Girl Bands Are Shit
Throughout history, musical prodigies who were all men have revolutionized music, leaving exotic new tapestries of sound behind for the world to enjoy. That’s called immortality and it’s completely off-limits to women.
In order to join the ranks of the immortal, you have to give the world something that can’t eventually cash a social security check. Women can’t do that. As a man, reaching your potential may take longer than 9 months.
But there’s another type of musician that’s equally important to music. Bands. Even though most of them suck, most bands are not the worst of the worst. Most bands are not girl bands.
Girl bands are shit.
Fuck Teamwork
Being in a band is like being in a cockblocking competition. Your weapon is your instrument, and your foe is every other man on Earth. Since the only cock women have ever had to block to get what they want is their husband’s, women don’t know the first thing about being in a band.
Competition is the spark plug of greatness.
Without musical competitiveness among band members, you end up with a mess lacking in conviction and full of trial and error. Girl bands are like middle-management teleconferences. Everyone wants to look as busy as possible, no one is actually doing anything, and it’s all out of sync because technology isn’t magic.
A fuzz box won’t make a girl a star. Only a penis will do that. See Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, or Heather Mills for an explanation.
Boyfriends
All girl bands have at least a hundred songs about their ex-boyfriends. The second girls learn to talk, boys are all they want to talk about. The second girls learn to write, boys are all they want to write notes about. If girls could learn to piss in the snow, guess what they would be pissing. Boys.
The reason girl bands who are successful are over-hyped monsters created from focus groups, is not because of marketing. It’s because “real” girl bands shoot themselves in the vagina with truckloads of repetitive and immature emotional horseshit. Not even PT Barnum could sell a “lesbian”-looking trio from Silverlake who don’t think it’s cool to put on mascara or lip liner while they sing half their songs about what it feels like to be used up sperm dumpsters.
At least the Spice Girls had snazzy boots.
Too Complicated
There are only three instruments that women can play with any kind of competence. Their voice, their hips, and a bass guitar. Everything else is way too complicated.
Until the four bass quartet is an actual thing anyone wants to listen to, girl bands can go fuck themselves.
No smoking in bars? How about no girl bands.
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April 8th, 2008 at 4:45 am - IP Man-Hash: cca296c54725b
oh by the way, he said, YOU’RE not able to make reasonable thought nor discussion, so really, then how pathetic are you if you can’t even read !!!
April 8th, 2008 at 6:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 6526a778fc65e
ughhhhh. joanna newsom’s voice sounds like a cat stuck in a meat grinder.
April 8th, 2008 at 9:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6b07accc0e10a
I think you’re a fuckin pig bastard. maybe if you hate women so much you should go fuck your dog or yourself up the ass. And I think if there was a girl out there for you, she probably killed herself or shes a lesbian. What about all the songs sung by guy bands that talk about ex-girlfriends? All men think about is women, probably not you because your gay(no offense to anyone that is). Do you think its ok for women to get raped also you douche bag? Whatever all I have to say is that I hate you already and I watched your stupid ass on Dr Phil ten minutes ago. So ya go jerk off you loser. GIRL POWER!!!!
April 9th, 2008 at 1:51 am - IP Man-Hash: 93bb571299410
No…you need to play in a band in order to make comments about playing in a band. I’ve played in a band since I was 13. I am 40 now. Less than 1% of the musicians I have played with were women. They weren’t great, but they weren’t bad either. A good band doesn’t have the “cock block” problem you stated. A great band does have a bit of turmoil from time to time (just look at Van Halen) But using one’s instrument as a penis is a bit, well…inaccurate. Musicians in great bands don’t get in the way of each other. They just let each other do their thing (as guys do). But a person who professes to know a thing or two about playing in a band without any experience is a poser. From your comments about playing in a band it is not apparent that such experience exists. Please do not write about things you have no knowledge about. Other things you write are open to your perspective and interesting,but when you talk about bands and how to play in a band and do not have the background,well…you lost me.
April 9th, 2008 at 8:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 249d779712c1b
LMAO. Dick, you must have the best time listening to these morons rambling on and on about how stupid they think you are. They get so upset over this shit, it’s hilarious. By the way, man, I love your site. Man power!
- Stephen
April 9th, 2008 at 1:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: d099103efe0fb
+ and -? are you fucking kidding me? this isn’t a mathematical equation for intelligence, there is one, it goes: “MAN > WOMAN”
W is the unknown variable of how much of a Whore she is.
O is the preference to watch Oprah, that whore.
Women are useless. get over it.
do everyone a favour and go back to cooking.
FUCK YOU, get off a man’s site.
April 9th, 2008 at 11:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 09d092ba2f9c9
Amen to that. You can tell by how stupid they sound.
April 9th, 2008 at 11:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: a370b726c1831
The only reason why men invented emo was because they knew millions of teenage girls would fall hopelessly in love with emo bands and spend their fathers’ money to buy cds, tshirts, and concert tickets.
Also, I’ve seen live footage of a Yeah Yeah Yeahs concert, the front lady tramps around stage almost exposing her self constantly while screaming meaningless babble in an obvious drunken state.
BTW, congratulations on receiving some attention from men. Drama queen.
Women are still suppressed? WTF is EOE on every job application an acronym for?
April 10th, 2008 at 7:32 am - IP Man-Hash: 726e7d40b3d7b
You’re just proving things hes discussed in other articles - that women are bitchy control freaks. If a man doesn’t like women hes obviously gay, cause you can’t handle the fact he doesnt want to plow himself into the lukewarm hole in your crotch that makes you worth 1/2 a pinch of shit to existence. You can’t even put together a decent logical argument without resulting to childish name calling you doody head.
