Rubber Ducky, Fuck You’re Slow

Men are better than women at anything that goes on inside a house or anywhere. That includes making food and speaking about something worth a shit.

That also includes showering. Men are better than women at showering.

Faster means better. All men know that. See, when making statements like “faster is better”, all men realize the “so long as quality is not compromised” is implied. That’s why men are so efficient when we’re working together. It’s the universal submanconscious. If one man were to say, “These speakers would be much better if they were louder,” no other man would object to that. Clearly there is an implication of quality.

Women are so silly even if they are listening to something as simple as what I’ve just described, they fuck it up. Ideas are more than language and language is more than words, but women realize that like they realize a hole in the head. Women look at a forest and see a bunch of trees uncomfortably close to one another. They look at a box of Lego and see what looks like debris. That’s why there are never any happy little girls on Lego boxes; and also why Lego makes Spaceman sets and Pirate sets and not Tea Party sets or How to Juggle Two Sugar Daddies sets. It’s because women have no fucking sense of a goddamn thing.

Faster is better. A man has a lot of ass to kick every day and none of it is getting kicked in the shower. That’s why men are in and out in under 10 minutes. Women take like 50.

I have been investigating this peculiarity over many years and I have come to the following conclusion:

Dick’s Reasons Men Shower Better Than Women

1. Women fight gravity

In the shower, gravity is your friend. You wash the hair; you wash the face; you wash the man-ass. Whatever you’re washing that day, gravity is your shower helper monkey. Women, however, fight gravity just like they fight fucking everything else in their lives — biology included. They shave their legs first. Some paint their toenails and sit on the toilet for like ten fucking minutes completely forgetting about the shower. Whatever they do it’s dumb.

2. Women are dumb

Women forget what they’ve washed. It seems an easy thing to remember and Lord knows it’s even easier to remember for men, who have larger man-brains and are naturally inclined to work with the physical act of gravity. Women fuck it up though. They wash their left foot twice. They use six fucking kinds of soaps on their faces. What the fuck?

3. Showers are woman-safe

The technology in your shower is as old as waterfalls and boners. As a man, that disgusts the piss out of me. Showers are literally the only places left on Earth where a woman can’t fuck up a piece of technology that should cost more than her engagement ring — which she also shouldn’t have because marriage is for suckers.

This is a first hand account, people. If you want to speed up the process in the bathroom, just print these rules out and post them on the shower door. Or post the opposite. I really don’t know. Dead dogs can learn new tricks before women.

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62 Comments in 59 threads.»

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Comment by ZorneHeNnow
2009-11-16 03:14:36 - IP Man-Hash: a246467d40ece

What’s up each, I’m new to the forum and just wanted to bid hey.

 
Comment by Haha89
2009-10-01 13:43:46 - IP Man-Hash: b2a3745f0d705

Chris AND MarkEMark=Mr. Empty-pants

 
Comment by Jane
2008-05-29 19:30:01 - IP Man-Hash: 3f8ba61689bcf

you are very ignorant to think such things and if you ever wanted a women this is a sure fire way to not get one so you’ll probably basically getting fucked up the ass….personally I think you should go back to the middle ages because women aren’t submissive anymore and you should learn to be less of a ass and learn to respect people instead of claiming how terrible they are by stereotypes….

Comment by David
2008-09-10 01:36:28 - IP Man-Hash: d85d271df0040

and you have no idea what you’re talking about and you’re stupid and you’re ugly and..

God dammit women run-on sentence much? Women are and always will be submissive. Feminist’s for example may say that they are not, but when an Alpha male comes to them they will always submit the their biology.

Men have logical mind’s, and are able to overcome our more basic biology and traits for the greater good which is to make positive contributions to society. However we can revert to our manstincts whenever we need to make some prissy little “queen” or “goddess” get on her knee’s and moan our name.

That paragraph was Mantastic and you all know it.

 
Comment by Prospero
2009-03-10 07:46:11 - IP Man-Hash: d466cff600157

woman, back to the kitchen where you belong. there are sandwiches that need making, and you’re spending too much or your time hurting your adorable little woman-mind by thinking big thoughts.

and maybe we should go back to the middle ages because men doing battle hand-to-hand is badass. not that a woman would know of such a thing.

menarebetterthanwomen

 
 
Comment by jarbrain
2008-04-13 12:45:57 - IP Man-Hash: 062703d978411

sandra said:

dont worry, im keeping myself quite busy analyzing poems for ap literature. hoorah for anne sexton… and considering that i have something near a 100 in all my classes (except dreaded algebra3/trig… so close yet so far) and as much as a 102 in psychology- no not really. and i already took the SAT [thank god... sitting still for 6 hrs straight is more of a challenge than the test itself]. by the way, is it evident that im on the computer a lot and im such a no-life other than school and school activities?

ps- great. another nickname.

