Card Carrying Slut?
How can I tell if the woman I’m with is a slut?
I get asked a lot of questions about women, especially by men. After all, when someone goes to the trouble of making business cards that say “MenAreBetterThanWomen”, they must know what they’re talking about. And I do.
Of them all, this is the question that comes up the most, “How can I tell if my date is a slut.” That’s why I’m going to start my new column “Ask Dick” off with this boffo box office best-seller.
There are three easy ways you can tell if a woman is a slut.
1. She has a cell phone
Women who are sluts always have a cell phone, sometimes two. You see, it’s because having a cell phone is the easiest way possible for a slut to garner herself a heaping helping of attention. Attention is just a stone’s throw away from sex: the slut’s ultimate goal.
The meal’s not cutting it? No problem, slut. Just whip out your cell phone during the entree and brew up a nice gumbo of drama and gossip with your best friends whom you hate the fuck out of. Three to five minutes later, she’s off on another whirlwind diatribe and you’re left wondering if this is included in the bill or if you have to pay extra for it. Like a tip.
Are you supposed to tip a hooker? I’ll save that gem for another time.
2. She mentions another man
All sluts will mention at least one other man (who isn’t you) during the course of a conversation. It could be a workmate, a neighbor, even a family member. If she’s talking about a man, she’s thinking about one thing and one thing only.
Also, God is a man (for obvious reasons). He counts for double; so if she’s a real preacher odds are you have one hell of a slut on your hands.
3. She wears heels
Everything about them screams slut. I’m not talking about the five-inch, lucite, pole dancer heels either. I’m talking about pumps, boots, anything that isn’t a regular shoe.
No matter what women say, there’s only one reason to wear something like heels in today’s society. She wants sexual attention. It’s like a man wearing a helmet. Either he’s expecting to be hit on the head at some point during the day, or he’s retarded. It’s the same with women in heels. Guess what she’s expecting.
If you have a question you’d like to see on Ask Dick, email me or post in the Ask Dick forum.
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July 9th, 2007 at 11:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: ea146503678a7
Silly cow, no it isn’t.
July 10th, 2007 at 7:32 am - IP Man-Hash: a13ba81333017
Dick, no offense sir. But…
Chantal is all over this site, like the proverbial woman scorned. And you’re actually responding to her! In every single post.
Did you actually dump her or something?
Obviously, you’re a man of exceptional taste. But I’ve never seen a response recently from you towards any woman such as the annoying Chantal who can’t type and is homophobic, racist and sexist.
OK, I’m kidding. Dick would obviously have better taste than to deal with such a creature.
-wolfe
July 10th, 2007 at 8:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 5fd634f6ed1ed
I’m actually inclined and interested in what Wolf has suggested. Also, i agree you would have to have been brain dead to go out with someone like her.
July 10th, 2007 at 1:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
he saw my profile on myspace, maybe he made the connection.
Silly cow, no it isn’t.
silly assclown, yes it is. learn some urban slang. if you slept with a lot of people i would call you a SLUT. nasty, std ridden, SLUT.
July 10th, 2007 at 1:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
It seems so much more intelligent with that one minor spelling mistake corrected.
-Dick
what? and yea, i’m all over your site. this is fun.
July 10th, 2007 at 1:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9a305b0d72d4d
I’m actually inclined and interested in what Wolf has suggested. Also, i agree you would have to have been brain dead to go out with someone like her.
maybe he is brain dead? thanks for clearing that confusion up. oh and while you’re stuck up his ass, can you save the planet and kill yourself? kthanx.
August 9th, 2007 at 3:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3ef176ddb9297
Chantal shouldn’t bother arguing with someone whose mind is made up. Some people don’t like home truths, and she’ll just get frustrated.
Swearing like a trooper! Don’t bother.
A way of seeing a slut is about as stupid as a way to stickytape yourself to a fridge.
They look fine on paper, but then you get out into the REAL WORLD.
I have three easy ways for telling if a man is gay.
1. He smiles in front of other men, in any way, shape or form. This includes laughter.
2. He mentions something about how a place looks. Doesn’t matter what, or how detailed the statement.
3. He wears clothes. Those are a signal to other gay men that they’ve found one of their own.
Wow, who’d a thunk it?
Back to slut-
1. is absurd. EVERYONE has a mobile phone.
2. is absurd. What, do you think she’s Rapunzel or something, never seen a man before?
3. Is stupid. Women wear heels because FASHION DICTATES IT. YOu can’t be fashionable if you don’t wear heels. Designers love this, because they make a FORTUNE off shoes. That’s why heels are fashionable.
