Maniversary Origins
I’ve been asked this question by many people. I don’t care about the women who’ve asked it though. Like most questions women ask, they’re just doing it to set themselves up to say something snotty.
Here it is, for the very special MenAreBetterThanWomen.com One Year Maniversary.
A Maniversary is like an anniversary that’s not besmirched by a pointless and crass exchange of gifts for simple niceties like politeness and deranged sex acts.
“Dick, why did you start MenAreBetterThanWomen.com?”
Like most great things invented by men, MenAreBetterThanWomen.com was starting by a man shooting his mouth off and promising more than he could deliver.
That was a trick assertion.
No man can ever promise more than he can deliver. As men, our potential is limited not even by the skies or the heavens above — or physics! Fuck physics in fact. I break those rules practically every day when I think about V8 engines and space ships and men who’ve run a mile in under 4 minutes. That’s why we men are called men and not women, who are tethered to the Earth like great fat elephants with no magic feathers.
A little more than a year ago, I was at a pub called the King’s Head in Richmond, England. I was drinking because I was in a pub and I’m a man. As a man I don’t do things like go to a library and try to buy a Slip and Slide. I go there to check out books just like I go to a bar to drink and have fun. Women, however, are just the opposite.
Women go to a bar to act bitchy and shoot their mouths off. That’s not what a bar is for. That’s what a hair salon and a kitchen are for. And another thing; a screwdriver isn’t for prying the screw-off lids off of nail polish removers.
One of my American friends was hassling one of these women in Richmond. By ‘hassling’ I mean ‘talking to’ and that’s always a mistake. I believe he was trying to inform her that she was in the wrong place for acting bitchy and shooting her mouth off. The phrase ‘Bitch Store’ may have been used.
I’m joking of course. Americans can’t understand anyone British or anyone who’s lived in England for more than a week. My friend was sitting there with the look of a deer caught off-sides as the lass rattled off the following:
“Sure. Long as he’s had a few pints, I could out drink any man here.”
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that women have winning and losing backwards. When they “won” equality and the right to vote, they actually just “lost” respect as a whole and a life of luxury enjoyed by every woman in the history of time. Just like that, women think “winning” a drinking contest is passing out drunk in a taxi with or without your knickers. Classy.
“Bullshit,” I said. Then before she could say anything I added, “You could not out-drink him. Both of you could not out-drink him.”
That’s the best way to argue with women. They’re not listening to you anyway, so phrase your case as well as you can as a man and then walk away.
“Oy!” she said — or something very much like it. I don’t know and I didn’t give a fuck. “Well he’s three times my size!”
“That’s not why,” I said. “No woman could out-drink any man because women don’t know how to drink. Six artificially flavoured apple martinis and a shot of Jager someone spilled half a Guinness into is not drinking. It’s experimenting on yourself to see how fast you can throw up. No one wins that contest.”
“What do you call this then?” she said.
Whatever she had and was holding was irrelevant. It was a pint of lager, but it wasn’t hers she probably just grabbed it off the table. We all know women don’t drink beer in pubs and if they do, we know what they look like: hideous. Women lie about stupid shit like that to prove points.
Needless to say, an entire conversation was sparked about the merits of men in this modern world. Apparently several women at the table were under the impression the sexes were “equal”. It was a silly assumption, but these women also thought make-up would make them more attractive when not even a paper bag, a picture of Claudia Schiffer, and a stapler could have done that.
They had “woman-reasons”, which behave in conversation like the spleen in the body — by doing fucking nothing. I was like a glorious man-cancer to these mouth spleens, and at some point the following was said.
“That’s still only four reasons! You said you’d give ten.”
“Well how much time do you have?” I said.
The rest is history.
-Dick
Related Articles:
May 2nd, 2006 at 2:54 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4395afe5d7df1
It’s always an achievMENt
May 3rd, 2006 at 12:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Enya, did you even bother reading what he wrote before the fuzzy gerbils began running around that wheel inside your head, causing your fingers to jerk spasmodically over the keyboard?
Your response is typical of the thoughtless non sequiturs that seem to pour forth from the weaker sex on this site.
