Win $50 During Female Literacy Month
I get countless emails and comments from irate women bemoaning my spelling and grammar. What the fuck do irate women know about spelling and grammar? Compared to other genders, female literacy rates are appallingly low. That’s why I’m taking it upon myself to declare June “Female Literacy Month�? and offer the following incentive for women to improve their abysmal spellsmanship.
As of July 1st 12 noon, the woman who finds the most spelling mistakes on this website, made by yours truly, will be given her choice of $50 or I will purchase a video game for a starving child. I’ll leave the choice up to her, so I think we all know which she’s going to pick.
Women are so fucking selfish.
Maybe female illiteracy is why women can’t figure out how to use birth control. To women, “Take one pill every day,” looks like, “Take a handful of pills every few days and believe in Jesus.” Well Jesus isn’t a big fan of birth control so fuck you. If women could read The Bible, they would know that.
I haven’t made a single spelling error on this site. Manjoyment, mantivities, and mangasm aren’t misspelled words. If I see them in a submission, it is automantically disqualified. There are also more rules.
Female Literacy Month Rules
1. All submissions must be emailed to me no later than July 1st, noon GMT.
2. All words must be accompanied by the URL on which they appear.
3. In case of a tie, the earliest submission is the winner.
4. Lists with correctly spelled words will be disqualified.
5. Italicized words and words with “man�? in them are not misspelled and will be disqualified.
6. Since women don’t know how to use dictionaries, a man is allowed to verify the misspelled words, but not help find them.
7. All participants must be under 190 pounds for liability purposes. I don’t want to get any of you fatties so excited your hearts explode.
8. The choice of a selfish $50 or a video game for a starving child must be clearly marked in the submission.
9. The video game might be Gears of War, but it also might be Nintendogs.
Like when it comes to fighting for peace in the Middle East or apologizing for spilling my beer all over my pants last weekend, I expect women to be a no show on this one.
UNESCO statistics on women and their rampant illiteracy.
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June 3rd, 2007 at 8:53 am - IP Man-Hash: 5be1efea2e2ff
Bugger, I’m on holiday on the 1st July! I’m sure I could have won. Alas.
Ne’ermind, I could probably suck someone off for double the prize money, and half the time.
June 3rd, 2007 at 10:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 0393e6d40aa57
That’s one of the problems with quoting wikipedia — and often someone won’t have even written “citation needed”. The actual facts?
Sterne’s wife was mentally ill for a goodly portion of their marriage. She was no picnic to be around, at one point requiring expensive private treatment. While he did flirt (and more) with other women, she was hardly conjugally sound. She wound up disliking him (and England) and insisted on living abroad at his expense. He did have one notable affair before her descent into insanity (though she was quite ill before that). Some believe his affair contributed to her illness; others the converse.
To say that a man who paid for his wife to live abroad while he was dying of tuberculosis (and bereft of the comforts of marriage) and paid for her to be treated privately rather than sent to Bedlam simply ‘treated her badly’ is quite a misreading.
-wolfe
June 3rd, 2007 at 10:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 332638e2e4062
Of course women are always looking for that easy way out.
Just spread that lips for a minute huh.
June 3rd, 2007 at 11:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
That reads so eerily like Jonathan Black’s “The Carnage Merchants.”
All women are bonkers, though.
- Richard X & Liberty X-Ain’t nobody (remix 2004)
June 3rd, 2007 at 2:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5be1efea2e2ff
Of course women are always looking for that easy way out.
Just spread that lips for a minute huh.
I was being provocative; the tone of my post was insincere.
June 3rd, 2007 at 2:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: a85695ef66dca
Neat, we have another smrtpants.
June 3rd, 2007 at 2:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: a85695ef66dca
This comfortable fantasy that all these interloping hatches have that everyone here is some pencil neck egghead(not that I care, intelligence is manly) who got picked on in school is fucking horseshit.
I’m a veteran and athletic, and I couldn’t program my way out of a box. I lift weights, jog and play sports for fun. I’m here because it wasn’t enough to keep the treachorous whore who I use to call fiance from getting drunk and fucking other men.
So you can keep your comfortable illusions that all mysoganysts are skinny little beta-males who can’t get laid.. all the while you’re the whore at the bar, my friends party, or the grocery store wishing I’d talk to you.
June 3rd, 2007 at 4:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
I doubt that.
June 3rd, 2007 at 6:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3e4fe6a7e6d7d
That’s one of the problems with quoting wikipedia — and often someone won’t have even written “citation needed”.
That’s a good point wolfe, however, you then go on to provide what you call ‘actual facts’ yourself, without providing any citations.
All the references I looked at said she entered a state of temporary insanity after discovering his philandering. To me, ‘temporary insanity’ is probably another way of saying that she was quite rightly enraged with his behaviour. Other sources say that her illness was also TB and that she went abroad several times for TB treatment, with their daugther, who was also given treatment for asthma. Logically, it seems that he wouldn’t have allowed his wife to have custody of his daughter (abroad or even in England) if she really was mentally ill. If she came to detest the man for his various flirtations, I’d hardly call that irrational or evidence that she was mentally ill.
