Fat Women: Stop Emailing Me
If there’s one thing I know about women it’s that whatever any one of them is doing, it can be done better by a man — and also they’re all crazy and they all want babies and they all want to get married and they all want to have everything done for them for free and they all want to fuck their fathers and every decision that they make in their lives is based on how jealous they are that they don’t have a penis and they all wear way too much perfume and they never listen to anything before they open their mouths with a response and they all need to lose 10 pounds and they never actually mean “thank you” or “I’m sorry” when they say it — what they really mean is “it’s about time” and “you should be glad I’m still letting you fuck me” — and they all love to be treated like shit because that’s what they are.
And when they get on the internet, they go from a size 8 to a size Invisible.
In other words: fat women, quit fucking emailing me. I can tell you’re fat and your fatness makes me sick.
Here’s a sample conversation between myself and a girl who is so desperate for Dick that she can’t even spell properly. Or maybe she was desperate for a three o’clock fixin of Funyuns. I can’t be sure, but rest assured this exchange is typical for dozens of other little fat girls who need to stop sending me emails every day.
Note: This entire exchange was done in seven minutes via a Blackberry.
Men are NOT immune to eating disorders. If you honestly think they are I suggest you visit your local psychiatric ward and have a look for yourself.
Blair
Only a fat girl would know that much about eating disorders. To a woman, a loose familiarity with a subject is tantamount to being a Rainman-caliber expert. I suspected that she was 300 pounds at least.
Dealing with fat women over the internet is analogous to dealing with them in real life. Who gives a shit about fat girls?
I suggest you visit a salad bar because you are too fat.
-Dick
That’s hilarious! You do not know me at all or what I look like and yet you say I’m fat? Well, you must be an overweight, acne faced, isolated, computer geek who should consider suicide to benefit society. You are the reason why many 1st world countries still encounter tall poppy syndrome and the glass ceiling effect in modern work places.
You disgust me.
Maybe you should come to my next feminist meeting? I’m sure you’ll fit right in.
Blair
I’m sure I would fit right in — their vaginas.
-Dick
But if you hate women so much wouldn’t you feel much more at home being inside the males you love? Keep making an arse of yourself, you’re only reiterating my points further.
Blair
When a woman calls you gay, she is challenging your sexuality for the purposes of usurping it for herself. She has become so hysterical with lust and overpowered by your massively masculine logic that she is as ripe for plucking as a big fat cherry that no one asked to their senior prom.
Got a pic?
-Dick
You cannot tell me that this heated debate wouldn’t affect your opinion of me whatsoever. What makes you think males are better than females? Why are men immune to low self esteem? I’m intrigued.
Blair
And at this point, I give absolutely no fuck. I also give the little piggy no response. But just like the little pig that she is, she can’t stop from throwing herself at the attention trough.
You hate women and yet you objectify them. You are incredibly intelligent. Now whose a constant contradiction?
Again, Fat Alberta will get no response from yours truly. In all cases, this is how women should be dealt with. If you’re not getting exactly what you want to the letter and with the excitement you so desire, stop dealing with them. The only “explanation” anyone ever owed anyone was whether or not Harrison Ford was a robot in Blade Runner — and what the fuck happened to Tony Soprano? Did he get shot or what? And no one ever got that explanation.
You don’t owe any gold-brick woman anything when you decide to drop her off of a gold pier; least of all an “explanation”.
Five minutes later, I received this.
Here’s your picture.
Blair
She also included a link to her MySpace page, which I will not include to protect your appetite.
Moo.
-Dick
And thus concludes today’s lesson on how to deal with women. They don’t think like men. They don’t have feelings. Women are just broken vending machines. Hit the right buttons at the right time and you get whatever you want. Unfortunately, none of its any good and at best, it’s past its expiration date by seven years.
Just so you’re aware, your comments, opinions and views are nothing to me.
You need to be hospitalized.
If calling people fat and encouraging them to engage in eating disordered behaviours are the only insults you behold, perhaps you should go back to primary school? It’s displaying your mental capacity when you degrade people in such an immature way.
Blair
Related Articles:
March 4th, 2008 at 7:29 am - IP Man-Hash: 2bb9c5fa32d28
Oh my gosh, I can not quit laughing……
Moo.
-Dick
I dont care who you are, that’s funny stuff……
March 4th, 2008 at 8:25 am - IP Man-Hash: e1caec5062137
oh she thought about you will fucking herself that night. that’s for sure, dick
March 4th, 2008 at 8:51 am - IP Man-Hash: 2f854bed461cf
That is what all women say. Hahahah, as if.
March 4th, 2008 at 9:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 93f3f5f86f07f
YOUR IDIOTS. WOMEN ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO THIS FUCKED UP WORLD .
March 4th, 2008 at 9:37 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
i thought it was sliced bread.
