Manstory 101
Manstory — a lot like history except consisting only of the parts that matter — can be a funny thing. But it can also be a learning thing.
For example, did you know the pubs of Britain close so early because of World War II? It’s true. Pubs and bars were ruled to close at 11 o’clock so munitions workers would be up bright and early for work the next morning. It’s bullshit, but now we know the problem. Now we can work our mighty man muscles together toward a solution.
By the way, here’s the solution:
There is no more fucking World War II.
Problem solved. What’s the next one?
How about that Manstory also unravels the age old mystery of why women can’t shut the fuck up for five fucking seconds.
That’s true as well and there’s nothing funny about that one either. Women are endlessly chattering twats who can control their mouths as well as an incontinent dog at a fire hydrant factory who’s getting tickled. But lo and behold Manstory has the answer! And to find it we must take ourselves back to the times of the cavemen; when men carried sharp sticks and rocks instead of briefcases, and wore leather banana hammocks and gave a fuck about nothing at all and there was no goddamn Oprah or divorce court.
Fuck it was a good time to be a man!
Hunting is like fishing — or fish hunting as it is called in some parts world. Hunting is like fish hunting except for animals on land. Or maybe hunting is like golf. Fuck it. Here’s the deal: in hunting the name of the game is shut the fuck up while someone is doing it.
Let me paint the picture of cavemen in action.
See that guy in the leather banana hammock over there who’s about to take out a mastodon with his bare hands? Well if you don’t, keep your fucking mouth shut about it because we’re hunting and that motherfucker will serve like 80 bitches for a week. We will be banana hammock deep in bitches. You’re thinking it, I’m thinking it, but more importantly we’re both shutting the fuck up about it or nobody gets a damn thing.
That’s what early man was thinking about whilst out on patrol. Meat, bitches, and shutting the fuck up so a big ivory fuck you didn’t go shooting through their pelvis. Elephants are assholes. I can only assume they were doubly so while wearing a fur coat.
While men were out scrounging up the grub-grub, what were women doing? That’s right: fucking nothing! How about that; women haven’t changed in a million years.
But, Dick! Dick! Women did the gathering! I went to fourth grade, Dick!
Where did you go to fourth grade? Bitch school? Because you’re obviously a woman so fuck off my site. Women did no such thing. What happened was that men found some fruits and vegetables and shit on their way home and then figured out the seeds grew into more fruits and vegetables when they threw the chewed-on rinds and cores on the ground right outside their cave holes. Mind you, this was during a time long before women learned to displace emotional issues onto meaningless household clutter and then rabidly bitch about them.
Gatherers? How much fucking work is it to walk outside and pick up a ripe cucumber? If you don’t know, ask the nearest single women over 40. A dollar to a donut and a kick in my nuts says she’s got that shit down cold.
Oh yea, and women are chattering twats because they had to be obnoxiously loud to scare off predators while they were sitting around on their duffs wondering why magic fruit was growing out of the ground and when was a man going to come home to take care of it. This survival skill of yakking mindlessly evolved before language. Naturally, according to biology and evolution, women have not learned to make any additional sense with their bullshit.
Thanks, Manstory, for coming to the rescue again — the learning rescue.
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April 10th, 2006 at 9:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
I took a woman hunting once. Walked about 4 kilometres. She talked all the way. I didn’t see any game.
I don’t know if being obnoxiously loud scares off predators, but it seems to work with rabbits, pigs, goats and foxes.
-Big Al
April 10th, 2006 at 10:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 49c9ff889fded
My one (and only) time to take a woman hunting went much the same way. She wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Rather than explain the peace and tranquility of being up early, watching the sun come up, and all the other elements of being alone in nature; I figured I would just take her with me. Talk, talk, talk…whine, whine, whine…fidget, fidget, fidget…etc, etc, etc. We didn’t so much as see a squirrel.
There are some things women don’t get.
April 10th, 2006 at 11:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8dd3dc862afae
When it comes to women, Big Al, man’s prey is a predator.
-Dick
April 14th, 2006 at 12:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3d3f880713587
First off, I am new to the site and I must say it is brillilant. Men really are the better of the sexes and it is nice to have a place where we can uphold all that is manly.
Secondly, why in the hell would you take a women hunting? Part of the fun of hunting is to have no bitches around, enjoying the silence and mastering the skill of hunting that man has been given. THis is no place for women, leave em at home to get some laundry done.
April 15th, 2006 at 10:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Welcome to the site, “A guy”. Hope you enjoy it. Check out the forums and the archives, and don’t mind the occasional trolls.
One might well take a woman hunting because you love her, care about her, and want to try and show her something you really enjoy. Of course, as Biff and Big Al have ably pointed out, such an attempt usually backfires.
-wolfe
May 9th, 2006 at 10:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 3ee7e7cdf9fb0
you can’t generalise women and call them all chatty. i know loadsa quiet girls,aswell as chatty ones and loadsa quiet guys,aswell as chatty ones.
its due to genetics,not gender.
and not all men like hunting either. there are plenty of anti-hunting campaigns set up by men.
and back in the stone age,men were hunters,yes, and indeed woman were gatherers. but woman also kept the species going,rearing the young etc.
both sexes did an equal amount of work in order for their species to survive.
dick,i belive in you. your not as dumb and boring as you make yourself out to be. i believe in you.
your just bored and your trying to get a rise outta people.i do it all the time.i understand,except,i dont make myself out to be as dumb as you are.but thats ok,cos really,behind this trashy yet amusing website of waffle…..i know you couldn’t possibly be THAT DUMB.
REMEMBER DICK……………..i believe in youuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!
oh yeah,for a guy who bitches about women being chatty………eh…your a bit of a hypocrite. this website was made by you for bitching. and for someone who moans about how ‘chatty’ women are,you sure do ALOT of talkin yourself,mate.
May 9th, 2006 at 10:33 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Ah, the man-joys of posting while intoxicated. Cheers, johno.
-Dick
May 9th, 2006 at 11:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
johno seems to have found a type of booze that makes one write like a women.
Please tell me it isn’t Makers Mark.
-Big Al
May 12th, 2006 at 12:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3ee7e7cdf9fb0
nah,i just think most women are cool.and most men are cool too.
haha you seem to have nothing more to say bout my comment.
probably cos it’s so damn true
May 15th, 2006 at 4:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 49c9ff889fded
Ah, Makers Mark. Went to the distillery way back during OBC. Nice place and even better spirit.
October 3rd, 2006 at 8:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
You’ve got bats in the bellfry, mate.
October 3rd, 2006 at 11:08 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
What’s rather surprising is that the domain doesn’t even seem to be registered, according to whois. (I’m not going to be daring enough to actually click on his link, virus scanner or not.) Talk about a waste of spam.
-wolfe
October 5th, 2006 at 5:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: fecff644282fd
Were you perhaps raised by women? The only time Ive heard men talk like that, were raised by a grandmother or single mom with lots of man-hate on her mind.
This site is just for bitching about women, or didnt you read the top of the page? There will always be exceptions, but with women it really doesnt matter, cuz the degrees are very very small.
May 11th, 2008 at 5:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 568a9a910d438
My hats off to dick for creating this site. We need more men around like you.
Since we all know women are whores, here is a joke I heard
once that I would like to share to all my fellow chauvinists…
“Why are all hurricanes named after a woman?”
Answer: Cause they always come in wet and wild then when they leave they take your house : )