On to Walt Whitman.

 
Comment by King Wang
2007-12-04 09:29:53 - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8

I like that guy. Almost didn’t understand it, but as a man, his word encryption will be figured out by me and other men.

Give him Starter Man-Points. What I gathered was, “I talked to my gal in person, she was fucked up, and I couldn’t see any reason to really speak to her about having sex, she just wanted me to do all the talking”.

The last part is: “I am an awesome man, I didn’t fuck up and post in the wrong category, but thank you for the chance to be a big man with a big penis and bigger brain, like all men everywhere”.

 
Comment by Gursebupbop
2007-12-04 08:29:23 - IP Man-Hash: abd360d9b6177

First touch with the girlfriend in a live, after a while, through ICQ. Today met, and I felt the inability to talk with her on all topics, be open. Like komok in the throat, once tried to have intimate relations on the subject, immediately zamolkal. Yes, and she could not say anything wing.
Why, Internet communication allows more freedom than the real one? Perhaps some blame my fear, or the ability to label themselves in the Internet masks, I do not know. What do you think about this?

P.S. Please administrator http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com. If the thread is not to be in category this, I ask you to move my thread to the correct category.

 
Comment by MansVoice
2007-08-29 23:52:52 - IP Man-Hash: b6f97ac8a94a7

Fair enough. I still think its hilarious… how she represented how stupid and fuck-tarded women are … lmao.

 
Comment by wolfe
2007-08-29 21:48:50 - IP Man-Hash: a13ba81333017

@MansVoice I think that was Miss Teen South Carolina, MV. Not that I disagree with you in the general thrust of what you’re saying.

The US educational system 0-18 is grossly inferior (to, say Singapore’s). 18-21 we start to catch up; 21-30 I think we excel. Not that that defends our horrible elementary/secondary educational system.

-wolfe

 
Comment by MansVoice
2007-08-29 07:59:32 - IP Man-Hash: cfb78268d537a

Dick, do one on Teen Miss USA… Lmao. She was an “honours student” yet couldnt answer a simple question on geography. It was internationally reported. Thats what affirmative action got us… she probably slept around, gave some blowjobs to get her 3.5 GPA “honours crap”. Hahahahahahah.

Men are better than women.

 
Comment by wolfe
2007-08-29 07:50:22 - IP Man-Hash: a13ba81333017

If women don’t suck, then what the devil are they doing on my internets?

-wolfe

 
Comment by Mansman
2007-08-29 05:45:49 - IP Man-Hash: 5556903c41ed8

Brandi said:

Who the fuck was talking about sex. If you are talking about the word fantasy…look it up in the dictionary. If you knew anything about me you wouldn’t have said some stupid shit like that. I am not obsessed with sex. Besides, it’s always men trying to get in womens pants, I don’t know what fucking planet you came from.

Women can’t argue a point without insults…..you called me dense. And now you are calling me pathetic, sad and saying I suck. You started it you dumb fuck. Only a chauvinist pig like you would say “you women” and “women suck as people”. Just because people are the same sex doesn’t mean they are the same. Do you think that you can call me dense and talk shit about me and I am supposed to just take it and not defend myself because you are a “so called” man?? I don’t fucking think so. I wouldn’t say men suck…but you make men look bad.

Will you be showing your future husband this lovely side of your personality, Brandi honey? I think he probably has a right to know…before he signs on the dotted line.
You certainly make an impression, just not a very good one.

 
Comment by Mansman
2007-08-29 05:42:51 - IP Man-Hash: 5556903c41ed8

Brandi said:

Billy said:

Brandi said:

Who the fuck was talking about sex. If you are talking about the word fantasy…look it up in the dictionary. If you knew anything about me you wouldn’t have said some stupid shit like that. I am not obsessed with sex. Besides, it’s always men trying to get in womens pants, I don’t know what fucking planet you came from.

Proving once again that you women can’t argue a point without insults. How gurly of you! How pathetic and sad you are.

Women suck as people

Women can’t argue a point without insults…..you called me dense. And now you are calling me pathetic, sad and saying I suck. You started it you dumb fuck. Only a chauvinist pig like you would say “you women” and “women suck as people”. Just because people are the same sex doesn’t mean they are the same. Do you think that you can call me dense and talk shit about me and I am supposed to just take it and not defend myself because you are a “so called” man?? I don’t fucking think so. I wouldn’t say men suck…but you make men look bad.

Will you be showing your future husband this lovely side of your personality, Brandi honey? I think he probably has a right to know…before he signs on the dotted line.
You certainly make an impression, just not a very good one.

 
Comment by Brandi
2007-08-22 19:00:03 - IP Man-Hash: cb12e471163bd

Billy said:

Brandi said:

Who the fuck was talking about sex. If you are talking about the word fantasy…look it up in the dictionary. If you knew anything about me you wouldn’t have said some stupid shit like that. I am not obsessed with sex. Besides, it’s always men trying to get in womens pants, I don’t know what fucking planet you came from.

