“9 out of 10 women say they’d rather chat up a guy who owns the latest fuel-efficient car versus the latest sports car,” says a survey brought to us by GM — a company that sells electric fucking cars.
As a man who owns a bitchin sports convertible that runs on premium, burns through tires like they’re made of wax, and makes eco-friendly cars piss themselves with oil when it rumbles by (like in the Transformers movie), I feel I should respond to the above survey.
9 out of 10 women: I don’t give a shit about you.
You 90% of women are the lower 90% of women. You are the 1’s, 2’s, 3’s, 4’s, 5’s, 6’s, 7’s, 8’s, and 9’s of the world and you can go fuck a midget for all I care. You’re not hot enough for me to pretend you even exist.
If you want to know why 9 out of 10 women “prefer” men who drive eco-friendly cars, watch a movie called A Beautiful Mind and take notes. Those women “prefer” losers because they are losers. They know they can’t get any better so they change their preferences to maximize their benefits. It’s straight economics. Then watch a movie called Caddyshack.
“The world needs ditch diggers too.”
Eco-friendly” cars are not better for the environment.
It takes 113,000,000 BTUs of energy to build one of those futuristic pussy-mobiles called a Toyota Prius; which is not only a loss of Man Points to own and drive, but also a loss of Man Points to rent, ride in, fuck in, or even see rolling down the street. 113,000,000 BTU’s equals 1,000 gallons of gasoline. You could drive a 98 Toyota Tercel on that amount of gasoline for like 7 years. That means by purchasing an “eco-friendly” car, you are pissing away 7 years of driving in one fucking purchase. If you don’t get 7 years of driving out of that hybrid piece of shit (which the warantee guarantees you won’t) you just fucked Mother Earth.
Buying a hybrid is like walking into Cesar’s Palace and tipping the valet ten grand instead of dropping it on a roulette wheel. You can uncross your fingers, fucko. Vegas doesn’t give comps for burning cash.
Old cars are better for the environment than new hybrid cars. So why don’t we promote old cars as the “eco-friendly” alternative to hybrids?
Women don’t buy used shit.
Look at fashion. Look at furniture. Look at babies. Women won’t take anything used even if it means increasing the global quality of life. In this case, that means pollution. Other times, it means sex lube. So what if the seal on the lube bottle was broken? You’re not a virgin either, princess.
That’s called PR.
“Green” cars are horseshit marketed toward women and this survey proves it. This is how women read the above survey:
9 out of 10 women prefer guys who save the environment…and if you don’t, you must be some kind of stupid, gold-digging bimbo!
Ka-ching! Ring up another hybrid for the girl daddy didn’t love enough. Here are some more statistics from a survey geared so hard toward women it’s got less cock than a Ken doll.
“Eighty percent of American car buyers would find someone with the latest fuel-efficient car more interesting to talk to at a party than someone with the latest sports car.”
True. But only because a man who defines himself by his fucking car doesn’t exist. Except maybe in the deluded feminist fantasies of every uptight, eco-crusading bitch in the world who thinks her vagina is made out of porcelain. It doesn’t break if you use it, honey. Put out once or twice and you stupid, tight-assed, eco-cunts might just enjoy a ride or two in a car that can do 60 in under twenty seconds.
If I defined myself by my car, 19 year old girls with freshly printed high school degrees would line up to fuck me. Unfortunately for the other 80% of you whores, I have too many other things to define myself by. And so do all men with awesome cars. Men with awesome cars define themselves by their awesome jobs, their awesome stories, and their awesome attitudes. These are the things with which bitchin sports cars are earned. They are one in the same.
Only women could be sold self-esteem by hybrid car salesmen. Women could be sold ice cubes in Alaska by a fucking vending machine.
Besides, in what universe is a stupid hybrid car more interesting than a fifteen thousand dollar watch with a meteorite in the face? Fuck you, GM.
“More than 40% of 18 to 43 year olds say it’s a fashion faux pas nowadays to have a car that’s not green or environmentally friendly.”
I wonder which 40% of the 18-43 year old population know what a “fashion faux pas” is. Fucking women.
Eco-friendly cars are not fashion.
Anyone who thinks they are (women) is someone who will treat them like “fashion”. Women exchange their car every 3 years until their lease is so far upside down it’s making Happy Meal toys. Women equip their fashionable car with enough fashionable consumable bullshit to clog a landfill. Women wreck the idea of eco-friendly cars before they even start simply because they can’t commit to anything.
An eco-friendly car only works if you drive it until it falls apart. If you keep trading it in, you’re not just fucking Mother Earth, you’re wiping your dick on her curtains and punting her cat across the lawn on your way out.
If the world went by a woman’s definition of “eco-friendly”, we’d all just paint our shit green and learn to stop breathing through our noses. That way our own green shit wouldn’t stink us to death.
Men are better than women at being eco-friendly with our cars. By buying a bitchin sports car, I have funded innovation, I have encouraged young girls to eat less so they might one day get their skinny little asses inside my Lexus sex machine and therefore, I have decreased fuel spent on growing crops for their fat asses. I have saved the world, but more importantly, I have punted 9 out of 10 of world’s bitches out of my sex pool.