March 4th, 2008 at 10:25 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
Along this same vein, and as funny as Master Dick:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/36271
March 4th, 2008 at 12:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3397801dcbbee
Why is idiot saying women are our idiots? We didn’t make them dumb.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
I don’t get it. How does advising them to “hit the treadmill” or “go eat a salad” equate to “encouraging them to engage in eating disordered behaviour” ffs?
Seems to me Dick rather encourages them to CEASE their eating disorder and start living healthy lives. Which will in turn (if they really do apply themselves) end their fatness, perhaps even raise their self esteem, and in many cases provide the world with a more attractive woman with a vastly greater life expectancy.
March 4th, 2008 at 3:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
You realize, Dick, that you have in a way, put yourself in the shoes of those you make fun of? You just attempted to lower hre self confidence by saying, “Moo.” I thought that according to you that’s what we do?
March 4th, 2008 at 4:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 29dc16034fa15
LOL!!!!!!!!! I cracked up laughing at the “Moo” response.
March 4th, 2008 at 5:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6d2bcc78aa95d
If it looks like a cow and acts like a pig, it’s a barn animal of somekind. Keep that bitch in a pin!
March 4th, 2008 at 5:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60b9632657c7c
Zelrio, without any bullshit psycho-analysis, you seem to have solved the mystery of why I said it. Well done.
Hilary, go away.
-Dick
March 4th, 2008 at 6:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
Hey, just thought I’d share this I found, give you something to tear apart, although, I find this completely unbelievable. Also, I didn’t write this it has several spelling mistakes but is still able to be read.
The girl fell pregnaunt at 11 at a party in Edinburgh. She waas knocked up by a 15 year-old guy.
The girl today told a national newspaper how she was “really excited” to be having a baby. Her mother said she was “proud” of her daughter.
In an interview with The Scottish Sun, the girl, who smokes up to 20 roll-up cigarettes a day and started drinking aged ten, said she hoped the baby would be a boy.
She said: “I am really excited and looking forward to being a mum. I can’t wait to take the baby swimming and out for walks in the pram.
The girl told how she feared she might be pregnant after having unprotected sex with the boy after a drunken night out with friends in Edinburgh last August. “We didn’t use a condom but I didn’t think about getting pregnant. I wasn’t bothered at the time,” she continued. “He knew it was my first time and I was nervous so he asked if I was all right.
“I slept with him because I was drunk and because I wanted to. I don’t regret it, because if I had not had sex with him I wouldn’t have had my baby.”
The West Lothian girl’s mother, who has not been named, told the newspaper: “She’s grown up a lot in the last few months and her pregnancy has brought us closer together. At first I wasn’t too happy about becoming a gran but now I’m used to the idea I’m really looking forward to having another girl around the house.
“My daughter is already like a mum to her little brothers, so she knows how hard this is going to be. I know she’ll give motherhood a good try - and she knows I’ll be here for her if she needs help.
“We had a big argument and I ended up locking myself in my room and then running away to a friend’s house. It was really hard, but it has brought me and my mum closer together, which is good. “At the weekend, mum and I are going shopping to get stuff for the baby.
She said she began smoking when she was nine years old and started drinking just a year later.
She said: “I can give up smoking at any time, but I don’t find it affects my pregnancy. I also don’t drink any more.”
The eight months pregnant mum-to-be is reported to have quit school following a string of exclusions for fighting with fellow pupils.
March 4th, 2008 at 7:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
It is time phase out child custody legislation - while I feel for the many young ladies dependent on this system for their continued existence, I am afraid that some American girls under the age of 21 are unfit emotionally, mentally, and intellectually for the responsibility of a child.
I understand that, under extreme circumstances, there are special exceptions to these cases, and I encourage them to appeal to a higher authority for a fair and balanced hearing. I am certain that in the interim their superior intelligence and physique will enable them to reenter the workforce and continue their righteous and just quest to overtake their male inferiors.
March 4th, 2008 at 11:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 945fa96460a86
It would seem as though the text in hilary’s posts have triggered some form of previously dormant self-defense mechanism deep within my brain, causing my index finger to involuntarily position itself over my mouse’s scroll wheel and zip past her crybaby bullshit until i hit the next man-post.
someone call the american psychiatric society.
March 5th, 2008 at 2:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 902ea58d0aea2
Just more of the rights + privileges but no responsibilities agenda females in Western societies seem to have wrangled for themselves.
Obviously the child will be one of the next generation of parasites and criminals. All females should be temporarily sterilised at birth, to be reversed only when they have shown they can be fit mothers by passing an elementary IQ test.
March 5th, 2008 at 2:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
I’m not sure if this is accurate, but it turns out the girl’s mother is a heroin addic, along with the grandfather being a rumored drug dealer. Again, not quite sure if that is true, but with what I had posted, I believe it.
March 5th, 2008 at 9:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: b9a052686071f
why are there so many English and Australian people on this site?
March 5th, 2008 at 9:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: b9a052686071f
Women really are grossing me out lately.
March 5th, 2008 at 9:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@see- people and the world in general are grossing me out lately.