Dick’s Week of Honorary Men: Part 1

The MenAreBetterThanWomen.com Honorary Man of the Month for August in the year of 2006 is a site visitor by the name of Jenny who knows better than to be on this site in the first place and also sent me this:

I’m a women and I agree with you. In fact I’m using a dictionary right now while I’m typing and I’m also using a typing program with automatic spell check to type everything out before I paste it into that little message box thingy[sic] and click submit. That’s the extent of my computer knowledge right there. I don’t think I even learned a thing past 4th grade, I have three little tiny fluff dogs all wearing pink jewel crusted collars with matching leashes. I wear school girl uniforms on a daily basis and like to pretend I’m dumber then I really am. I spend much of my time watching reality T.V shoes[sic], soap operas, reading fashion magazines like Seventeen and running on my treadmill. I don’t have a job and I live with my parents. I guess though you could say my job is looking cuteā€¦I think the only thing I could ever do is cook, clean, and help populate the species. That’s what we were put on this earth to do right? And wasn’t there something in the bill of writes[sic] or the constitution about all men are equal or something or other?

Anyway, like my point is I totally agree with you.

I apologize for the length and generally incompetence of that text, but it’s better you hear that kind of comment from the horses mouth — no matter how mutton-fisted her hooves are.

I don’t know Jenny’s last name and I don’t care. It’s best never to learn the last names of women because it can only come back to bite you in the man ass. Besides, women will all eventually change their last names anyway, just as they should, so what’s the point of learning a bunch of obsolete shit. And if they don’t, it wasn’t worth knowing their first names anyway so fuck it.

I realize I missed crowning an Honorary Man of the Month in August (this being September) and I absolutely don’t care. I’m a man so I don’t concern myself with dates of this and that. Unless it has to do with money or lateness. I think you know what I’m talking about.

That’s why I’m naming Jenny the MenAreBetterThanWomen.com Honorary Man of the Month for August. Way to go Jenny. You are a proud member of Jenny’s before you. Jenny Craig, who said to fat women: enough is enough you fucking cows! Stop eating! Jenny McCarthy, who shuts the fuck up because Jim Carrey tells her to. Check that out on the web, it’s absolutely true. And how could I forget Richard Jeni, who is a man and therefore has accomplished way more than any other woman ever has dreamed because of his man brain and also his penis.

Some of you may be surprised at my posting of Jenny’s email. Like most women she is completely unable to control her tone and comes off as a violent misogynist in her confession. Misogyny — the hate of women — has no place in the world and especially no place on this site.

Why then would I post this horribly misogynistic letter?

I’ve done so because despite her gender-related shortcomings, Jenny has exhibited one of the manliest traits there is: the ability to recognize your purpose and to stick to it like man glue to fly paper — like man possessed. Jenny knows that as a woman she isn’t destined for such man things as science and math and the doing and making of things with other things. Fuck no. As she puts it, her job is “looking cute” so that’s what she focuses on.

I applaud Jenny for succeeding where all women fail (something else that’s very manly), by taking a good hard look in the mirror and deciding to do it more often. The truth sucks ladies, and so do you.

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