Girl Bands Are Shit
Throughout history, musical prodigies who were all men have revolutionized music, leaving exotic new tapestries of sound behind for the world to enjoy. That’s called immortality and it’s completely off-limits to women.
In order to join the ranks of the immortal, you have to give the world something that can’t eventually cash a social security check. Women can’t do that. As a man, reaching your potential may take longer than 9 months.
But there’s another type of musician that’s equally important to music. Bands. Even though most of them suck, most bands are not the worst of the worst. Most bands are not girl bands.
Girl bands are shit.
Fuck Teamwork
Being in a band is like being in a cockblocking competition. Your weapon is your instrument, and your foe is every other man on Earth. Since the only cock women have ever had to block to get what they want is their husband’s, women don’t know the first thing about being in a band.
Competition is the spark plug of greatness.
Without musical competitiveness among band members, you end up with a mess lacking in conviction and full of trial and error. Girl bands are like middle-management teleconferences. Everyone wants to look as busy as possible, no one is actually doing anything, and it’s all out of sync because technology isn’t magic.
A fuzz box won’t make a girl a star. Only a penis will do that. See Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, or Heather Mills for an explanation.
Boyfriends
All girl bands have at least a hundred songs about their ex-boyfriends. The second girls learn to talk, boys are all they want to talk about. The second girls learn to write, boys are all they want to write notes about. If girls could learn to piss in the snow, guess what they would be pissing. Boys.
The reason girl bands who are successful are over-hyped monsters created from focus groups, is not because of marketing. It’s because “real” girl bands shoot themselves in the vagina with truckloads of repetitive and immature emotional horseshit. Not even PT Barnum could sell a “lesbian”-looking trio from Silverlake who don’t think it’s cool to put on mascara or lip liner while they sing half their songs about what it feels like to be used up sperm dumpsters.
At least the Spice Girls had snazzy boots.
Too Complicated
There are only three instruments that women can play with any kind of competence. Their voice, their hips, and a bass guitar. Everything else is way too complicated.
Until the four bass quartet is an actual thing anyone wants to listen to, girl bands can go fuck themselves.
No smoking in bars? How about no girl bands.
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March 26th, 2008 at 11:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7288b00e588db
i feel pretty confident in that you’ve only heard one or two bands on this list. and i really wasn’t asking your opinion, i was speaking of fanbase, both male and female, that think these bands are cream of the crop. thanks.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7288b00e588db
so that guy was pretty amazing on drums, but talent doesn’t just mean how well you can play. there are two different kinds of musically inclined people in the world, they’re either mathematical, or creative. that guy is mathematical. creative is what makes an artist.
i wouldn’t consider meg white a great drummer either, but she’s certainly creative when it comes to the type of sound they’re trying to compose.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7288b00e588db
And you proved Milgram’s point more than he could have himself.
Get a mind and an education.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7288b00e588db
Risk (65) Says:
March 26th, 2008 at 6:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 299031866670c
That should be “Why do you hate music?”, sorry gents.
And Erin, you proved Dicks point more than any of us could have.
i had to quote this myself because the website is faulty.
And you proved Milgram’s point more than any of us could have.
Get a mind and an education.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7288b00e588db
And I’m 20 years old, not a baby-boomer, thank you. I just have more wisdom than the male demographic commenting on this website.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 67caec8fb3425
Women dont have nor ever gain wisdom..
Shut up and blow away
March 27th, 2008 at 1:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 4887b54d8fb3e
So women talk shit on your planet too?
March 27th, 2008 at 1:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
That’s silly. She’s silly, I like her.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 9342b2aa308e5
Said the fly to the spiders…
We’ve just got everything from the first rhythms banged on rocks through to Bingen and Vogelweide, Monteverde and Bach, Haydn and Mozart, Schubert and Brahms, Schönberg and Stravinsky, Ligeti and Stockhausen, Wagner and Gilbert and Sullivan, Beiderbecke and Armstrong, Goodman and Miller, the Beatles and Stones and Jade Warrior, BB King and John Lee Hooker, Mellancamp and John Butler, ARS and Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Who and Focus and Chicago and Pink Floyd and on and on and on…
The pale imitations you listen to are here yesterday and gone tomorrow just like the fleeting motes that pass for thought in the peanut between your ears.
The real music will live on forever.
Little girl you have no idea.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:22 am - IP Man-Hash: b8f64c0f83403
Creative my ass. Thats just an excuse for not being able to play properly, I mean seriously in her studio recorded album she makes timing mistakes. Thats just awkward. She have yet to play a beat I havn’t heard before. Real creative.
I’m a man and as such I don’t make statements on things I don’t know, obviously I listened to the groups. Well that is until my ears bled from the trauma.
