Girl Bands Are Shit
Throughout history, musical prodigies who were all men have revolutionized music, leaving exotic new tapestries of sound behind for the world to enjoy. That’s called immortality and it’s completely off-limits to women.
In order to join the ranks of the immortal, you have to give the world something that can’t eventually cash a social security check. Women can’t do that. As a man, reaching your potential may take longer than 9 months.
But there’s another type of musician that’s equally important to music. Bands. Even though most of them suck, most bands are not the worst of the worst. Most bands are not girl bands.
Girl bands are shit.
Fuck Teamwork
Being in a band is like being in a cockblocking competition. Your weapon is your instrument, and your foe is every other man on Earth. Since the only cock women have ever had to block to get what they want is their husband’s, women don’t know the first thing about being in a band.
Competition is the spark plug of greatness.
Without musical competitiveness among band members, you end up with a mess lacking in conviction and full of trial and error. Girl bands are like middle-management teleconferences. Everyone wants to look as busy as possible, no one is actually doing anything, and it’s all out of sync because technology isn’t magic.
A fuzz box won’t make a girl a star. Only a penis will do that. See Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, or Heather Mills for an explanation.
Boyfriends
All girl bands have at least a hundred songs about their ex-boyfriends. The second girls learn to talk, boys are all they want to talk about. The second girls learn to write, boys are all they want to write notes about. If girls could learn to piss in the snow, guess what they would be pissing. Boys.
The reason girl bands who are successful are over-hyped monsters created from focus groups, is not because of marketing. It’s because “real” girl bands shoot themselves in the vagina with truckloads of repetitive and immature emotional horseshit. Not even PT Barnum could sell a “lesbian”-looking trio from Silverlake who don’t think it’s cool to put on mascara or lip liner while they sing half their songs about what it feels like to be used up sperm dumpsters.
At least the Spice Girls had snazzy boots.
Too Complicated
There are only three instruments that women can play with any kind of competence. Their voice, their hips, and a bass guitar. Everything else is way too complicated.
Until the four bass quartet is an actual thing anyone wants to listen to, girl bands can go fuck themselves.
No smoking in bars? How about no girl bands.
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March 24th, 2008 at 9:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 4aad97af48ec6
one good thing about country music…..no boy bands. I think Menudo has made a comeback….eeek!!!
March 24th, 2008 at 10:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 829be8a41e45b
It’s not just talent but longevity as well. Kiss, Stones, AC/DC they’ve all been around 30+ years and they rock. The reason is male bands can have competitive disagreements and keep on going. Most girl bands don’t last that long because as soon as the bitch rears her ugly head they all split up. Creatively they have no staying power either, how can you sustain a music career on writing songs that just bitch about men?
-Solomon
March 24th, 2008 at 10:46 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@Lawrence- what exactly was yoko’s contribution?
March 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
Seems to me that folks are missing Dick’s point. All these “girl bands” which “rock” so much you feel need to name them as exceptions STILL fall under the category of “Their voice, their hips, and a bass guitar.”
They may sound good, they may be cute, they may even play bass guitar “adequately” but they still suck, no matter how much you enjoy listening to media hyped up garbage while driving your car.
How many women have been Beethoven, Rachmaninov or John Williams? How many girl bands have been AC/DC, The Rolling Stones or Metallica? Men own music just like they own witty humour.
I’ll have to second that question.
Maybe the way she sucked Lennon’s dick is what gave him the inspiration to write the worst music of his life rather than just retire.
March 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
Christina Scabbia kicks ass.
By the way, you forgot Sonic Youth (Kim Gordon), Crisis (Karyn Crisis)and Coal Chamber (Rayna Foss)
Otep Shamaya (BEST)
Magdelena Dabosz
Kimberly Goss
Anneke van Giersbergen
There are tons of them. I dont know much about pop or anything like that. But these metal girls rock the house.
“You will know be by the scars i bear” - Otep
March 24th, 2008 at 3:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@Zardoz- i don’t think i’m missing Mr Masterson’s point. and i concede there were not any real female composers along the lines of Bach or Beethoven. but when it comes to girl bands, as in rock bands- there are some that are good. i suppose they are the exceptions- but that only makes them extra cool when they come along. i think you and i probably have differing musical tastes, but i can assure you i’m not listening to any media hyped pretty girl fluff.
