Girl Bands Are Shit

Throughout history, musical prodigies who were all men have revolutionized music, leaving exotic new tapestries of sound behind for the world to enjoy. That’s called immortality and it’s completely off-limits to women.

In order to join the ranks of the immortal, you have to give the world something that can’t eventually cash a social security check. Women can’t do that. As a man, reaching your potential may take longer than 9 months.

But there’s another type of musician that’s equally important to music. Bands. Even though most of them suck, most bands are not the worst of the worst. Most bands are not girl bands.

Girl bands are shit.

Fuck Teamwork

Being in a band is like being in a cockblocking competition. Your weapon is your instrument, and your foe is every other man on Earth. Since the only cock women have ever had to block to get what they want is their husband’s, women don’t know the first thing about being in a band.

Competition is the spark plug of greatness.

Without musical competitiveness among band members, you end up with a mess lacking in conviction and full of trial and error. Girl bands are like middle-management teleconferences. Everyone wants to look as busy as possible, no one is actually doing anything, and it’s all out of sync because technology isn’t magic.

A fuzz box won’t make a girl a star. Only a penis will do that. See Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, or Heather Mills for an explanation.

Boyfriends

All girl bands have at least a hundred songs about their ex-boyfriends. The second girls learn to talk, boys are all they want to talk about. The second girls learn to write, boys are all they want to write notes about. If girls could learn to piss in the snow, guess what they would be pissing. Boys.

The reason girl bands who are successful are over-hyped monsters created from focus groups, is not because of marketing. It’s because “real” girl bands shoot themselves in the vagina with truckloads of repetitive and immature emotional horseshit. Not even PT Barnum could sell a “lesbian”-looking trio from Silverlake who don’t think it’s cool to put on mascara or lip liner while they sing half their songs about what it feels like to be used up sperm dumpsters.

At least the Spice Girls had snazzy boots.

Too Complicated

There are only three instruments that women can play with any kind of competence. Their voice, their hips, and a bass guitar. Everything else is way too complicated.

Until the four bass quartet is an actual thing anyone wants to listen to, girl bands can go fuck themselves.

No smoking in bars? How about no girl bands.

Related Articles:

Name (required)
E-mail (required - never shown publicly)
URI

RSS feed | Trackback URI

200 Comments in 182 threads.»

Pages: [10] 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 » Show All

Comment by BlackCowboy
2009-10-30 12:06:30 - IP Man-Hash: 6accd596243b8

And I’d bop Mel B. ANY DAY AND TWICE ON SUNDAY!!!!(But you boys can have Victoria Adams Beckham,the former Posh Spice;SHE’S UGLY AND BOOB-LESS!!!!)

Comment by Harry
2009-10-30 14:38:47 - IP Man-Hash: 7e922a00473bb

I’ll pass on posh, unless I need a toothpick after a steak.

Comment by benignbullet
2009-10-30 20:37:36 - IP Man-Hash: 540f95f4d5a0c

Not me, Harry – I like the ones which make it easy to “bend it like Beckham” (not that it’s posh only to bang “Premier League” type chicks; but I prefer them, and my vasectomy will save me from any of their “tentacled wrath”).

I’dTakeCharlotteChurchInEitherBody,Though

Comment by Harry
2009-10-31 00:49:26 - IP Man-Hash: 7e922a00473bb

I like slim/skinny myself benign, but posh is way to false and ill looking.

(Comments won't nest below this level)
 
 
 
 
Comment by BlackCowboy
2009-10-30 11:49:27 - IP Man-Hash: 6accd596243b8

Hey,wait a minute.Haven’t any of you dudes seen guitar goddess Lita Ford?
I’d bury my black lad-steak between that broad’s legs ANY DAY!!!!

 
Comment by Dick Masterson
2009-10-25 15:33:34 - IP Man-Hash: 237473d762590

I am shutting this site down.

