Pay, Pump, and Go.
I was pulling up to a gas pump yesterday that a woman was just leaving and when I got out of the car a shrill female voice shouted across the gas station, “What the fuck!” It was the very same woman who had just gotten back into her car and pulled away.
“Yea?” I said. She again repeated, “What the fuck!”
That’s how women solve problems. They stop whatever they’re doing and scream obscenities until someone refills their bottle. That’s also why little girls shouldn’t swear, because as they grow up, they’ll be frothing at the mouth to do so.
Obviously, the woman was upset because she was somehow not done with whatever she was doing that a man would have done in half the time.
“I thought you were done.” I said.
Another woman came out of nowhere and began comforting the first who was well in hysterics. After all, I had just robbed her of her due right to purchase gasoline exactly how and when she had envisioned doing so. Without a man’s sense of priority or perspective, this act was tantamount to me waltzing into her wedding, tipping over the cake, making gang signs in all the pictures, and then seducing her mother for the evening and not calling her the next day. Real class act basically, and all I did so far was open my car door.
The new woman instructed the other to use one of the many pumps around the other side of the petrol station.
“Hey!” I said clearly and deliberately as though I was addressing a rebellious mule. “I thought you were done.”
Like every man does in absolutely every situation, I fixed the problem immediately. I simply backed up and went to another pump. By the way, that’s a good strategy when it comes to dealing with women caught in the wild mania that they call their home — simply back up and go for another. It’s not like suffering any of her bullshit is going to win you an award or any fucking compassion. Women have the memories of goldfish.
I hesitate to make this article about how men are better than women at filling their car with gas, although it’s completely true. As I watched the completely normal — let me stress that again — completely normal woman whose make-believe logic and hysteria you encounter a hundred times every day, continue her grand gasoline purchasing adventure, I discovered two things.
Mistake number two was that she had pulled up to the pump on the wrong side, thus prompting her to back out in the first place. That explains the cursing, I thought. When women are embarrassed they will try to eviscerate everything that they can get their talons in — especially their own children.
Mistake number one was that a man gave her a set of car keys.
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December 2nd, 2005 at 2:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: e2d025f19e31f
Arielle - your guess would be correct. :-)
December 2nd, 2005 at 3:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: e2d025f19e31f
Nicole, men are not amazed by that, we simply know that such behavior is illogical.
December 3rd, 2005 at 7:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 77ade75257827
Amazing, it’s like they don’t chat when sitting at a table together.
I see it as another opportunity for wimmin to plan and scheme. Top up the endless pile of chemicals that you smear on yourself along with caining the piss out of your date/friends/relatives/workmates/generally everyone.
Maybe discuss the fact that the boob job/plastic surgery you had last year just wasn’t filling/reduced enough ?
December 3rd, 2005 at 7:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1702f4af0072
Yes of course it’s all about planning and scheming. Has nothing to do with the typically long queues in women’s toilets and the fact that it’s better to stand there chatting to a friend about the spaghetti sauce located on her date’s forehead than it is to mention those things to a complete queue stranger.
December 6th, 2005 at 3:41 am - IP Man-Hash: bc0e974c91242
More like, drop the blood soaked plug into the disposal container in the loo before it discolours the upholstory.
December 6th, 2005 at 5:24 am - IP Man-Hash: dd25bee8154fe
Oh yeaahhh, you’re getting a song alright.
December 6th, 2005 at 5:32 am - IP Man-Hash: dd25bee8154fe
and it won’t be a lullaby.
December 6th, 2005 at 6:10 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Do you suppose that Female thinks that people visit a web site called menarebetterthanwomen.com in order to read her songs?
In arrogance and conceit, she outdoes most of her sex. Dick’s multiple postings on “attention whores” seem remarkably prescient.
December 9th, 2005 at 8:00 am - IP Man-Hash: c663ac82376cc
finally.
something from a “y” that i can agree with.
women=goldfish memory capacity.
yeah.
how long did it take you to figure it out though?
this site is amusing. thanks.
December 9th, 2005 at 3:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: 05876c7260a2f
Fucking Man Law 1!!! Show me the song, Big AL, show me where it is!!!!!I’m beginnng to think you are one of the dumber of the zodiac signs.
December 27th, 2005 at 11:44 am - IP Man-Hash: e2d025f19e31f
A man who is one of the “dumber zodiac signs” is still more intellegent than a woman.
December 28th, 2005 at 5:32 am - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
Not if the woman can actually spell intelligent.
December 28th, 2005 at 2:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: b6ba5a45dd6bd
Please, if there was a man with the IQ of a frog, he would still be twice as smart as a normal woman, three times as smart as you.
December 28th, 2005 at 4:35 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
Geezer, do you need to have a lie down now dear? You’ve surely outdone yourself with that comment.
December 28th, 2005 at 10:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: d754ab99d7c00
As a woman who cannot spell “misogynist”, I’m not sure you should be talking, my dear.
-wolfe
December 29th, 2005 at 1:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: a1da9f9ac370d
This is absurd; the discussion is the fact that women cannot even pump gas with out messing up correct.
So, such a simple task and yet gas stations now have instructions on the pump to try to keep the blundering of women down to a minimum, and yet still women find a way to completely screw this up. I do believe women purposely invent new and exciting ways to be stupid.
December 29th, 2005 at 1:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: a1da9f9ac370d
Female said: “Not if the woman can actually spell intelligent.”
Yes indeed I was in a rush and mis-typed, how thoughtful of you to point this out. Oh wait, you are a women, thinking of others is not something you are accustomed to, how dreadful it must have been for you to be so helpful.
December 29th, 2005 at 6:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
In postmodern thought there is a central feminist theory that the world is covertly, if not overtly, patriarchal and sexist towards women. This is based on the idea that as men as a majority have created industry, ergo, determined work/community environment, they have built everything in line with their own sex/mindset. I don’t think anyone here would be stupid enough to disagree with me in saying that men and women do think differently and that there is a biological difference in the structure/size of their brains (I’d love to see a man type that size does count by the way, I dare you). The point here is that the world fits a man’s way of living/being more so than it does a woman. I would like to know if a man or woman designed those instructions at the petrol station. I think I can confidently assume which gender.
December 29th, 2005 at 6:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: d754ab99d7c00
Awesome. You annihilate your own post in three words. Honestly, admit it. Dick has too much integrity to be paying you, but ‘fess up. You’re a friend of his trying to make women look like fools, aren’t you? No thinking being could be as much a parody of insulted 70’s feminism as you, could she?
-wolfe
December 29th, 2005 at 6:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: dc6df4d5c25ad
I’m as much a friend of DMs as I’m a friend of yours. I take that back, Dick is far more astute and talented than you are or could ever be.