No Fat Chicks
A bunch of fatties got together recently and didn’t watch TV, didn’t throw back any pints, and didn’t injure their ACL’s in mantastic feats of weekend warriorism. What they did do was watch boring TV (most likely), talk about how much having “curves” defines them more than their shitty collection of porcelain cats (most definitely), and sweat gravy.
Yes that’s right, this bunch of porkers were women. Guess what they also did.
They invented the scholastic discipline of Fat Studies. What in the fuck?
What the fuck is the difference between Fat Studies and Women’s Studies? Don’t tell me it’s a study so nice they named it twice, like they seem to have done with eating and dessert. Also, don’t give me any bullshit about obesity being a universal problem. Men don’t have a problem with being fat.
That’s why we men invented money. So we’d still look attractive as shit with a hundred extra man pounds swinging around our skeletons. After all, sometimes a man needs to be fat. We all know it. Gravity herself isn’t enough to hold a man of proper brilliance against the face of this earth. Without a heaping helping of man love handles for her to grab hold of, a man of lesser stature and weight would go flinging off into space next time the world took a sharp corner. Gravity is a woman and I don’t care how much of that metaphor works.
Louie Anderson gets laid and he’s fat and ugly. What the fuck does Fat Studies have to say about that? Probably something stupid. Here’s how I know. Let me present the cast of players in the emerging field of Fatnomics:
Sheana Director
Stefanie Snider
Sondra Solovay
Marilyn Wann
Esther Rothblum
Susan Koppelman
Don’t Sheana Director’s name fool you; they’re all woman.
Are you fucking kidding me with this? You might be, but The New York Times, who have taken notice of this lethargic and jelly-filled movement, are not.
There is no difference between Women’s Studies and Fat Studies. That’s why I said it in the first place. I’m a man and my words are worth valuable moments of my man time. I don’t waste either. Being enormously fat is just women’s nesting instinct run horribly amok on an unsuspecting buffet. Those big, beautiful women going to town on Cheesecake like they’re tornados and raspberry starch is the farm from the Wizard of Oz — hording gobs of jelly like chipmunks stuffing nuts into their cheeks? That’s called being a woman. Just ask them. Real women have curves. Don’t tell me you didn’t see that horseshit movie.
Well I didn’t because I’m a man and I see movies like Lord of War and all the Fast And Furious ones back to back. Fuck, I’m thinking of seeing a movie right now and if I do, I’ll tell you what it won’t be about. It won’t be called Impotent Herman Works Out His Issues, because I’m a man and if I’m going to be spending my man time in some make-believe world where people have snappy come-backs all the time and no one got Herpes from anyone, it’s going to fucking inspire me. I’m a man and that’s what men look for in everything. Inspiration.
I’ll conclude with a question for — no I take that back. I present this as my doctoral thesis in the study of Fatology and Fatness:
What is the difference between a rapist and a hugely fat woman?
There isn’t one.
Make sure you print that degree on some expensive fucking paper.
Edit by Dick: Thanks to wolfe who brought this disaster to my attention in the Man Forums.
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The vast majority of the humanities field is a waste of time. It’s not news to anyone.
I hate it when whales use the word “curvy” to describe themselves. A rose by any other name still looks like shit.
Guys use it as an insult towards women, and some of them use it to compliment us. It’s very fucking confusing and it wouldn’t be if they didn’t use that word in the fucking first place.
Did you ever notice that some of those supposed statues of “mother goddesses” look like obese women? Modern day feminists weren’t the first to engage in “fat studies”.
Can someone misuse that personal information about you? Geeze, I feel like you just told me your driver’s license number! Next thing you know, some old wino will be trying to check themselves in at the V.A. hospital.
I have a question for you, please (what, being an official military person and all):
I find it very bizarre that civilian women are all going berzerk w/ physical training. Not that exercise is not desirable and healthy for all, but there’s something about it that strikes me that they are in ‘auto-pilot’. Who’s weird little army are they being turned into (in light of the sucess of ‘The Communist Manifesto)? The neighborhood gets to feeling like a Chinese prison, or reform camp, or something. Also-this type doesn’t look like a toned hootie queen, she looks like a gaunt Asian guy. You can diss me off as a jackass if you’d like-but I’ve seen too much to not call it a trend.
Well, you learn something new and shocking everyday. I saw something interesting; a team of draft horses out in front of my car. I saw their butts, mostly. Reminded me of the grocery store on Saturday morning. “Pull, pull, haul, haul…tote, tote.” Endomorphs got loads of pity from Richard Simmons-(he was a dude, right?). He tried. Upbringing is what makes females want to drowned their sorrows in Mother Hostess-it’s self-pity and “where’s my mommy?”. They actually need lots of love and care and affection (like horses), but you just want to vomit on them instead.
Brilliant asshole, now you’re really asking to get hurt
An half-day of my time is worth more than your life.
so, you’ve just totally given up on ever being laid without using money as incentive? thats sort of tragic.
QUOTE - “Fat scholars believe they are serving justice and many hope that one day fat studies will be as ubiquitous on campus as Shakespeare.”
Hmm.
I don’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry for these deluded “Fat scholars”.
HAAAHAAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA
AHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA
.
.
sure they do, sweetie
AHAAAHAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAA
I think you’ve answered your own question quite nicely.
Best site ever, Dick Godbless your soul cause you know he wouldn’t a womens.
Telling the truth to women won’t get you laid. Your friend was getting laid I’m sure. But how would you know that he pretended to respect you.
Notice how Kilo Lover failed the integrity test when Sgt Reyes DID provide his rank and unit details.
She won’t honor her side of the arrangement because…she HAS no honor. That much is very clear.
Let’s watch and see what type of squirmy back-peddling she comes up with to try and save face. She’s already attempting to avoid accountability with shit like “How old are you SGT reyes?”.
It’s fucking pathetic. Oxygen thieves like this bitch are disgusting.
You must be one of those fat/ugly women going after guys that are seriously out of your league… I don’t blame your need for shooting for the stars, but seriously, I feel sorry for you..
Please don’t.
- Sgt. Reyes
*famous*
WOW have you all ever heard of OPERA WINFREY??? It doesn’t matter if you like her or not, she is still famious, and has a great bf.
Why would you care? I don’t need to feed your anger more than it already has been fed.
Go take your Meds, Fuck off Dick’s site and go find some therapist to single out your delusions on. It’s been fun but you’re a waste of oxygen.
- Sgt. Reyes