It’s Just Coffee. Settle the Fuck Down.
I like my coffee like I like my women: cheap and brought to me by another woman. And just like women, coffee is nothing to get excited about.
Coffee is like a penis. It’s a tool a man uses to get the job done as quickly as possible. It’s not a reason to wake up in the morning and it’s not a philosophy.
In that case, coffee is exactly like a penis because that’s what both are to women: a reason to live.
Men are better than women at coffee. First of all, women make shitty coffee. The man-invented coffee maker does a perfect job of making perfect coffee. Then women go and fuck it up with two packs of sugar and a half pint of cream. Why not just drink caffeinated honey, you big fat fucks?
Also, women are simple and retarded.
Simple and Retarded
When men drink coffee, it doesn’t become the focal point of our personalities. It’s just coffee. Settle the fuck down. Men are complex and interesting and there are better things in the world for us to base our personalities on. Faster things. Louder things. Things that are immortalized in bronze and steel. Men cost more than $3.65 plus tip.
Women are simple and boring. They only mature enough in their crappy lives to embrace a handful of simple and boring things. Things like dogs and babies and weddings. Weddings are so simple women can actually plan them with little help from men. That’s because you can’t fuck up a wedding. Weddings are already permafucked.
Women have the maturity level of circus freaks. If they’re not bored out of their skulls sitting at a nice restaurant with nothing interesting to say and no one to give a fuck about it, then they’re ecstatic with mania. Women only have two levels on their emotional thermostat: Dead and Crazy. That’s why they obsess about the simple trinkets in their lives — like coffee — with the tenacity of spoiled two year olds.
Also, women are full of shit.
Full of Shit
When a man is busy, he gives off the impression that he is busy. When a woman is an abject failure at life, she compiles a universe of quirks and preferences to give off the impression that she’s busy. An obsession with coffee is a perfect example of this.
Coffee is the first and easiest shortcut to martyrdom. After all, if a woman is so dangerously addicted to coffee, doesn’t that mean her daily struggles and Woman Workload require almost a man-sized supply of energy?
Any woman who is obsessed with coffee is trying to tell you something:
“Appreciate me for how hard I work at looking like I’m working hard.”
Man Zen.
Self-Obsession is easier than Self-Improvement.
Coffee is to women what boobs are to men. No matter what’s happening around us, we’re still partly thinking about boobs. The same goes for women and coffee. The difference is that a man-brain can be divided into many different tasks. Dividing a she-brain is like trying to fold a CD in half. If you try to, make sure you don’t wear protective goggles because that would be a loss of Man Points.
Asking a woman to embrace anything more complicated than “beans plus heat equals coffee” is like expecting a couch to fit in your buddy’s Civic. Asking a woman to obsess about nostalgia and sloth, however, is like not asking her anything at all and letting her continue about her daily business — which was obsessing about nostalgia and sloth.
Coffee is about putting fire in your brain so you can get off your ass and start pounding rivets. It’s not meant to be enjoyed.
“What’s a rivet?” says a woman.
Rivets are like men. They hold the world together.
Case Studies in the Self-Obsession and False Martyrdom of a Female Coffee Obsession:
Mommy Needs Coffee!
Busy Mom!
Coffee Mom!
*Listed in order of fatness
Leave it to a mother to think of a way to “need” a break from the permanent vacation of motherhood.
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March 8th, 2008 at 12:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Rape is a revolutionary act.
March 8th, 2008 at 12:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: fff69eb7c9496
Come on man. You expect her to work? She’ld just get pregnant just in time to avoid actual combat.,
March 8th, 2008 at 12:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: a7f631d55e12e
drinking coffee can be worse than smoking, but then, so can woman.
March 8th, 2008 at 1:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: bb1560c1917d6
Anyone who claims to be intelligent by boasting at their grades is only proving how ignorant they really are of the way the world works.
Getting an A means you are good at doing what you’re told.
The only exception to that is high level math and science, which require critical thought even if you are doing what you’re told.
In general, it proves nothing other than you do what you’re told. Go join the lower to middle class work force, little worker bee. Have fun going through life doing what you’re told, as you should if you don’t want to to royally fuck up.