 
Comment by Haha89
2009-10-01 09:50:29 - IP Man-Hash: b2a3745f0d705

Dick Masterson looks like a dildo wearing a groucho mask!!! Chris=Mr. Empty-pants: http://www.maleenhancement.org/

 
Comment by Max
2009-07-22 15:16:36 - IP Man-Hash: 35d2120c563c8

An interesting thought experiment: Name one thing women do better than men.. Now name one thing men do better than women. Where does this leave women?
(With our dicks in them.)

 
Comment by losers
2009-06-30 07:13:20 - IP Man-Hash: 3686c2fbf281a

you guys are a bunch of male chauvinist pigs… just because a good one hasn’t come along doesn’t mean one won’t. and i’ll bet there are plenty of good ones now.

Comment by Chris
2009-06-30 08:03:19 - IP Man-Hash: 7745c208d8f0c

Let’s translate “loser” from women-speak into English.

“Loser” in woman-speak simply means a man who is smart enough to do things that are in HIS best interest.

• You don’t spend your hard-earned money on women – you are a “loser”

• You expect regular sex – you are a “loser”

• You are not interested in marriage – you are a “loser”

• You don’t want to be stuck supporting an aging fat wife and kids – you are a “loser”

• You don’t want to slave away 60 hours a week so a woman can buy a new SUV every year – you are a “loser”

• You prefer South American / foreign women who treat you better – you are a HUUGE LOOOSER

The alternative to “loser” is a pussyfied man, or simply a pussy.

A pussyfied man does what a woman wants – he is a docile schmuck who slaves away at work and pays her bills and not pesters her for sex. Another words, he is an “ideal husband”.

Go fuck yourself.

 
Comment by studioline
2009-06-30 08:26:48 - IP Man-Hash: 7a661ee47e3fe

Let’s do more of the translation:

She said “good ones” meaning women. BUT good acording to whom? Certainly not us men.

According to her a good woman is a woman who is “there” means waiting there.

Waiting for what? For a pussy man to chase her.

But we men don’t want to chase women just like a wuss, puss or gentle men would. So for us she is not good.

For us men a good woman is not the one who is “there” BUT a woman who can do something, make a move, make things actually happen.

But a woman who in her mind is a princess in a tower waiting “there” is not a good woman at all.

Interesting part is that this concept is not even originally hers. It’s the concept of other women, which she never questioned. Women never question concepts received from other women. They only question concepts received from men, while still waiting “there”.

Comment by Chris
2009-06-30 08:43:32 - IP Man-Hash: 590d623a0afe8

Oh yeah…. I love it when these hookers start talking about a “good” woman.

• “You just need a good woman”
(But she won’t even show that she is one herself)

• “You haven’t found a good woman”
(That’s must be because there is no such thing)

A woman will actually try and make it a MAN’S fault, because he has never ever encountered a “good” woman.

Ask any worthless whore wife in divorce court right now, and she will try and tell you she is a “good” woman….. while she tries to get her greedy hands on shit she doesn’t even deserve.

Which is the whole point of this website……

MenareBETTERthanwomen.

Comment by Chris
2009-06-30 08:44:40 - IP Man-Hash: 590d623a0afe8

… fucking Paris Hilton probably thinks she is a “good” woman too.

Fuck I can’t stop laughing.

(Comments won't nest below this level)
 
Comment by studioline
2009-06-30 09:03:04 - IP Man-Hash: 7a661ee47e3fe

Exactly, cos for the puss, wuss and gentle (translating easy) men she is not a good women either, These men only find this out later – in a divorce court.

And it all started with the first mistake of chasing her. Because it simply doesn’t work like this. And that’s why we men are finally uniting against it not working.

And you women should start thanking us for it, because you never invented anything that works in men to women realtions. The longer you rule, the more it only falls appart. And that’s a fact.

(Comments won't nest below this level)
 
 
 
Comment by benignbullet
2009-07-11 01:46:04 - IP Man-Hash: 540f95f4d5a0c

A GOOD one?!?

As in a decent “clam?”
Hey, I just had a swig of Budweiser’s “Budweiser & Clamato;” and even THAT swill is better than your average Entitlec.u.n.t. here in Amerika (yes – even where the “good” whimmin supposedly are: Fargo, North Dakota, and vicinity).