March 24th, 2008 at 3:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: d653cff06dec4
If they don’t get radioplay they’re not successful as the 90% of male bands who do.
I’ve never heard of anyone on that list sarah.
March 24th, 2008 at 4:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
Then they’re not a “girl band” at all. I mean ffs, someone even named Sonic Youth.
I’m yet to see anyone step outside the category of “Their voice, their hips, and a bass guitar.” All I see are people leaping to defend women in the industry as a whole.
The fact still remains. There’s been no female savants, and no ALL female band (thus a “girl band” where all the instruments are played by women) worth a warm squirt of infected pelican shit.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 89edd43e2f6f6
Never heard any on that list either but I checked them out and they were shit. Not to mention they were all singers or bass players.
If you wanted to name a female metal singer that actually deserves respect you should have mentioned Angela Gossow. None of the ones you mentioned has a decent growl.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
Well, i didn’t think you had anyway.
The point was, they are talented musicians. He used paris fucking hilton as an example of a female musician. Thats horrifying. I heard one of her songs, it sounded like binaural vomit to me.
People who define good music by wether or not the radio plays it usually have terrible taste in music. They’re the same people who think im wierd because i dont like destinys child.
The only music that is played on the radio is catchy popular shit that usually sucks. I mean, not always, talented bands like Alice in chains Stone temple pilots and Pearl Jam all get radio play, but the fact is, if its not popular, theyre probably not going to play it. Try getting the radio to play lateralus or Aenima on the radio. Or actually any Tool song besides sober, vicarious or Jambi.
Believe me, ive tried, its not gonna happen unless you have a rare dj who will play it.
It doesnt take talent to get on the radio, it takes popularity. For gods sake have you turned on a pop or hip hop station lately? Every song sounds like a retard with a speech impediment reciting poetry and banging on empty paint cans.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
Otep has the best female growl ive ever heard. You may need to check her out again if you missed it.
I left her out thanks for adding her! Shes great too.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
I Dont think you have to play the guitar or drums to be a good musician.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
Any ALL female band ive ever heard has sucked anyway.
But theres nothing inadequate about being a bass player or vocalist.
Theyre are plenty of bassists and vocalists, male and female, who rock.
So i guess what he should say is that he thinks you suck if you dont play the guitar or drums. In which case he would be insulting alot of male musicians.
“i speak in verses, prophecies and curses” -otep
March 24th, 2008 at 5:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
I used her as an example of a woman who got famous because of her dealings with a cock, you stupid cunt.
Fuck off my website.
-Dick
March 24th, 2008 at 5:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 989add7e9c018
There are more good male bands than female bands, in general. End of fucking story.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
Thats true. But it’s not an indication that men are better than women, which is what hes trying to pawn it off as.
Im better at cooking than my boyfriend and hes better at playing football.
But, hes better at singing than i am and i’m better at changing a tire.
It doesn’t mean one of us is better.
It just means we each have our strong points, and there’s alot of rock paper scissors to see who takes out the trash.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
no. block me if you dont like it.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
no. block me if you dont like it.
No. You can block me if you dont like it.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9cfdf00b83713
By the way, Igetdick.com is a website full of pathetic lazy women.
They literally disgust me.
It is astounding that any woman would concede to being stupid and worthless just to get the acceptance of people who hate her. Oh wait its been happening since the beginning of time because these women have about the confidence and mental capacity of a common fieldmouse.
“I don’t want to do anything of substance in life, especially if it requires hard work, so i’m just going to pretend i don’t even have the capacity.”
I can’t believe you have any respect for them.
I don’t.
I hope their fat cheating husbands all have heart attacts while they’re on top of them in bed and the bitches suffocate to death under the weight of their massive hairy stinking visceras.
The world would be a better place without a bunch of sellouts running aroud proud of their inferiorty complex.
March 24th, 2008 at 6:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
@Sarah- it’s not very nice wishing death on people.