Fanbase means shit for being a musician. Honestly, thats like saying chick flicks are good because they are popular. Kids these days will listen to the worst music produced. Britney Spears is (or was?) popular too and you wouldn’t consider her a musician, would you?
March 27th, 2008 at 11:44 am - IP Man-Hash: e4167ae7e1d39
My dad raised me the right way, not teaching me that i was inferior, Because i’m not. He taught me how to provide for myself and defend myself, if you think those are all male characteristics thats your problem. I suppose when you have a daughter you’ll put a dress on her, tell her shes a princess and teach her how to weasel money out of men instead of making it for herself.
He thinks more like you guys than you might think, but he wanted a daughter he could be proud of, and he got her. Not some slut begging him for money all the time.
And, No. I dont like girly boys. My boyfriends hand is bigger than my face. Hes also got the sexiest broad shoulders and the nicest man ass.
So, you’re wrong again. Nice try though.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:55 am - IP Man-Hash: e4167ae7e1d39
1. I thoroughly enjoy my life. Im a traveler, i experience new things constantly and always learn from everything i do. So dont worry, im definately getting the most out of life.
2. Whenever i come on this site there are about 17 replies to my posts, and i only have a lttle bit of time to respond, so i respond to them all at the same time. It’s not a lack of replies that makes me post so much at a time, but the exact opposite. You’re dumb.
3. Your inferiority complex is not hard to understand. I understand your inherent weakness as a person, i just think its sad and pathetic.
4. You dont have to imagine what i look like because after i got harassed about being “fat” i posted a link to my pics on this site.
I have the balls to do that, but a nasty woman hater like you definately does not.
5. The presence of a vagina doesnt make anyone inferior. I love my vagina. Someday, its gonna give me babies and im so glad that i can be a mother. Its like my own little beautiful flower and im proud of it. Just because you hate yours doesnt mean everyone else does.
Meg White is a kickass drummer.
I proved dick wrong once again, and it makes you so mad doesn’t it.
hahaha
You suck.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: e4167ae7e1d39
My example of masculinity has always been my father. An ironworker with calluses on his hands who worked hard all his life, built his own home, developed his own land (with the help of my mother) and provided for his family. Hes not perfect, but Hes a real man.
Also john wayne, i watched alot of john wayne as a kid.
I dont think i’m more powerful than any man, well maybe some, hahaha.
I just know that i am more than capable of defending myself and making my own way in the world, whats so wrong with that?
All your misconceptions about me have been wrong, its just that if you tried to accept that there was a girl who was independent, intelligent, hard working, honest and good looking, your head would explode.
You cleary would like to keep thinking that all women are cunts and have something or other wrong with them, but you’re just not living in reality.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
Sarah said-I love my vagina. Someday, its gonna give me babies and im so glad that i can be a mother.
That’s weird, I had three babies and MY vagina didn’t give me babies. My husbands sperm did.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 369bfee4084ad
OH! What now???
*waits for Sarah’s no-doubt clever reply*
March 27th, 2008 at 4:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: e4167ae7e1d39
Thats funny, ive swallowed my boyfriends sperm, and strangely enough, i didnt shit out any babies.
It takes 2 to tango, dumbass.
My point was, because i have a vagina, i can be a mother. Motherhood is something a man can never have, and i feel lucky to be a woman because of that.
By the way, where did your babies come from, since they apparently didnt come out of your vagina.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: e4167ae7e1d39
God, i hope none of them are girls.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Sarah, there are small children and big babies trolling this site. We would appreciate if you held back on your life story - it’s a tad bit inappropriate for the emotionally immature.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:33 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
Wow, such a sweet little girl….
It’s funny how you say it takes two to tango, but all you keep hollering is “my vagina”.
It takes a lot more than your vagina to become a mother…
You said-”Motherhood is something a man can never have, and i feel lucky to be a woman because of that.”
I’m not going to deny that motherhood is a wonderful experience and I do feel lucky that I am one. However, I will NOT deny my husband his right to be a father and his experience with fatherhood.
Fatherhood is something that a women could NEVER have, but they sure like to take it away…it’s really sad. Most fathers are shit on by women who think their “vagina’s” gave them their babies.
Come on Sarah, you mentioned your father was a hard worker and had calloused hands. I’m sure his hands were calloused and he worked hard for YOU. I can relate to this because, my dad was a hard worker (he poured concrete) and he would come home and his hands would have concrete burns on them, they were calloused and sometimes bleeding. He would show them to me and say….”My hands are like this because I love you and I will work like a dog to make sure you are taken care of.” Now that is fucking fatherhood!
Hey, if you really want to get technical, babies are actually a gift from GOD.
P.S. if you MUST know…. my babies did come out my vagina, but I could have NEVER experienced giving birth without my husbands penis.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:37 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
Nope…..ALL boys, we wanted a girl tho. =)