Lukasz: yes if you’re referring to those malt coolers, there’s not much to be said for them. I was in a pub where they were giving out free samples when they introduced the Smirnoff one. Took a sip, put it down, wasn’t even going to finish it despite it being free. No real taste, far too much sugar; I actually care about what I drink.
Thanks for the outline of higher alcohol %-brewing techniques; I’ve not really read anything by Papazian since I stopped regularly brewing about 8 years ago. I’ve been thinking about starting again, though, hence my curiosity.
-wolfe
May 3rd, 2006 at 2:12 am - IP Man-Hash: f3862e53f489b
Would that be tertiary fermentation?
May 7th, 2006 at 4:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 19105c7fbb7a4
Wolfe, I was making more of a comment about those women boasting that they can drink more than a man…and I don’t consider that to be much of an achievement to be proud of. I know that Dick was not making an issue of that, it was an general observation on my part. Sorry that you misunderstood my meaning.
May 7th, 2006 at 5:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Enya, thanks for responding rationally to a very sarcastic response to what I thought — and still honestly think — was a very stupid/dismissive response on your part.
I still don’t see what you say you intended (I accept your word). I agree, “drinking more” is a modest achievement (It actually is an achievement on several grounds — consumption of a great quantity of long-chain hydrocarbons = alchohol+ energy (yes, eating bread produces alcohol inside your body, no kidding, references if you need em or google), thus a man who eats bread and can go move many things vs a woman who eats bread and gets drunk … who’s better?
Similarly, being better at metabolizing a poison is… well… being better. That said, there’s some evidence to suggest that when men and women are under social pressure, women are better at playing games of all kinds (both positive and negative conntation) while drunk (counting for metabolic differences) than men are.
But we weren’t talking about drinking a lot; we were talking about how to brew higher alcohol beer. He had done something I naively thought was not possible without some fairly serious equipment. He explained how it was possible. Very cool, and nothing to do with drinking more alcohol.
-wolfe
May 8th, 2006 at 1:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 19105c7fbb7a4
Yet the article did discuss a woman who claimed to drink more beer than her male counterparts. I do not see from Dick’s article anything about brewing higher alcohol beer. I think those comments were from the comment sections. If so, I wasn’t commenting on those, but on Dick’s article.
May 12th, 2006 at 5:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b2724cf3f725
All i know, is that my birthday and the maniversary of this site fall on the same day, and i have to say thats pretty cool. Here’s to another year for the both of us.
May 24th, 2006 at 6:08 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Well, there’s cocktails and there’s cocktails.
Ballbag at Emerald Bile attempts to explain the difference:
-Big Al
September 2nd, 2006 at 9:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a25aba878123
Women love the goddamn attention. I can’t understand why they crave it so much, while men could give a shit less about it. All the females I have known always go out in hopes of meeting “cute guys” and scoring free drinks off of these sorry bastards. Men go out with other men to talk and relax, while women always make some kind of friggin’ expedition out of it. Damn whores.
September 2nd, 2006 at 10:02 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
Gahhh! As if men only go out in the hope of relaxing and talking. If anything it’s the other way around! For instance, I was at a bar with a friend last night, we went there specially to relax and chat after a hard day’s shopping. We were not dressed up at all but of course what happens but some idiots decided we were obviously in need of company. Have yourself a laugh at this.
Me and friend: (having girl talk)
Drunken Fool #1: (taps me on shoulder), Shooo, is your dress green?
Me: (Just stares at him)
Drunken Fool#2: Yes, is it green or blue?
Me: It’s blue.
Bar Manager: (Stares at them menancingly)
Drunken Fool#1: Hey, watch out, watch out, look at him, we’ll get in trouble. It’s alright, nothing’s happening, we’re not bothering them.
Me and Friend: (roll eyes at each other)
Bar Manager: They’re not interested fella’s, sit down and leave the girls alone.
Drunken Fool #1 and #2 sit down at the next table to ours, then repeatedly ask me throughout the next 30 mins (before I left) whether my dress was blue or green.
Please note:
1. I was trying to relax.
2. I already told them it was blue and
3. I was wearing a black top and blue skirt - not a dress as they called it.
Stoopid.