You’re all grade-A ignoramuses, and if you have a problem with me calling you that, maybe you could educate yourself about the REAL world.
August 9th, 2007 at 3:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
F***ers?
-Dick
August 9th, 2007 at 3:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: acef32d684742
Do you yodel for a living or just part time? Do you manginas use tampons often or do you prefer the large pads?
Ignoramuses is one gurly word. So that would explain why it’s in the mangina dictionary. We are very educated about the real world. Real men built it and not some sissified mancunt.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3ef176ddb9297
Can you make a legitimate, reasoned, thought out response?
Or do you hurl shit all the time?
August 9th, 2007 at 4:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3ef176ddb9297
Ignoramus. See also: You.
I didn’t think a 1500 page hardcover dictionary even HAD a gender, but if it did, I’d say that gender would be “built like a brick shithouse”.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3ef176ddb9297
I point you again to my “three easy ways to tell if a man is gay”.
I advise you read through them and note how very COMMON everything on that list is.
I recommend you do the same with this site’s list, and come to the conclusion with both that they are utter bollocks.
Clearly, not every man fitting those criteria is gay. Clearly, not every woman fitting the “slut” criteria is a slut.
Clearly, if you fail to understand this, you are an IDIOT.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: acef32d684742
It is not important to us that you are seeking gay males or acting like a spambot. But I would recommend that you hunt elsewhere for your gay relationships. You obviously know little about the real world.
August 9th, 2007 at 9:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4181aca5e4beb
@ The Guy…
I thought your points were accurate, and well thought out. What wasn’t as well thought out is placement.
There are certain places for certain things… mabtw.com obviously caters to certain dispositions. Anger, confusion, general upsetedness directed at females… this is the site for you. It is a place where men that have had to put up with females’ relentless shit can gather, and rail on them to our hearts content… whilst building each other up in the process.
You are intelligent. Possibly highly so. But your stupidity in starting a logical argument on a hype article is…. rather pathetic.
Besides… I beleive one of the points Dick was trying to make was highly accurate. All women who have cell phones are sluts… just as women who do not have cell phones are sluts. I beleive he was insinuating that ALL women are sluts. Disagree? Once again… choose WHERE you argue as well as your argument.
August 30th, 2007 at 5:29 am - IP Man-Hash: 5556903c41ed8
etc etc.
Ever heard of Satire, F***er?
January 26th, 2008 at 1:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: cbbf87a6b3cfc
Having a cellphone makes someone a slut? WHO THE HELL DOSENT HAVE A CELL PHONE THESE DAYS?
I love heels, i wear them cause i like them. Has nothing to do with attention.
January 26th, 2008 at 4:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
1. Dick is referring to a specific type of woman. All of them; and they’re all sluts/attention whores. (See: ‘Every woman is a cheating whore’)
2. I’m sure you love heels. For all the attention you try to get yourself on this site I’ve ascertained one thing. You’re an attention whore.
- Sgt. Reyes
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2e156e431b91f
“A way of seeing a slut is about as stupid as a way to stickytape yourself to a fridge.
They look fine on paper, but then you get out into the REAL WORLD.
I have three easy ways for telling if a man is gay.
1. He smiles in front of other men, in any way, shape or form. This includes laughter.
2. He mentions something about how a place looks. Doesn’t matter what, or how detailed the statement.
3. He wears clothes. Those are a signal to other gay men that they’ve found one of their own.
Wow, who’d a thunk it?
Back to slut-
1. is absurd. EVERYONE has a mobile phone.
2. is absurd. What, do you think she’s Rapunzel or something, never seen a man before?
3. Is stupid. Women wear heels because FASHION DICTATES IT. YOu can’t be fashionable if you don’t wear heels. Designers love this, because they make a FORTUNE off shoes. That’s why heels are fashionable.
You’re all grade-A ignoramuses, and if you have a problem with me calling you that, maybe you could educate yourself about the REAL world.”
1. I’m sure every man has smiled and laughed in front of other men, does that make them all gay?
2. Nearly every man has done this too.
3. Every man, bar nudists, wear clothes.
You are quite blatantly, a twat.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 81809107d2ef1
Pumps don’t have heels ~ LOL What a loser
April 30th, 2008 at 8:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: c582593fbcdab
Clearly “the guy” (if we should be inclined to believe he is a guy) is such a fucking idiot he missed the satiric point that all women are sluts. I doubt he has any significant level of testosterone coursing through his veins or else he would have realized this. Somehow all other men on the site were able to recognize this except for himself, maybe he should try another site like “womenarebetterthanmanginas” or something that caters to his disposition.