The Signs of Dumbness
Astrology is one of the dumbest and most worthless things in the world.
Astrology is so dumb, I don’t think a man could even come up with something dumber. That’s because ten thousand years ago, or whenever it was that astrology was crapped out, a man sat down and said, “What’s the dumbest thing that could possibly be. Eureka! Astrology!”
Men invented it as a joke, and men are better than women at it.
But it’s not because men avoid the whole mess completely and file all the bullshit and pathetic minutia in a huge plastic bin that says Someone Else’s Problem — just like how men are better than women at menopause.
It’s true that men don’t give two shits about astrology. Sure, I can tell you which signs are the water signs and that the month you were born in means you like bologna sandwiches more than tuna fish or a kick to the face, but I can also tell you that Bennie and the Jets wore electric suits and mohair suits. What the fuck does it mean? Nothing. And I, just like every other man, don’t give a shit about either one.
It’s all a bunch of meaningless crap that bored men made up with their infinitely powered man-ginations thousands of years ago. That’s good enough for a “better than”. That’s one more point for men. But then why would I also be able to tell you things like a Leo can eat half of its weight in chocolate and Scorpios are laziest on Tuesdays?
I’ll tell you why.
For every lame astrological fiction I have in my head, women have a hundred. For every insipid and vague soup of paragraph life-characterizations that I’ve read, women have read a thousand. They live and breathe it. Women have the whole astrological shit-verse memorized; every page, part, and parcel of purility. And it’s exactly because they’re so desperate to define themselves with something that’s not their long list of fuckups and failures they cling to astrology like the anchor of a sinking ship.
Women don’t look for answers ever. They only look for instructions, which astrology is perfect for. This is your character. This is what you’re afraid of. Women don’t actually want answers because they already have the answer for everything. It’s March, or April — or whatever month they were born. That’s womankind’s final solution. If she doesn’t already know the answer, it probably does exist. And if that ever makes her feel bad, she just has to open up the daily paper to see if she should be feeling bad today at all.
Try it out for yourself. Learn a little astrology as a lark and see if it makes talking to women bearable. It’s like learning magic tricks to treat small children. Try that too.
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January 2nd, 2006 at 3:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3f6f1bc89c9c0
Great article. Women love astrology because they get to mold their fortune to whatever they like. If it says “nobody better get in your way today” it gives them an excuse to be a complete bitch, but if it says something like “you’ll achive greatness today” they will interpret that to mean they will only eat 1 doughnut on that morning instead of 3.
January 2nd, 2006 at 4:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: dd1b911ab43ac
“That’s because ten thousand years ago, or whenever it was that astrology was crapped out, a man sat down and said, “What’s the dumbest thing that could possibly be. Eureka! Astrology!â€?
Men invented it” Of course they did. Here’s something way cool, Venus is currently in Capricorn (almost in Aquarius) and if you look at the night sky, you can easily spot Venus (the brightest star), you can then make out the constellation of Capricorn (the sea-goat). I saw this NYE, floating on my back in a pool, looking at the perfectly cloudless night sky.
Btw, my birthday is in March, thanks for asking!!! My superior female powers of logical analysis tell me that your wife is a Leo (as a fellow fire sign, I’d like to give her a nice big shoutout) and that you are a Scorp. Figures. I shall be off to put your 2006 forecasts in the astrology forum post-haste. xxxx
January 5th, 2006 at 5:02 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Well, men could come up with something dumber, but I agree with the unstated subtext of your position, that it would be unlikely for men to come up with something dumber that was so attractive to women.
Oh my.
-wolfe
January 5th, 2006 at 9:20 am - IP Man-Hash: a0aa81221f167
I personally think this website is very gender-offensive- I want to smack whoever created it!!!!!!! HARD- wham-o! I’m hot but youll never hook up with me!!! I HATE THIS SITE- IT’S SO TOTALLY MESSED UP!!!! w/ out women, you wouldn’t be here!!!!!11
January 5th, 2006 at 10:36 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
You’re hot and I’ll never hook up with you. Nice.
