The Pregnant Brain

I mentioned at some point in the not so distant man-past that a woman’s brain works better while it’s being consumed by venereal disease. That was only half true though. It turns out that women’s brains also work much better while they’re pregnant!

Again we see that good old Napoleon had women pegged from the get go.

“Women are only meant for making babies.” -Napoleon

And now science supports that claim. It’s like when you read about ancient astronomers who figured out the distance from the Earth to the moon using only telescopes and their wits. That’s Napoleon and sociology. He was a prophet.

There’s an article all about women and their baby making that I’m posting on the bottom of this page. It confirms exactly what all of us men know. Women’s brains are as useless as a urinal on a boat. However, it poses an interesting theory: women are slightly less dumber than dirt when pregnant.

Interesting. I said. Then I read more.

Pregnancy increases the size of certain neuron areas in women’s brains.

In other words, pregnancy makes a woman’s brain bigger — more like a man’s brain. And that makes it better. Big fucking surprise.

Using the brain to rear a child stimulates brain growth.

How about that. Actually using the brain — something that a man does every day while amusing his friends and co-workers and while keeping the entire fucking world from careening off into hell — makes the brain better. The brain is like an out-board motor then. You leave in it the shed or on the couch bullshitting with its squawk-happy friends all day at it turns into a rusted piece of shit.

Perhaps women will knock off that “all men are children” horseshit now that it’s finally official: dealing with children makes you smarter.

Virgin female rats took five times longer than mother rats to find hidden food.

Well that’s obviously true. I’ve never known a virgin who could do anything worth a damn.

I guess we now know what port-partum depression really is. It’s nature taking off a woman’s brainum blindfold and forcing her to see the world through manlier eyes for the first time. That’s why they turn into emotional disasters. It would be like a man waking up and realizing that at some point he had been wrong.

More on Mom’s Brain Lift

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