That being said…
Indeed, coffee is just for a quick boost of energy to get your shit done. Certainly not meant for some twisted fru-fru experience.
March 8th, 2008 at 1:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Interesting points… the utter irrelevance of a liberal arts education to adult socio-economic status has obviously yet to bite her ass.
March 8th, 2008 at 2:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4aba00bf66121
You’re so out on a skinny limb Muffalong !
The day you get a truly intelligent thought in your head, will be the day your own pet dog starts to fancy your dirty stinking asshole. And we all know how unlikely that is to happen.
March 8th, 2008 at 2:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Muffalong… Aye, Aristophanes’ acid wit lives on…!
March 8th, 2008 at 2:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 490d8c7453ac9
What’s wrong with you?
So us guys are ‘prejudice’, hmm? Can a guy be ‘prejudice’? Wow what a responsability. You probably don’t get it, but I’ll give a subtle clue. FYI the correct use of the word to demonstrate actual awareness of the concept is prejudic*ed*. Prejudice is a concept, prejudiced is the act of exhibiting the behaviour. Since you’re clearly ignorant wtf are you doing here? Are you so hot you’ve assumed that anyone cares for your moderating extraspecial input while you troll yer ass and presumption of intelligence to amaze some stoopud dude into supporting you? FYI the “Justice” system is about extorting money in the form of taxes or fines from men, money earned by men, implementing mens ideas in order to demonstrate proficiency as well as pay for access to uncomprehending bimbos. The justice system pretends it’s on your side by playing you to think that the crumbs you get from its’ sociopathic playas are payment enough from your role putting it over the guys you hate for not catering to your ‘needs’.
From what I see, you’re here raging out of jealousy, yet desiring to remain close to that force that actually knows how things really work and can protect your uncomprehending toockus from your own puerile self-definings. Ok, I’m the misogynist du jour to you and yours but after a lifetime immersed in the lives of thousands of others who I serve purposefully and respectfully (golden rule and all that), and after millions of dollars earned and spent fruitlessly seeking some semblance of intelligent, responsible life among the estrogen toxic, seems like that’s not gonna happen. It won’t happen because it isn’t possible to make a silk purse from a sows ear. For those of us who have the capacity and character to long for the fantasy of a true mutually responsible and committed relationship, it’s time to give it up as pure Unobtainium. Angry? I suppose so, having the displeasure of being forced to seek integrity among the infantilized demanding western female. As western civilization seeks female acceptance its longevity proportionally diminishes, and in the way of all sociopolitical pendulums the correction will be a motherfucker to all that choose to pretend the obvious does not exist simply because it reflects poorly.
As for prejudice and discrimination, these are concepts that have inherent value in predicting behavior under various circumstances and as such are not automatic pejoratives and if effective in performing as accurate cautions and effective protectives are indeed valuable and valid as such.
In closing, a shout out to the righteous and decent dudes that tried and failed to get any unhedged, ungrudging equality of participation from the X-chromosome poisoned we are forced to confront and support.
The paradigm is poisoned, we’ll find no succor here. Only when men who chose to run things as women finally fail in their excesses will there be hope.
Respectfully submitted,
OMG!
Darrell Harb
March 8th, 2008 at 3:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: fff69eb7c9496
Welcome and nice paragraph. However it’s waste on her as she’ll just fall back on the imaginary rape victims she always hear about.
March 8th, 2008 at 4:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2a95a2e6d58df
Well of course the little ladies like to waste their money on over-priced, over-complicated and ultimately narcissistic purchases.
I just admire the man who connected the dots and realised you could sell coffee on that basis too.
I reckon you could sell them shit if you put a ribbon on it and said it was a limited edition.
Mr Starbucks. You are a genius.
Miss Starbucks. You are a cretin.
March 8th, 2008 at 4:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 454a457f80c82
what is wrong with drinking some “fancy” coffee from starbucks? it may be “useless” but what about guys (mostly but some girls like that too) “pimping” their car?? it’s as useless as drinking fancy coffee. most of the things we buy/do in life are useless, they are for pleasure. and really, telling other people what they can or cannot drink when it doesn’t change anything in your life, in my book it means GET A LIFE. did you guys (and girls) know that coffee is the beverage that has the most antioxidants? yep, more than tea! and i didn’t get that information from the internet, but from a peer-reviewed scientific journal.
