Ask Dick: What is a Donkey Punch?
Out of the hundreds of men I have asked, only one has known the true and correct definition of The Donkey Punch.
The Donkey Punch is like the Highlander. There can be only one. Prepare to be educated.
The Donkey Punch is a sexual move like the missionary position or the threesome; and like most sexual moves, you can actually do it.
Here’s a list of things that the Donkey Punch is not is.
The Donkey Punch is not jizzing on a girl’s face and then punching her in the mouth.
That’s called assault and battery and it will send you straight to prison. It will also fuck up a girl’s face. Unless you’re the type of person who shits in mailboxes, fucking up a woman’s face on purpose is a major loss of Man Points. That’s like taking candy from a baby. It’s all they have.
The Donkey Punch is not hitting a girl in the head while you’re boning her.
Punching a woman in the head does nothing for your physical pleasure and might break your hand. It’s called a “boxer’s break”, and if you’re not a former boxer, let me tell you something about breaking your fist on someone’s head. It’s a loss of Man Points. The Man Points are doubled if that head belonged to a woman.
Breaking your hand on a head: -500 Man Points
…on a woman’s head: -1,000 Man Points
…while you’re nailing her: -10,000 Man Points
If you want to risk your Man Points, then that’s up to you.
The Donkey Punch is not striking a woman at the base of her neck during orgasm.
Women are like pinball machines. You put money in, you don’t get anything but a good time, and if you smack them around too much, it’s game over. A restraining order is the Tilt of life.
Smack it hard enough and you’ll break the machine. Then no one has any more fun.
What the Donkey Punch is, is a punch delivered to a woman’s ass during intercourse. That’s it. Try it yourself and you’ll know why they call it a Donkey Punch. If you disagree, why not invent a sexual move that involves a woman jumping off a roof and landing on your cock. Call it the Stupid Jackass.
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October 27th, 2007 at 1:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: d7677dd907e52
After I read it I actually took it as a post against misogyny. If you look at what Dick says and how he says it, I find the main undertone of the entire article to be an attack on men who think violence against women is okay.
Most things men do are mantastic. Domestic violence is not one of them. Dick has illustrated this, satirically though he may have put it. Completely masculine kudos, Dick.
October 27th, 2007 at 2:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 27bb4a532c17e
@Vindication Dick is not for DV. That’s pretty clear, and thanks for reinforcing that.
I still don’t see this as one of his most brilliant moments. That’s all.
Welcome to the site; glad you grasp the gist of it. Enjoy.
-wolfe
October 27th, 2007 at 3:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Do you imply therein that DV is solely the domain of male perpetrators.
- the chemical brothers - the big jump
October 27th, 2007 at 6:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: d7677dd907e52
Why thank you.
Do you imply therein that DV is solely the domain of male perpetrators.
- the chemical brothers - the big jump
Of course not. That would be ignorant.
October 28th, 2007 at 10:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: cfc16a8e6e502
Indeed, the post carries undertones suggesting that domestic violence is wrong.
Ahem.
Wolfe, you are very correct. The donkey punch is neither an “advanced move”, nor a “guess what I did last night?!?” thing. It is possible to do a donkey-punch, but I feel it’s about as likely as what most people think a donkey punch REALLY is. I feel this post falls under locker-talk, rather than serious instruction.
Sonyad, however, raised a valid point. It is natural for men (I don’t know why, but…) to jump to the aid of the “weaker sex”. Even today, many men feel that hitting a woman is “wrong”, that men are “almost always at fault”, and women should be “treated with respect”.
Only a bloody few women merit this consideration. Many women deserve to be smacked, most don’t deserve respect, and most women are always at fault. It’s just WHAT at that particular moment they are at fault for.
Chivalry is a weakness, and an archaic form of mind-control. Common-human respect however, is demanded of any “man”, and hopefully any “woman”. Don’t hit women… or men either. It’s just stupid to pick fights, regardless of sex. However, respond in kind with equal force, if one so chooses to act the fool.
As far as a donkey punch, anyone stupid enough to actually do this deserves what they get.
October 29th, 2007 at 9:45 am - IP Man-Hash: d7677dd907e52
Very well put, Savant. I had some similar things to say a little while ago.
http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/not-on-fire-thank-a-man/#comment- 99918
I get so tired of being hit by women, just because they think it’s okay. I had a woman at work slap me the other day because I was standing in her way. I went ahead and visibly took offense, and you know what her response was?
“I’m sorry, it’s a forced habit I have from slapping my boyfriend all the time.”