I wish I could say for certain that you must be around 14 years old. However, women never mature beyond withholding sex. You could be 35. Either way, get the fuck off my site.
-Dick
January 5th, 2006 at 1:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: c1f4113f32e29
“w/ out women, you wouldn’t be here”? As far as this site is concerned, quite true.
January 5th, 2006 at 6:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Hmm. The excessive exclamation marks are either the sign of an older, drunken (or drugged) woman, or a young girl. Usually the latter, but sometimes the former trying to emulate the latter.
“I’m hot”, that’s generally a phrase for the under 25 set. Typically under 23.
“HARD- wham-o!” That’s a sort of trashy wrestling remark which typically came in vogue with 5 year olds starting in the early 90’s, assuming the writer is white and American (if she isn’t it would make her younger yet). That would put her at or under 18.
“hooking up” Definitely under 25, probably 20, Tom Wolfe not withstanding.
“I HATE THIS SITE- IT’S SO TOTALLY MESSED UP!!!!” Incompetent usage of all caps? Women of all ages.
General intellectual age of the post? About thirteen, fourteen max. (This seems to be the analysis you used Dick; correct me if I’m wrong. You wisely noted that most women don’t mature intellectually or emotionally beyond about age 14 or 15, so it’s difficult to tell.
However, given all the above, I can state with reasonable confidence that writer is most likely a teenager. There is indeed a possibility that she is an older drunk/druggie trying to emulate a teen, but I believe rational analysis shows the balance of probabilities to place her in her teens.
It is quite possible that this young person is an immature child desperately trying to abuse her sexuality. I hope her parents catch her at it if that is the case, for her own protection.
-wolfe (no relation to Tom)
January 5th, 2006 at 9:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
Care to humour me with your reasoning for your interest in this website? If it’s to dissect women’s minds when you have them on the backfoot, that is a very curious interest to have.
January 5th, 2006 at 11:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3f6f1bc89c9c0
Hahaha. Nice, wolfe.
January 6th, 2006 at 12:51 am - IP Man-Hash: 50c74fb097ca4
“You wisely noted that most women don’t mature intellectually or emotionally beyond about age 14 or 15, so it’s difficult to tell”.
Too many philosophers agree on that, how can we argue about an obvious truth.
Further, one only has to look at any gathering of the hyve to realise that their options are truly limited.
Find one female without any surgical/color or assumed enhancements. (This would include the fictitious and assumed theoretical benefits of skin enhancers) and I’ll shown someone that has aged considerably.
To go through life with one boast, that is to incubate someone else’s child must be a worthwhile experience to some.
Ah!. life is so simple.
January 6th, 2006 at 1:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 0189cf4eb185a
Why can’t women ask a simple question without jamming their foot down their throat two seconds later?
-Dick
January 6th, 2006 at 4:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Thank you, Dan.
FM2, I wasn’t going to respond (for the very reason Dick cited, above), but why not.
The short answer? Res ipsa loquitur.
The still fairly short answer? I view this site as a fascinating sociological experiment, as well as a place to read some interesting opinions. I very much like the site’s positive and progressive stance on women’s issues. Finally, it amuses me.
-wolfe
January 7th, 2006 at 12:15 am - IP Man-Hash: d24c4b32bea79
I don’t think Pluto is too happy at the moment. Mars and Venus were fornicating on the rings of Saturn.
Mercury lodged an formal complaint to Jupiter concerning their behaviour, he was embarassed that they were exposing themselves to his moons.
Mother Earth butted in and said that she has always exposed herself to the moon !
I cannot see the problem, said Mother Earth !
January 13th, 2006 at 5:28 am - IP Man-Hash: e966c4b68e36c
I saw some clip on Dicovery Channel about the mystical aspect of the brain being developed from a female in our genetic background. It was said to have allowed for our imagination to grow. At about this time I said, “RIGHT”, and turned the remote to watch a few more programs all at the same time.
Mysticism is connect to the effeminate fear of almost everything. Men have less fears and therefore it’s useless BS to men.