June 3rd, 2007 at 6:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6797411186f7d
The facts remain. Men commit 96.5% of the world’s violent crimes. men start 100% of the wars. Men are responsible for practically 100% of all rapes and child molestations. Men kill women indiscriminately; men kill each other more than blacks kill each other. Men were 100% of the 9/11 terrorists. Men make up 100% of al Qaeda. Men make up 100% of all of the recently foiled terror plots. Men make up 99.98% of all suicide bombers. Men are simply irrational, overly emotional beings that cannot control themselves and do not follow any God, regardless of what they pretend to believe.
June 3rd, 2007 at 6:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: e4343b6bb9712
Because her insanity is rare?
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9f06dd5b55d96
[slapping forehead] Of course! Thanks for refreshing my memory. As a rule I generally don’t read 19th century novelists. I find them tedious and too wordy. (I make a few exceptions to that. I really enjoyed “Great Expectations.) If someone would recommend something not too tedious, I’d be happy to give it a try.
The name Trollope - trois loups. Of course again. Thanks for the etymology.
I was aware of the suggestive meaning of the name Fanny, which is why I thought is was an invented name. I have read a fair amount of 19th century pornography. One novel in particular, the name of which I can’t recall, was purportedly written by Swinburne.
June 3rd, 2007 at 9:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3558f1f26ee53
And!… this is exactly the reason why I am gay.Thanks for the reassurance that I have made the right decision.
June 3rd, 2007 at 9:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 85ad0bb2695d1
Stop spamming you stupid sluts.
June 3rd, 2007 at 9:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 85ad0bb2695d1
We all know all bitches are homophobic - regardless of the fact that they do this (insert youtube reference here) to each other.
All bitches are faggots. That’s just life. Faggot slutty bitches. Licking on each other’s disease-caked wound. They deserve to die - really, any slut who does that and then accuses anyone of rape deserves to die.
June 3rd, 2007 at 11:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Reading anything written earlier than the better part (literally) of the 20th century or indeed, manned - heavier than air - flight or the internal combustion engine, is but a tedious drudgery.
Who care what life was like back then or about the budding romances of the resident plebs.
SotS. No, rather because Clarkey seems to me to be a homosexual male, possibly submissive in nature, fishing the site for reaction under the literary guise of a woman.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
June 3rd, 2007 at 11:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 85ad0bb2695d1
1 word: Beowulf.
Note the lack of a female heroine. And before some bitch pounces on me with her snotty little emo glasses blathering her ass off, Grendel’s mother was a female monster. And I’m sure that if his father was still around/alive, he too would have brought some whoop-ass into the story.
However, I agree with sonyad in that a majority of Romantic and especially Victorian/anything leading up to Victorian literature is crap. Especially due to the inherant pussy-worship in said novels.
June 4th, 2007 at 3:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 3e4fe6a7e6d7d
So you think Fanny was naive? Shockingly, some literate woman do exist, have existed, and have had significant effects on civilisation. Naturally, you only ever hear about their sons, or bisexual lovers, or alleged lesbian affairs, or destitute husbands, because, of course, a woman cannot be both intelligent, productive, and completely normal.
You may be interested to know about some of the changes in society which may not have happened if Fanny had been illiterate.
1. In Britain shortly after Trollope’s novel The Life and Adventures of Jonathan Jefferson Whitlaw: or Scenes on the Mississippi (1836) appeared, the Jamaica Act was passed, setting free all slaves in the British colonies.
2. The Life and Adventures of Michael Armstrong, the Factory Boy (1840), with its sympathetic and shocking portrayal of children in industry, provoked an outrage that led to the revision of the Factory Act. The new law forbade the hiring of children younger than eight years of age and their working more than six-and-a-half hours per day.
3. Then Jessie Phillips: A Tale of the Present Day (1843) led to the retraction of the Bastardy Clause to the Poor Laws which had placed the sole responsibility of illegitimate children on the mother.
http://www.litencyc.com/php/speople.php?rec=true&UID=4458
June 4th, 2007 at 3:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 6df99a3d3b5db
I guess that’s no surprise, considering it’s been said of Sterne:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laurence_Sterne
Of course, why would you be when she was just another prolific female writer confined to the abyss of literary history.
Female, i hear what you say. Your words have been considered. There have been a great many meaningful contributions made by women, most of all, pumping out kids whether most of them were worth a good Godamn or not. of course, most were superbly upright citizens of the finest kind and even I would have wondered how such brilliance cascaded upon the universe. Thank you, thank all of you women. That said, i have a video that has deep meaning to me. Please watch it, or fail to do so!
http://emuse.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/11062
June 4th, 2007 at 6:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 829f56d79458e
“Who care what life was like back then or about the budding romances of the resident plebs.”
Hahahahaaha.