Okay – I’m drunk. But I still make more sense than the whimmin you’re likely to encounter – here, OR abroad (this Mindy McCready drillling my ear with “A Girl’s Gotta…” isn’t helping matters much, either).

MalePigTastesBetterThanFemaleFromTheSpit…SoThere

 
 
Comment by John
2009-06-27 00:08:07 - IP Man-Hash: 5f167d8722d40

Kittie is an all girl metal band, and they are pretty good. Arch enemy is another one but the lead singer is a woman and rest of the band are men. Metallica is the best though, all guys. no homo.

 
Comment by The Dude.
2009-04-25 06:06:54 - IP Man-Hash: 016a62785fefa

Nice one “thetruth” While trying to be a grammar nazi, you made a complete cunt of your own punctuation. Must be a Momma’s boy.

 
Comment by Ryan
2009-03-01 17:05:20 - IP Man-Hash: 32d534bf4ab16

I keep thinking about this topic, and I keep coming back to the same conclusion, yes, women have contributed shit to music. Every great movement, every great guitarist/drummer/bass player/keyboardist/saxophonist and on and on, were all either men, or driven by men.

 
Comment by Perdition
2008-10-28 14:17:47 - IP Man-Hash: a7bd6238a5dde

So true. Spice Girls: Prime Example.

 
Comment by John_Petrucci
2008-09-08 14:28:45 - IP Man-Hash: 05de0fd3c213a

…And you really don’t like Heart? I mean, of course Rush is better- Rush is better than everybody. lol, but Heart was pretty good, you have to admit! ^_~

Comment by doshus
2009-06-13 06:15:21 - IP Man-Hash: 59fc826d4d942

The singer from Heart has to joke about her weight to deflect insults. It’s too bad…She and her sister were hot, and they made some good rock songs.

 
 
Comment by John_Petrucci
2008-09-08 13:59:56 - IP Man-Hash: 05de0fd3c213a

Ha! Which is funny, I’m actually a girl and I’m better at playing the guitar than all the boys that play at my school! It’s been proven ^_^

Comment by detached
2008-09-08 14:22:42 - IP Man-Hash: 6b57fd9b91f7b

I’m sure all the guys that want to fuck you are claiming this. Bravo, you’ve just proved what a whore you are.

 
Comment by John_Petrucci
2008-09-08 14:27:49 - IP Man-Hash: 05de0fd3c213a

Psh, trust me, I may be a prodigy, but I am no pretty girl. Guys just know that I’m amazing and they respect me for that, like real men should. =)

Comment by Dustin Grey
2009-01-18 11:15:34 - IP Man-Hash: c9d5f5ee0bfb1

Sounds like a load of horse shit. No man respects a woman. You just believe that because you think when a man watches you fumble and bumble around on the guitar, they are respecting you. They’re not. They don’t give a shit about you.

But keep letting that head grow sweetheart. I’m sure it’s growing about as fast as your waistline.

Comment by Muzalon
2009-01-18 11:27:50 - IP Man-Hash: 4aa7d61a4a878

Man-Thought of the day:

Men HAVE to be better. Men have no vaginas to rely on.

(Comments won't nest below this level)
Comment by Chris
2009-01-18 11:39:10 - IP Man-Hash: cfb61523380ca

(huge smile over here)

 
 
 
 
Comment by Lordiana
2009-05-04 22:35:14 - IP Man-Hash: c1fff705fc4a3

You keep doing your thing girl. They’ll say whatever they have to say because you’re a threat. How am I right about this?: I’m 100% sure someone will reply to this message with a load of crap. But that’s all that it is.^_^

 
 
Comment by mark
2008-07-12 18:18:36 - IP Man-Hash: cfa5b5e4f1632

bola said:

mark said:

bola said:

mark said:
have the same dog food in our skulls

The male and female brain are radically different.

not radically. just different. both are just as capable at processing information to the point of staying alive long enough for art to come out.

