No Fat Chicks
A bunch of fatties got together recently and didn’t watch TV, didn’t throw back any pints, and didn’t injure their ACL’s in mantastic feats of weekend warriorism. What they did do was watch boring TV (most likely), talk about how much having “curves” defines them more than their shitty collection of porcelain cats (most definitely), and sweat gravy.
Yes that’s right, this bunch of porkers were women. Guess what they also did.
They invented the scholastic discipline of Fat Studies. What in the fuck?
What the fuck is the difference between Fat Studies and Women’s Studies? Don’t tell me it’s a study so nice they named it twice, like they seem to have done with eating and dessert. Also, don’t give me any bullshit about obesity being a universal problem. Men don’t have a problem with being fat.
That’s why we men invented money. So we’d still look attractive as shit with a hundred extra man pounds swinging around our skeletons. After all, sometimes a man needs to be fat. We all know it. Gravity herself isn’t enough to hold a man of proper brilliance against the face of this earth. Without a heaping helping of man love handles for her to grab hold of, a man of lesser stature and weight would go flinging off into space next time the world took a sharp corner. Gravity is a woman and I don’t care how much of that metaphor works.
Louie Anderson gets laid and he’s fat and ugly. What the fuck does Fat Studies have to say about that? Probably something stupid. Here’s how I know. Let me present the cast of players in the emerging field of Fatnomics:
Sheana Director
Stefanie Snider
Sondra Solovay
Marilyn Wann
Esther Rothblum
Susan Koppelman
Don’t Sheana Director’s name fool you; they’re all woman.
Are you fucking kidding me with this? You might be, but The New York Times, who have taken notice of this lethargic and jelly-filled movement, are not.
There is no difference between Women’s Studies and Fat Studies. That’s why I said it in the first place. I’m a man and my words are worth valuable moments of my man time. I don’t waste either. Being enormously fat is just women’s nesting instinct run horribly amok on an unsuspecting buffet. Those big, beautiful women going to town on Cheesecake like they’re tornados and raspberry starch is the farm from the Wizard of Oz — hording gobs of jelly like chipmunks stuffing nuts into their cheeks? That’s called being a woman. Just ask them. Real women have curves. Don’t tell me you didn’t see that horseshit movie.
Well I didn’t because I’m a man and I see movies like Lord of War and all the Fast And Furious ones back to back. Fuck, I’m thinking of seeing a movie right now and if I do, I’ll tell you what it won’t be about. It won’t be called Impotent Herman Works Out His Issues, because I’m a man and if I’m going to be spending my man time in some make-believe world where people have snappy come-backs all the time and no one got Herpes from anyone, it’s going to fucking inspire me. I’m a man and that’s what men look for in everything. Inspiration.
I’ll conclude with a question for — no I take that back. I present this as my doctoral thesis in the study of Fatology and Fatness:
What is the difference between a rapist and a hugely fat woman?
There isn’t one.
Make sure you print that degree on some expensive fucking paper.
Edit by Dick: Thanks to wolfe who brought this disaster to my attention in the Man Forums.
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The “hedonist media”? That’s a fascinating and (original to me at least) turn of phrase.
I’m pretty sad about the garbage these people in ‘fat studies’ bring to my second profession.
The academy isn’t all filled with lunatic idiots unworthy of educating our sons and daughters… just mostly.
-wolfe
Obesity is unhealthy, but not as much as much as the hedonist media acts like it is. But those sluts think it’s a tragedy that all their fat whore friends can’t take movie stars to bed.
It’s the “endomorph” phenotype. Big boned with slow metabolism. Here’s a hint: if you have a slow metabolism, STOP EATING COOKIES AND WATCHING OPRAH YOU FAT WHORE.
I love this quote from the article: “Even as science, medicine and government have defined obesity as a threat to the nation’s health and treasury, fat studies is emerging as a new interdisciplinary area of study on campuses across the country and is gaining interest in Australia and Britain.” Its typical woman behavior to go against things such as science, medicine, and government, because these are the greatest man-things ever created. One cannot have those without facts, and we all know how much women hate facing those things. You can put a piece of dog poo in a nice little pink package with a pretty ribbon on it, but when you open it up, it smells like shit. Why? Because it IS shit. That is the same thing as “Fat Studies”
exactly, men dont say it’s ok for men to be fat, old, ugly, etc - but nevertheless these men get laid - so women must love consuming their fat, wrinkly grossness - this says more about women’s own hatred of themselves and their desire to be raped/abused - they get pleasure from it - then they feel guilty and blame men for it.
another thing, women have sex with the fat men who are powerful famous or rich because women know deep down men are good at things and do them for the sake of doign them, not just for vanity like women. women know deep down that they have no ability and are only good for their looks, that is why they talk so much about this crap, because they are insecure and guilty, and need powerful men to approve of them, so at least they can measure up to his belly-button lint one day.
Thanks Ian. Might just steal that to blog on.
-wolfe
Off topic, but this was interesting:
I especially liked the “heroin” comment.
Truth is a wonderful thing.
WTF? No fat chick has ever hit on me … EVER! The look of impending nausea that appears on my face every time I see them probably gives it away that I want nothing to do with their chunky asses. YUCK!
Hello fellow manly men! Dick, I love your site! I discovered it this last spring when I was finishing my last quarter for my degree and was inundated with feminist bullshit and lesbian perspectives (Which we all know is a lie) anyway, here is a like Re: fat chicks that reveals how they revel in their filth and uphold fatness as an attribute.
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/
My cousin(the one who saved his life but not fucking my fiance when she tried) married a fat chick.
Some of them who don’t fool themselves into thinking that being fat is good or attractive have quite accomadating and servile personalities, if only because they have no other mating strategem.
Yes, more post-modernists should certainly die in plane crashes or in any way the Man upstairs sees fit.
/me says a prayer.
The biggest excuss Ive heard from women “Why is it ok for men to be fat?”
Ive never heard anyone say its ok for men to be fat, but thats what Ive heard the most from obese women while chatting with thier obese female friends.
The other thing Ive noticed is how they seem to think they are hot? Im serious, ive been hit on by women who must weigh a fucking ton and they act like I should be tickled to death for the invite. Ive seen fat chicks hit on guys at a bar wearing spandex and you can see the rolls of fucking fat with every move of their body and they still think thier hot?
Women = clueless
Seeing as how Fat Studies is clearly a post-modern ‘discipline’, what happens when you apply Deconstructionism to Fat Studies? Do all the female activists suddenly get thin and stop hating themselves and men?
That would be the movie I’d make. And all the deconstructionists would die in a plane crash and the women would go bake cookies (and quietly purge in stalls as Diesel says) for their men. I love happy endings.
-wolfe
The only thing less attractive than a fat chick is a fat chick who talks too much… about being fat. At least in the good old days women who were obsessed with being fat were ashamed of it. Look, if you feel the need to purge your guilt, at least have the decency to do it in a locked stall, not in a lecture hall where people might have the misfortune to witness it.
Oy, that’s queer.
- Metallica - Nothing Else Matters
the worst is when they (fat bitches) try to seduce men, it is one scary feat.