busy, he gives off the impression that he is busy. When a woman is an abject failure at life, she compiles a universe of quirks and preferences to give off the impression that she’s busy. An obsession with coffee is a perfect example of this.
Coffee is the first and easiest shortcut to martyrdom. After all, if a woman is so dangerously addicted to coffee, doesn’t that mean her daily struggles and Woman Workload require almost a man-sized supply of energy?
Any woman who is obsessed with coffee is trying to tell you something:
“Appreciate me for how hard I work at looking like I’m working hard.”
Man Zen.
Self-Obsession is easier than Self-Improvement.
Coffee is to women what boobs are to men. No matter what’s happening around us, we’re still partly thinking about boobs. The same goes for women and coffee. The difference is that a man-brain can be divided into many different tasks. Dividing a she-brain is like trying to fold a CD in half. If you try to, make sure you don’t wear protective goggles because that would be a loss of Man Points.
Asking a woman to embrace anything more complicated than “beans plus heat equals coffee” is like expecting a couch to fit in your buddy’s Civic. Asking a woman to obsess about nostalgia and sloth, however, is like not asking her anything at all and letting her continue about her daily business — which was obsessing about nostalgia and sloth.
Coffee is about putting fire in your brain so you can get off your ass and start pounding rivets. It’s not meant to be enjoyed.
“What’s a rivet?” says a woman.
Rivets are like men. They hold the world together.
Case Studies in the Self-Obsession and False Martyrdom of a Female Coffee Obsession:
Mommy Needs Coffee!
Busy Mom!
Coffee Mom!
*Listed in order of fatness
Leave it to a mother to think of a way to “need” a break from the permanent vacation of motherhood.
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March 7th, 2008 at 1:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
I am not racist at all, so you may as well drop it.
March 7th, 2008 at 1:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: fb1de3c77ad9c
Yeah but you’re still a woman, so you still lose.
*as do I, but you’re the more obnoxious of the gender.
March 7th, 2008 at 1:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
Yep, you sure are a cool one, aren’t you?
March 7th, 2008 at 2:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: ac263f06d7774
IF you weren’t racist you wouldn’t have brought up black people in the first place. Brining up the suffering of people just to prove a point is about as racist as you can get.
March 7th, 2008 at 2:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
I’m not a racist haha, I would never judge someone based on something physical. Do you think women have never suffered??? Women still suffer because of people like YOU! That was my point! I used black people as an example because I was assuming you are American… if you were Canadian I would have said Natives… either way, I am not racist BUT you are no better than someone who IS racist because you judge women on the simple fact they were born a different sex than you. If you cannot get this through your head then you truly are a dumbshit.
March 7th, 2008 at 2:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6964c4c40c0c5
@Kelly B
You have to admit, if that friend of yours and a male with the same A+ the woman would get picked.
And I live in Southern Ontario.
March 7th, 2008 at 2:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
Ah, that is where that friend is from Ontario around that area. I’m a maritimer. Anyways… perhaps you are right, I don’t know really, I know she is extremely smart though and deserved to get accepted… and I do realize that a lot of work placements etc are trying to meet a status quo by hiring more women and I wil admit, I do not agree with that because I think it should depend on your skills and what not… but she is actually extremely smart… I’ve taken courses with her and I would study my ass off for a psychology exam and get like a A- and she would barely study and get an A+… do I believe she truly deserves those positions.
March 7th, 2008 at 2:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
so I believe***
March 7th, 2008 at 2:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: ac263f06d7774
Oh come on. You say you’re not a racist but you insult people because you assume things about them? and then you want to change the subject back to how women have suffered just to evade defending yourself again. Childish. By ranting childishly without finding facts about people and trying to put one person’s suffering above someone else’s you’re proven yourself worse then anyone here. Insensitive kids like you are the reason people continue to suffer. Where’s your shame, kiddo?
March 7th, 2008 at 2:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: fb1de3c77ad9c
Never said I was. I at least know when to quit when I’m ahead.. which is more than you and other chicks around here seem to do.
March 7th, 2008 at 3:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
@ Arbalest:
You are a moron. I do not see how my me saying you are no better than a racist makes me racist. I couldn’t care any less what you think about me, I am not a racist. If I was then wouldn’t I stop bitching at you for judging others?
March 7th, 2008 at 3:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: ac263f06d7774
Now I see why so many of the guys here just stick to insults instead of trying to explain things to children. Kiddo, just go away. Cowards like you should be the last people speaking of hate. Can’t even break away from your own immaturity to see the way you’re spitting upon people’s suffering. It’s kinda ironic how the kids complaining about dick are the most hateful of all.
March 7th, 2008 at 3:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: ac263f06d7774
Besides, it’s kinda hard to get people to say what they mean when they can’t tell themselves…..poor kid, I almost pity you.
March 7th, 2008 at 5:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6e7093b0efb6b
Jesus H. Christ! Do we really need a sign that says “Do not poke the racist trolls”?
She is racist and won’t admit it, big deal. Not too many people would admit to being racist even if they were.
And she lies, too. Like, I have a friend and stuff who went to a school in puerto rico for a month, and she was so smart that some ivy league colleges, like brown and harvard, gave her a JD and PhDs and stuff.
Don’t belive me? Well, I’m like on the internet and stuff, so you cant prove me wrong. Like, it really happened, you know?
March 7th, 2008 at 5:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
You are a feminist. All feminism is hate speech. Black males are over-represented in incarceration facilities about five fold. A majority of black inmates have been incarcerated by your anti-father fad-legislation, but their sentences stretch far beyond the expiration date if a fad or whim. Hence, you are a racist.
Perhaps this will grant you further understanding in why it makes economic and social sense for men to seek sexual relationships overseas.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_feminism
I like this one as well. I love the comment on how not wanting to fuck a fat, stupid pig makes me an oaf. So be it, then - you are a negligible fuckwit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cSd3df1znU
Notice how the one on the right actually knows how stupid she is.
We aren’t seeking out the sexually submissive women - those are just a nice bonus - we are avoiding the ones like you. We aren’t avoiding you like the plague, you are the plague.
March 7th, 2008 at 5:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6e7093b0efb6b
Ugh.
Don’t poke the trolls, alright? The broads here say things like,”Oh, I never take Dick seriously, haha! :) He is really funny, and i come here and look at his site because i really think hes entertaining! Its like so funny and stuff! So i’ll go on and post some insult that has a better than not chance of being phallus-related, only because i’m an insecure woman that has daddy issues and thinks that by insulting the length of something that I will never see, I will make you depressed and “win” in the argument.”
Don’t poke the trolls.
March 7th, 2008 at 5:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
I know, it’s just cute when the fuckboxes talk. They think they’re little people!
March 7th, 2008 at 5:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Panda’s right, the worst thing we can do is just let it die. It lives on attention, it’s looks won’t last forever.
Time is on your side, be deliberate.
March 7th, 2008 at 6:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: a68d65197e50f
Haha, two posts again?
March 7th, 2008 at 6:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9c5fed5a08109
Yeah… once again I’m not racist and nothing I said indicates so. It’s so sad women live in a world fearing being rapes and killed by you men… and then you guys are advocating bullshit and trying to convince people we are worhtless peices of shit… kinda like how people used to treat blacks… (many people still do) That does not make me racist for pointing out the fact that if you had it your way you would treat women how blacks were treated long ago… that was my point! I am so sick of your bullshit. You have no idea what most women have to go through every single day u stupid fucks! Men have it so easy and you are too dumb to see it. Basically, you all either have “mommy issues” “girlfriend issues” or you are just plain jealous, so get over it boys.. plain and simple, get over it.