The Signs of Dumbness
Astrology is one of the dumbest and most worthless things in the world.
Astrology is so dumb, I don’t think a man could even come up with something dumber. That’s because ten thousand years ago, or whenever it was that astrology was crapped out, a man sat down and said, “What’s the dumbest thing that could possibly be. Eureka! Astrology!”
Men invented it as a joke, and men are better than women at it.
But it’s not because men avoid the whole mess completely and file all the bullshit and pathetic minutia in a huge plastic bin that says Someone Else’s Problem — just like how men are better than women at menopause.
It’s true that men don’t give two shits about astrology. Sure, I can tell you which signs are the water signs and that the month you were born in means you like bologna sandwiches more than tuna fish or a kick to the face, but I can also tell you that Bennie and the Jets wore electric suits and mohair suits. What the fuck does it mean? Nothing. And I, just like every other man, don’t give a shit about either one.
It’s all a bunch of meaningless crap that bored men made up with their infinitely powered man-ginations thousands of years ago. That’s good enough for a “better than”. That’s one more point for men. But then why would I also be able to tell you things like a Leo can eat half of its weight in chocolate and Scorpios are laziest on Tuesdays?
I’ll tell you why.
For every lame astrological fiction I have in my head, women have a hundred. For every insipid and vague soup of paragraph life-characterizations that I’ve read, women have read a thousand. They live and breathe it. Women have the whole astrological shit-verse memorized; every page, part, and parcel of purility. And it’s exactly because they’re so desperate to define themselves with something that’s not their long list of fuckups and failures they cling to astrology like the anchor of a sinking ship.
Women don’t look for answers ever. They only look for instructions, which astrology is perfect for. This is your character. This is what you’re afraid of. Women don’t actually want answers because they already have the answer for everything. It’s March, or April — or whatever month they were born. That’s womankind’s final solution. If she doesn’t already know the answer, it probably does exist. And if that ever makes her feel bad, she just has to open up the daily paper to see if she should be feeling bad today at all.
Try it out for yourself. Learn a little astrology as a lark and see if it makes talking to women bearable. It’s like learning magic tricks to treat small children. Try that too.
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January 19th, 2006 at 4:33 am - IP Man-Hash: 682b6c01ada1d
Men did not invent it as a joke idiot, astrology was used to plan battles and worship Gods in ancient greek culture.
As usual, you have no idea what your talking about.
January 19th, 2006 at 9:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 3e513170dd78c
Nicole said:
Men did not invent it as a joke idiot, astrology was used to plan battles and worship Gods in ancient greek culture.
-People also used to cut chickens open and read their entrails, look at tea leaves, and sacrifice rams at an altar, in order to tell te future or appease their gods. Does that make them right?
January 19th, 2006 at 10:16 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Nicole were you alive 5,000 years ago?
It doesn’t matter because as a woman you wouldn’t have known what the fuck was going on anyway.
-Dick
January 19th, 2006 at 12:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
No I’ve just taken history.
And yes astrology is stupid and doesn’t work, but men invented it, and it was not a joke.
January 19th, 2006 at 12:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
It was a hilarious joke and we are still laughing about it. Laughing all the way to the bank.
-Dick
January 19th, 2006 at 12:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
They used it to tell the future and plan battles. How can you pretend you know what the hell you’re talking about?
January 19th, 2006 at 12:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Plan battles? I think it’s time I instituted some kind of “dumbest quotes” voting system. That one would show at least.
It’s probably best you just went back to your precious grades, Nicole.
-Dick
January 19th, 2006 at 12:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
Well it’s true, it’s men who used it all those thousands of years ago, and so they are the dumb ones by today’s standards.
So now you think grades aren’t important, why blah on about how men are so much more intelligent when you can’t respect the value of a good education.
January 20th, 2006 at 4:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Yes. I like it.
-wolfe
January 21st, 2006 at 8:22 am - IP Man-Hash: f75c92aeb197e
A compilation of feminazi’s dumbest quotes would be an excellent idea, as well as the top 10 dumbest female quotes.
January 22nd, 2006 at 3:35 am - IP Man-Hash: dec2907738527
Mmmmm, talking about astrology are we? How interesting. Remember, if anyone wants their charts done I am happy to oblige. As far as using astrology to “plan battles” goes, I wouldn’t say it was used to work out the plan of attack, Ronald Reagan even consulted an astrology, and yeah, go ahead, bag out a dead man. Astrology was definately used to determine the best date to launch an attack or whether to go to war at all, in ancient societies. I think the Chinese actually have the world’s oldest astrological system which pre-dates what we know as the western/arabic version, though Nicole might be able to correct me on this.
Note for believers: Astrology is mentioned in the new testament, ie, the 3 magi (astrologers) who followed the star to Bethlemen.
http://www.aloha.net/~johnboy/pageone.htg/pageone.htm (scroll down and check out the research assistant, bwahahaa)
http://www.eclipse.net/~molnar/
January 22nd, 2006 at 2:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
I can see how in Dick’s twisted world, the truth is dumb.
lunatic.
January 24th, 2006 at 4:26 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Fuckwit defers to uberfuckwit?
A beast with seven heads and ten horns is mentioned in the New Testament. Therefore this must also be the basis of a valid belief system for fuckwits.
Follow the beast!
-Big Al
January 24th, 2006 at 9:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 430f4bfbf8b4b
“Fuckwit defers to uberfuckwit?”,
That made my day, HaHahahahahhah!!!!!
February 20th, 2007 at 1:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
shut up bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 20th, 2007 at 4:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1e9a4fd46c3a7
Yes you are.
May 7th, 2007 at 10:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 926a1904cecf2
Isn’t that astronamy? Using certain stars to guide your way around the Earth, not to tell the fucking future.
Recent releases of Reagans personal journals show he wasn’t even serious about the astrology shit, too.
May 8th, 2007 at 1:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 3e4fe6a7e6d7d
Astrology predates astronomy but that’s just semantics really. Even though they were obviously using the star or comet for navigation, they wouldn’t have gone to the trouble of following it unless they knew it represented something significant, and the only way they could have know that is if they had calculated an astrological timechart of the heavens and realised when looking at it that the specific location of planets to constellations meant something out of the ordinary was going to occur. The planets and the constellations each stand for specific representations of actions, therefore if you look at the particular pattern they make according to their directional distances from each other, you can derive what they stand for, ie, a meaning. Following?
May 8th, 2007 at 2:03 am - IP Man-Hash: 51f86d6005c2d
Astronomy is science and astrology is bullshit, I’d say there is more difference than semantics.
May 8th, 2007 at 3:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 760a91233a652
Well, female, there’s another loss for you. Any more arguments you would like to fail at, or have you finally recognized your inferiority for what it is? If you haven’t yet, look at yourself naked in the bathroom. It will help that feeling of helplessness gradually sink in - and let it. All the better to get it over with early then to vent your frustration like a screeching harpy. No, not the little debate on the difference between medieval quackery and modern science. I mean your entire history of rants you have made on a site you don’t even belong on. The second you go past the title page you’re already in the red. And from there there’s no ascent.