Contemporary art. That can be produced by virtually anyone.

being easy to make doesn’t make the final product any less viable. lots of pieces of music are easy to play, but it’s the human element that brings emotion and power to them. and we are all capable at being just as human. and it’s not just contemporary art, some simple designs have lasted as long as humans have been around. this isn’t to say that women can’t compose complex pieces of art as well. anyone who knows anything about composing music can tell you that Bjork’s work is anything but simple. might not be you’re thing, but you can’t say that just anyone can compose anything she’s done.

saying that, i can understand how someone might come to the conclution that no great art is being made right now. the media doesn’t back the really brilliant stuff that’s out there nearly enough. i can see that someone might think that there’s no great female artists if all they are hearing of it is what’s given to them. and it’s really an insult to people, because they really think that we wouldn’t get it. we are given very small palettes from the day we are born, so sometimes great new art doesn’t realise it’s full impact, but you really have to look for art in new places all the time to find the stuff that’s worth hearing.

 
Comment by bola
2008-07-12 12:39:19 - IP Man-Hash: a28a8fa6fa63a

mark said:

bola said:

mark said:
have the same dog food in our skulls

The male and female brain are radically different.

not radically. just different. both are just as capable at processing information to the point of staying alive long enough for art to come out.

Contemporary art. That can be produced by virtually anyone.

 
Comment by mark
2008-07-12 12:32:23 - IP Man-Hash: cfa5b5e4f1632

bola said:

mark said:
have the same dog food in our skulls

The male and female brain are radically different.

not radically. just different. both are just as capable at processing information to the point of staying alive long enough for art to come out.

 
Comment by bola
2008-07-12 00:25:46 - IP Man-Hash: a28a8fa6fa63a

mark said:
have the same dog food in our skulls

The male and female brain are radically different.

 
Comment by mark
2008-07-11 22:25:42 - IP Man-Hash: cfa5b5e4f1632

this doesn’t make sense to me. how does music have anything to do with gender? people are going to have different opinions on art. sometimes you get it, sometimes you don’t. if you’re talking real originality, then most of us are hacks regardless of gender. but all artist steal from people they admire. it’s when these ideas get filtered through individual personalitys that it becomes the artists own work. so what doesn’t make sense to me, is how someone could honestly think that women somehow are incapable of having personalitys to filter ideas through? we all have the same dog food in our skulls, and we are all just as capable of creating art. now, maybe a womans art might not appeal to you. that i can understand. i’m an artist and have been writing and recording music since i was 15, so i think i have a pretty good understanding of how this process works. i’ve written songs with women with amazing talents in all aspects of music. and i’ve learned just as much from listening to female artists as i have male artists. and i might add that women today are taking control of underground music in a way i don’t think anyones seen before. i think a lot of guys are coming to realise that these women have the same kind of feelings they have, and are expressing it in this way that just makes you fall for them instantly. but thats just me, and my friends opinion. i doubt that Dick would see the appeal in high places for example. but everyone has there own perspective to share. some may be unenlightened and boring, but some people like that. now if you were talking about sounds my penis can make, its very quiet so i don’t think its helping my music.

 
Comment by Amanda
2008-06-27 19:54:03 - IP Man-Hash: 6f7c17feb24e0

Alright, as a woman I 100% agree. Our bands are shit, but seriously, we’re not as bad as you guys make us out on the other topics.

 
Comment by Rick champ
2008-06-21 23:32:12 - IP Man-Hash: 5627dd196ab45

Ricardo said:

You are crazy Dick, the bass guitar is way too complicated for these bitches to master, they have small hands and small minds, therefore they’ll never manage to excel at playing the bass.

Listen to some funk music, and you’ll see that the bass guitar is not what the average shitty rock musician wants it to be.

Finaly someone defends the bass.

WOMEN MASTER NOTHING.

 
Comment by Doabarrelroll
2008-05-26 21:30:57 - IP Man-Hash: ed5255bdaf0a9

Dude, so boy bands are better? I sincerely question your taste in music.

 

Close
E-mail It
Powered by ShareThis