Proving once again that you women can’t argue a point without insults. How gurly of you! How pathetic and sad you are.

Women suck as people

Women can’t argue a point without insults…..you called me dense. And now you are calling me pathetic, sad and saying I suck. You started it you dumb fuck. Only a chauvinist pig like you would say “you women” and “women suck as people”. Just because people are the same sex doesn’t mean they are the same. Do you think that you can call me dense and talk shit about me and I am supposed to just take it and not defend myself because you are a “so called” man?? I don’t fucking think so. I wouldn’t say men suck…but you make men look bad.

 
Comment by Billy
2007-08-21 22:57:54 - IP Man-Hash: 9ca7a3ecda6eb

Brandi said:

Who the fuck was talking about sex. If you are talking about the word fantasy…look it up in the dictionary. If you knew anything about me you wouldn’t have said some stupid shit like that. I am not obsessed with sex. Besides, it’s always men trying to get in womens pants, I don’t know what fucking planet you came from.

Proving once again that you women can’t argue a point without insults. How gurly of you! How pathetic and sad you are.

Women suck as people

 
Comment by Brandi
2007-08-21 21:55:01 - IP Man-Hash: cb12e471163bd

Billy said:

Brandi said:

You are the dumb fuck man that wrote it, why don’t you pay attention to what the fuck you are doing you ignorant piece of shit. Your description of a womans’ shower is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard. Since you think so negatively about women why don’t you find a nice man to fulfill all of your dreams and fantasies. Not all women are the same and on the same token not all men are the same, there are the ignorant fucks like you.

Why are you women all so obsessed with sex? Are you too dense to believe someone can’t live a normal and happy life without sex?

Who the fuck was talking about sex. If you are talking about the word fantasy…look it up in the dictionary. If you knew anything about me you wouldn’t have said some stupid shit like that. I am not obsessed with sex. Besides, it’s always men trying to get in womens pants, I don’t know what fucking planet you came from.

 
Comment by KellyMac
2007-08-19 22:00:07 - IP Man-Hash: 3f0439810d387

Brandi said:Not all women are the same…

Thank goodness for that…

 
Comment by Billy
2007-08-19 21:59:41 - IP Man-Hash: 9ca7a3ecda6eb

Brandi said:

You are the dumb fuck man that wrote it, why don’t you pay attention to what the fuck you are doing you ignorant piece of shit. Your description of a womans’ shower is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard. Since you think so negatively about women why don’t you find a nice man to fulfill all of your dreams and fantasies. Not all women are the same and on the same token not all men are the same, there are the ignorant fucks like you.

Why are you women all so obsessed with sex? Are you too dense to believe someone can’t live a normal and happy life without sex?

 
Comment by Brandi
2007-08-19 20:28:50 - IP Man-Hash: cb12e471163bd

Big Al said:

Thiongs. Fuck.

For the women reading, that would be “things”.

-Big Al

You are the dumb fuck man that wrote it, why don’t you pay attention to what the fuck you are doing you ignorant piece of shit. Your description of a womans’ shower is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard. Since you think so negatively about women why don’t you find a nice man to fulfill all of your dreams and fantasies. Not all women are the same and on the same token not all men are the same, there are the ignorant fucks like you.

 
Comment by Billy
2007-05-03 07:17:20 - IP Man-Hash: 4136c1534ed3c

abaddon_fff said:
They probably only like her because shes a prominent poet and shes a women while disregarding male authors simply because they’re male. Typical womanish thinking. They cannot even separate the wheat from the chaff.

-Strength and Honor-

Actually they are seperating the wheat from the chaff. You see they gather together in groups with chaff members only. They are doing the seperating for us. If only we could eliminate the worthelss chaff now that it is grouped together we could save humanity.

 
Comment by Doug
2007-05-03 05:19:31 - IP Man-Hash: bdabbb77d8ba2

sandra said:

dont worry, im keeping myself quite busy analyzing poems for ap literature. hoorah for anne sexton… and considering that i have something near a 100 in all my classes (except dreaded algebra3/trig… so close yet so far) and as much as a 102 in psychology- no not really. and i already took the SAT [thank god... sitting still for 6 hrs straight is more of a challenge than the test itself]. by the way, is it evident that im on the computer a lot and im such a no-life other than school and school activities?

Oh another chick who thinks analyzing peoms is some sort of preperation for the real world. Yah like people are lined up, money in hand to get some dead cunts poems analyzed for them. So I hope your tits are big enough to snare some guy who actually had a lick of sense to become a construction worker or get a degree in engineering to pay your staggering Barnes and Noble Credit Card bills and student loan payments while you are “looking into graduate work”

 

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