September 3rd, 2006 at 8:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
OK, that’s pretty funny. Hopefully intentionally.
As for the rest, yes, one can find drunken, foolish and obnoxious people in some bars. I suggest you consider a marginally more upscale venue (or at least one with fewer drunks).
Leaving aside the antics of the drunken, aurally, a group of men sound like a low roar, almost like gaussian noise. A group of women sound shrill, shrieking painfully, high-decibel, high frequency sound piercing directly into ones brain.
While neither is precisely pleasant, I lean to the view that an excess of the latter is worse than an excess of the former.
-wolfe
September 3rd, 2006 at 9:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: c20b47cbcee08
Intentional? Mmmmm, somewhat. I walked all over the city for 8 hrs, so was probably about 20kms, so I do classify that as hard. Need more evidence of male dumbness? K. Try walking in annoyance behind 2 men in gorilla outfits with football clothes over the top of the hairy suits, while you are in an underground railway tunnel that goes for about 1km and you cannot exit, and it is very loud and echoes at the slightest sound and these buffoons are jumping up and down, making uh, uh, uh, gorilla noises and beating their chests. I’ll take shrill squawking over that, any day of the week.
September 4th, 2006 at 3:00 am - IP Man-Hash: eded4487db3b7
Of course! You are so correct, Female. Stuff like that happens everyday, or at least every weekend. That is not a rare event at all, and definitely not the type of thing that may happen to you once in a lifetime.
That was a brilliant example, and nothing like a group of women sound shrill, shrieking painfully, high-decibel, high frequency sound piercing directly into ones brain. Stuff like that is somewhat acceptable as you don’t have to encounter it every time you step outside your house.
I see your point clearly now. Wow, women’s arguements make so much sense. They don’t rely upon unwonted anecdotes at all.
September 4th, 2006 at 3:09 am - IP Man-Hash: c20b47cbcee08
Thank you. I know :)
That is so true, I couldn’t have put it better myself.
If you don’t want them shrilling into your ear, move away. It’s not like you were stuck in a tunnel or something. And at least they were speaking your language.
Neither do you unless you live above a pub.
Thank you very much. Very nice of you to say so. It’s not like a bunch of drunken, shrill, shrieking women isn’t anecdotal. Oh, not at all.
September 4th, 2006 at 2:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Would that it were.
-wolfe
September 4th, 2006 at 3:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Sigh.
December 24th, 2006 at 1:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 615f26684a486
And what a wonderful site it is, Dick. Long may it last.
November 30th, 2007 at 4:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6f244fe90e947
Muchos manly mi amigo!
March 9th, 2008 at 3:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8056f51d9d4e8
That’s horseshit. You had no business in a bar except to get hit on. Women don’t go out to relax… they go out to get hit on. They’re only peeved when they’re hit on by someone that isn’t sporting the appropriate litany of designer labels.
And here’s where you take notes…
We recognize your bullshit. Your story is not clever or new, we’ve heard it before from every jittery broad we’ve ever met. Normally I’d simply nod in false acknowledgment, if only to keep from hearing any more about how you wanted peace and quiet, so you walked into a noisy bar (a typically female decision). But not here, as you don’t belong here. If you’re not looking to get hit on, don’t go to our bars. Go to the salon, or better yet, go home and focus on the calming effects of washing dishes. For once you can stop spending our money and do something relatively productive with your time.
April 14th, 2008 at 2:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 984735d15de0b
“That’s not why,” I said. “No woman could out-drink any man because women don’t know how to drink. Six artificially flavoured apple martinis and a shot of Jager someone spilled half a Guinness into is not drinking. It’s experimenting on yourself to see how fast you can throw up. No one wins that contest.”
“What do you call this then?” she said.
Whatever she had and was holding was irrelevant. It was a pint of lager, but it wasn’t hers she probably just grabbed it off the table. We all know women don’t drink beer in pubs and if they do, we know what they look like: hideous. Women lie about stupid shit like that to prove points.
I think this is the most crucial point where your story meets bullshit. She proved you wrong, she was obviously drinking a lager. But you went off into disneyland in order to protect your fragile mind.