April 11th, 2008 at 9:21 am - IP Man-Hash: b0fbeee8eec8d
Oh shit dude, that was win. EPIC WIN! More win than ever before seen.
April 11th, 2008 at 9:26 am - IP Man-Hash: b0fbeee8eec8d
You’re incredibly stupid for trying to raise an argument defending women on this site. It’s like trying to piss in an ocean of piss. It’s not gonna make a damned bit of difference.
To be strictly honest, all you’re doing is giving us somthing to make fun of. You’re incredibly ignorant if you think that you’re able to come on here and say this shit like it means anything to.. well.. ANYONE. No one cares what you have to say. This site is about how Men are better than Women. Not about how bitchy cunts come on here and try to argue about how they’re better than us.
Don’t waste my time with reading your shitty arguements. All you did was waste my life. There’s not a guy on here who read that and said to himself “OH GOD! I BETTER STOP BEING BETTER THAN WOMEN BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME IT’S BADDDDD!!”
Take your bullshit elsewhere. You’re not changing anyone’s life. But this site OBVIOUSLY changed yours. So, quit your cryin. And grow the fuck up. If you wanna be a cunt, be a cunt to your stupid boyfriend. If he’s cool enough, he’ll punch your in your cum dumpster for the stupid things you spew from it.
And I’m going to let you in on a little secret - ALL MEN ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN. And here’s the secret (that other part goes without saying); we all know it. Wheather your boyfriend tells you that on a daily basis or not, does not make it anyless true. Do you know what he talks about when you’re not around? Yeahhhhh. Think about it.
You’re only as good as your vagina is tight.
April 11th, 2008 at 9:31 am - IP Man-Hash: b0fbeee8eec8d
YOU GUYS WANNA HEAR A JOKE!?!?!
WOMEN’S RIGHTS!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
April 11th, 2008 at 9:54 am - IP Man-Hash: f3203906c8b3c
Grace Slick Sang White Rabbit not Janis Joplin.
April 11th, 2008 at 4:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: bf89c3f3f5b7e
You are crazy Dick, the bass guitar is way too complicated for these bitches to master, they have small hands and small minds, therefore they’ll never manage to excel at playing the bass.
Listen to some funk music, and you’ll see that the bass guitar is not what the average shitty rock musician wants it to be.
April 12th, 2008 at 4:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 2f3333d8b1327
i think ur mentel mate but all use americans are all money grabbing bastards just an excuse to make money you can all go fuck urself no wonder no one likes use idiots u cant even have a president who makes sense for fuck sake peace out p.s visit scotland were more civilised lol
April 12th, 2008 at 4:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 464a8e897ac44
This is indisputable. You whores can bitch all you want about all the other shit on this site, pretend you can run companies, pretend you can do whatever you want to say you can do and which Dick is telling everyone you can’t, but the one thing you can’t dispute is that girl bands are shit. They’re fucking hopeless. Women don’t have any aggression to vent, they don’t have any libidos to fuel their music, and their lives are so easy they have no real problems to aggravate them into writing thoughtful lyrics or anything (you have to have the blues to play the blues, etc). Just take a look at the content of any girl band’s songs. It’s all about “fuck I’m awesome you stupid boy you should be lucky to be with me and you should work your fucking arse off to try and keep me because you’ll never do better than me because I’m fucking awesome and you’re just a boy”.
There are two exceptions where women can be in halfway decent bands, and I’ll outline them here:
1) Where she is the slutty frontperson of an otherwise all male band, and her entire gig is just acting like a sex object for men’s amusement. A great example of this is Crissy Amphlett of the Divynils, but most successful female musicians in history were nearly the same gig, from Marilyn Monroe through Madonna and Kylie Minogue to Britney and Avril Lavrigne (or however the fuck it’s spelled). None of them could have survived without the men that wrote and played the music. All they had to do was write some cutesy angst lyrics and sing them while dancing around like a slut. Too bad they suck anyway (the Divynils were okay..).
2) When the bitch is batshit fucking loco and on drugs, things get interesting. Still, it’s rare to see even one of these operations without at least one male member. A good example is Hole, and like I said, the lead guitarist (and let’s face it that means the one with the most talent and contribution) is a man. Janis Joplin is another example, and I’m pretty sure all her band was male anyway (could be wrong there). Even fucking ABBA was all written by Benny and Bjorn while the two sluts just stood around singing the shit.
So, tl;dr GIRL BANDS ARE SHIT.
Also, YOU NEED A COCK TO ROCK.
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: fbf0cbea68b82
The only truly decent female singer was Karen Carpenter
April 29th, 2008 at 12:17 am - IP Man-Hash: ad9a151fc50b0
That wasn’t janis joplin by the way, it was the singer in the band jefferson airplane. I cannot remember her name
April 29th, 2008 at 12:43 am - IP Man-Hash: ad9a151fc50b0
she is a horrible drummer, she cannot keep a beat while playing live. And Jack White is responsible for the music. It’s pretty much a solo act, he probably just didnt want a band with more men so he could have more creative influence. It is just a fact that on average, men are superior at any kind of art. There are exceptions though, like Janis Joplin or that Frida unibrow chick. But for any one of those there are 100 Jimi Hendrix’s, Beethovens or Da Vincis.
May 6th, 2008 at 10:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 21fd11996a15d
Some women KNOW that girl bands suck. So instead of trying to be in or start one, they decide to be groupies for male bands. That way, they figure some of the greatness will be transferred by osmosis.
It isn’t of course, but hey girls believe what they want to believe.