March 8th, 2008 at 5:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2a95a2e6d58df
Mal, honey, you make me laugh. So earnest and keen to impress us men with the cleverness in your funny little head.
Was the “peer-reviewed scientific journal” Cosmopolitan by any chance?
March 8th, 2008 at 5:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 454a457f80c82
how about Journal of American Dietitic Association? it’s kinda funny because i never said i had anything against men, just against people who don’t mind their own business, men as well as women, but you’re quite eager to attack me, even if you have absolutley no idea who i am. between you and me, i believe you’re the one who has the “funny little head”. i believe you’re some frustrated boy who never got over a girlfriend or who is pissed at some girls who were accepted at some college but not him. could i be right?
March 8th, 2008 at 6:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
Kind of like Marc Lepine?
March 8th, 2008 at 6:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 454a457f80c82
maybe… it can be for so many reasons. my opinion is to make a website only to bitch about women, you have to be really frustrated at them. it could also be because his boss is a woman and in his head, it’s the most embarassing thing, i don’t know.
men are better at some things than women, and women are better at some other things, but on most things, they’re equal. you’re not born with cooking skills or management skills, they are all acquired through life. and it’s not because a man is a great cook (have anyone noticed that many great cooks are men?) that he’s not a “real men” or that a women doesn’t know how to cook that she’s a stupid bitch. it’s all about skills and interests. it’s like i like science and i’m good at it, should i do more of a typically feminine job even if i suck at it just because i’m a girl?? no.
March 8th, 2008 at 10:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60bbd967a6d59
I’m sure you’d agree Mr Lepine was a great shot, though…
Though to be fair, women make excellent snipers. The best Red Army snipers in WW2 were women.
March 8th, 2008 at 11:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 59419be21c336
Ya know, I gotta say… for all the ‘pro-woman’ comments these trolls try to bestow upon me, all of them do a fine job of making me hate the gender even more when they post all their mindless garbage on here.
March 8th, 2008 at 11:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: f8347e3431c87
I think that’s the point of the site, myself. They’re so busy trying to judge they can’t see they’re just like him. Like flies in a web.
March 9th, 2008 at 1:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 9342b2aa308e5
Which does tend to illustrate how easy women have it. You succeed in all the things we expect of women AND have time left to post. Well done.
@Kelly B
You took 428 words in one paragraph to say the following…
Women have been oppressed forever and readers here are “uneducated morons”.
Do the words “foaming at the mouth” mean anything to you?
Given your subsequent responses I would suggest you prove your claims of the “oppression of women”.
To help you in this I suggest gendercide.org.
Fair enough. You do seem to be somewhat sexist however.
Actually feminism has become a movement that sticks up for women who degrade themselves.
How many examples would you like. Defending cold blooded murderers of men and children? Defending and protecting rapists? False accusations? Purges? Death threats.
Feminism does all of these things.
As I said, sexist. Showing your true colours here or your naivity? Those principles you claim to uphold about not hating based on class seem to disappear when it comes to men. This is the inherent problem feminism has - it is unwilling to apply the same thinking to both genders equally. It has become something far worse than the imaginary “patriarchy” it claims to despise.
Sorry Kelly but you do come across as very inexperienced and naive. I will admit that I probably said the same sort of things as you at twenty one. You are not in the least bit “experienced” and I’d suggest you drop that one as it seriously does make you look dumb.
The police, unfortunately, are too busy responding to calls from women who have been looked at funny or been called a nasty name.
Incidentally “prejudice” used as an adjective would be “prejudiced”. I expect better of somebody making your claims.
You know how to stop them bleating “rape”. Tell them that a quarter of child sexual abuse is women raping boys. It has the advantage of being true by the way. They have trouble seeing that as being wrong let alone being “rape”. It’s also about the only thing they haven’t defined as constituting “rape”.
So that’s why my doctor is desperately trying to get me to stop drinking coffee.
You compare a car to a cup of coffee? Only a woman!!!
Ah, but in every single thing the absolute best will always be a man. Thousands of years of history has proven this.
March 9th, 2008 at 1:54 am - IP Man-Hash: 21b6ef3e0a30a
You hate women?