Animal Farm
Zoos have been around for as long as animals. That is a long fucking time. And in this time, men have enjoyed zoos to the fullest. We have taken leisurely strolls around them. Some of us have been fortunate enough to drink several beers in them while in London, because that’s the kind of thing you can do in London. London is a very manly place as it turns out.
The theme of the week is leisure activities. It is relaxing the mind and the body, which is something that men can do without blowing a half week of their love partner’s salary at some hoighty toighty fucking day spa run by a bunch of women who hate the fuck out of their clients.
That’s a great way to run a business by the way. Hate the fuck out of your clients. Nice one ladies.
Recently I was at the zoo, enjoying several things, including the generally poor quality of air that permeated the vicinity; for it allowed me to perpetrate specific nefarious acts in near obscurity. You men know what I’m talking about.
While I was at the zoo I had the misfortune of getting stuck in a group of elementary schoolgirls while I was looking at the penguins. Do you want to know what I heard?
“I want one of those!”
“Why can’t I have one of those!”
“Where can I get one of those!”
Jesus. The zoo is not fucking Pokemon, girls. Seeing such blatantly female traits of greed and Rape-lust Avarice showing so clearly in girls as young as ten and eleven made me sick to my churro; so I threw pieces of my pretzel at them in appeasement and went to the snake house.
As divine providence would have it, while there I encountered the counterpart to the group of gaggling gag-a-ninnies — and that was the group of young schoolmen out on their field trip. Possibly from the same school I don’t really know and don’t give any kind of shit.
“Why do snakes stick their tongues out like that?”
I heard. It was a good question.
“Why don’t snakes blink?”
“If a snake ate its tail, would it disappear?”
I had to sit down for a moment because the weight of what I was seeing and hearing was sinking in like a tonne of bricks. All on their own, these young men were learning. They were analyzing data and facts and putting them together into new ideas. Like garbage disposals except the opposite way — the way that makes sense with what I’m talking about.
The little girls, however, were proving themselves to be just as completely worthless as their mothers — which is completely. Their mothers incidentally spend the entire time talking about how much they wished there were Low-Carb churros at the zoo. Yea. That’s how the hippos stay so trim. Fucking Low-Carb churros by the bucketful.
We men worry sometimes that the fate of our mighty man-society is in peril. That one day equality will dash our civilization to pieces like a great tidal wave of horseshit and absurd expectations for our weaker and not-as-good-as-us-at-anything female counterparts. That, my men friends, is feminism hype and Cock Bock Bullshit. If the face of the Earth was wiped clean tomorrow and the children had to pick up from scratch we’d be right back on track. Actually we’d probably be better off because little girls haven’t learned about feminism at the age of ten and eleven, so the whole (bowel) movement would be set back by fifty years. That amounts to pretty much pissing distance.
On a personal note, I scored myself 64 ounces of Man Points by sneaking a four pack of Boddingtons into the zoo in my pants. I don’t want to give my secret smuggling tricks away here on the internet, because beer poachers may be watching, but here’s a tip for you crafty men.
If someone gets caught with two Coronas up his sleeves, what are the odds that he’s got a four pack of Boddingtons in his pants?
Think about it.
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August 19th, 2005 at 10:17 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
And a woman’s grasp of sarcasm fails her again.
-Dick
August 19th, 2005 at 5:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: cc0d45fa29251
more evidence that there is an increasing need for women to be fucking educated (As I’ve proposed before, we may actually need to start formally schooling them) on sarcasm- its uses, purposes, meanings… until then, they are hopeless.
August 20th, 2005 at 4:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: 46d8304bbb9af
Jimbo, the point of this website is to prove men are better than women, if I can grasp that surely you can. Saying that you enjoyed hurting people as a child does not prove the superiority of your race, merely your own sickness.
P.S. Dick has run out of stupid opinions to “prove men are better” so he has begun commenting on his favourite childhood places to go. I liked the zoo as a child too Dick, your point is….
August 20th, 2005 at 5:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: a0c7c73d83830
This is not a proof site Nicole. By reading and participating on the site, you tacitly agree that men are better than women in all ways. This site is about exploring those ways.
I would tell you to go read the About page for more info, but I’d prefer that you just went ahead and fucked off instead.
-Dick
August 20th, 2005 at 5:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 46d8304bbb9af
Ooo Dicks getting testy.
I’ve already agreed have I. I’d remind you to read a couple of my comments so you could see that wasn’t the case. But I’d rather you’d just shut the fuck up instead.
August 21st, 2005 at 5:30 am - IP Man-Hash: 3dddc19b55aad
Nicole,
Men are not a separate race than women…
August 22nd, 2005 at 12:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 90732515db7b8
Tell that to Dick. Have you never heard of playing up to sarcasm? I understand sarcasm perfectly well, what reaction did you want? Me pissing my panties, maybe some tears?
August 22nd, 2005 at 2:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3dddc19b55aad
I’ll assume you’re talking to me….
Hmmm.. sarcasm… never heard of it…
lessee…. Nope, I’ll have to look it up I guess…
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=sarcasm
Hmmm says here: “irony is wasted on the stupid”
Seems appropriate enough to me… I’m surprised you understood that.
August 24th, 2005 at 11:37 am - IP Man-Hash: fc0a1f47284ec
Oh dear.
“Hmmm.. sarcasm… never heard of it…
lessee…. Nope, I’ll have to look it up I guess…”
We have a phrase for that in England, “piss poor”
August 24th, 2005 at 12:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 841b5a7609141
Guess you didn’t after all, W-Hortencia… oh the … hmmm… what’s another word for irony…
August 25th, 2005 at 7:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 56806c0431943
alen, I said men were a seperate race from women where?
August 25th, 2005 at 8:18 am - IP Man-Hash: 841b5a7609141
http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/men-and-women-at-the-zoo/#comment -1827
December 10th, 2005 at 6:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 9a5ce2faebf12
I’d like to make have my own zoo Dick. But I would fill it up with feminists and male bashers like Oprah Winfrey and Roseanne Barr instead of lemurs, orangutans, bears, etc…
What would you want to feed them ? It doesn’t really matter I suppose, because those sort of women are always eating. Day old bread would probably suit them fine. Or even some sort of D-con cupcake treats :) LOL !
August 22nd, 2006 at 11:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: a7a600216e546
Why even bother to feed them?
The world would probably be better off without them.
August 23rd, 2006 at 5:23 am - IP Man-Hash: eff8cc0c98330
Let them feed on themselves. See if noochie can sustain life.
October 25th, 2006 at 12:43 am - IP Man-Hash: 586867b3f82dc
Fuck these spammers.
-Strength and Honor-
July 31st, 2007 at 8:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 86ca6e9fe2371
I live just north of london and travel there on regular place, lots of women there but it is definatly a manly place. Just look at the architecture and design of the place. Something only a man could have come up with.
January 27th, 2008 at 9:31 am - IP Man-Hash: 1dd733b0a244e
fucking nerds
January 27th, 2008 at 9:39 am - IP Man-Hash: e8478576e626f
I hear
I’ll say.
January 27th, 2008 at 4:53 pm - IP Man-Hash: 55548152be297
… and we have a phrase for British humor:
‘Dry as a cracker’
- Sgt. Reyes