Wow. Lucky him. O.o
October 29th, 2007 at 9:48 am - IP Man-Hash: d8dfaf3496c8b
What the fuck was wrong with that woman? And god, fuck that beta joke.
October 31st, 2007 at 12:29 am - IP Man-Hash: 27bb4a532c17e
@Savant yeah it’s a weak post IMHO, locker talk or otherwise. (Check out Dick’s more recent post for something mantastic though).
@Vindication - I’ll answer your question to Sony — DV is probably a primarily female affair, at least in terms of instigation of violence. No question, that when a man gets violent he hurts a woman very badly. Check out (if you haven’t) Erin Pizzey’s work on the subject for example.
(http://fathersforlife.org/pizzey/pizzey.htm)
NO ONE SHOULD BE VIOLENT to their spouse/partner. Least of all men.
A man who physically hurts a woman — given that she is weaker and less capable — is less than a man, unless he is defending himself or his children.
By and large men adhere to that.
Women do not appear to, even judging by the well-massaged statistics.
-wolfe
October 31st, 2007 at 1:08 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Lol…ewww
October 31st, 2007 at 1:26 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Agreed Wolfe. Being slapped does not give one the right to act like Mike Tyson.
October 31st, 2007 at 1:41 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
I don’t think it’s a weakness. I open doors, give up my seat and stuff like that for guys. I also do it for girls, and I’m a girl. Is that chivalry or is that the respect you were talking about?
October 31st, 2007 at 1:42 am - IP Man-Hash: c41f2159ece8c
You mean bite her ear off?
October 31st, 2007 at 2:36 am - IP Man-Hash: eeb32e3dc6874
Right hook and left uppercut.
October 31st, 2007 at 3:05 am - IP Man-Hash: c41f2159ece8c
And then bite her ear off?
October 31st, 2007 at 3:12 am - IP Man-Hash: a15e50dc03aef
No, then eat her babies
November 1st, 2007 at 12:19 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
I like it. Never tried it. I would consider Donkey Punchin’ a hooker though, because at $200 an hour, I gotta get my nut AND try some new shit out.
It’s like Fish Hookin’ her. A man has gotta do what a MAN has to do, irregardless of Man-Points.
That and show them the Pimp Hand.
All a matter of taste.
November 1st, 2007 at 12:45 am - IP Man-Hash: e9b33ba281409
Clair, why would you give up your seat for anyone, unless they had a valid reason for needing it more than you?
And Wolfe…
Least of all men? Just because women do not possess the mental ability to make rational choices does not mean they are allowed to depart from legal (or in this case) moral accountability.
I understand that because men have the ability to think, we are held to higher standards. This, I agree on. But if women have no ability to function in a society built on manly things like reason, respect, attrition and above all physics, they should be kept in the proper container, like my feces.
-FLUSH-
November 1st, 2007 at 1:22 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
Because it makes the other person feel special. We live in a really fast paced and egocentric society - which has the harrowing effect of creating low self esteems. It’s nice to think that someone else thinks thinks enough of you to give up a seat for you, or open a door for you.
Oh and I know this was directed at Wolfe,
but, the last time I checked, women also had pre-frontal cortexes.
November 1st, 2007 at 2:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
An egocentric society based on……………female values of looks being more important than anyone/anything else. Most definitely not a Man-Invention what-so-fucking-ever.
That is, after all, why women are Narcissists. They did invent that!
Being nice nowadays cost more in time and energy to some asshole or shithead who won’t pass the Nice Buck anyway, but bitch about how they were treated rudely when they yelled at the waiter for being slow.
I would open the door for a woman (and still do) any time, but if you are too fucking slow to meet me there, you can open your own goddam door, because the government has now forced me to treat you as an equal……SO OPEN YOUR OWN FUCKING DOOR, YOUR ARM AIN’T BROKE EVEN IF YOUR BRAIN IS.
If you can be a fucking idiot and vote for Hillary Clinton, I say you can build your own house bitch, much less open a fucking door for yourself.
Chivalry is and always was the STRONG acting to help the WEAK.
As always, a Man-Vention right there. (I add Joan of Ark in there. She did kick ass, but cooked for it)
Respect is earned, not given. The last time I fought a war for a bunch of fucking idiots here in the USA, I decided that everyone can pretty much kiss my Man-Ass as it is. I won’t give you shit, do like me you lazy motherfuckers, WORK FOR IT.
November 1st, 2007 at 2:37 am - IP Man-Hash: f68191fe56ea6
I really do enjoy King Wang’s posts.