Kevin Federline: Man Hero

Today, October 1st, marks a great day for men and for justice. We can all give a manly nod and a manly point to the courts today, as they have just awarded Kevin Federline rightful custody over his children.

This is unlike the day on which Joey Buttafuoco was sent to prison. That was a sad day.

Today, the system works.

The law is heavily biased against men. Women don’t understand liability or intent — or anything for that matter. I was once asked by a woman why those plastic balls gerbils run around in have holes in them.

“Why do you have holes in you?” I asked. Her answer was unsatisfactory.

The law is lenient on women for the same reason it’s lenient on horses. Neither can think like a man.

Kevin Federline has a proven track record not only as a parent, but also as a musician, a lady’s man, a professional wrestler, and a humorist. Remember that Superbowl commercial where he was working in a fast food drive thru? That commercial was hilarious.

And it was also poignant. If a man looses his trailer-trash, pop-diva, Cesarean-scared “sugar mama”, he’s forced into a life of menial labor. Women who fail to please their meal tickets are forced to blow ten grand that isn’t theirs anyway on a legal dispute that can only help them — help them shove that ten grand up your ass, that is.

Today, the California Superior Court decided that Britney Spears is an unfit mother. That could be because she’s shown a “habitual, frequent and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol,” or it could be because she refused to take random, court-ordered drug tests. Whenever I refuse to take a drug test, it’s because I’m on so many drugs I can barely fucking walk, let alone take a drug test after driving to the store without a seatbelt on and with my toddler sitting on my lap. It could be because of her hit and run, her insane head shaving, her flabby come-back special on MTV, or any of that other shit, but it’s not. Britney Spears was declared an unfit mother because she’s a woman.

At the age of 14, Hitler was raised by a single mother. Think about that. Then, thank Judge Scott M. Gordon and the California Supreme Court.

Justice isn’t blind or sleeping today.

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